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Mark Murphy explains how to use specific, sincere flattery to build relationships. Instead of vague praise, compliment concrete actions. It works for salespeople, presenters, and anyone trying to connect with others.
Mark Murphy explains how to use specific, sincere flattery to build relationships. Instead of vague praise, compliment concrete actions. It works for salespeople, presenters, and anyone trying to connect with others.
So here's a dirty little secret: flattery actually does work. It is effective. Saying nice things to people is a really good way. It's not the only way, but it is a helpful tool in building relationships. Great salespeople know this. It helps you sell stuff. Great presenters know this helps win over an audience. But there is a fine line between having flattery that is effective and flattery that is just seemingly insincere and suck-uppy. So here's how you do flattery right. If you just go in and say, oh my gosh, you just are awesome. Everything is just so amazing. You're just— whoa! It's— I don't know how you're so good. Okay, that's, that's kind of insincere. But what does work well is when you pick some specific behavior, something very specific, and you compliment that particular thing. So instead of walking into your boss's office and saying, "You are just so smart. Oh my gosh, I kneel before you. You're just amazing," that's insincere and suck-uppy. But if you go in and say, Listen, boss, I just wanted to say thank you. That feedback you gave me last week before I went into that presentation, wow, because of what you told me, I rocked it in there. And the way you told me to put those data analyses at the beginning of the presentation, they loved it. Now, when you do that, you've complimented a very specific thing, and this doesn't feel insincere. A, you don't want to go around picking things that aren't really worth complimenting. Oh, the way you just sat there all day yesterday and, you know, didn't talk to me, that was great. No, pick something where they actually did really good and really helped you out. But when you compliment that specific action, it doesn't feel fluffy and abstract. It feels very concrete. And when you do that, people start to say, hey, this person really noticed what I did. I thought that was some pretty good feedback I gave them last week. That's really cool that they noticed it. This person's pretty sharp. And that's where flattery starts to become a very effective tool.
