Are You Putting Up With Things You Shouldn't Be?

Hello, bonjour, it's Mary, also known as Mary in Paris, and I am coming to you today from the very, very busy Parc Monceau. I'm sure it's busy because it's sunny, which is rare here in Paris, and it rained all day yesterday. So I'm going to make this video fairly short but potent. I was thinking a couple of days ago about how much we tolerate in life things that we just should not tolerate, and I was thinking specifically about the workplace, but it can be anything really. The reason I was thinking about the workplace was because I read a piece in one of the online papers that was an advice column about doing better at work. And someone had written in and said that they were working in a situation where they were in a cubicle and there were offices around the perimeter. Raise your hand if that setup sounds familiar. It's definitely familiar to me. And they were really having problems because the person who was in an actual office, like across from their cubicle never closed their door, so they could hear all of their phone conversations. They could hear them eating, and worst of all, the person would fall asleep and snore, and the person burped and belched all day long. So they said they had gone to management and nothing had been done. So the advice columnist said, you know, the best thing you can do is to ask to switch cubicles. And I thought, well, I guess that's at least a short-term solution, but the long-term solution is to ask ourselves why we tolerate this stuff. I know for me in the workplace, all through my career when I was working for other people, from the time I was in my 20s all the way through my early 50s, I was subjected to sexual harassment and bullying. And even in my last, like, 3 jobs that I had before I became a coach, before I went out on my own, I was absolutely bullied. I was recalling one situation where I was working at a very large organization, and I had only been there a short time, maybe a month, and it was the Wednesday before the Thursday of Thanksgiving. And normally in the U.S., companies that can will close early on that Wednesday so that people can leave to travel to their Thanksgiving destination. I hadn't asked about it, so that morning I went to the office manager, who was someone who I had already had a bad feeling about. She was not very pleasant to me and had sort of started to exhibit some bullying-type behavior. So I went there and as was typical for her, she made me sit and wait. And she had a glass office, so I could see she wasn't doing anything of any importance. She wasn't on the phone or talking to anyone or anything. She was just shuffling papers around. And about 15 minutes later, she, you know, did this— come in. And so I went in, and I didn't even go all the way in the office. I just kind of stood in the door, and I said, you know, are we closing early today for the Thanksgiving holiday? And she said, oh no, I'm sorry, but you know, we don't do that. And I could see her assistant and another woman who were in the outer office kind of laughing, and I thought, that's kind of weird. Okay. So I said, okay, no problem, thanks. So I went back to my office, which was way, way, way far away. I was in a very isolated spot in this very large building. I didn't have any contact with anyone. Oh, there's a ladybug here right in front of me. I wonder if I can get it on my finger to show you. Hey, come here, little ladybug. So I went about my day, and I then, just before 5 o'clock, I decided to go downstairs and walk by that office on the way out because the head of the department was in there and I wanted to wish them Happy Thanksgiving. And of course I get there and there's a sign on the door said— that said, we close at 3 PM today for Thanksgiving, have a happy holiday. And I honestly stood there and cried. I felt so disrespected and so bullied, and I just felt awful. I, I felt like I was, you know, 6 years old again or something, and I literally cried all the way home on the subway in New York. And I still remember it. I still remember the feeling I had. I still, uh, remember, you know, feeling really, really awful And when I read this person's comment about this cubicle situation, I just was prompted to think again, what do we tolerate that we should not be tolerating? Even as a self-employed person now, I ask myself this question on a regular basis. What am I tolerating that I shouldn't be tolerating, that I don't want in my life anymore. And that can be anything from how I'm doing something in my business to something in my relationships with people, to how I'm communicating, what kinds of things I'm sharing. You know, it can be anything. And so I would put that question to you today. What are you tolerating in your life that you shouldn't be tolerating and you know you shouldn't be tolerating it? And why are you tolerating it? In my case with the job, I think I'm like most people where, at least at the time, that looks like the best place for me to be. Weirdly, I don't know why I thought that, but I did. I didn't really see that there were endless possibilities for me and I didn't have to put up with things like that, that I could find a new job, or as I ended up doing about maybe 3 years after that, going out on my own. I just didn't see, for whatever reason, that those things were possible. I had gotten so stuck in this place of looking at these thoughts that told me this was my best opportunity and I shouldn't blow it, and it was paying the bills and it was giving me health insurance and it was giving me vacation days. And I kind of kept rationalizing and rationalizing and rationalizing instead of looking within and saying, okay, what else do I really want to be doing? What else might really excite me on a daily basis? What might actually allow me to express myself and be creative and all those wonderful things. And so, yeah, what is going on in your life right now today that you are tolerating that you no longer want to tolerate? And bigger question, maybe, are you willing to step away from it, whatever that looks like? What I want to assure you of is that if it looks like there are going to be massive dire consequences, you can handle it. You've always known what to do in any challenging situation. You've always had an answer, and you will figure it out. You will absolutely figure it out. The answers are always right here within us. And if you want to make a huge change, small change, whatever it is, you will know what to do next. So that's my question for you today is what are you tolerating that you don't want to tolerate anymore? And are you willing to take that step out of it and actually do that thing? Take that step, not just a willingness. We can be willing all day long, but we have to actually do what we're willing to do. For real change to happen. Thanks for watching. Please subscribe before you leave. I'll talk to you again soon. Bye for now.