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When blame comes up in a conversation, respond with "I get you" then shift focus to what you can actually control: your own reactions. This move defuses accusation and opens space for solving the problem instead of relitigating who caused it.
When blame comes up in a conversation, respond with "I get you" then shift focus to what you can actually control: your own reactions. This move defuses accusation and opens space for solving the problem instead of relitigating who caused it.
So when we see blame conversations start to emerge, the one phrase we want to get down so that it is just an instantaneous unconscious reaction when we hear blame is to say, "Listen, I getcha, that's fine, but I don't want to talk about that. What I want to talk about is what we can control." "Well, I don't control anything. If Bob got me the darn numbers, I don't have any control over this whatsoever." Really? Nothing? No control at all? No, not a thing. Do we, I don't know, just saying, do we control our reactions? Fine, fine. I control my reactions. Good, good. Why don't we start there? And let's now have a more calm, rational conversation because I'm pretty darn sure we can actually find something else we do control.
