102: 5 mindset lessons I learned from Miriam Margolyes

Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of Canny Crystals, the podcast. I hope that you're all well. As you know by now, my name is Mart Tweedyedy, I'm your host, And this week I became a fully fledged motivational speaker. Yes! So on Tuesday night, myself and Francesca Amber from Law of Attraction Changed My Life took to the stage at the Barbican in London in front of all 700 of you, and we had an absolute blast. Honestly, I have to say, like, it's probably been one of the most stressful things I've ever done. People don't realize, like, how much there is to do backstage. I had this huge spreadsheet. Obviously, we, we sold the tickets, like, from 5 months ago, but I had this huge spreadsheet and every week I was just like getting together with Fran over video calls and stuff like that, ticking things off our list. But obviously she's got 3 small children, it's really hard for her to have as much input as I did. So it was really quite tough because obviously we live like quite a big distance apart as well, to like find time that she was child-free, that she was, you know, able to concentrate on work more, that kind of thing. And I think if we ever do this again, or if we ever go on tour across the UK or whatever happens next, we will get an events manager because honestly, it has been so bloody stressful. Honestly, I can't even begin to explain. I'm doing an episode next week about how to avoid burnout because I was so, so close these last few weeks, especially with everything going on in my personal life, everything going on with the event, everything going on with my business. Oh, I just feel like I need a holiday and I'm getting one, don't worry. Um, but yeah, when I peeped through the doors at one point, I absolutely shat bricks. I saw everyone like just staring at the, the stage, you know, everyone like sat there all giggling away, chatting away to the friends. And me and Fran were absolutely dropping eggs backstage as it got closer and closer to 7:30. But we did it, and you lot all kept us going throughout as well. We were absolutely shitting ourselves on stage. I kept looking at Fran's hands, she kept looking at mine. We were both shaking. We even had a little X Factor style entrance that I made to welcome ourselves to the stage for those of you that didn't get to go. And obviously a big shout out to Hayley Sparks as well too for coordinating the question and answer and, you know, being our little warm-up host. It was really, really nice for her to do that free of charge. We love you, Hayley. Thank you so, so much. But yeah, I had such, such a good time. I've already been speaking to Fran about, you know, how we can switch it up and how we can try taking it around the UK. So watch this space. If you didn't make the actual event, however, don't worry. We're working on getting it online within the next couple of weeks. It'll be for a small fee. That's just for like the website hosting and things like that. So many of you messaged me saying, please livestream it, please livestream. And we were saying like, it's just really, really hard. If we live streamed it, obviously we would need to charge because it's unfair for people that attended it, like, and paid the, the actual money to come in person. So it would be obviously a technical issue, whereas like if something went wrong, like if a microphone dropped off or the sound cut out or, you know, the visuals cut out, people would be just requesting their money back. And we just didn't want to have that stress added on to an already stressful situation. So it has been recorded. We have got the video recording— we haven't got it, but the videographer who recorded it, he's got it all. So like I say, we are working on getting it online, okay? So bear with. And then Thursday, because I got back from London Thursday morning, Thursday night I went to Leeds to see Shania Twain. So that was my third time seeing Shania, and I absolutely loved every second singing and dancing along all her hits. It was just amazing. Let me hair down. It was just like, oh, thank God the event's over. I've had a right few cheesy actually, because a couple of weekends ago I went to see the Sugababes at the O2 in London as well. And then just last weekend I went to see Miriam Margolyes doing her show all about her new book, and it made me want to base this week's episode around this. So for those of you that don't know, Miriam Margolyes is a British actress, and she's had hundreds— I'd say probably thousands of roles over the years. But I think most of the younger generation listening to this will probably know her as Madame Pomfrey, the Herbology teacher from Harry Potter. Anyway, although she's really well spoken, she's had like, you know, quite an upper-class upbringing, she's quite vulgar and she just tells it like it is. So this is basically going to be an episode about what seeing her brought up for me. And you might have seen her on, you know, This Morning. I think she was on This Morning a few weeks ago and someone had basically rang up and said, what do I do about my neighbor that I don't get on with? And she told them to shit in a cup and chuck it over the fence. And she also farted live on air and announced it live on TV and said it stunk of onions. She just doesn't give a shit, basically. And that's what I love about her. So we know she is unapologetically herself because her authenticity shines through in her work and her public persona. And that's something that most people love her for. She doesn't give a shit. That's the first thing I admire about her. Like, she says things exactly how they are. She doesn't beat around the bush because she stays true to herself. That is who she is. She stays true to her authentic self. So when we're authentic to ourselves, I think it allows us to, you know, form genuine connections with other people. Because when you're true to yourself, people can relate to you on a deeper level because they're seeing the real you. And this can lead to more meaningful and lasting relationships, both personally and professionally. Like Onheer, for example. You know, on Instagram, on TikTok, people constantly send me messages saying how down to earth and authentic I am. And I absolutely love that, and I'm so happy that people think this because, you know, I try and be as authentic and down to earth and, you know, straightforward as I am in real life. But to me, I do feel like I'm putting on a bit of a professional front, which is actually part of the reason that I started my Off Topic podcast, you know, so I can have a little rant and tell some X-rated stories. But you get what I mean. I always feel like I've got this professional mask on for you lot, because at the end of the day, you're buying a service from me, you're buying items from my website, you're buying, you know, my one-on-one time on my academy, you're buying my online courses. So yeah, of course I have to have this professional persona and this professional mask that I put on for you lot. But in actual fact, I try and mix it with both, which is why I always start an episode of this podcast about, you know, telling you about me life, what I've been up to in the last week. And then I go into the professional side of it. So you're getting a bit of a mix of both, so you can see exactly who I am on the inside as well. So being authentic just means respecting and valuing yourself for who you truly are. So ask yourself that now: do you respect who you are? Do you value who you are inside? It just means not compromising your values or compromising your beliefs or your identity to kind of conform to all these expectations or the opinions of other people. So many of us, like, in our day-to-day lives, we change who we are because of who we're around or what we think that person or that group of people wants to see from us. And authenticity is— it's kind of closely tied to emotional well-being. So when you hide your true thoughts and feelings, that's going to lead to stress and anxiety and probably even depression. So being open and honest about your emotions, that can lead to a healthier and more balanced emotional life. So authentic people often have a greater influence and impact on all those people around them. Because when you're genuine, people are more likely to trust and follow your lead. Whether you're a leader, a teacher, an influencer, a podcaster, whatever it is, authenticity can amplify your ability to inspire and motivate others. And there's a great book on this. I can't remember who it's by because I think I listened to it on Audible. I think it's called How to Speak So That Everybody Listens. It's really great. I'll give you loads of tips on that. So, the second thing about Miriam is that she often uses humour to navigate through challenges and difficult situations, 'cause she's had quite a tough life. And when she's telling her stories, you know, about olden days and things like that, she has been through some shit. Like, she's mid-80s now. She's been through a lot in her time. But even when she's telling those hard and heart-wrenching stories, she does it with comedy and she does it with laughter. So humour has been shown to, you know, reduce stress by triggering the release of endorphins, which are the body's natural feel-good chemicals. So in those challenging situations, kind of adopting this humorous perspective can really help to alleviate that tension and promote that relaxation. And we know that laughter is known to increase feelings of happiness and reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. Now, when I worked in the NHS, we did something called laughter yoga. You're going to think that I'm absolutely batshit crazy. I can't remember if I've talked about this before on the pod, but it was basically a room. There was 10 of us that went into it, and one of the first exercises was to go and shake someone's hand. But as you shook the hand, you were supposed to act as though you'd been given an electric shock that made you burst into a giggle fit. So you had to walk around the room shaking people's hand and going, "Hahaha!" It was very, very surreal. But that was just one of the exercises. There was 10 exercises. One of them was that you had to pull a funny face at someone and then burst into laughter no matter if the other person was laughing or not. And you had to walk around the room doing this. And then there was one where you just had to point and laugh at people. Bit weird, I know. But we came out of that session and our body obviously had released all these endorphins that it actually made us feel amazing inside. And it's really, really weird because, like I said, endorphins are the body's natural feel-good chemicals. So it's releasing them inside your body, and your body doesn't know. It's like visualization. Your body doesn't know if it's real or not anyway, because it just knows that you're laughing. And the more you laugh, the more you actually start to, like, physically really laugh as well. So it's releasing all those good chemicals inside of you. So laughter is known to increase those feelings of happiness and reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. So by finding humor in, you know, adversity and challenges, you can better manage your emotional well-being as well. So people think I'm cracking up at times, but when something really serious is going on and I'm sat there, you know, chuckling away at myself, that's like a coping mechanism for me. Because life often brings us uncertainty and unexpected challenges, so humor can be just be used like as a tool to adapt to, you know, these situations. It'll help you accept that not everything can be controlled or predicted, and that it's okay to find humor in the unpredictability of life. When we adapt that humor and that ability to laugh at ourselves, like, when it is challenging, it can lead to a more optimistic outlook on life. It's a way of, like, acknowledging that difficulties are a part of life, but they don't have to define your experience. They don't have to define who you are as a person. The third thing that I love about Miriam is her absolute fearlessness in life. She just like— I don't know what it is about her. I think this is something that we can all learn from though. She is just so, so fearless about everything. So expressing your own opinions fearlessly, that can be so empowering to us. It gives you a sense of control over your own lives and the world around us, but it can also inspire confidence and self-assuredness in your ability to make a difference to the world. So don't get us wrong, like every now and again we'll meet someone that has totally different opinions to us. So my partner Johnny, for example, he's got very different opinions to anything that I think, but by having those open and respectful conversations, it can lead to a better understanding and potentially find that common ground between us. So your fearlessness can serve as an inspiration to other people who, you know, might be hesitant to voice their own opinions because that when they see you standing up for what you believe in, they might too, like, feel encouraged to do the same. So something else that Miriam spoke about on the night was, like many in the entertainment industry, she faced a lot of rejection and setbacks in her career. I know last week, for example, I spoke about the importance of resilience and, you know, consistency, perseverance in pursuing your goals. We need to be so consistent to get what we want in life. It's like what I said before, going to the gym once won't give you a six-pack. Going on a diet for one day won't make you lose half a stone, do you know what I mean? It's all about consistency. We need to be consistent to get what we want in life. We need to be able to bounce back efficiently from those setbacks and those knockbacks in life to get what we want and where we want to be. Resilience and persistence go hand in hand in my eyes. Like, resilient people are willing to keep working towards the goals even in the face of challenges and setbacks. This persistence is essential for manifestation because it's going to keep you moving forward. It's going to keep you, you know, taking action and staying committed to your overall goals. The ability to adjust your approach when circumstances change is essential as well. So knowing how to adapt is going to really, really help you. But overall, you just need to maintain a positive mindset even when things are difficult, because that optimistic outlook can be particularly useful while trying to manifest. And a positive attitude, that's going to attract so many opportunities your way, and it's going to help you to overcome the challenges more effectively. Something it made me think of was that, you know, resilience can boost our confidence. When we face and we overcome challenges, our self-esteem and our self-assuredness is going to grow because we've overcome something. So we're like on cloud nine, we're like, oh my God, I can do this. So we're in such a positive and forced mood, okay? That increased confidence can be such a powerful tool in manifesting our goals, as we'll be more likely to believe in our ability to achieve them. So when we're resilient, it's going to boost our confidence. The main thing that Miriam spoke about though was mindfulness and self-acceptance, and how, you know, these are powerful tools for personal growth and emotional well-being. Because I've spoke about this before, but mindfulness involves being fully present in the moment and paying non-judgmental attention to your thoughts and feelings. So it's kind of noticing that they're there, but knowing that they're just passing like clouds, they don't affect you. And that heightened awareness can really help you recognize and understand your emotions more effectively. When you acknowledge your emotions, you can address them constructively rather than suppressing or reacting like impulsively and saying something like off cuff. I've said this many times before, but when we can't control being in the present moment We either live in the future or the past in our minds. So we're either thinking about something that happened a year ago that we still have no control over, or something that's going to happen next year that we don't have control over just yet either. The future makes us anxious. So when we're thinking about the future, it's going to make us really, really anxious. And the past makes us depressed because we know that we can't change anything from the past. So it really, really does help you to live in the present moment. And mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing or meditation, they can assist in regulating your emotions. So by calmly observing your emotions without judgment, you can learn to respond to them in a more balanced and controlled manner, and that can reduce impulsive reactions and enhance your emotional stability. You know, like when you have an argument, for example, with your partner or your friend or a colleague, and sometimes things would probably get said in the heat of the moment, and then you really, really regret saying what you said later. It's like, you know, when you were a kid and you, you would say to your mom or your dad like, oh, I hate you. It's like you really, really regret saying that years later. But if you were being mindful in that present moment, you wouldn't have acted impulsively like that. That's kind of the thing that mindfulness helps with because it's going to keep your thoughts regulated in the present moment. So Miriam spoke about how practicing mindfulness can significantly reduce stress levels. So when you're present in the moment, you're less likely to dwell on all those past regrets and all that worry about future uncertainties, and that's going to lead to a sense of inner peace and a more balanced mindset, even in challenging situations. Because mindfulness encourages self-acceptance, and it does that by teaching you to embrace your thoughts and your emotions without judgment. So when you accept yourself as you are including your strengths and your weaknesses, you develop greater self-esteem and self-worth. And trust us, like, honestly, I used to have none of these qualities. None at all. Like, if we think back to maybe 10 years ago, I was 26 years old. I would be going out drinking 3 to 4 times a week, and I was doing that just so I could feel confident with who I was around people. I had no skills whatsoever. I had no social skills. I would barely speak to anyone. I would never ever put my face on social media, and I would, you know, really substitute genuine connections with people for going out drinking with friends that I barely knew. When I look back now, it's only in recent years that, you know, since I've been practicing mindfulness through the NHS and things like that, that I've accepted myself for who I am. And it really, really does enhance your sense of self-worth. So we all have that inner voice, don't we? You know, you know, when we're feeling good, we're feeling confident about something that's going to happen, that inner voice inside of us pipes up and tells us, you know, no, we're not. And it really, really makes you doubt yourself. Like, just before the event, for example, I kept on saying to Fran, I'm so, so excited for this, I'm so excited. And then when it got to the actual day itself, that little voice inside of us was like, you're not going to be good enough to stand on that stage, you're not going to be able to control your stammer and get your words out, you're not going to be able to do this, you're not going to be able to talk about that. 'People are going to see you for what you really are. You're a fraud.' And they were just going around my head. And I said to Fran, I was like, 'I am so overwhelmed. I just need to, you know, remove myself from this apartment for 5 minutes, just go meditate with my crystals, and just, you know, chill, bring myself back in, control that inner voice.' And that's really, really what was happening. I was really starting to doubt myself because that voice was just talking away inside of my head. So mindfulness can quiet that inner critic. And, you know, that voice of self-doubt, that voice of self-criticism— when you practice that self-acceptance and that non-judgmental awareness that mindfulness is all about, you're less likely to engage in negative self-talk, and that can lead to improved mental health. So yeah, those are the 5 things that I came up with after reflecting on Miriam's one-woman show. She openly shares her thoughts and her feelings, and that can serve as a reminder of the importance of, you know, self-acceptance in achieving a balanced and content mindset. Honestly, if you don't know who she is, go and look her up on YouTube. Have a look at her talking about her life. Go and read a book. Her last book was— well, it was raucous for a start, but it was absolutely amazing to like learn where she's come from and what she's gone through. If you've got Audible, you can get yourself a 30-day free trial right now if you click the link in my bio on Instagram. Um, but yeah, if you've got Audible, go and listen to it. It's a 14-hour book. She reads it herself and it's hilarious as well. Um, but yeah, those are the 5 things And, you know, like, I think— and this is going to sound really, really deep— but I think that the meaning of life, the reason why we're all here on this earth, is just to learn from each other. And I think going to a show like that where someone is literally just talking about their life, or coming to see me and Fran, you know, last week, you're all learning from each other. We're all here to learn. And it's something that I've been doing a lot lately. If you've listened to past episodes too, you'll know I also did an episode about, you know, what I learned from meeting Denise Duvall Thomas, what I learned from meeting Fearne Cotton. I just find it so fascinating that we can learn from someone who we don't know and they don't know us. And, you know, once you've seen them, just sit back and reflect on what it was that they said. So, you know, I hope that this has been a little helpful to you. I hope that you've enjoyed this episode. And just speaking of Fearne Cotton, actually, I've had a bit of a good idea. I don't know if it's a good idea. At least I think it's a good idea. Answers on a postcard. You know how I'm going to this event in November and she's going to be the keynote speaker? Obviously I'm having dinner with her on the Wednesday night. Well, it's not just me. I wish it was. I think there's like 20 or 30 people just having dinner with her. But she'll be staying in the same hotel as me anyway. So when I go for the meal with her on the first night, I'm just going to invite her to my hotel room— not what you're thinking— to record an episode of this podcast. I was just thinking because it'll only take, you know, half an hour, 40 30 minutes and she's already there, so she might as well come and join us in my boudoir. Do you think that's a good idea? Let me know. Imagine Fern Cotton on the pod though. I'm manifesting it like a bitch. If you would like to support me, don't forget you can use the word PODCAST as a discount code at cannycrystals.co.uk or cannycrystalsacademy.co.uk for 10% off everything. If you were just buying jewelry, this is a little exclusive for you lot listening to this episode, use code OMG20. That's OMG20. Use that and you will get 20% off all jewelry, which includes pendants, necklaces, bracelets, anything in the jewelry section on the website. I've also got loads more pieces of moldavite in right now, as well as, you know, moldavite necklace pendants, moldavite quartz pendants, much, much more. Go and check it out on the website. Use them discount codes now before it all goes. And if you've enjoyed this episode, please, please, please do me a solid. Go and leave me a quick 5-star review. Like, share, follow, do whatever you can. Tag me on Instagram, tag me in the pictures of yourself listening along. I'm @cannycrystals on Instagram, and I will see you all next Friday for another episode. Have a beautiful weekend, guys. Bye!