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When someone shares a problem, jumping in with your own similar story shifts focus from them to you. Wait until they're done before sharing. First-person pronouns are a warning sign you've stopped listening.
When someone shares a problem, jumping in with your own similar story shifts focus from them to you. Wait until they're done before sharing. First-person pronouns are a warning sign you've stopped listening.
Saying, I went through the same thing, sounds like empathy, but it isn't. If your friend says, I don't know if I'm going to have a job next month, it's so stressful, and you say, I had that same situation at my company a few years ago, huh, not good. Several thousand people have answered that exact question on our listening quiz, and about 40% rate that response as empathic, but they are wrong. Look at what that response actually does. It tells your friend that their situation isn't unique, and it moves the spotlight from them To you. Here's the warning sign: first-person pronouns. If you're fully present and listening, you don't have the mental bandwidth to scroll through your own history. The moment you're hunting for your matching story, you've stopped listening to their story. So keep the conversation pointed at them, their situation, what happens next. Your version of the story can wait because this one isn't about you.
