078: Dealing with a negative mindset, ft. Jude Daunt

What are you doing on Tuesday the 26th of September, 2023? Because myself and Francesca Amber are coming to the Barbican Hall in London. Our event is called One Night Stand, and this one-night event is all going to be about manifestation, crystal healing, and ridding your limiting beliefs to help you achieve your goals. We've curated an immersive experience that will leave you feeling inspired and empowered throughout the evening as well. We'll also have interactive exercises, we'll have empowering discussions, and the opportunity to connect with like-minded individuals on a similar journey towards personal growth and manifestation. There'll even be an opportunity for you to ask questions as well. This event is your chance to break free from the shackles of self-doubt and unleash your inner greatness. It's time to release those limiting beliefs that might be holding you back and step into your true potential. And if you want to come on your own, by all means do that. Single tickets are available and seating is totally unreserved so you can even meet up with your spiritual friends and sit with them as well. Head to @kanyacrystals on Instagram and click the link in my bio. Tickets are limited, so secure your spot and be part of this transformative experience. Don't miss out on the chance to manifest your dreams and achieve your goals. We can't wait to see you there. Hello everyone and thank you for joining me on another episode of Can You Crystals? The podcast. As you know by now, my name is Mart Tweedy, I'm your host, and this week I've got another guest on the show. And this is the only time I've ever done this actually in the 70-odd episodes I've done, but I've got one of my old podcast guests back again for a second time. So let's just get on with it because you all know her by now. We've got my incredible life coach here. So Jude Daunt is on the show. Jude, how are you?

I'm good. Am I the only one that's come back second time?

You are. I must have done something right.

Absolute privilege.

Well, just to be open with everyone else, well, the reason that Jude is here today actually is a bit of a funny one, because today, as we record this, it's Thursday. The podcast goes out at midnight tonight, and I was supposed to have been recording with another guest last night, but he had to cancel, unfortunately. So I was a bit at, like, you know, a panic station because believe me, I've never been so bloody busy in my whole life. And I was in such a flap thinking, oh my God, I'm going to have to come up with an idea for a podcast and then just run with it and it's going to be crap. But Jude kindly offered to be interviewed and saved the day. So if you haven't already listened to my podcast episode with Jude previously, just go and search Cani Crystal's Unbreakable Mindset. You'll see our episodes together because I've been on hers a couple of times as well. And I know we covered so much last time, Jude, but something that's starting to creep in with me again is procrastination and, you know, self-doubt. And we always spoke about this in our sessions, didn't we? So, you know, like saying new level, new devil, as in when you hit those new levels and new heights of life, you reach those new blocks. So what would be your best advice to kind of help people overcome obstacles such as, you know, fear, procrastination, self-doubt? How can we kind of get rid of that and move past it?

So when it comes to anything that's stopping us, right, and you were and I'm sure you won't mind me saying this, but totally stressed when you messaged me yesterday, even though, God love you, like, I was messaging you about something else. I'd done an advert for my free masterclass, and you were like, I've uploaded it to your podcast, and then you literally just downloaded what shitty day you'd had, and I was like, oh no, feeling really bad that I'd asked you to do something and you were having a crap day. But with anything that keeps us stuck, it's emotion, isn't it, right? Whether it's your anxiety triggers, whether it's your habits and actions, whether it's your limiting beliefs, it is emotion. And one of the best things you can do, and it doesn't matter whether you are a business owner or full-time mom, or you work for a company, whatever it is, problem solving is the biggest thing you can do for yourself. It's like, it's the gift that we have as coaches is to be able to zoom out, 'cause I'm not attached to your emotion. So I can zoom out and go, Okay, let's look at this and let's look at what's going on. And I was watching, um, uh, documentary last night, and most people will have watched, or at least they'll be watching it now, which is the Lewis Capaldi one. Now I'm only halfway through, so I have no idea what happens in the next half because my bedtime is like half 9. So I watched half of it and I was blown away, right? And this is this is where you guys are going to really resonate with this, even though you're not a worldwide singer, was you can see the trajectory of his growth in terms of like just not having a care in the world, being able to just play songs for his mom and dad, and then stratospheric, like literally goes overnight to this global superstar. And he's not just on you know, British TV, he's on American TV, and he's huge. And you can even see that he's— obviously it's well known that he's got tics, and you can see when his anxiety's getting worse, his tics are getting worse. And one thing he said, right, and you're gonna get why I'm talking about this, is he said, I just 'No, I'm not good at songwriting and I worry about it.' And I don't think he said worry, right? But he says that and he said it a couple of times. And then in the documentary you see that he has this email from Elton John. And Elton John says in this email, 'Ed was talking to us.' Ed Sheeran. 'Ed Sheeran was talking to us and said you were worried and you were feeling like you weren't good enough or something like that. Let me tell you how good enough you are, blah blah blah blah blah.' So tells him how amazing he is, how his song's unbelievable, how his songwriting's amazing, how he's a great guy, blah blah blah. This doesn't change a thing for him, right? So it doesn't matter if people tell you how amazing you are, which is kind of what I did with you yesterday. Um, it doesn't matter if people tell you how amazing you are, if you don't feel it, it's not going to touch, right? That wasn't even the point that I wanted to say about that. It was the fact that Louis Capaldi, who wrote some unbelievable songs. And if you listen to the words, like, they are so profound. Like, to be fair to the guy, like, when he's chatting, he doesn't sound like someone who's got that almost that level of detail in those songs that he produced on his first album. And you think, well, that's not true. So he's basically saying, I'm no good at songwriting. There is evidence there is evidence over here of a huge, like, stratospheric album that went viral, global, crazy, huge awards. There is evidence to prove he is wrong, that his emotion doesn't hold any weight because there's an album proving that he's absolutely wrong. There's millions of pounds in his bank that have proven he's wrong, and he is unbelievable at songwriting, unbelievable at singing. And as I was watching it, because my husband was like, oh my God, it just looks so painful. I would hate to be that guy's dad. If that was Nico, it's horrible watching him, seeing him struggle so much. And my head as a coach was like, but it's not that he's not good at songwriting. He's not good at the process. He hasn't figured out what his process is for songwriting. And it was painful to watch. You saw them all sitting around this piano and trying to come up with ideas. And anyway, anyway, the, the, the thing that I was looking at for him was like, there is a process that he now needs a different, um, habit in action. Because I'm guessing while he was writing those songs, he wasn't expecting them to go as big as they did.

Yeah.

So it was easier then, I'm guessing, because he didn't have the tics as bad and things like that. His anxiety didn't look as bad when he going through those stages. And yet now with all this pressure, the emotion, the weight of the second album, there's now this force of having to write these songs. Now that's not going to go away because people are expecting it from him. So the, the, the solution is not to just give up because he wants to write a second album. So there's got to be a problem to solve within there, and it must be something to do with that process of writing. To make it easier, to make it more enjoyable. And then if we go back round to you and if we look at— because I was thinking about you last night after our little voice notes back and forwards when you were so stressed and so worked up because you'd had— well, do you want to talk about it so that I'm not oversharing for you? Tell about your day yesterday.

I mean, I'm really having a bit of a tough time at the moment, just to be totally open with everyone. I was really beating myself up about nasty messages and DMs. Like, I had someone message me and say that she couldn't believe she'd spent £4.50 basically on this hand-carved skull. And I was like, £4.50 on a hand-carved skull? It comes from India. It's got to go through the mines. It's got to be hand-carved. It's got to be posted over here. I've got to pay the import tax. I've got to pay the delivery fees. I probably make about 30 pence on that. Know what I mean? And then the government take 20% of that, so I end up with 24%, uh, 24p. And then on top of that, you know, there's like, if she paid with Clearpay or paid with a discount code or Klarna, they take about 10%, do you know what I mean? And there's all these like outside factors that this woman just wasn't aware of. And she sent me a totally rude and unnecessary message going backwards and forwards, and I even— I ended up just giving her money back. I and just saying like, look, there you go, I don't need this kind of thing. And I think most of all, something that I'm really neglecting at the minute with being busy is self-care. And I think it's mad, isn't it, how self-care can affect you? And when I was thinking about this, like, I haven't been on my Peloton in over a week now. My mom's been looking after me dog. I've barely even been going on walks or anything like that. And I preach self-care all day to all my listeners, and I just never get time for it myself at the moment. And it was weird because I journaled last night, and when I wrote down two things that have happened to me in the last week, I was thinking, has this had a bit of a detrimental impact? Because every day I wear my moldavite necklace. And last week I went to my barber's, and as he was washing my hair, he took the towel down behind my necklace and it snapped my necklace. I know. So the moldavite dropped down and he was like, oh, it's all right, you can get it in a minute. And I was like, no, I need to get it now. I was like, that's worth about £200. So I'm like raking through me top and it was just the necklace itself that snapped. The pendant is all right. So I just haven't got round to buying myself another necklace yet. And I'm thinking, is it because I'm not wearing my moldavite every day that I'm feeling like this? But then something else that I thought about was that on Monday night, I took Johnny to Leeds to see Dermot Kennedy at the arena. And I don't drink. And this is the thing. So I'd had, I think I'd had 3 drinks with, we met up with one of my friends who lives in Leeds. I'd had 3 drinks with her. Then we'd come back to the hotel and we got free drinks at the bar. Then we went to the gig and I got one of them 2-pinter things of beer. And honestly, I felt so lethargic when we got back to the hotel. And then driving back the next day, I was like, uh. And then all day yesterday, I was in such a downer mood. And I was thinking, is it because I've drank and I don't usually drink? And it's weird, isn't it, when we've got all these like self-care routines and they're totally knocked apart with like something like alcohol. And I was just wondering, like, so what, what kind of like role do you think self-care plays in like living a fulfilling life? And What are some of the strategies that you recommend for practicing self-care?

Do you know what? It's personal to everyone. Like, so everything you're saying there, right? So I'm in total coaching mode here, right? So I'm thinking, right, like, right, let's get into the head of Mart. Let's think about the sessions we had. Let's go back through it. And everything that you said was all the emotion. But you're totally right. Like, when you text me saying, like, I had such a good time on Monday, like, I'm gutted that my week's turned out like this, or whatever you said. And my head immediately went to, he had a night out on Monday, so therefore he had drinks, so therefore his dopamine, serotonin levels are depleted to what you would normally be, right? Now, this is why I've stopped drinking this year, although I have just booked— this is a caveat here for anyone who does see us with a drink in my hand— on June 11th, um, is I've just booked a really delayed, um, stag and hen do for me and my friend. We both got married, like, in lockdown. This is the first time we've been able to. We'll be definitely having a drink, definitely. But for the bulk of this year, apart from that one night, I am not drinking for the very reason that while my business has grown and expanded and I'm working 6 days a week like yourself, to have a drink is just crazy for me, like, because it does deplete us and my head's a bit fuzzy and it's not horrific, right? And I want everyone to understand that it's not like we are on the bottom because we had a few drinks. Your, your coping level is just kind of decreased a little bit. And when you're doing stuff where you're stepping outside your comfort zone and you are leveling up, you need to be on your aim game because you know what comes to the surface? All of those limiting beliefs that you've been pushing away, they come back. And I think for you specifically, it would be crazy for me— and this is why I'm nervous to say like, do this and do that to anyone, because I don't know your life. Like, anyone listening, I don't know your life and I don't know what's possible. So like, for me, I know it's possible for me to go to the gym 2 times a week, right? And this week I don't even know if I'm gonna get twice, I might only get once. I know it's not possible for me to try and stick to a routine of, um, like doing gratitude every day and, um, meditating every day, visualizing every day. And like, I'd love to, but it's not possible. Because I'm living the life that I want to live. So therefore, I just haven't got the time. And, and I can easily say to my clients, you can make time. Like, if it was that important, you could make time. But it's not that important for me because I'm doing okay. So you need to figure out, one, how much time do you have available? Two, what is the thing? What is the thing that's going to be the, the most important to move the needle for you? So if it's 20 minutes on the Peloton, like one night this week. Amazing. If it's— and I was trying to help you with stuff yesterday on the voice notes saying like, what can you let go of? Right? Because at the minute we know you're expanding at a crazy rate and you need to take on more staff. That's not— you're not at that point yet because you've got to interview people, you've got to think about, right, what's the best role, etc., etc. So while that's going on, you're working however many hours and it's crazy. So you have to start almost kind of deciding what's important, what can I leave behind, you know. Like, you do so much free stuff for people, like getting into DMs and helping people and advising them on crystals. And it's like, there's got to be a point where you go, this is damaging to my mental health, when actually I've got a really amazing website that tells you everything you need to know and all the information's on there and You know, you give away so much value just on your website alone. You know, like, you don't need to do those things, but there's a— there's a— there's something in you that hasn't gone from that, right? You know, that level of I'm building my business to actually now I'm the owner of a 6-figure business. Like, where— what do— what habits and actions do I now need? What are the processes that I need to change? And while you're in it drowning You haven't been able to see that this week.

Yeah.

So if you know you've been procrastinating over stuff, I would be asking, what are you procrastinating over? Because procrastination is one of the biggest anxiety triggers, because we procrastinate, think, oh God, I'll just do it tomorrow, because it feels a bit ugly. And then tomorrow comes and it feels even more difficult, and now it's this huge weight when actually it probably takes you 5 minutes, whatever it is you need to do. Procrastination leads to overwhelm. Overwhelm leads us to feel like we can't cope. So with anything, whether it's— because you said loads in that one thing that you said, so procrastination, um, self-care, you've got to zoom out.

Yeah.

And this is the benefit of having a coach and being a coach, is that I can zoom out and I can see what's going on for you with no emotional attachment to, to help you problem solve. But for you to do this on your own, if you can't afford a coach and you want to, you know, you want to try and do this for yourself, and I really encourage everyone to coach themselves is problem solving. It's one of the biggest things that you can do for yourself is just to stand back and go, right, what's going on for me? What do I need to do? What should I be thinking about right now? Where are my priorities? What can I let go of this week? What can I add in this week? What's going to make the biggest difference? Like, there's so many beautiful questions that you can ask yourself that's gonna like invite more of a better habit and action rather than just feeling like you're drowning and you feel like you can't cope. Because what happens is, when you were in that mindset yesterday, that was almost like the old Mart coming back, like this negative story he was telling himself. Like, and I'm gonna say these words and these aren't yours, so you can tell me what was coming up for you, right? But what tends to happen is, is when we have a crap day, all that stuff comes back of like, life's tough, that's just the way it is, or why does this always have to happen to me? Like why do people have to complain? Or it triggers you to not feel good enough or makes you feel like you can't cope. What do you think was triggered by that? Yes. What were you getting triggered by yesterday from an emotional point of view? If you were to zoom out and ask yourself, it was like almost—

I know this sounds like really dramatic today because I've had a sleep and like, do you know what I mean? It's all out my system today. But looking back on it, I'm like, Jesus Christ, I sat there yesterday with like tears in my eyes thinking, is this worth even carrying on? What's the point? Like, who's getting even— who's even getting any value out of this? People are just complaining. And just as a caveat as well, it wasn't just that one lady that messaged me. Like, I had another business, um, comment on all of my stuff on Facebook saying, wow, considering you're not a bricks-and-mortar shop, um, you're ridiculously overpriced. And I had a look and he was like 50 pence cheaper than me. And I was like, you don't have to pay PayPal fees, you don't have to pay Klarna, Clearpay, Royal Mail breakages and stuff like that, you know what I mean? And I just thought, he's looking at something from his perspective only. He's not looking at it from my perspective. He's not taking into account anything that I'm doing. And for him to say like ridiculously overpriced, and it really all got to us. And like I say, it wasn't just those two little things, it was like everything one after the other. And I was like, oh my God, what is going on today? And then like you say, it was like, I'm not good enough for this, I can't be bothered to deal with this, this isn't worth my time. But it was funny that you just mentioned there as well about the DMs on Instagram, because as soon as you mentioned that, and I thought, this is where the overwhelm stems from. And I really, really dug into this overnight, and to the point that I've even set an instant message on Instagram now so that when someone messages me, comes up with an instant message and says like, this inbox isn't actively manned. I mean, I'll still be looking at, but it's not actively manned. If you've got any business queries, here's the business email address. If you've got any sales queries about your order, here's the sales email address. But like you say, for everything else, if someone's wanting to know about crystal healing, about which crystals they can use, everything is on the website. There's— it's all separated into categories. If you're wanting something for love, you can type the word love in, it'll bring up everything that will support you for love. There's a page there on crystal healing, there's a page there on how to select crystals, how to use them. Every order comes with how to use them, how to cleanse them. And I'm like, it is literally all self-serve. I physically don't need to be there. The thing that overwhelmed me the most yesterday was that when I looked, I had over 500 unread messages from 48 hours, and I went through 2 of them, and 2 of them back to back were people messaging and then 5 minutes later putting loads of question marks back and putting something along the lines of, are you even there? That gets my goat straight away, and I deliberately ignore them once because I'm like, people don't understand how I'm one person, I'm working 16 hours a day most days.

So I'm going to stop you there, right? Because there's 3, there's 3 examples you've said which are so interesting, right? So, so the lady who was complaining about the £4.50 thing, right? And she was just— and your response was to us on this podcast was like, she doesn't understand that I have to pay for this, this, this, da da da da da da. Right? The guy who, um, uh, who's got his own crystal business, who said you, you're overcharging and you're not even a bricks-and-mortar business, right? And your response was, but he doesn't have to pay for it, right?

Yeah.

And then the people on the, the DMs, again, your response was, but they don't understand, like, I'm only one person, or blah blah blah blah blah, right? You're absolutely right. Those people do not understand what's going on for you, where you're at right now, and they have no idea about your business. They don't know how your business runs. They've got no capacity to understand that. Why would they? It's your business, right? Yeah. But my perspective on it is, right, as I say, that guy, right? So let's take that one guy for example, right? He has took the time to message a company who was his competitor.

Yeah.

And beat them, right? And berate them and be mean, right? What is going on for him, right? Let's ignore you for a second, right? What's going on for him, right? There is stuff he's struggling with because you know what, when you're doing okay— and I'm gonna turn this back to you, right? When— while you're growing your business, what you're really good at is supporting other people, right? Like, even though you were drowning yesterday, you still helped Francesca Amber record her podcast. Nothing to do for you, no benefit for you, you still helped her. Yeah, you still helped me, right? That's who you are, right? What's that guy doing, right? He's obviously struggling with his business. To go out of your way and say something mean to a competitor, like, what type of person is that, right? And then this other woman who complained about a £4.50, right? Like, again, for you now at the level you're at, because you don't have time to go back and forth with these things, right? You need to have a response. Ready. Like, every other big company, you know, on the planet will have a response to say, 'I'm so sorry.' And obviously I'm guessing here what the response might be. You decide how you want to respond so that you don't get into the emotion of it. So it's almost like you have stock answers ready, because if you were a huge business— and this is where you need to start performing at, because you are a big business now is your customer service representatives would have stock answers ready. Yeah, you don't have stock answers ready, so therefore it's a process and a system that you now need to put in place to release yourself from the business, because it is draining, isn't it?

It's like you've got to think of something to come up with on the spot, and sometimes like the stock answers that I do have don't quite fit it, so I've got to like tailor them. But you're right, I should probably just like have Hundreds of stock answers.

Stock answers. So if somebody's upset with their item, they have a refund process. Yeah, I'm really sorry you're unhappy with your item. The refund policy is this. Feel free to post it back and we will refund you the money. We don't want you to be unhappy. Like, you can still do it in a very smart way because you want everyone to have a good experience that comes to you, but you've got to do it in a way where you're comfortable with your answer, that it doesn't leave you so drained that you're close to tears.

Yeah.

Like, you're just— you're a nice guy, Mart. Like, you're lush, and the bones of you is lush, right? So this isn't— this isn't us going, you're not managing your business properly, you're not doing this. This is just, you know what, you're still the Mart that started off selling these candles, and you need to just take it to that next level. And the next level, for somebody who's at your level, is to have those stock answers ready, or it'll be a customer service representative, you know, which is where you're hoping to get to. Yeah. Um, but that's just— but again, the thing that was forcing you to be so sad yesterday was the emotion rather than the problem-solving element of it. And the thing that you said to me there, where you said like, is it worth it? That's why people give up on their businesses. That's why people go 'What's the point?' Yeah, rather than going, 'Hmm, right, I could probably just problem solve this.' And that's why there's not as many people— like, if it was easy, everyone would be doing it, Mart, right? Everyone would be doing, I don't know, coaching or selling crystals or, um, having their own coffee shop. Like, there's things that you're learning all the time, but if you see it as a reflection on I can't do this, I'm not good enough, I need to give up, it's not worth it. Like, doesn't matter how much money I'm in and it's not worth it, then you missed a lesson. You missed something that it was teaching you. Like, you know where you are now? You prayed for this, you were manifested on this. Like, I, I think I'd say to you, get in that car and just be thankful for like how far you've come. Yeah, because you've come so far, like, so far. And let's celebrate that. Even on the days that feel tough, look how far you've come. This is just another little— like, it's the next level. It's just kind of going, right, what do I need to learn from this? What am I— where am I at? Um, because what's the alternative? Go back to NHS? Yeah, no, that's not the alternative. So it's just going, right, I'm actually— this is teaching me something now, so what do I need to learn from it? To get to the next level of like— it's almost like— and you'll see this, there's a pattern. Um, whenever we have success and then it gets easy, it almost has to go hard again before you break through to that next level of easiness.

Yeah.

And that's just life because we're learning all the time, all the time, all the time. Um, you know, I'm sure going back to Lewis Capaldi, the random example I gave, is that there will be people in his industry who were where he was that found that really difficult, that second album, sitting down and writing those songs, that process so, so difficult. And now they have a process for going, this is the best way to write an album. Like if we think of George Ezra, didn't he go and spend time in like Barcelona to write his second album or his first album or something? And he just lived with some random girl that he didn't know and just rented a room off her. And that was how he wrote his second album with no stress, no worries, no concerns, no anxieties. I only— I don't— it's not like I know this guy. I've just heard him talk on shows and I'm so interested in how people's minds work and how they get to their next level because you can either make everything you're doing really difficult or you can zoom out and go, right, what's the thing I'm struggling with the most? So one of the things was the DMs. The next thing for you is going to be going— actually, like, if you think, if you sell 25 items, one person's gonna complain, right? If we give it an average, I don't know, I'm sure there's a stat on this, and you might know this yourself, right? Now that you're at your next level, however many items you're selling a day, you now need to times the people by however many, because if you're, you know, if you're selling 100, if it was one person complaining to 25 items, now you're selling 100 items, you've now got 4 complaints.

Yeah.

Then you just know you need a process in place for that because people complain, they might have had a shit day, they might have had it in their head, their perception. And remember, we base it on our reticular activating system. Our perception of something might be that it has it's bigger than what it is, or they thought it was different on the website, or they've read it wrong. Or, you know, how many times people message you and say, I can't hear what you're saying on the subliminals? Yeah, because they don't understand subliminals. Yeah. And they might be people— and I'm hands up one of these— who are skim readers and don't read the detail enough on things.

Yeah.

And then go, oh, like, damn it, I didn't— like, I don't know how many times have I bought something on Amazon where I've thought it was a full-size item and it's like a trial size.

Yeah.

Or when I thought I was buying my daughter this globe and it was like this little pocket-sized globe just because I don't read the detail. I'm a skim reader, but I'm, you know, I'm conscious enough that I blame myself rather than the person I'm buying it off. There's other people who haven't done the work on themselves that are going to do that. That's no reflection on your business. That's no reflection on what you sell. That's just you now need a process in place. You know, I remember one of the first guys I ever worked with as a coach was a business owner, and he'd built this business. It was a local business, um, and, and he built the business up, and the one thing that used to really, really hurt him was when he got a complaint. And it was really difficult for him because he wasn't customer-facing. He had other people who worked in his company who were delivering a service, um, So most of the time it would be either because his guys hadn't turned up or, or there was a delay in something or whatever. And it used to really hurt him. Like, he took it so personally, those complaints that he got, when all we needed was a process in place to go, right? And this is another beautiful thing that you can do as a coach, right, is to ask yourself What do I want the outcome to be? How do I want to show up? So for you, what do you want customers who complain, and even if they're being unreasonable, what do you want them to walk away with in terms of— you don't need to answer that on here because it could be personal, could be something you want to kind of, um, journal on or whatever. Um, so, so whatever outcome you want for that customer from a customer service point of view, then you put that in place. So you have that in the end. And it may be, you know what, you're never going to make some people happy because actually some people want stuff for nothing, etc. But if you're aiming towards that end goal, then you'll put a process in place for that. So then you're less emotionally attached to it because you've got a system in place.

Yeah.

Anyway, go on. I'm sure you've got loads of other questions and I'm just ranting on now.

No, no, it's all in It's all in keeping with the tone of like what I've been asking and stuff as well. But just going back to the DMs, like one of the, the most, the most frequent DMs that I get is, hi, I've had this crystal since like I was a child, please could you identify it for me? And I'm like, I get that, but where does that have any value in my business? So what I tend to do is I, I used to just be like, oh, this is this, this, and this, but obviously with a caveat of I can't be sure. When people send me photos, they send me the most blurriest photos you will ever see seen in your entire life. Or they'll send me a video, and the video, they're like, the hands going round the face like 100 miles an hour. And trying to identify a crystal when there are like 3,000 different types of moon crystals, it's very hard. Obviously there are 7 prime colors, do you know what I mean? Something that red, yeah, it might be carnelian, but also might be jasper, or do you know what I mean? And I think one of the things that gets to me the most is when there are free resources out there already. You can download Google Lens, for example. You can literally hold up your phone to the crystal, and it will tell you exactly what crystal it is. And then I don't need to be involved. And that's why I've developed my website like that, so that if someone wants to buy something like to do with wealth, they can literally go on there, type in the word wealth, or they can drop down the, the buy category thing, and there's a category called Wealth and Prosperity, and it'll like suggest all that to them. So I think it's almost— it's like the messages that drain me the most are messages when I'm spoon-feeding people, if that makes sense. And I think customer service— I honestly, like, I have 5 stars on every single review on Google, on my website, and everyone goes on about how good my customer service is. But it's like got to the point where I'm like, God, is my customer service really that good when I don't feel as passionate about it as I do my own business? Do you know what I mean by that? Like, I'm not— like, honestly, like, I I hate customer service, but like, it's part and parcel of the job, isn't it?

Do you know what? You know what's coming up for me as you're talking? You can take this bit out because this is personal tower coaching. When you were bullied at school, you were extra nice to these people. Yeah, because you wanted them, you wanted their approval, you wanted them. And it's almost like you're going above and beyond in your customer service and your response for that approval. Yeah, I don't know if that's right or not, but it could just be a habit and an action, right, that you've kind of had over the years that's now showing up in that.

Yeah.

Whereas again, that could easily be— so I'm taking the emotion out of what you've just said. Now I'm saying another stock answer that you can have, which is, I'm really sorry, it's really hard for us to tell, and I don't want to get it wrong. So therefore you're being nice, you've got a really lovely there's Mart in it there. I really don't want to get it wrong for you. There's a really easy thing you can do, and it's this. Yeah. And you just put in the Google stock answer, stock answer. If you were having somebody working for you, they wouldn't be able to identify them the way you do.

Yeah.

So you would be saying to them, yeah, do that, right? I mean, I must say, you are incredibly good at identifying crystals.

Mart once said in my office, I told you that you bought the wrong one, didn't I?

No, I hadn't bought the wrong one. Duped me. They duped me because I was like, oh, I've got this citrine. Was it citrine?

And I think you, you'd ordered citrine and they'd sent you serpentine. Serpentine. Yeah. Do you know what's funny about this, right? The other night we were watching Married at First Sight Australia, and I know this is like off topic, but basically, um, Jesse got bought a crystal by Claire, and Claire's like, oh, I don't know who these people are, but go on. Claire's like all spiritual, but Jesse's not. And she went to him, oh, I've bought you a carnelian. And she handed it over and straight away I went, that's not carnelian, it's onyx. And Johnny was like, what? And I went, it's not a carnelian, it's onyx. It looks a bit like carnelian, but it's not, it's onyx. And he was just like, oh my God, get a life. But I am— I love identifying crystals, but I just don't have time when I get like 500 messages a day. It's like, it's not a great use of my time, basically.

Yeah, but there is another way to do that though, isn't there? There is another solution for this. There's another almost release where you're still giving people that level of connection with you. Bearing in mind, like, we know how much people love you, right? Like, in a sense of everyone loves your podcast, everyone loves connecting with you. Like, you have a real, um, uh, what's the word, you've got real connection with people. People want to connect with you, so they are asking questions because you are approachable. Yeah, right. And that's amazing, and that's fantastic, and we can celebrate that. We just need a counter reaction from that.

Yeah, yeah. All right, well, let's talk about something positive, shall we?

All of this is positive because I'm like, this is like a little coaching session.

It is, I'm loving it. Um, can we talk about success? Because I think success is a great word that encompasses what we all want in life, because none of us want to be unsuccessful, which is the total opposite. And not all of us kind of want money or love or whatever it is. We might all have different dreams, do you know what I mean? But I find that if you say success. Like, who doesn't want to be successful in their own respective field? So I guess my question would be about the connection between the mindset and success. Like, how do you work with your clients to develop that positive mindset to ensure success in their own right?

Do you know what, it's, it's, it's funny because some people have a real kind of clear goal that is success, that is, um, like a monetary goal or a business goal. Yeah. And then other people have a goal that is just, I don't want to feel like this anymore. Like, I just want to feel— I just want to wake up and not feel anxious. Yeah. But what you tend to find anyway, no matter what the goals are, is that the thread that holds all them together is not feeling good enough, is the limiting beliefs, is their anxiety triggers. So if I was going to suggest anything. I can't— what was the question? I've gone off topic in my head because I was thinking of the answer and then I've gone off topic. But the thing that I work on is mindset, and then naturally the outcome for that is success. So it might be that they are just feeling, you know, like one client who had major imposter syndrome. What we discovered working together was actually they are— they were really good at the job, just the job wasn't— the place that they worked at wasn't great. And when we looked at their limiting beliefs, their anxiety triggers, and got all of the, the right habits and actions in place, um, they then got this amazing promotion at a different company. And, you know, like 15 grand more a year and, um, working for a more reputable company. So success comes when you do the mindset work because you start to think differently. Like, if you— like, I'm still, even though we did the work together, I'm still in awe of where you are and like how far and quickly you've come. It was almost like you had an entrepreneurial mindset already, you just didn't know how to unlock it, which is, which is most people. Because once you realize like how easy it is to get out of your own way, then your ideas start coming and you just get excited. And it's like, you know, like, who'd have thought you would have grown the crystal business and now you're doing like a money mindset course and you've got all these different things in the background, like, you know, this event that I just saw that you might be doing with Francesca Amber. Like, that's unreal. Spider alert. Although I think Francesca— I think you or Francesca might have put something on their stories, or else I wouldn't know about it.

This is the thing. Like, we were going to announce it next month, and she put it on a Q&A last night, and I was like, oh, okay. But I was going to say, like, I only started working with you the week before my birthday last year. So nuts, in, in like 12 months. Like, when I came to you, I remember I was feeling stuck in my current mindset. I was still working for the NHS, and I just felt unfulfilled in my current situation. And you kind of gave me that new sense of purpose and hope and direction in my life. And within, I think, 2 sessions, I came to you one day and I was like, I've handed my notice in for the NHS. And you were like, what?

It was so funny. I was like, have you? And you were like, yeah, I've worked it out. I can afford to do this, this, and this, and then I'll just work on the business. And then you had that month that was like horrific where you had some no sales, and then everything else was after growth. Like, I'm still blown away by your journey and success within 12 months. Like, it's nuts, right? But how you were feeling yesterday It's totally normal. It'd be weird if you hadn't have had a day that was a bit shit, if you hadn't have had a day that was making you feel like you were drowning a little bit, because you're getting used to what this looks like. Like, this has been your Lewis Capaldi moment where you literally went from like, you know, a handful of sales to X amount of sales to, you know, courses, etc. You know, your podcast is huge now. And you have to take stock. You have to go, right, hang on a minute, I don't want to drown. I don't want to feel like this. What do I need to put in place? What am I not doing I know I should do? So going back to the stuff we talked about, those powerful questions you can ask: whatever I know I'm not doing that I should be doing. Yeah. What's triggering me and what can I do about it? And it's— they're powerful questions, but you need to understand where it all comes from first. And we've done all that work together, you know, we've uncovered why you had these limiting beliefs, why you had these blocks, to now you know what habits and actions you need to put in place. You now know what, um, like what habits and actions you might have done in the past based on your own limiting beliefs that would have sabotaged you. So now it's just like, okay, well, what's new? What, you know, life's never going to be perfect for everyone, right? And there's going to be stuff coming up and there's going to be stuff that happens in your business that you weren't expecting. Like I just— last year alone, I wasted £4,000 on a website with two different people that I paid, which I'm still not happy with, and I'm having to pay somebody else again. I wasted £10,000 on a launch with a launch strategist with a Facebook ad campaign, and neither of those things made me money. And if I was to go into that mindset of going, what's the point? This is too hard, let's just give up, I give in. To that 16-year-old girl who thought she was thick and wouldn't amount to much. Yeah, like, I almost replicate that story that I told myself back then, and that's not who I am now. Like, it's different. And do you know what? Yes, I've spent a ridiculous amount of money on a website, but oh my God, Mart, when I tell you how amazing my website's gonna be, it's gonna be beautiful. I mean, I'm so excited for it, and it's like everything that I wanted in a website, it's going to be that. And I'll be proud of it again, and that's worth whatever money I need to pay for it. So I'm fine with that. But if I went to that mindset of, why does this have to happen to me? Like, just my luck, you know, I've wasted this money, it's not even that good, then what is that doing for us? Like, that's not propelling us forward, that's just keeping us stuck. And potentially sabotaging us and it's just emotion. Yeah. And you can figure out how to retrain your brain and reframe everything. So it's— there's got to be reframing involved. You know, that's what us as coaches are really, really good at, is taking something and reframing it to go, okay, but how could it be? So rather than saying, um, what if I fail? Because there's that fear, there's that anxiety. Oh my God, but what if I fail? Okay, but what if you succeed? What would that look like? Yeah. And then actually, let's go even deeper than that. How are you going to succeed? And then that just gives you a ton of actions that you can follow, and it's just so powerful.

Yeah. Do you know what's weird as well? Like, last night I kind of— I was sat here, like, obviously in this massive flap because my podcast guest had canceled. And like, I got this email to say that my Gwen Stefani concert had been canceled, and I thought, that's the last straw, right? Well, I bought Johnny these tickets for Christmas, and obviously, um, she canceled the tour. And I got a refund off them, and the refund was for £10. Bearing in mind I bought VIP tickets and they were like £280, and I got a refund of £10, and I thought, this is just another thing to add to my list. I'm gonna have to message Ticketmaster and go on the customer service and go around the houses. But anyway, I got home at about 6 o'clock last night. I took me some— took myself home a little early, and I sat on the couch. I did some breathing techniques, and I thought, what am I going to do right now to raise my vibration? I'm in such a shit mood. So I thought, I'm going to have 15-20 minutes just playing on my PlayStation, just to get rid of everything that's in your mind and concentrate on one thing, playing this game. So I'm playing on bloody Harry Potter. And after that, I made me tea. I made myself a healthy tea. I've been having takeaways the last few nights. They creep back in. So I made myself a healthy tea. I had a bath, and then I went upstairs. Johnny was downstairs in the living room. We don't usually court battle about 10, half 10. I took myself upstairs about 8 o'clock and I just lay on my bed and I thought, right, I'm going to make a list. What do I need to do tomorrow? This is what I need to do. Why am I feeling like this? And like I said, I came up with my moldavite necklace snapping, the alcohol and my sleep deprivation and stuff like that.

Yeah, you coached yourself.

Yeah. And I just thought, let's have an early night. So I literally like just like got myself a hot water bottle, went into bed, got JJ with us, had a little snuggle with him and stuff like that. And I think by about half 9 I was fast asleep. And I woke up this morning, 6 o'clock, my alarm going off, and I felt fresh as a daisy again.

Yeah.

And like, I'm like, I'm looking back at yesterday thinking, God, how dramatic must I have sounded sending those voice notes to Jude? And like, in so much of a flap, do you know what I mean? And like, now I look back at it and I'm like, I'm like a fly on the wall looking back on that scenario thinking, how did I react to that?

Amazing, amazing. And it's funny you say that, right? Because what I do with clients is, um, so, so they work with me for, for 12 sessions like you did, and it can be over around 7 months. And the whole point of the work that I do and the reason why it's transformational is that I don't want my clients to come back to me. I want you to be able to do it for yourself. And you're going to have days where you feel like, you know what, it's, it's tough and you're drowning and it's shit, etc. But you had the tool set there to be able to flip it around and get out of your own way. So today, much better. Nothing's changed. Nothing's changed at all. You've still got your list, you've still got the stuff that you need to do, but your mindset is completely different now. There will be an element of it's Thursday, so the alcohol is not affecting you as much, the one that you had on Monday. Yeah, but also the fact that you did what you needed to do last night, the healthy food, the having a bath, the playing on Harry Potter, like all of those things. So yes, so amazing, like huge well done. And, and anyone who does book in a session with me, or as an ad hoc who I've coached over time, um, I will always say to them, drop us a message, an email, tell me what's been going on, and I guarantee you by the time I get into session with them, the problem solved it already. We all have that power within us to coach ourselves.

Yeah, I was going to say, so can we talk about your academy as well? Because obviously you train people to become life coaches, don't you? So I know you've got a free masterclass coming up very soon, haven't you? Is it April 25th? Does that say that right?

Yeah, April 25th, 8 PM. Um, so what I'm gonna do is, because again with emotion, with, um, a fear of failure, like all of this stuff coming up, right? They said there are so many people out there who would love to become a coach and who would love to change people's lives have a, um, a business where you can work your own hours, where you can kind of be in control of what you earn, etc. And the thing that holds them back is, I haven't done the work on myself, fear of failure, I'm not good enough to be a coach. And I'm going to do all of that work with them in this free training. So the training is all around how to overcome your own limiting beliefs and insecurities so you could be a transformational coach. It's going to be amazing.

Amazing. And I've been on one of these masterclasses before and I'd already gone through Jude's programme anyway, but I just went on it just for support more than anything, I think. But I actually learned quite a lot just from the masterclass itself. So it is really worth it. And what I'll do is I'll pop all of your links as well, Jude, in the show notes. And if you listen to this episode in April, before April 25th, you'll probably hear the intro to this show is Jude's little advert at the start as well. But like I say, I'll pop all the links to that in the show notes below, including the link to her website and socials.

And can I just say, 2 seconds, right? Even just with that advert, and this is why we are all, we can all have insecurities, we can all have limiting beliefs, right? And I'd say to you, I recorded an advert for my podcast, and if you would like to, I'd love to put you on your podcast too, on a voice note. And I was like, listen to it, because I think I sound like a dick. And so anyway, so I'd sent it to you and you hadn't listened at that point. You were probably having a breakdown somewhere. And by the time I had then thought about it, I'd redone it one again and I resent it to you and I was like, it's fine, I've done another one. And you listened to the last one. You were like, oh, actually, I like the first one. I was like, what? I thought I sounded like a dick. And then I listened back to it and I was like, oh, actually, I don't. So it was just in that moment, there must have been a limited belief in my head that That said, you sound like a cringefest. Like, there was something in my head, you sound awful, like it doesn't sound great. So there was a story I was telling myself, and actually it wasn't that bad. But I want you to understand, everyone listening, that we all have insecurities, we all have limiting beliefs. But we've got it. So my response wasn't to go, oh my God, I'm shit, I can't do this. My response was to go, right, I'll record another one, I'll rewrite it and record another one. Just turns out The first one was better.

I love it. So Jude, how can people find you?

Um, Jude on Coaching. I am very blessed that a lot of Mart's listeners tend to find me through Mart anyway, or my listeners rather find me through Mart anyway. They'll go, I found you through Candy Crystals. Um, so I have my own podcast, The Unbreakable Mindset. If you're not listening already, you will get so much value from the, the back catalog there. Um, and it's Jude on Coaching on Instagram. Everything's on there. I mean, I'm on other social platforms as well, but that's the main one.

Amazing. I'll pop all of Jude's links in the show notes below, including the link to our website and socials and that free masterclass as well. So thank you so much for popping by, Jude, and saving my bacon. I really do appreciate it.

I love it. You know what, I'm honored. I, I said to you afterwards, I was like, it's fine, I think I manifested this because I wanted to come back on your podcast. I just, I love your audience because I can't tell you how many people come from you and find me. So I absolutely love your audience.

So thank you so much.

Hi, all of Mart's little listeners. And for everyone listening.

If you've enjoyed this episode, please submit a quick 5-star review, which really helps this podcast grow to new audiences. You might not want to give a 5-star, just— I think it's worthy of a 5-star. Um, you can find me on Instagram @canny_crystals or on my website cannycrystals.co.uk, where if you enter the discount code PODCAST, you can get 10% off your next order. So I guess there's nothing left for me to say other than have a lush weekend, everyone, and hopefully I'll see you all next Friday there for another episode of Canny Crystals, the podcast. Thanks so much for listening, guys.

Bye!

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