When you replay criticism, viewing it from a detached, third-person perspective weakens the emotional sting. A study found people who recalled conflicts as a fly-on-the-wall observer had lower blood pressure spikes and recovered faster than those reliving it from their own eyes. Stick to what was actually said, not what you imagine they meant.
When you can't stop replaying the criticism you got over and over in your head, replay it like a fly on the wall. Most of us replay a bad moment in first person. So your boss criticizes your work in a meeting and you rerun it just as you lived it, seeing their face, feeling everyone watching. Psychologists had people recall a conflict that still made them furious. Some replayed it in that first-person perspective. Others recalled it like a fly on the wall, watching themselves in the scene From the outside. The fly-on-the-wall group felt less intense emotional and physical reactions. They got more closure. Their blood pressure rose less and returned to normal faster. So, try that. Replay the moment the way the camera in the corner would have recorded it. One rule: limit yourself to the spoken words and observable actions. Don't guess what anybody was really thinking or feeling. The guessing is usually what keeps you angry.
