Ask whether someone needs support or solutions

6 Oct 2026 · 1 min

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In this short advisory video, the speaker differentiates genuine empathy from misplaced optimism, warning against telling someone that a negative situation is a "blessing in disguise." Citing a Leadership IQ study that found roughly one‑third of leaders fail at empathic listening, the speaker advises a more supportive response: acknowledge the difficulty, invite the person to share more, and explicitly ask whether they want emotional support or concrete solutions. If the person only wants to vent, the appropriate action is simply to listen. The core message is that we should not impose a silver‑lining perspective on others; instead we should let them decide what they need.

Chapters

Empathy and optimism are not the same thing. So don't tell somebody that their bad news is a blessing in disguise. If a coworker says, my company is going through layoffs and my boss keeps yelling at me, don't say, it's probably a blessing in disguise. Now you know what your boss is really like. I mean, sure, you meant well, but you just told them the thing that is upsetting them is secretly good. In a Leadership IQ study, about a third of leaders fail the test of empathic listening. What you want to say instead is, that sounds really difficult. Tell me more about what's been happening. And if you're not sure what they need, just ask them, would it be more helpful if I offered support or solutions? They might say, I just need to vent. Great. You just listen. But remember, we don't get to decide when somebody else should start seeing the silver lining.