059: Forming positive habits

What are you doing on Tuesday the 26th of September, 2023? Because myself and Francesca Amber are coming to the Barbican Hall in London. Our event is called One Night Stand, and this one-night event is all going to be about manifestation, crystal healing, and ridding your limiting beliefs to help you achieve your goals. We've curated an immersive experience that will leave you feeling inspired and empowered throughout the evening as well. We'll also have interactive exercises, we'll have empowering discussions, and the opportunity to connect with like-minded individuals on a similar journey towards personal growth and manifestation. There'll even be an opportunity for you to ask questions as well. This event is your chance to break free from the shackles of self-doubt and unleash your inner greatness. It's time to release those limiting beliefs that might be holding you back and step into your true potential. And if you want to come on your own, by all means do that. Single tickets are available and seating is totally unreserved, so you can even meet up with your spiritual friends and sit with them as well. Head to @kannycrystals on Instagram and click the link in my bio. Tickets are limited, so secure your spot and be part of this transformative experience. Don't miss out on the chance to manifest your dreams and achieve your goals. We can't wait to see you there. Hello everyone. Hello everyone, and thank you for joining me on another episode of Canny Crystals, the podcast. I hope that you're all well and getting in the mood for Christmas, to be quite honest. Like, oh my God, 5 weeks. Oh my God, it's 4 weeks. I've just realized it's 4 weeks. Usually at this point of the year, like, I've got me tree up, I've got me presents wrapped underneath it, and I'm fully in the festive mood by now. I've usually even had like a festive hot chocolate or, you know, a Greggs festive bake or anything like that. Oh my God, I haven't even had a festive bake. This year. Anyway, this year the only thing I've bought so far is that bloody ferry ticket to go and spend Christmas with Johnny in Northern Ireland. I'm so far behind, haven't got me tree up and nowt. Um, it's starting to really stress us out actually. Like, now that I've just realized it's only 4 weeks, I'm having palpitations. I'm going to have to like set aside a couple of days to bash it out and just try and get it all done in those days so that I can be stress-free and not worry about it. And speaking of stress, I don't know why I put myself through it time and time again, but I am changing my website. Ugh, again. So you might remember if you're a long-time listener of the pod that back in February I was approached by this company who promised the world with me website, and come August, there I was, spanking new website. Apart from I hate and detest every little fucking thing about it. There we go, I said it. I don't like how it runs. I don't like, um, the imagery. I don't like the layout. You know when you just agree to something and you're like, oh yeah, it's nice, okay, it's different? I like change every now and again, but oh my God, I just— I'm growing it more and more every single day. And I've had so many people, like so many of you lot even, commenting and saying things like, you know, it looks too corporate, or the podcast is fun and the website is really, really serious. And quite frankly, I've had more than enough this week. So as you can tell, I'm on a bit of a stomper. So I got into— basically, I got in touch with Charlotte at Develop Digital, who I was recommended to by my social media girls, and she kind of confirmed that I should be back on the original platform that I was on before this website. So obviously I was in two minds and stuck at a fork in the road. This website cost me just over £6,000. So, what do you do in times like these when you're stuck? You ask the universe, I hear you all shout. So I screamed up to the sky whilst on my dog walk, "Which fucking way am I supposed to go now?" I was mad. And no word of a lie, that night when I went to the cinema to see Black Panther, in the adverts before the film, you know, like the trailers and stuff, in the adverts, there was an advert for that original post and platform. Like, hallelujah. Like, thank you, Mr. Universe. That was just the sign that I needed to see. So after spending a good 6 grand in total, like, on the website being built, and then a couple of grand after that on other things like the hosting fees and, you know, like their maintenance fee and their admin fees and stuff, I've then had to pay another chunk of money out to get this new website on the go. And to be honest, I'm not gonna lie, I actually love it. It's sleek, it's sexy, it's quite trendy, it's hip, and it's just more fun than anything else. So yeah, it should be launching probably in the next week, and I've worked really hard on it. Like, literally for the last week I've been packing orders first thing in the morning and then working on my website from probably noon till midnight pretty much every single day. So if you visit the website probably around the 1st of December— I think that's Thursday coming— and it looks a little different, again, please don't worry, it's just me being me, okay? So It was an expensive mistake to make going to WordPress, but I now feel a lot more confident coming back home to what I'm used to, and hopefully I can then get straight back onto providing you with the best service that you all deserve, and the best crystals, and the best, you know, everything else that I offer. And I think I've just got to see it as it's not my money, it's the business's money, okay? I'm still only taking a standard wage from the business, so any money in my business bank account, I see that as money to be reinvested into the business. I'm not one to money launder, I'm not Jimmy Carr. And I just think you learn from your money mistakes, don't you? Like, I think my lesson here is to just wait things out and not jump into things with both feet when I'm too excited over stuff. Anyway, it's been hectic and it's been manic, and it's also been a bit of an expensive week for me as well. So I don't know if you remember, a couple of weeks ago I went to see the Sugababes here in Newcastle at the City Hall. And I'm not much of a drinker. I think I've mentioned that in a few episodes. I do drink every now and again, I'll go out and celebrate and stuff, but I'm not one to drink in the house. I'm not one to like go out every other night. I used to in my 20s, but in my 30s it just kills us for days on end. But anyway, I'd had a couple of drinks when I went to see the Sugababes, and afterwards we headed to this bloody bar that had about 40 stairs to get to the second floor. And I remember going up the stairs But when I came back down, I don't know how, but me ankle went under and I just went crashing to the bottom of the staircase with one leg like out in front and one leg behind, like doing the splits. I was knocking everyone and the drinks flying in the process. I banged me head off the fire exit at the bottom and I smashed my wrist off the radiator. So obviously I woke up the next morning, you know, like, why is my knee and head hurting? Why have I got bruises all over my legs? And then I saw the state of me watch, and I basically remembered what had happened. Anyway, me watch was still usable, it just had a bit of a cracked screen at the bottom, and on Friday night last week, I went to the gym, I decided to go in the steam room afterwards, and I could feel this kind of really intense heat on me wrist underneath where me watch was. So I took it off and I said to me friends, "Feel this," and then I placed like, you know, the hot metal inside of me watch. To scald them as well. But to cut a long story short, my watch never came back to life. So RIP, Mr. Apple Watch. Um, to be fair, I've had it about 5 years, so it's had a good innings. But I use it every day for walking, I use it every day at the gym, tracking steps, tracking me calories. So I went on to the Apple Store app to have a look at a new one, and I saw that they do manufacturer refurbished ones. And I just thought, you know what, it's perfect for me. I don't need the latest model to enable tracking of me period cycles or medication vacation or to track an ECG and tell us that me heart's beating, you know. Um, so I ordered a refurbished one but an SE model, and I think they're about 2 or 3 year old, and I got that for £200. And I had a gift voucher as well for £70 off from when I bought my Mac. And guess what arrived on Sunday? So I got an Apple Watch Series 8. They're like £450. I queried it with the Apple support section and they said that's what I've ordered. However, me bank has shown that I paid £140 because I had a £70 Apple gift card, like I just said, and the email I have confirms that I did not order that model. So I have no idea how that's even happened, but I'm not gonna like whinge because at the end of the day, somehow I've landed with a £450 watch for £140. That's a third of the price, and now I can track me periods as well. Anyway, let's get cracking with today's episode. So I wanted to talk to you all about The Power of Habit. Now, earlier last week, I started a book called The Power of Habit by, I think he's called Charles Duhigg, Duhigg, I don't know how you pronounce that. Yeah, so anyway, within a week, I've managed to finish it because I just enjoyed it so much. It's a bit like Atomic Habits by James Clear, if you've read that. But I was reading it on me walks, on my non-existent lunch break, in bed, in the shower. Every minute I could get, I was reading this bloody book. So I just thought I'd sum up the main principles and takeaways from it because of how interesting it's actually been to learn about. So when I talk about habits in this episode, just know that I'm talking about habits that you want to crack and get rid of, but not just getting rid of one, kind of replacing it with a better one. So for example, you might make, I don't know, that decision to stop smoking and to have no more cigarettes. And believe it or not, I've got a subliminal download for that on the website, just saying. Or maybe it's, you know, no more junk food for a couple of weeks. I've also got a subliminal for that too, whoop. And things might go swimmingly at first and you're proud of yourself, you know, you're on cloud nine, but then one day that feeling just, you know, that craving just overpowers you and before you know it, you're back to your old habits. Does that sound familiar to you? Because I'm sure it's familiar to a lot of us. It's happened to me. It'll happen to my friends, my family. It'll happen to everyone, okay? And if so, you'll already know the power of habits. But where does the power of habits come from? So habits go deep into the human brain and psyche, and they're ultimately what influence our lives in loads and loads of different ways. And while they make our lives a whole lot easier, just imagine if you had to figure out how to open a door every single time you encountered, like, a door handle. Can you imagine that if you didn't know how to turn a door handle? We know how because it's become a habit, okay? We've learned that over time. We've learned that you turn the handle, the door opens. But habits can also cause problems and even ruin lives, and I'll come back to that in a split second. So by learning how this works, you can begin to overcome the power of habits. So let's delve a little further into habit, going right back to the start, okay? So we know that habits are simple cues. They're routine. They are kind of you know, loops that save us effort and time. And to put this into an example, in the book it talks about how in the— I think it was in the 1990s— a group of researchers were studying mice, and they were learning more about how habits are formed in the brain. So the mice had to find their way to a piece of chocolate, and it had been placed at the end of a T-shaped maze. So if you imagine the letter T, like a capital letter T, it's just a straight up and down, and then a one-off at the top to the left and a one-off at the top to the right. So they used special equipment. The researchers could monitor the brain activity of the mice as they kind of sniffed their way to the chocolate. So when the mouse was first put in the maze, its brain activity spiked, and obviously the mouse could smell the chocolate and it began searching forward. And then when the researchers repeated the experiment, they noticed something interesting. So as the mouse gradually learned where the chocolate was and it memorized how to get there, It would go straight forward and it would turn left and it was at the chocolate. It wouldn't spend any time going straight up and right. The brain activity decreased because it was habit. It was learning that habit. This process of turning a sequence of actions into an automatic routine kind of forms the basis of all habit formation and its evolutionary role is crucial to us surviving. So it allows the brain to save energy and perform common tasks more efficiently, like I mentioned earlier about how to open a door. Can you imagine the amount of brainpower needed every single day if we had to relearn things, you know, like how to write, how to drive, how to walk, how to talk? Can you see where I'm coming from with that? Can you imagine the amount of brainpower needed every single day if we had to relearn all that? So even a complicated act that requires concentration at first, like finding a piece of chocolate in a maze, or even reversing your car off your drive, it eventually becomes effortless. And the reason it becomes effortless is because because as many as 40% of the actions that we perform each day are based on habit. 40% is a lot. Okay. So these are things that we do every single day, like I say, like walk, talk, drive, cycle a bike, talk to people, you know, just, just your everyday habits, everything that we do. Any habit can be broken down into a 3-part loop. Okay. So the first part is that you experience the situation. So let's take, for example, your alarm clock starts ringing. That creates an overall spike in your brain activity because your brain is then trying to decide what habit is appropriate for that situation. And then next comes the routine. So that's kind of the activity that you use to perform when faced with this particular situation. So for me, it's slamming me hand over onto me bedside table, hitting the snooze button, and falling back to sleep. Dark mornings just are not the one.. But when you do get out of bed, you might head into the bathroom and brush your teeth with your brain virtually on autopilot. You haven't woke up fully yet, but your legs have already started working. You've already took a yawn. You've already grabbed your toothbrush, your toothpaste. You've put the toothpaste on the toothbrush. You've stuck it in your mouth. And finally, you get that reward feeling of success. And in this case, minty fresh breath too. Woo! And your overall brain activity increases again as your brain registers that successful completion of that activity. So, imagine that every afternoon for the past year, you've gone and you've bought and eaten a chocolate chip cookie from the shop just near your work. Okay? Just imagine that. I love cookies. And the reason that you do that is just to reward yourself for a hard day's work. And I've done this myself. I used to work in the NHS and we had a cafe on the bottom floor and they did these amazing cheese scones. They also did fudge scones, which I'd never had before in my life, but they were amazing too. And they were only 50 pence and you got a cheese scone or a fudge scone or a fruit scone if you wanted. It was 50 pence, you got that and the butter, and they were just fresh out the oven, they were warm, and every single day I was like, well, I've walked to work today, I've walked half an hour to work, I'm going to be walking half an hour back, I'll have burnt this off. But then a few weeks later, your friends start pointing out to you that it looks like you've started putting on weight. Blunt friends, but hey ho. So you decide to kick the habit, okay? But how do you imagine that you'll feel that first afternoon walking past that shop with the cookie or the scone without indulging and giving in. So the odds are basically that you'll either eat just one more cookie or one more scone, or you'll go home in a grumpy mood. And that's exactly what used to happen with me. Kicking a bad habit is hard, and it's partly to do with the endorphins that are released when we treat ourselves. So every day I was buying that scone, I was feeling really, really good about it. Not because I knew I was getting fat, but because it tasted nice. So an endorphin rush in the brain gives us a sense of accomplishment, and that's tricking us into thinking that something is good for us. So the treat that you allow yourself, whether it be healthy or unhealthy, that's what solidifies the habit within you. And it'll come as no surprise that companies and advertisers kind of work hard to understand and create these cravings. We know that from Target advertising and all that jazz, and I'm going to talk about that in a bit more detail in a short while as well. So firstly though, let's talk about how we get out of these bad habits. So to change a habit, we've just got to substitute the routine for another and believe in that change. For example, is anyone trying to give up nicotine? I know how hard it is firsthand. I used to smoke like a bloody chimney in me teens, and probably between 20 and 30 a day because all me friends did it. It was peer pressure. So from the age of like, I think 17, 18, I used to hang around with my friends. We would, you know, you used to be able to smoke in nightclubs when I was young. That's, that's showing the age, isn't it? Bloody hell. But yeah, you used to come home the next day at like 6 o'clock in the morning or something. You used to absolutely stink of tabs, stink of cigarette smoke, and it was awful. So you've just got to believe that you can do it, okay? So like I said, I used to smoke— where am I going with this? I used to smoke 20 or 30 in my early 20s, and it's hard to ignore the cravings. And I think That's why the golden rule for quitting any habit is don't try to resist the craving, just redirect it. And that's a really valuable lesson. Okay, so in other words, you should keep the same rewards but change the routine that appears as a result of the craving. Does that make sense? So several studies on former smokers have shown that simply by identifying any cues and rewards around their smoking habit and replacing the routine with another one that has a similar reward, such as doing some push-ups or eating something nice or simply relaxing for a few minutes, the chances of staying smoke-free increase significantly every time you replace the routine with a reward. And when I talk about cues, I mean getting stressed at work or, um, like going out with the same people who you know are going to smoke. So if you sit next to someone at work and they're like, do you fancy going out for a cigarette break? You're going to cave. So when you're trying to stop smoking and trying to quit smoking, it's probably worthwhile if you, I don't know, move desk until you've like kicked it for a couple of weeks or so, so that you're not tempted down that road. Okay, so if you're a long-term listener of the pod, you'll remember that I stuck to me diet earlier this year. I lost 2 stone back in January, and my treat was to upgrade my food shopping from Tesco to Marks Spencer's. I said to my friends, don't invite me out for nights out for like drinks or food just for them 2 months. I was avoiding them queues. I substituted my reward. Yes, it was expensive to shop at M&S, but it worked in my favour and I was able to lose that 2 stone by eating healthier and nicer tasting food. So the book also talks about research that indicated that doctors have a hard time getting obese people to make broad changes in their lifestyles. However, when patients focus on developing just one keystone habit, such as, you know, keeping a food journal, other positive habits start to take root as well. So Keystone Habits work by providing small wins and successes that are fairly easy to sustain. So by developing those Keystone Habits, that'll help you believe that improvement is possible in other areas of your life too. And that can trigger positive change, positive thinking, and before you know it, you're changing your entire life. So if you've ever tried to start exercising, you know fine well that willpower can be highly inconsistent. Some days hitting the gym is a breeze, and then other days, like today for example, leaving the house is nearly impossible. I came to work, it was pouring down this morning. I was just like, uh, I really don't want to go to the gym. Then I've got to go tonight, but it's just absolutely pouring down, and I'm like, I really don't want to. I could just as easily go home, have mince and dumplings, sit on the couch, and watch trash TV. But why is that? It turns out that willpower is actually like a muscle, and it can get tired. Okay, so if you're exhausting that muscle by concentrating on I don't know, say like a tedious spreadsheet at work, you might have no willpower left when you get home. So draining yourself energetically. But by engaging in habits that demand resolution, say for example by adhering to a strict diet, you can actually strengthen your willpower and work out other factors that can also affect your willpower. So let's go back to what I touched on earlier, how companies take advantage of habits, because this is really, really interesting as well. And it's something that is outlined in the book. So picture yourself walking into your local supermarket, and I don't just mean like off-license or anything like that, like an actual big supermarket. What is the first thing you encounter? 9 times out of 10, it'll be fresh fruit, fresh veg, all laid out in piles. And really, if you consider this for a second, it doesn't make much sense because fruit and veggies tend to be soft and they're easily damaged by other products. So really, they ought to be displayed closer to the tills because if you're going to put them in your trolley or your basket first, They're gonna get squashed, yeah? But marketers have figured out long ago that if we begin our shopping by filling our trolleys with those fresh, like, fruit and veg and healthy items, we're then more likely to buy unhealthier products like snacks, chocolates, crisps, biscuits, and pop as we continue to shop. And that might seem pretty obvious, but retailers have figured out far subtler ways to kind of influence customers' purchasing habits. For example, did you know that most people instinctively turn right when entering a shop as well? And that's why retailers put their most profitable product to the right of the entrance. And studies have also come back as saying it's simply because most people are right-handed too. So they basically start most things out of habit with their right hand rather than the left. Isn't that mind-blowing? Like, in fact, I think the idea that following habits is not only a key part of our lives but also a key part of organisations and companies. That's kind of mind-blowing in itself. It's kind of like subliminal messaging and subliminal marketing. It's really interesting. But yeah, that's kind of why fruit and veg are at the front of the store. And that to us is habit, okay? We pick up those fruit and veg, we think we're doing something good for ourselves. In actual fact, it's just marketing habits, okay? So at the end of the day, the book's message is ultimately a positive one. So alcoholics can get sober, Smokers can quit. You can lose weight. Dysfunctional companies can transform themselves. You can change your habits. Okay. So breaking it down into 4 little steps to change habits, you've got to firstly identify your routine. Okay. So think about what it is that you want to change. Then secondly, you're going to experiment with rewards. Find out what works for you. The reward is often far from obvious. Okay. So change the routine part as a test and just see what works for you. For example, if you're eating junk food, try eating an apple. If you still crave the junk food afterwards, then hunger wasn't the issue. Try coffee. If you're still hungry, maybe you need a break. Try chatting with a friend or exercising, but write down your results and keep trying until you identify that right cue that's driving your habits. Thirdly, find the cue. Okay, so once you find which reward works for you, Find out what was that cue. They're often related to a location, a time, like I say, a person, an emotional state, like smoking when you're angry or stressed. Keeping a log of the habit that you want to change, that'll allow you to isolate those cues and stop going down that path. And then fourthly, just remember to have a plan. If you prepare a plan on what you will do once the cue comes up and you stick to it, you're 90% more going to be 90% more effective in breaking that habit. But just remember, you ultimately can change your habits. And to make it easy for you, just make sure that the reward stays the same. But you can change the behavior. Okay. And then with time and over time, you'll have formed a new habit. So pick one that's not going to harm you, but something that will be beneficial to you. Understand why you do what you do. And it's all about gaining an understanding yourself first of why you do what you do, because that'll open new doors of self-awareness. And I think one of the main things that I took away from this book was to plan ahead for that moment of weakness. Because when I quit smoking, I remember, um, I would go maybe 24, 48 hours and I'd be like, yes, I've cracked it. Do you know what I mean? I'd be driving to work and I'm like, okay, really craving a cigarette now because I used to smoke in my car. It's a really bad habit, but I used to smoke in my car because it was a 45-minute drive and I used to get really, really bored and stressed in the traffic. So I changed that and I just put a little thing of— what's it called? Um, chewing gum in my mouth. And that little habit just was enabling me to reward myself with minty fresh breath, and it was just like a boost of serotonin in my body just from having that. But then I became addicted to chewing gum. Long story. Anyway, it's just making those little changes and working on your triggers. Okay, that's kind of where I'm going with that. But yeah, I really hope that this all helps you. Okay, so willpower is a habit that you can grow. It works a bit like a muscle, like I say, but it will change your life. So you just need to start right now, make small incremental changes, and break those unwanted habits. Like I say, I found that book really, really useful, and it was full of useful information for me. It's quite similar in messages to Atomic Habits, but I really enjoyed it anyway. So if you've enjoyed this episode of Connie Crystals the podcast, please, please let me know. You can DM me on Instagram, I'm @conniecrystals, or you can even let me know by reviewing this podcast wherever you're listening from. The links are in the show notes below. Um, there's over 200 reviews right now on this podcast, so thank you so, so much from the bottom of my heart. I absolutely love reading all your reviews every single week, so thank you so much. And next week on the show, I'm so excited, I've got Poppy Delbridge. She's the author of Tapping In, she's best friend of Fern Cotton. She's owner of the Rapid Tapping app, and she will be talking all things EFT tapping, how we use this to help us manifest our best lives, and how we get rid of all of those blocks to manifesting and limiting beliefs. Believe me, it's going to be an amazing episode. I'm really fucking excited for it. So for now, thank you so much for listening. Have a wonderful weekend, and I'll see you all next Friday for another episode of Canny Crystals, the podcast. Thanks very much, guys. Bye! 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