054: How to deal with change

What are you doing on Tuesday the 26th of September, 2023? Because myself and Francesca Amber are coming to the Barbican Hall in London. Our event is called One Night Stand, and this one-night event is all going to be about manifestation, crystal healing, and ridding your limiting beliefs to help you achieve your goals. We've curated an immersive experience that will leave you feeling inspired and empowered throughout the evening as well. We'll also have interactive exercises, we'll have empowering discussions, and the opportunity to connect with like-minded individuals on a similar journey towards personal growth and manifestation. There'll even be an opportunity for you to ask questions as well. This event is your chance to break free from the shackles of self-doubt and unleash your inner greatness. It's time to release those limiting beliefs that might be holding you back and step into your true potential. And if you want to come on your own, by all means do that. Single tickets are available and seating is totally unreserved, so you can even meet up with your spiritual friends and sit with them as well. Head to @kannycrystals on Instagram and click the link in my bio. Tickets are limited, so secure your spot and be part of this transformative experience. Don't miss out on the chance to manifest your dreams and achieve your goals. We can't wait to see you there. Hello everyone, and thank you so much for joining me on another episode of Canny Crystals, the podcast. I hope that you're all well. Um, it's been a bit of a manic podcasting week for me actually this week because I went back on Jude Dawn's The Unbreakable Mindset podcast to talk about my October mindset challenge, and then I also appeared on the Beauty Growth Academy podcast talking all things Canny Crystals with Alicia. Things like how I got the business off the ground as well as crystal healing and all that. That's out on Monday the 24th. I'm dead excited to listen back to that. And then out of the blue, Louisa Ormelen decided that she wanted to come on my podcast last week, which obviously I was obsessed with, having been a fan of her for like 10 years now. And then drum roll please, ladies and gentlemen, next week I am interviewing Emma Mumford. Yes, the author of Positively Wealthy and her new book Hurt, Healing, Healed. And then just this morning, I've also booked for early December for Kirstie Gallagher, the author of Luna Living and Crystals for Self-Care, to be on this podcast. Let me tell you, I am gagged. What is going on? I have been listening to my success subliminal a lot lately, so I'm wondering if it's something to do with that. But I just love when nothing happens for a while, you know, and then like bam, everything comes at once. So just in relation to Emma, obviously some of you will probably have read Positively Wealthy or even Emma's new book Hurt, Healing, and Healed. And I'll be talking to her about that. So I'm really, really excited to do that. But then you might have heard of Kirstie Gallagher, you might have read Luna Living, Crystals for Self-Care, or you might have even seen Kirstie doing her spot on This Morning talking all things to do with, you know, the moon, crystals, astrology— you name it, she knows about it. She is a fountain of knowledge and a huge name in the spiritual world. So I actually laughed out loud in excitement when the email came through to say that a date and time had been set in my online calendar. I know we're talking like another 6 weeks away, but God, I am so excited for these next few coming weeks, honestly. I actually bumped into Kirstie herself a few months ago now when I was visiting York for the day. We had a good chat and she promised me then that she would come onto the podcast. So it's just so lovely that she's actually honoured that promise and come full circle because I sent her the email ages ago and obviously her team responded with she's got a new book out in January, she's really concentrating on that at the minute, getting her head down. And I just thought, "Oh, she's not going to do it." But, you know, when that email came through, oh, I was just amazed. So honestly, it'll be a dream come true when we get that episode. Um, but yeah, anyway, what else have I got to update you on? Oh yeah, so I spoke about this a few episodes ago. It might have even been the episode that went out a couple of weeks ago. I think it was. I record some of them in advance, so I can't always remember in which order they do go out. But my mom is a carer, and she's worked in and out of private care homes. She's been a home carer visiting the elderly in their own homes. You know, you name it, she's done it. She's always gone above and beyond. So if like they're short-staffed, for example, she'll give up her day off just to go in and help out. And when she used to visit them in their homes, she would, you know, go and do like their food shopping for them. It's not what was on her job description, but she would just go and help them out. Or she'd go and take their books back to the library. Do you know what I mean? She's literally like the most caring person ever. She does anything for anyone. Even if she's just met them as well. Like, she's done this kind of work for 30 years now. So it doesn't really end there because me mum is also a full-time carer for me stepdad who's now 72, and he's so bad with like COPD that they've even had to get a stairlift put in their house because he struggles just to get up and down the stairs. So with his COPD, he really struggles to breathe. He's on oxygen, you know, all that jazz. And I think he quit smoking about 20 years ago, but obviously the damage was clearly already done. So me mam gets in from work, then she's gotta cook his meals, she's gotta wash him down in the shower, you know. And not only does she do that for my stepdad, but she then also goes and does it all for me nana as well. And if you've been listening to this pod for a while now, you know I lost me grandad in 2019. So me nana lives at the bottom of our road where me mam lives. Well, I say our road, I don't live there anymore, but she lives at the bottom of me nana's street. Um, so me mam's there all the time, you know, checking up on her and making sure she's okay with everything she needs. So you can kind of imagine the toll on your mental health that that must have. She's literally a carer 24/7. She goes to work to do care work, and then she comes home and cares for 2 other people. She's not been on a holiday for the last 5 years, or even like so much as gone away for a night away to the coast or something like that, in fear of leaving them and something happening. And just to put all that into perspective as well, basically me mum's a bit of a technophobe. For example, you know, she's one of them mums where there could be a post about a dog that's lost in New York, USA, and she'll share it on Facebook with the caption, "Shared, County Durham." She's that kind of mum, yeah? So the one that has a flip case on her phone and looks at the screen over the top of her glasses from an arm's length away, you know? So because she's a bit of a technophobe, I get all of her emails to me phone because she's just scared that she'll miss something important. And I kind of keep an eye on her inboxes as well, being the good son that I am, you know? I'm petrified she'll give all her private details away for, you know, the promise of an inheritance from the King of India. You know, those type of scam emails that pop up every now and again. But just last week, I noticed that there'd been like a sudden influx, like a lot of emails that she signed up for, for job search websites like Indeed and Job Vacancies, all those websites. And I rang her up and I asked her what was going on because she told me that they'd had a new manager and this new manager had basically come in to shake things up and basically told them that they were all crap. And that they'd all be getting the sack if they didn't start pulling their weight. Seriously, I couldn't believe the words that were coming out my mom's mouth when she told me this. It made me furious for her. She's 59, she's 60 this December, okay, so she's 60 in 2 months' time. And I think 2 of her colleagues that I know of are in their 60s as well, so that's kind of putting it in perspective. They're all like older people that work for her. And in the place that she's working at the minute, they have, I think it's 40 to 50 OAPs in there, and they stuck my mom on 12-hour night shifts from 7 3 AM till 7 AM with 2 other colleagues. She told me it's like herding cats. Like, can you imagine 3 people trying to round up and keep 50 OAPs with dementia and Alzheimer's in their beds at night? She's been kicked, she's been hit, she's been bit. Someone even poured boiling water over her arm once. She says that someone will soil the bed, and then in the space of time it takes her to go and get them new sheets, that person has kind of traipsed poo all up the corridor. They've wiped it up the walls. And she sucks it up. Well, that was a bad choice of words following that, wasn't it? She doesn't suck up the poo, she sucks up having, uh, like, put up with it all. Do you get what I'm saying? She always puts us on a smile. She goes back time and time and time again. So when she comes home, she maybe has 2 to 3 hours of sleep. She lives next door to a secondary school, so they're always playing football on the field and screaming at lunch and stuff. So it's really hard for her to sleep, especially when she's trying to also look after her husband and me nana. Anyway, to get to the point of this story, I spoke a couple of episodes ago— I think it was me interview with Hayley— about how, how ideally I would love to employ my mom. And it just seems that the universe is moving like heaven and high water to put this into place more and more each and every day. So in December, obviously I've spoke about this before, but I plan to take her and her sisters to see ABBA in London. You know, the ABBA what's it called, the avatars thing, the hologram tour for her 60th birthday, as I mentioned. And me mam is now scared that this new manager is going to swap out her shift that she's already booked off because that's what she started doing with all the other staff. Someone apparently last week stood up in the meeting and said, "You can shove your job up your arse," and walked out. The absolute dream, isn't it? I've always wanted to do that myself. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to give her an envelope to open on the train on the way down to Abba. And it's going to have two things inside of it. The first is going to be a letter of resignation that she just needs to sign and pop in the envelope for her current boss, just for her to leave her position and quit her job. And the second is going to be a Canny Crystals contract. But just to get this clear, I know she's a technophobe, she wouldn't really be able to work for me. Don't worry, she's not going to be packing like the wrong crystals into your orders. No, no, I'm I'm going to have her job description duties to be things like, you know, look after me dog JJ when I go away for the weekend, or come and clean me house once a fortnight because she loves to clean, or look after the child once we get the child, like, in the next couple of years, do you know what I mean? So I'm going to have her doing things that she would probably help us out with anyway, but to pay her a wage for that. And I would much rather pay her and have her work for me than to be bossed around and, like, I'm not gonna boss her around or anything, but you know what I mean, just to be able to have that relaxed working attitude and so that she can actually sleep on a night in her own bed with her husband. I guess in a way I just wanna pay for her to do the absolute minimum and let her have that early retirement freedom that I think she deserves. Obviously me and Johnny are hoping to adopt next year too, so she'll have a lot of grandma duties in her contract, you know what I mean. I just feel it would be so nice to give something back to her after she's given me so much since birth. I'd obviously pay off the remainder of her mortgage if I could, but luckily she's already done that herself a couple of years back. So I guess this is the next step for me, and I honestly feel so grateful and so thankful each and every day that I think about this, because this is something that I've thought about doing for some time now. And I just think, isn't that everyone's dream? Like, to be able to give back to your parents what they've given to you over the years. Honestly, I'm so thankful that I'm in the position to be able to do this. I remember reading years ago— can you remember when One Direction were formed on The X Factor? Everyone's probably heard of One Direction. And Zayn, he actually, um, got his first million pound check, and when he did, he paid for his mom to move into this amazing, like, house, and she paid off all of her mortgage and everything. So now she doesn't have any bills, and I just thought, what a dream. What— that is literally the end goal. You just want happiness for your friends and your family. I just think it's lovely you do. So this kind of, in a weird way, it brings me on to what I want to talk to— talk to you a lot about today, which is dealing with change. So I won't mention any names, but earlier this week I had an Instagram message, um, asking if I would do a podcast episode around dealing with change, which crystals will be best to use, you know, for things like leaving a job, having to leave your friends behind. Or even potentially breaking up with a partner and having to meet new people in a new job. And I guess this ties in a little with me mam because she hates change. I'm already preparing myself for her saying no, she doesn't want to work for me and she's happy where she is, you know, because she's a little stubborn and she doesn't want to have to go through that change, especially not at her age. And I know fine well that will be her excuse. And then she'll have to leave her work friends behind, and we all know that We say we'll stay in touch and meet up with old colleagues, but do we? I mean, sure, I've got maybe 2 or 3 that I meet up with every now and again and I'll go for a walk with or a coffee, but I've worked with hundreds, probably even thousands of people over the years, especially the 15 years working in the NHS, and it's kind of inevitable. People have got their own lives, everyone cracks on, and before you know it, years have passed and those people are just Facebook friends liking the odd post every here and there. So, how do you deal with change? I think we all know that change can be scary, but it's kind of a necessary part of life that we've all got to go through at different points and in different ways as well. So, I thought it would be good to go through some top tips for coping with, you know, the anxiety during periods of change and transition. And I guess the first thing to do in most situations like these is to show yourself some kindness. You know, do things that make you feel comfortable and safe. 'Cause it can be really difficult to do that sometimes, but in the long run it'll really, really help you. Self-care isn't a waste of time. Like, I preach self-care all the time. You guys hear me banging on about it, you must be sick of it by now. But that's because honestly, it's one of the best ways to ensure that you look after how you're feeling inside. I mean, I remember when we moved house 3 years ago, we moved 10 minutes down the road from where we used to live. But it felt quite odd and scary. You know, dealing with change, it's always going to be difficult. It's especially tricky during this period of change for us all. So although we'd only moved like 10 minutes down the road, you can literally like— when you— it's— this is stupid, but you can literally see our old house from our new house when you go up onto the top of hill. It's that close. Like, literally, I think if you crossed over the river and go a little bit further along It's maybe 2 miles, if that. You can literally see it from the top of the hill where I take the dog for a walk every day. That's how close we are. But it's weird because you've got to get used to, you know, like a new post office, a new supermarket nearby, the new surrounding areas where you're going to go for your dog walks and stuff like that. It is all new, and that is uncomfortable sometimes. And you've got to think of it like that. So at first you'll feel as though you won't be able to handle that extra layer of stress combined with everything else that's already going on in your life. But I think it's easiest if you do a little soul searching and kind of hold on to the things that you're already used to. So when things change, it usually involves leaving behind something that you're used to, you know, like familiar territory, that safe ground. And when that happens, it's kind of important to remind yourself that while one thing is changing, it doesn't necessarily mean that everything else around you is changing as well. You'll still have things like your favorite TV show, or your favorite game, or your job, or the music that you love. There are so many things that you can hold on to, and I think you've just gotta keep these things close and go back to them when you feel overwhelmed, because it's almost as though everything is slipping away from you, and that's how you'll feel, but it'll help you to feel as though you still have control over yourself and your life. And in a way I suppose that's your way of grounding yourself back into the known realm of comfort and what you know to be safe. And I would say that you need to keep reminding yourself that while one thing is changing, it doesn't necessarily mean that everything else around you is changing as well. Don't be afraid to voice how you feel. You're no doubt surrounded by people who care and they'll happily listen to you, okay? So even if it doesn't feel that way, it really does help to talk about how this change is affecting you Or even just writing down how you feel if that would make you feel more comfortable. Remember, these are just tips. You have to find what works best for you, okay? Change can bring about many unexpected feelings within our body, and I often find that talking them out or writing them down really helps me to process them. It'll make your emotions simpler to understand, and that in, like, time can obviously help you find out what you need to make you feel better about yourself. It's also really important to tell people how you're feeling so that they can help you. They might be able to do something that will make you feel more comfortable with yourself. But just remember to always look after you, okay? You are the number one. Prioritize you. Seriously, it's the only way. It's okay if you aren't being as productive as you usually might be. Change is tiring. It's draining. So if you feel like you need to sleep for an extra few hours, or you feel that you need to, you know, watch your favorite film for the millionth time, or watch that series on Netflix, then it's okay to do that. You've just got to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to do things like that. You don't need to push yourself, okay? Change isn't normal. It's not a normal circumstance, okay? You don't have to act as if everything is fine if it's not. Show yourself some kindness. Do things that make you feel comfortable and safe. Change can be so difficult to go through sometimes, but it'll really, really help you in the long run. You are a very important person and all you can do is your best, okay? Sometimes it's all too easy to, you know, become fixated on events over which we've got no power or people who might never change their actions or attitude. But how about rather than focusing on blaming other people and moving the unmovable, resilient people will set their sights on what they can control, okay? So just evaluate your level of control over a situation. Ask yourself, like, what can I take responsibility for in this situation? Because when you look for opportunities to empower yourself and work towards change that is possible, you're less likely to feel stuck in difficult situations where the change is outside of your control. And then I'd say last but not least, don't forget to plan ahead. Okay, so planning out your every single day the night before, that can really help you to maintain a level of normality in your everyday life, and then that change won't feel as daunting for you. Structuring your time can make you feel so much more in control of your situation. And I know this might be a no-brainer to some of you, but some of you need a reminder. Okay, that can really, really help a surprising amount. Even just, you know, structuring your time, even if you're planning the smallest of things like getting out of bed or eating your breakfast or brushing your teeth, it'll all really help you if you structure your time. You'll feel accomplished and ready for the day ahead. Many people spend a great deal of time and energy trying to avoid change, okay, but it's pointless because that'll inevitably just catch up on them. If you can learn to cope with change, you'll lower your risk for anxiety and depression, your relationships will flourish, your body will feel healthier, and it'll thank you for that, okay. But if you can't cope with change, only a minor amount of stress can make you feel totally overwhelmed and it'll just set you on a massive setback. You might also struggle to set and meet the goals that you've set for yourself. But being able to cope with change is sometimes called resilience. Okay, so your environment and your genes, they might influence your level of resilience, but that amount isn't set in stone. So just by even practicing different ways of thinking and being in the world, that can boost your ability to deal with change, and it can help you create a life that is adaptive to new places and unexpected events. So I kind of hope that some of those tips that I use for dealing with change will help that person who messaged me asking for advice. And let's see, what crystals would I recommend for that? I'd probably recommend some grounding crystals more than anything. So I'd probably recommend something really grounding like black tourmaline, okay? So black tourmaline is deeply connected to the base chakra, you know, those earthly roots that help you feel safe and secure in your place on Earth. So when your root chakras are beautifully balanced and in check, it's it's going to grant you that deep-seated self-confidence to embrace who you are and speak your truth and set up on your own path to spiritual well-being. And I think that that's going to be really, really beneficial to you in times of change. So if I were you, I'll get yourself some nice tourmaline. You can buy a nice tourmaline pendant necklace or a tourmaline bracelet, you know, or even just a piece of tourmaline that you can like put in your pocket or your bra. Just work with that. And I would really, really suggest working with tourmaline. It's really grounding. It'll keep you centered, it'll keep you earth, and it'll just really, really boost your resilience. Okay, so I hope that really helped you. Uh, feel free to reach out if you've got any questions as well. And what else have I got to chat about today? Oh, Crystal Advent Calendars! Just before I go, let me mention. So I'm starting to post them out this weekend. There are now less than 70 remaining. I added a few more, um, so get one while you can. Don't forget you can use the podcast discount code, which is the word podcast. I'm so, so proud of these advent calendars, honestly. Like, if you haven't seen them yet, head to cannycrystals.co.uk, have a look for yourself, or head to me TikTok and look at the videos that I've put on there. I just love them so much, and there's some really, really cool crystals inside that I don't even stock on the website, so some crystal exclusives. And just one last thing to mention is that moldavite is back in stock again tonight at 7 PM. That's Friday the 21st of October, 7 PM. There will be pieces from £25 up, okay? So this is really cheap. So if you want these cheaper prices, get on my website as soon as you possibly can to avoid disappointment. Last week I put 40 pieces on and within the hour they had all gone, would you believe? So yeah, get in there quick. I won't be sending an email, however I will be putting them on 7 PM tonight, Friday 21st. There will be 40 pieces. Again, once they're gone, they're gone. You'll have to wait another week, unfortunately. And yeah, if you've enjoyed this week's episode of this podcast— oh, it's been a bit of a short one today, hasn't it? Please, please, pretty please, leave me a quick rating or review wherever you're listening. You don't even have to write anything, just press how many stars you'd give it and press submit. I think you can only do this on your mobile phone. I could be wrong, but it takes seconds to do, but it really, really helps this podcast to grow to new audiences. And that ultimately leads in more people finding me. And that honestly really, really helps me out. So please do something free a day, really help me out. Click the 5 stars, leave a little review if you want to, hit submit, takes seconds. I do read every single review as well. I love getting the email roundups with the podcast stats and reviews on, on a Tuesday morning. Makes me so happy. And don't forget, Candy Crystals is me and me only, so anything you can do to help, I appreciate you so, so much. So yeah, thank you all so much for listening, and I hope to see you all again next Friday for another episode of Candy Crystals, the podcast. Have a lush weekend, guys. Bye! Come and join me in the Manifest with Mart community. For just £10 a month, you'll get exclusive access to my app, and you'll join all the other beautiful souls in the canny community, where each day you'll be held accountable to making your dreams and desires come to fruition. You'll also be set daily and weekly challenges. There's a chat room built in so you can talk to people in real time. And you can also pop over any questions that you have in the Q&A forum and I'll answer them for you. It's changing people's lives and we've already had so many people manifesting things in the first 2 weeks alone. Each new moon, I'll also be going live within the group on a face-to-face video to help you get the most out of the lunar cycles, as well as answer any burning questions that you have. And these live meetups are so powerful and everyone in the group has had an nothing but praise for the safe space that we share. There are very limited spaces for this community, however, just to ensure that I can place my focus on you and nurture you into the ultimate manifester. So if you'd like a spot, please be quick and reserve your seat now. Head to cannycrystalsacademy.co.uk and choose the Manifest with Mart option where you can get instant access. And what's more, you'll also get access to all of the past recordings and chats too. Join now and start living the life of your dreams.