118: Overcoming imposter syndrome

Hello everyone and welcome back to Canny Crystals, the podcast. As you know by now, I'm Mart Tweedyedy, I'm your host, and this week I've had a right week of it. Me little doggy went in for his x-ray on his leg and we were quoted just over £6,000 for his operation. Oh my God, honestly, back in September I remember thinking, we haven't had any like difficulties with him in 10 years. I've paid like pet insurance for the last 10 years, I'm going to cancel it. And look what's happened, dearie me. He's now been sick kind of every night since, and they also now think he has pancreatitis on top. So I'm kind of of managing that. And then as well as that, last week my mom let me know that my nana had got up to go to the toilet at 4 o'clock in the morning. She'd kind of grabbed onto the doorframe, misjudged like how far away from it she was. She had a fall backwards. She wasn't wearing her red button bracelet thing, so she couldn't reach the phone to let anyone know that she was on the floor, and she had to scramble her way to the phone. So she got took to hospital once she managed to get in touch with people. I took me dog out for a walk and I literally walked past two people having sex over a park bench in broad daylight. You couldn't make it up. I thought I was losing the plot, so I made a quick video. Not what you're thinking, not for my own personal use, obviously, but just to give the police, because it was right next to the kids' play park and it was 3:30 in the afternoon. I honestly thought I'd fell through the doors of the Twilight Zone. I didn't have a clue what was going on that day. Most of the kids from our estate though, they walk through that park on the way back from school, so, you know, I know people always say snitches get stitches, but honestly, I just thought these people are mentally unwell, they need like either sectioning or to go home and have sex in the bedroom. They were going at it like rabbits, and honestly, as I walked past them, the guy just kind of looked at us and scowled like horrified, as though I disturbed them, even though they were the ones in the middle of the public park. She had her knickers around her ankles, she was bent forward, he was literally inside her. Oh, I had to bleach me eyes out after seeing that. So anyway, I ended up with the police at me door whilst I was making me tea, and whilst I was busy talking to him, I managed to burn me tea and burn all the food in the process. And then on top of all that happening, we got a call to say that we needed to remortgage as soon as possible because it was going to be super complicated because we had to pay off the Help to Buy loan from the government at the same time because we've been in our property 5 years now. And it was going to be even more complicated because guess what? I haven't been in Canicrystals for 2 years worth of having accounts as a limited company yet. Oh my God, honestly, you know when you have them days and you think just, you know, I want to go to bed and start again fresh tomorrow? I definitely think I had one of them days, and it's kind of continued on because that night I had my new moon meetup with my Manifest with Mart members. And I can just remember thinking, you know, if I hadn't have been on top of me health game right now, I would have totally crumbled. I would have been an absolute wreck. So I've now been to the gym/worked out for 17 days off the trot now, and it's really, really helped me to get my focus back and concentrate on looking after myself mentally, which in turn really helps to pop that shield up and protect myself from negativity. I mean, I needed it last week, bloody hell. So by using my motto for 2024, which I've talked about before, is health is wealth, and just kind of adhering to fueling my body with nice and healthy foods, getting that exercise, I'm actually protecting my mental health as well. I was buzzing once I worked this out. I was talking to Jude, my life coach, um, and I told her everything that had happened in that one day, and then I said, but you know, I'm all right, I'm just working through it all one task at a time. And she was like, yeah, I copin'. Pretty well, like, all things considered. But yeah, just had to get through them days, you know what I mean? Um, I got an email shortly after that from a customer wanting a refund on a necklace that she bought in October 2022. Yes, a whole 18 months ago. I suddenly went into imposter syndrome mode, so I thought while I'm going through this imposter syndrome, this would make for a good episode because I often get feelings like this, and you know, all those emotions and feelings of almost feeling like a fraud for selling a necklace that broke, for example, when in actual fact I don't know why it broke. For all I know, she could have been doing the Macarena and caught her thumb in the necklace and snapped it, you know what I mean? But I instantly put that pressure on myself, so I started looking into why I do this. So for those of you that don't know, imposter syndrome is It's kind of a psychological pattern that basically makes us doubt our own accomplishments and have that persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud, in inverted commas. I know you can't see me doing inverted commas, but I was with my fingers. So it's kind of like a fear of being exposed as a fraud, and we've got all this external evidence, you know, of our competence and our ability to do something. But when we experience imposter syndrome, we are totally convinced that we're the frauds and we don't deserve all that we've achieved. And I sometimes think that this is part of the reason that I'm too scared to sit back and take stock of all me accomplishments, you know. It's almost like I'm scared of that inner voice calling myself out and calling myself a fraud. I often get those points in business where I think, you know, anyone could do what I do, anyone could have started a crystal shop online and learn what I did. And that right there is imposter syndrome in action. We'll attribute our success to luck instead of, like, skill. We'll interpret it as a result of deceiving other people into thinking that we're more intelligent and we're more incompetent than we actually believe ourselves to be. So imposter syndrome manifests in so many ways across our lives, and it often impacts high-achieving people too. I dare bet, you know, Beyoncé, Oprah, Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk they'll all experience this as well because it's human to feel it. Common signs of imposter syndrome can include, you know, a chronic sense of self-doubt, an inability to realistically assess our own competence and skills, attributing success to external factors instead of your own skill set, putting down our own performance, fear that we won't live up to that expectation, overachieving, sabotaging our own success, and setting very challenging goals and then feeling disappointed when we fail to meet them. It's like, imagine you're at work and your boss comes over and says to you, "Wow, what a great piece of work you did last week. Well done, absolutely phenomenal." Now most of us would turn back to them and say, "Oh, thank you, but I had help from Sandra and Brian." I don't know why Sandra always pops up in these scenarios, by the way. She's a jack of all trades, isn't she? But do you see what I mean? You instantly dismiss that compliment by thinking that you're not deserving of it. So you've said, "Oh, thank you, but there's always a but there, and it's always because you're taking that compliment, but then you're like, uh, I don't deserve this, because it feels weird inside. Wow, what a beautiful dress you've got on! Oh, thanks, this old thing, I've had it for years. I only paid £5 for it from Primark. See what I mean? Stop putting yourselves down. Imposter syndrome really, really hinders us from manifesting our dream lives in so many ways. Because first, it's gonna breed a cycle of constant overachievement and stress. And as we feel that we've gotta work harder than other people to prove our worth, it's just gonna take hold even more, and that's gonna lead to burnout and mental health issues. And we've spoken about this in past episodes, haven't we? So secondly, the fear of being exposed, that can prevent us from taking on new challenges or new opportunities. That's gonna limit our personal and our professional growth. It's almost as though we feel like we're constantly living looking over our shoulders. Does that make sense? I always get that feeling. It's always like, oh, today is going to be the day that I get found out to be a fraud, and, you know, someone calls me a charlatan or something like that. I always have that internalized fear. And thirdly, it can lead to a total lack of self-confidence, and that's going to make it hard to advocate for ourselves in situations, you know, like asking for a raise or a promotion or even standing on a stage in front of people to give a presentation. And this is something that I had to overcome the night of my live show with Fran in London. I was having a panic backstage thinking, you know, who in their right mind has paid to come and see me sit on a stage and talk for 2 hours? Like, who are these people? They've obviously meant to just book something else and they've ended up here by mistake. And that's the internalised monologue that goes on inside of your head as all these thoughts are coming to the forefront. Imposter syndrome significantly affects how we show up in our life. That includes in personal development, in career growth, even social interactions with friends and family. It can really shape our behavior, our choices, and our overall outlook on life in so many ways. So let's look at our career growth and work environment as a first example. So in your workplace or in a professional setting, whatever it is that you do for work, People with imposter syndrome might shy away from seeking promotions or challenging projects due to fear of not being good enough. They might overwork themselves just to prove their worth, but that's just going to lead to burnout. That's then going to hinder their career growth, and that's going to then prevent them from reaching their full potential. And then additionally, they might be reluctant to voice their opinions on ideas, and that's going to impact the team dynamic and innovation. So even in personal development, imposter syndrome can rear its ugly head at any given point. People experiencing imposter syndrome will often struggle with a lack of self-confidence, and that's going to lead to a reluctance to try new things or take risks that are crucial for personal growth. They might even start to avoid certain situations where they're not guaranteed success, and that's going to limit their experiences and their personal development. And then in social interactions, like what I was just saying there, interacting with your friends and family, imposter syndrome is going to lead you to a fear of being found out, in inverted commas. That's going to cause us to withdraw in social situations. We might avoid talking about our accomplishments, or we might even deflect compliments like I just did before, talking about the, the dress. And that can be perceived as false modesty or a lack of confidence, and that can affect your relationships and your networking opportunities because People might then find it hard to connect with someone who constantly underplays and dumbs down their achievements. Constant self-doubt and fear of being exposed as a fraud can really take a toll on your mental health. It can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and in some cases even depression. And I've been there myself. I know what it's like for these internal voices to tell you that you're not good enough and you don't deserve this. These mental health issues can, like, affect every area of your life, from work performance to personal relationships, whatever it is. With the fear of being exposed or making the slightest mistake, we might then become indecisive. We might fear that every single decision that we make could be the one that reveals our fraudulence. Yeah? By understanding how imposter syndrome influences these, like, aspects of our life, we can now begin to address the underlying issues. So self-awareness, along with other strategies, you know, seeking positive feedback, positive affirmations, professional help, they can all help to mitigate these side effects. And over time, that's going to lead to a more authentic, confident, and fulfilling way of showing up in your life. And when it comes to the Law of Attraction, you know, imposter syndrome, that can have a significant detrimental effect on our manifestation efforts. The feelings of self-doubt and fear of failure, the belief of being an undeserving imposter, that's gonna create such a negative mindset, and that's gonna hamper the manifestation process in so many ways. So all this negative self-talk and belief, you know, manifestation often relies on positive thinking and positive self-belief, so we're getting the opposite here. Imposter syndrome fosters a negative internal dialogue where we constantly doubt our abilities and worthiness. And it's that negativity that can create that mental block, and that's going to prevent us from believing in and manifesting our desired outcomes. Imposter syndrome undermines this by making us feel, you know, we're not good enough, we're not deserving of success or happiness or other positive outcomes. And it's that feeling of unworthiness that can be such a significant barrier to manifesting our goals. Now, this is quite interesting because You know, individuals with imposter syndrome might fear the very success that they're trying to manifest. They may subconsciously sabotage their efforts due to a huge underlying fear that achieving their goals would only increase the risk of being exposed as a fraud. I'm sure we can all relate to that. Yeah. So we might want our own business, but then we might be scared, you know, that if we do get our own business, we're going to be exposed as a fraud because We've only recently qualified, or we don't feel as though we've got the relevant life experience to have a business in the first place. So manifestation isn't just about positive thinking. It also requires taking those aligned actions towards our goals. The self-doubt and the fear of failure associated with imposter syndrome, that can lead to procrastination or inaction, and that's going to prevent us from taking those necessary steps to realize our dreams. That constant stress and anxiety of feeling like an imposter, that can create such a negative energy field around us, and then that can attract more negativity into our lives. That can create a self-fulfilling prophecy where our negative beliefs are then reinforced by our experiences. And it can also make it difficult for us to envision ourselves as successful or happy or fulfilled. And that's a crucial step in the manifestation process. We need to be able to visualise that success, that happiness, that joy, that abundance. Yeah? So that moves me nicely on to what can we do to overcome that imposter syndrome? So I'll use my experience of being sat backstage at the Barbican with Fran waiting to be called to go on the stage. Other than needing, you know, the 37 toilet breaks an hour that I had, drinking so much water, I may have been a goldfish and all the rest of it, I did breathe through it and I thought of a few things that could help. So the first was to acknowledge the feelings. So I sat with Fran and I just simply, you know, just recognised the thoughts and the feelings of imposter syndrome and just understood that they are a common experience and we all face them from time to time as human beings. It doesn't make you weak and it certainly doesn't make you a fraud just to accept them. And then also to share your feelings as well, because while I was sat backstage with Fran, I actively came out 30 minutes before going on stage stage. I think it was like 7 o'clock, we were due to go on stage at 7:30, and I held her hands and I just went, I am shitting bricks. And she replied, I know, I can't stop going to the toilet, my heart is raging. Simply just talking about those feelings with, you know, trusted friends, mentors, colleagues, that can often lead you to finding out that other people feel the same way, they have similar feelings. You're not going through those emotions alone. Fran was shitting it as much as I was. So, you can try to objectively assess your skills and achievements as well. That's another great way. So, collect and reflect on positive feedback. This is something that I often do because this can help counter feelings of inadequacy. So, I often check, you know, my podcast ratings and reviews because reading those, what yous write to me every single week, it cheers me up something rotten and it makes me feel as though because I feel a bit disconnected from you lot because I'm obviously just talking into a microphone and then you guys listen to it. So when you leave a review, I'm like, oh my God, that episode actually helped someone, and it brings it to life for me. So please, if you haven't already, go and leave a review. Just putting that out there. So there I am at the Barbican, sat backstage feeling totally, you know, unqualified to throw myself out onto that stage. And I thought, let's take a look at some of the feedback I got from the last talk that I gave. So when I did the talk before, I created meself a photo album on me phone and I filled it with screenshots of messages that I got after that last talk from the people that were in the audience and that just gave me such a boost of confidence and it allowed me to realise that the fear I had of putting myself out there, that was just totally my inner voice. It was imposter syndrome talking. It wasn't actually factual. Another way to overcome all of this is to stop comparing yourself to other people. So everyone's paths and abilities are, you know, in the words of Beyoncé, unique. And focus on your own goals and achievements. If you compare your chapter 1 to someone else's chapter 91, it's not a like-for-like comparison, and naturally you're going to feel crap about yourself. So getting back into the gym, for example, there are so many lads in my gym that are ripped to shreds muscly as hell, and then there's me with a gunt hanging over the top of me shorts, giving meself black eyes with me moobs every time I get on the treadmill. I could feel awful about that whole situation, comparing me being back at chapter 1 again to them being at chapter 100, but I'd be silly to. What's the point in that? I'm not comparing like for like. They're on a totally different journey to me, and for all I know, they could spend every minute of every day in there. And most of them do. They might not have a business to contend with. They might not have a family to go and see. That could just be their way of escaping and working on themselves. Another way to overcome imposter syndrome is to just simply accept that perfection is unattainable. Making mistakes and not knowing everything is part of being human, and it's a key component of growth as well. Like, not every part of life is going to go the way that we want it to. And that's okay. It doesn't all need to be scripted in a specific way. We all go through things in life to learn along the way. You could even develop a bit of a healthy response to failure and mistake-making. You know, understand that failure and mistakes aren't just setbacks, they're opportunities for growth and learning. And I'll say it louder for the people at the back: celebrate your successes! Take time to celebrate your achievements because no matter how small they may seem, they are significant. That's going to help drown out that inner voice telling you that you aren't good enough because you're going to be able to see that there's actual fact behind your wins. You are good enough. By addressing that imposter syndrome, you can better embrace your achievements. You can open yourself up to new opportunities and experiences, and that's going to move you closer to manifesting your dreams. Overcoming imposter syndrome It's a huge process, don't get us wrong, and it's going to involve all that self-awareness, self-compassion, all those practical steps that I've just talked about to challenge and change that negative thought pattern that it creates. So understand what it is. Recognize how it manifests in your thoughts and behaviors. That's crucial because that recognition is going to help in distancing yourself from those negative thoughts. Is it a certain trigger? Is it a certain situation? That, you know, triggers these emotions within you. Assess your competencies and skills objectively. Like I said, make a list of your skills and achievements. Regularly update these. Have them on your phone as a photo album, like what I was saying there about having feedback on your phone. Challenge those negative thoughts. So when you notice yourself slipping into imposter syndrome, challenge these thoughts. Ask yourself, is there evidence for this thought? Would I say this to someone else? Like, would you walk up to someone in the middle of the street and be like, "You're not good enough"? Who would do that? Who in their right mind would do that? So why would you do that to yourself? Yeah? You wouldn't even say that to a colleague. "You're not good enough." Can you imagine saying that to a colleague? You'd get fired for a start. Well, I don't know if you'd get fired, but you'd probably get a disciplinary, do you know what I mean? It's a bit condescending. But I wouldn't even say that to my partner. I wouldn't say that to any of my family members. "You're not good enough." It's such a degrading thing to say. So why do we say it to ourselves? Reframing your thoughts to be more realistic and balanced can really help to break the cycle of that negative thinking. And just remember, above all else, as I will preach this till the cows come home, be compassionate, be kind to yourself. Recognize that no one is perfect. It's okay to have those limitations, and practicing self-compassion can help to mitigate those feelings of inadequacy as well. And remember, don't set yourself unrealistic expectations. Aim for excellence when it's reasonable, but also learn to be satisfied with good enough when it's appropriate, yeah. Setting realistic and achievable goals can then reduce the pressure that feeds that imposter syndrome. Mindfulness and relaxation techniques, they might help you, you know, practices like meditation or yoga or sound bath or crystal healing, deep breathing, they can really help manage the anxiety and stress associated with imposter syndrome. If you were looking for a crystal, I would definitely suggest, you know, um, howlite, amethyst, maybe even celestite. Celestite is really, really good for the throat chakra because of the blue coloring, so that would be an amazing crystal for you to get that would really, really help you release that anxiety and stress and still have a voice and get your voice out. Overcoming imposter syndrome though doesn't happen overnight, so don't be hard on yourself. It is a gradual process. It's kind of unlearning all those deep-seated beliefs about ourselves. It's kind of like, you know, when we do a lot of work on limiting beliefs, it's kind of like that. You're unpicking all of these beliefs that have been placed on you, because that's all imposter syndrome is. It's, it's a huge limiting belief. So consistently practicing these strategies that I've talked about in this episode, that's going to help you gain confidence It's going to help you to reduce feelings of fraudulence, and it's going to help you to embrace your achievements more fully. So if you've ever experienced imposter syndrome, I just really, really hope that this helps you reclaim that power within you and silence that little demon as well, that demonic voice inside of you, because it is worthless. You're not worthless. It is worthless. So I hope that you enjoyed this episode. If you did, like I said before, please leave me a review on whatever app you're listening on. Please also screenshot this episode, whack it on your stories on Instagram. I would love to share you all listening along on my story as well. And if you'd like to pick up any crystals or self-development courses, just remember the 10% discount code, which is the word PODCAST, is still available across all purchases at cannycrystals.co.uk or cannycrystalsacademy.co.uk. And speaking of the Academy, if you are signed up to the Academy newsletter Keep your eyes peeled for an email this Saturday all about becoming an affiliate for the Canny Crystals Academy. You'll basically get a 20% discount code to share with all of your friends, family, or followers, and whatever they pay using that discount code, you'll then get 30% of it paid directly into your bank account. Meaning, you know, if someone did my Manifesting Money Masterclass, for example, and you'd given them your code to do it, you would get £80 per person referred. I know that so many of you have asked about an affiliate program, so I'm just so happy that this is up and running, and I'm so happy to be able to finally offer it to you all. And on that note, I don't think I've got anything else to say. I will see you all next Friday for another episode, which is going to be— and I quote this— probably one of my favorite episodes of all time. You'll see exactly what I mean next Friday. But thank you so much for listening, everyone, and take care of yourselves this weekend. Bye!