[Veenu Keller] ​​​​​​​Discovering Your True Self

Welcome to Exit the Matrix Stories of Success with your host, Jane Slack Smith, where we celebrate the incredible journeys of individuals who've transcended their limitations and achieved extraordinary success.

Welcome to today's episode of Exit the Matrix Stories of Success where we delve into extraordinary journeys of transformation and resilience. Now, our guest today is Venu Keller, a transformation coach, an acclaimed speaker, a parenting expert. Vinu is a dynamic coach dedicated to empowering children and their families. Now, Venu had an interesting experience in her life. She overcame 21 years of suicidal struggles. She built a six figure coaching business. Since then, she's on a mission to give kids a childhood they won't have to heal from. Breaking generational cycles through self worth and acceptance. Now you may have seen Venu on stages. She's been at Tony Robbins events and she's shared the stages with many acclaimed speakers because her insights have impact. Now she also hosts a hit TV show, Redefine Parenting on Zingo TV with over 4 million weekly views. And she has the popular podcast Redefine Parenting. Her innovative in home turnaround program transforms family dynamics, earning her the title of parent child whisperer. Venu also has books Bulletproof, Numb and these are bestsellers and they add to her expertise. So I'm so excited to be speaking to her today. Now, beyond family relationships, Venu passionately speaks on the importance of self worth, self love and self acceptance. She believes that understanding and embracing these principles are essential for personal transformational and happiness. She does all this as well as being a mum of six and a loving wife. Passionate about personal growth, plant medicine and a global traveler. She has a passion for bringing her expertise to show and discuss the topics for nurturing family relationships to cultivate self love and acceptance. So I'm so excited about having Venu here today. Welcome Vinu to Exit the Matrix podcast.

Oh, thank you so much for allowing me to come here and share my journey with others in hopes that it will inspire someone or make an impact in someone's life.

Perfect. Well, look, let's, let's delve straight into that sliding door pivotal moment for you. What happened? What was the awakening, the awareness, the moment that you realized that you could change your story. Right.

So I love that, that saying sliding door moment because you know, it's a time where I didn't expect it to change. You know, when you grow up in the life that I had, I had these filters based around how I was seen in this world or lack thereof, how I wasn't heard and I had to fight for everything. In my life to be who I needed to be, to stand out for people to see me. And I felt like that was going to be it. And I literally, in 2006, wrote in my journal that I give myself permission in 2016 to end my life. And a lot of people say, well, why so precise? And I said, well, at the time, I was a single mom of two boys. I had been married previously for 10 years to their father divorced and was working three jobs to make ends meet. And my one child was graduating in 2012, and my next one was graduating 2016. So 10 years prior to my last one graduating, I finally said, I can finally leave. Because in my brain I had this illusion that I had did my job as a mom. I've raised them till they're 18. They're good. They won't go to my ex husband who was an alcoholic. Like, I'm good, I'm ready to go. I did my job. Check, check, check. And then I met somebody which was just an acquaintance. And she says, you know, it would make my year if you would go to a Tony Robbins event. And I'm like, who? She goes, you know, Tony Robbins, he's in Hallow shall Shallow Hal, whatever. And I'm like, no, can't say I do. And she's like, well, I'm going to tell you, I volunteer for him. And I've watched many people transform their lives by going to this event. So just to back up Jane, I had no idea about the world personal development. I just didn't even know that word existed. I mean, I've heard a new age stuff and whatnot, but never the word personal development. And so she's telling me this on a Sunday in Florida when I was on a mini vacation with a friend. I'm coming back to start a new job that Monday. And I'm telling my boss, I know today's my first day, but I need off in three more days, just for four days. And I was a great salesperson. I said, you know, you want me to build your company? Well, this guy, this guy, Tony Robbins, he works with Fortune 500 companies and whatever I learn, I'll come back and I'll use it on your. And he's like, okay, where do we sign up? And he said, my boy bought my ticket. I just need a plane ticket. And again, Jade, it was. Money was scarce. I was only making $25,000. I'm in the USA, and I was raising three boys off that. So to say, money was very hard to come by. It was. And But I. There was something inside of me that says, just go. Just try it out. See what it's about. So in 2000, October 2007, I was on my way by myself. Never traveled alone in my life, except for when I was traveling back from India after boarding school when I was 17. I didn't like to be by myself. I didn't feel safe in the world and. But here I am going to Atlanta by myself, and this girl's promising, I'll give you a place to stay. Stay in our hotel. It won't cost you anything. I literally had $20 to eat off of for four days. So I'm at the dollar store trying to get little snacks and stuff. Back then I smoked cigarettes, so I had to make sure cigarettes. And I was off. Yeah. The first day I'm in there, people are jumping up and down saying yes. And I'm looking at all these people, I'm like, are these people trained monkeys? Like, why are they just saying yes?

Right? Yeah, yeah, right?

And like the. The loud music. And it's not just a. I'm thinking I'm going to a seminar, like a training, like, I've had in mental health because I have a degree in psychology. I have over 100 hours in mental health certifications. Like, I'm a trained mental health qualified professional. So I'm thinking I'm going to go and take notes and listen to what this guy says and see how it. It stays with me.

And you walk into a firewalk, and right?

People when they told me, you have to sign this because you're going to walk on fire. And I said, my mom's a lawyer. I'm going to burn my feet off. And you just don't want me to sue you. Like, literally, that was my thought back then. So I'm walking here and I'm like, I'm not going to firewalk. Like, I am not fire. I'm not burning my. I like my feet too much. I'm not going to firewalk.

Yeah.

So fast forward, I did the firewalk. I went through this process called the Dickens. And in that process, he takes us through what we need in our life. Is that leverage to change? Because we change for two reasons. We're either going towards the positive or trying to escape the negative. Right. And so he takes you to the most excruciating pain points in your life where he's asking you, and if your life is like this five years from now, where will you be? And I'm thinking, I'm going to be taking My kid to college and he's going to be like, why are you with me? You are never with me. So why do you want to be with me now? I want grandma to come. And then five years later, it's my second kid. I'm like, oh my gosh, the same thing. Like, I'm not a good mom. I've been out at parties and drinking and I mean, I still showed up for my kids. I still went to their practices, I still went to everything. But I was in survival mode. I was not in guiding mode.

And you'd already checked out, right. You'd already written in your journal, I've only got 10 years. So you just in posting mode to make sure that they were safe until you could hand them off to the. The world?

Correct. Wow. Correct. And I made them independent like I was because I'm a latchke kid. So I was born in Gen X time, so I was raised independently. So you. What we have been taught in parenting is you do what worked for you, but do it better. So teaching my kids to do chores, teaching my kids that, hey, I gotta work. You got. You're on your own for dinner. You're okay. Making sure. Just calling in, did you get your homework done? Just like my mom did, you know, and I was raising them and I did have some support that my kids. And still they're like their grandparents. They kind of adopted us when we got to North Carolina. And God bless them because I could be who I am today because they did help me and my children. Yeah. And I will always sing their. Their praises about that. And so with that, I came back and Tony said one thing. Well, he said a couple things, but two things I got is this is your story. You get to choose how you want it to end. And the second thing is, nothing has a meaning but the meaning you give it. So what meaning do you want on your life? Do you want the victim meaning, like, oh, poor me, I was bullied my entire life, which, that's where my bullyproof life movement came. That, that book I. I helped author, it was all about poor me, my skin color, you know, I was raised this way. Nobody liked me. Oh, poor me. That was my story. But in that story, I found my strength, I found connection, I found those needs that I needed to be met through that story. And all of a sudden I thought, what if I did write a new story? He said, I could write my story. What if my story meant you lived? So before I left UPW, unleash the power within. In October 2000, 7. I made a commitment to myself that I will choose life. I will not play God. I will choose life. And I tell people, that is the most honest, scariest decision I made in my life. Because I said, I don't know what it's going to look like, but I'm going to do it. And however it turns out is the way I'm going to write it. And from that.

Sorry, go on.

I was saying just from that point on, that was the sliding door I walked through. Yeah.

It's interesting because that awareness piece, be it, you know, the. The process you went through at the Tony Robbins event or, you know, listening to a podcast and going, maybe that could be me. There's a lot of challenges and obstacles. Like, you go away for four days and you come back as a new person. Did you children, your family, your friends, like, are they. What Kool Aid are you drinking? Like, was there obstacles to you choosing life?

100%. Everybody thought, again, the Kool Aid, right? That was like, one of the things. Or what cult did she. Because now I'm volunteering to go. I signed up for his master university. Here's $10,000. I'll put it on credit. I was $90,000 now in debt, you know, but hey, I can make the minimum payments. I can make my bills. I have my parents, my. My kids, grandparents that will watch them. I'm volunteering. I'm going all over people. Are you doing my mom? And I was like, you're in a cult. Like, what are you doing? And I'm like, no, but I'm not. I quit drinking. I quit smoking. I changed the people I hung out with. You are who you hang out with. So instead of going out to the bars every night, I stopped and I started to. Back then, we didn't have, like, Facebook was just coming on. We didn't have chats, we didn't have Skype. We didn't have any of that yet. But I would get on the phone on a Friday night with one of the people I met at a Tony Robbins, and we would just talk about how life is changing and how we're doing things positive and what can we do if we want something? What are the choices that we have to make? And everything was a choice. So I did all of Tony stuff. The first year in 2008, I was done with all of Mass University, and I was hungry. It made me hungry for life. So before, I was hungry for death. Now I was hungry to live, and I could not get enough. I did. And I got certified in nlp. I got certified as a professional speaker. I was getting all these certifications. But here's the thing. And all my mentors that know me can tell you this, that one of the reasons why I was their favorite student is because I didn't just come and become a seminar junkie. I used what I learned even to up now, like you and I have met through William White Cloud's platform again, surround yourself with who you who, who you want to be. And so that's what we do. We create these friendships, these relationships. Right. But here's the difference of Williams. I haven't met anyone yet to even do his basic cyd to where you and I have been certified through him, to not utilize what we have learned. Yeah, we know there's a set A and a set B. And I used to say, oh my God, I wish I found William before I found Tony. And here's the reality. If that sliding door didn't present itself, I would never walk through it. Yeah. And I would never have been ready like Tony was training me to get ready for what William. Because what William teaches you is mind blowing. It's like you got to digest it. And so it prepared me to be who I am today and to really again digest and utilize and take massive action in changing my life. People say even now, like when they saw that big change in me after Tony and three years ago, they're like, okay, you're a different person again. But three years ago, I walked in through another sliding glass door. Yep. Called William White Cloud. Right. And to me, it's leveling up to figuring out what is our true purpose. And I realized after doing Tony's work for so long and after I was realizing that I was parenting my kids through my wound, I was parenting my kids through a generational parenting that's been passed on for generations and generations. And I'm like, what if I needed to break that? What if God has put me on this earth to realize my true purpose is to break that generational gap in the way that we parent. And that literally shifted me. And I kind of got that validation when I realized that is my own true purpose and my nature. And I realized that that is my North Star. Like, this is what I'm here to do. And that is why I have walked the trenches of suicidal self harming, self loathing, so I could help these kids to break free of it too. And teach parents how to elevate their children to seeing themselves and feeling accepted by their own selves so they can feel accepted by the world.

Now a quick word from our sponsor, your success club. Your success club is a group of vibrant abundance seekers. If you subscribe to ExitTheMatrix IO, we are going to drop you into the club room which has lots of goodies, resources and a free gift just for subscribing. Now back to the podcast. It's interesting because you know, your sliding door moment, you know you've gone from choosing death to choosing life. And then the next moment you've gone from choosing life to choosing a fulfilled life that not just fulfills you and is one of purpose for yourself, but one allows you to take all of your experiences and actually pull it together to assist others to live their full purpose. And what I love about that is that first of all there's that, you know, bit call it the awakening or the realization or the eyes opening that says actually I have a choice. And a lot of people, you know, they're in that part in their life where they feel that they're on the wheel and they don't know how to get off. And really it's kind of looking back to your past experiences and going, well, what has made this illusion of my reality where it is today? And, and as you say, you know, a lot of it goes back to the childhood experiences, those experiences of the latch kid, key kid. The experiences of this is how I'm going to be. But what I love about that is you've taken it and gone well. In actual fact, if I could help parents and kids change their kids situation and experiences and giving them this, this confidence of knowing they're enough, how is society going to change like that? To me is this extraordinary and you shared with me previously, you know, some of the work that you do and obviously you've got the TV show and the podcast where people can listen to you but people fly you in like you, you're over in America. You flew to where I am in Melbourne and spent four days in a family where a father, a single, single father, you know, with a situation like explain to me those type of situations where you go into families and help them and what you see and you know, how you can actually elevate their, you know, relationship with each other.

Yeah. So one of the things that I love is that there's situations that you just can't make up these stories if you in your wildest dreams. And I literally met somebody at a Tony Robbins event back and I think in 2014 or 15, I'm in North Carolina, they're in Georgia, a different state here. And they had these huge challenges with one of their daughters. Like, they're looking for behavioral schools, military schools. Like, they're like, she just does not fit in this family, and we love her and we don't know how to help her. My wife is upset, I'm upset, and I'm like, oh, I can help you. And I don't know why I knew I could help them. There was just something in me. Like, I got their daughter. Like, I understood what she was going through. She wanted to be seen, she wanted to be heard. She wanted to know that she had a voice and people weren't going to tell her how she feels. And I've been there. And they're like, oh, but you live in North Carolina. I said, that's okay. I said, just fly me in for four days. And they're like, really? How much would that cost? And back then, being that I never did it before and I was creating it on the fly, it was very inexpensive, I would say.

And you're living.

I moved in their house for four days. I just met them at a TR event. And then next thing you know, next month, they're flying me from North Carolina to Georgia. I'm living. They're picking me up at the airport. I'm moving in. And I am creating this. And we had such success. I'm like, I gotta name this. I gotta name this. So I call it the in home turnaround. Yeah, I move in your home, and we turn it around in four days. And I have created. And it's gotten better and better over the years, of course, because the more practice we get, the better it gets, the better results we get. But the first day, it's all about observation. Like, I need to figure out what is your norm, what. Where is. Where's the gap, you know, between the communication between the husband and wife, the kids and the siblings and all of that. And then day two, I'm in charge. So I'm getting them up for school, and the parents get to watch me. They get to watch how the kids react to the way I guide them, the conversations I have, what language am I using? And then on day three, the parents are back in charge, but I'm coaching them, so child's having a fit. And I said, you know, this is our time to walk away. They're so escalated when their behavior is high. They're. They're not thinking, they're not processing. All they're going to do is defend themselves. So we're not going to get anywhere. Because even if you want to Tell them you love them. They're going to defend why you don't. So let's walk away. Let's give them time to come back down. And then we will create a different type of discussion where we're not going to make triggers to escalate the behavior again. They're like, oh, my God, this is amazing. And then on day four, I'm that fly on the wall, because now I need the kids to know this is the new norm. You don't. It's not because Ms. B is in the house. Like, I'm leaving. I need to know. I need to watch that you know how to interject when you're supposed to. I need to know you know how to walk away. I need to know that you know how to engage with your kid again so the behaviors stay mellow, and we could create a better, better communicative. So we're creating an open, safe, and trusting space in those four days. And then I coach them for a period long afterwards, and then I come back for two days just to do a followup to, like I call it, to level up and see where we're at. Let's celebrate where we've come from. Let's talk about the next challenges, and let's just keep this going so it's very successful. When the parents know they have to do the work. There's two things I ask my clients. Are you willing to invest whatever it takes in your time, and are you willing to invest whatever monetary you need to to make these changes? If the answer is a yes, yes, then I'm your person.

It's interesting with that. I mean, I gather the girl never went to military school after that.

Actually, she was in boarding school when she came home for the holidays. So I came in January. She was only home another two weeks. Yeah, they never sent her back. They canceled her enrollment.

Goosebumps again.

Yeah.

It's funny. I mean, I'm. I'm thinking of so many parallels here. I've just got a new puppy in my family, and it's 10 weeks old, and it's like having a baby, but it's also like. So this new puppy is like having a baby, and it's also like having a toddler. Like, when it's asleep, it's like, you know, great, but it cries through the night. And then it's a toddler, and it's tearing around, so it's a sleep. Interesting. But from the age of 10 weeks to 20 weeks is actually, you know, the puppy stage. And it's the equivalent of a child going from 3 to 13. And the learning is so impressionable there. And it's interesting, we had a dog trainer in to give us like week one, what to do, how to do it, how to train it. And they're essentially saying how you want the relationship for the next 15 years, which in dog uses like an extra 50 years. Right. In the next 15 years is defined in this next 10 weeks, that at that childhood stage. And so the parallels of what you're saying, I'm sitting here going, well, isn't this interesting? If only I knew this when I was parenting my 16 year old son. And the other thing is, I recently had been working with a neuroscientist. And as we mentioned previously, the stories you tell yourself, as soon as you get some information, the amygdala goes into action, sends out some cortisol, gets everything under control. Three seconds later, the prefrontal cortex tells the story. Similarly, when you have that, that cortisol, that heightened experience that you were just talking about, where you know, there's a, there's a stress and you're saying to the child, you know, to the parents, you got to walk away here. You cannot reason with that. It's interesting because it is literal. You cannot actually engage the prefrontal cortex when you're in a high state of cortisol or high state of stress. So that walk away and let's come back and revisit that later is just such profound information biologically and from psychology because it is how we are. But as parents, we're always trying to teach and we're like, don't you walk away from me, you know, and so just, just these observations that you're mentioning are golden nuggets for me as a parent. And I'm hoping for other parents or parents of new puppies. But yeah, it's interesting how the psychology and the biology actually reflect each other.

Right. And it's interesting because a lot of it, like I don't know all the science, I'm be honest, science was never my, I mean, I know I'm psychology major, but it was the way the brain worked. And I didn't think about the chemical reactions, I just looked at behavior. Because behavior is a language. Yeah. When your kid is escalated and they have that what we call the attitude voice, I look at it and like they're defensive, they feel like they have defense. Even my, like I have twins. So I have six kids from the age of 30 to 12. They're turning 12 this Saturday and I listened to their Tonality, how's it's changed since they were 10? And I said to them, I said, you don't need to defend anything right now. I'm not blaming you. It's if you listen. I'm asking you a question. I'm being curious. And they're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Literally, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. That gives her a minute to think about, well, what are you asking? And I said, exactly. Your brain is already formulating how you need to defend to prove you're right and I'm wrong. And I'm not even blaming. I'm literally asking you, is it possible that I did say this, you didn't hear me, and I've said it three times and the thing is still sitting here on the couch. Yeah, well, yeah, that's possible. Okay, so what do we need to do for you to get that picked up? Because I don't want to say another time that this needs to be picked up, because if it does, I'm going to keep it. Oh, no, no, no. I'm getting it now. Yeah. So versus I told you three times, you didn't pick it up. So I'm. No, you didn't tell me three times. And then all of a sudden we get into a. A battle.

Always do this. This is how you always act. And you get into this whole history conversation.

So my favorite saying to families is, be curious, not critical.

Yeah, perfect.

That's literally one of my premise. You know, we talk about theme and premise, and that's one of my premises is be curious, not critical. Because when we do that, it doesn't matter what age your child's at. You're allowing them to know I'm an ally. I'm not the enemy. I want to work with you. I want you to see how things can be better and more organized. When I. My daughter's room, I. I'm sure you've gone through this with your boy. Keeping kids rooms is a job in itself.

Yep.

And I have taken everything down into the middle like my mom used to. I made her clean it up. I've cleaned it up with her because I tell my families, I'm like, clean it up with them. It's quality time. They feel accomplished because they did it and they actually know what your definition of clean looks like. I've done that with her. Nothing seemed to work. So finally I'm like, you know, it's her space. She's going to be 12 and she's now at the age where a lot of friends come over and play and if this is how she wants it to be, so be it. I'll just keep the door closed. So I told her, I said, you know what, sweetheart, do me a favor. Go into your room, sit on your bed, set a timer for three minutes, and just look around. And I want you to tell me, how does it feel? You can tell me. It felt great to have that mess. It felt so good. You can tell me. It really was a great way to express yourself. And you liked it. You could tell me you don't like it. There's no wrong or right answer. And she came back and she says, so what I felt was embarrassed. I said, oh, embarrassed? She says, I imagined a friend was coming over to stay the night, and she just showed up. I would have been humiliated if she saw my room. I said, interesting. I said, so does that feel good? Does that feel good in your body? And she goes, it does it. And I said, so what do you need to do? What does it need to look like? So you didn't feel that way. What would you want to feel instead?

Yeah.

She goes, well, I want to feel proud. I wouldn't feel excited. She literally went five minutes later and did it. I didn't have to ask her. And she literally. All I have to say is like, so if your friend was getting dropped off right now, is your room good? And she goes, oh, it's gonna be okay. Yeah, it's the minute we get out of the blame and shame. And that's in my. My book that I wrote, right? That's first chapter. Don't blame and shame your kids. It's. That's the same thing. If they're not feeling blamed or shamed, they have nothing to feel defensive about. They don't need to do anything to gain our love. It's not conditioned. And guess what kids feel. Love is conditioned. Go back to your childhood. I felt love is conditioned. I had to be a certain way because when we made our parents proud, that meant they loved us. And so we have to rewire that. And this is all that I'm talking about is how do we break that generation of parenting?

Well, for people who want to know how to break that generational parenting problems that we have all taken on and maybe not even been consciously aware of. I encourage you to go to the show notes because Venu has generously added her ebook, which is all around teaching your children that they are enough. So I encourage you to go down and click that link just for fun. As we wrap up here, question I ask everyone, what for fun What's a bizarre or unusual thing that people don't know about you that you could share?

Oh, gosh. You know, you asked me that and I had to think about it and I totally, I'm like, I'm such an open book. Oh, I know. I ride motorcycles. So I had a street bike. A lot of people like, oh, a Harley. And it's not my. I was like the street bikes, the racer bikes and I used to own two GSXR 600s and I would open it up on the road and yeah.

People do not know that about a bike. You love that freedom.

I do.

Well, look, I really appreciate you sharing all of your goodness, all of the nuggets and that is sliding door moments that, that you've experienced in your life, as you mentioned, you know, it's one of the things is around surrounding yourself or being inspired by people that are actually your type of people. And we had the pleasure of meeting through, as you mentioned, our coach. You know, and for people who are trying to live a life fully expressed and to the ultimate of what they want to have in the contribution they want to make in the world and how they want to play, it just makes sense to get a coach, right? So. Well, we coach with William White Cloud. I encourage you like every top athlete to get yourself a coach because, you know, it's really important for you to actually live your full life as well, which is, you know, and hang out with people who are going to inspire you. And yeah, I just really appreciate the vulnerability of you sharing your story venu and appreciate you being here. And for everyone who is here and part of Exit the Matrix podcast, I encourage you to go and like this episode. Give us a five star review. Hack that algorithm. Get outside the matrix. Let other people see this. Leave a review. Thank you. Go to Apple Podcast, sign in, leave a review there. Let people know about the podcast. Share it with your friends because sharing is caring. And if you go to Exit the Matrix and you subscribe so you get information about the next guest, I'm also going to send you a free gift. So make sure you do that. And as always, here is to your success. Thanks for listening and thanks Manu for being such a great guest. Bye for now.

Thank you for listening to Exit the Matrix Stories of Success. Make sure you subscribe to Future episodes at www.exatthematrix.IO. until next time, here's to your success.