Banish the BUT! Here's how to create anything you want
In this live masterclass recorded on November 2, 2020, author and coach Mary Schiller introduces the concept of "Banish the BUT" – treating the word "but" as a mental villain that blocks action and creativity. She explains how the conjunction often follows a desire with self‑limiting excuses, preventing solopreneurs and creatives from pursuing their goals. Drawing on personal stories—from her early coaching career, graduate school struggles, and a stalled novel project—Mary shows how she learned to recognize and ignore the "but" and instead focus on the spark of desire that precedes it. She offers two reflective questions for listeners: (1) Do you truly want the thing you state before the "but"? and (2) What concrete step can you take today toward that desire? Throughout, she encourages audience participation, asks viewers to share their own "but" statements, and emphasizes the power of small daily actions. The session concludes with an invitation to a paid two‑hour workshop, "Step Into Your Power," designed to help participants access their creative capability and turn dreams into reality. Mary also promotes her Solo Space coworking program and provides contact details for further coaching.
Chapters
Hi there, this is Mary Shiller, author and coach of MaryShiller.com, and I am coming to you live inside our Facebook group called Banish the Butt, and this is the name of this masterclass. So if you happen to be joining me live, please type a comment so I can see that you're here. I am doing this on my phone, and so I want to be sure that I can see you. If you join, please type a comment. I see one person is watching, a couple of people, so please type a comment so I can see that you're there and that you can hear me all right. I'm just going to make one quick check over here. Can you hear me all right? See me all right? Uh, let me see if I can just check something really quickly over here on my computer. Maybe I can see the comments over there. All right, so I seem to be live, at least as far as Facebook is concerned. So I'm gonna go ahead and begin. Oh, hi there! Thanks, Anna, I'm glad you could type a comment, so now I know I can see them. I'm really happy to be bringing you this masterclass in our group. I figured since as of this date that I'm doing this, November 2nd, 2020, I have recently changed the name of the group to Banish the Butt. I thought it would be kind of fun to have a recording here, a video lesson about the name, about what it means for you and what it means to me and how important it is, I feel, for all of us to be aware of. So let me just take a moment to introduce myself again. I'm Mary Schiller and I am an independent author and coach. My website is maryschiller.com. I have been a coach now since early 2016. I started as a life coach and then in around 2018, I think I started to switch my focus over towards business coaching because I had been able to build my life coaching business really quickly and people were asking me how I did that. So I started to coach people in business because I had some business background and experience that I could bring to those conversations. So that was really fun. And then in mid-2019, I again started to switch my focus over towards accountability coaching. So I helped people to reach their goals faster. And I also have a program that is designed for people to learn how to become an accountability coach. And now my focus is really on helping solopreneurs to reach their goals faster by taking those small steps every day that lead to big results. I have recently created a program called Solo Space, which is a weekly live coworking session on Zoom that is really fun. And you can find more information about that on my site at maryschiller.com/solo. So let's get into this topic of banish the but. And if you see me look over here, it's just because I have a few notes and I want to make sure that I don't forget anything. I want to say one thing really quickly, which is I will undoubtedly use the word but in this course or this class that I'm giving because it is a helpful conjunction in English. But I'll use it right there. I'm going to point out some things about that word that are really, really key if we want to live the life we want to live, have the business we want to have, and experience all of the success that we are really yearning for. So just know that if I say "but," it's okay. So why is this title of Banish the But so important to me and to you, and why have I made it a focus of this group, of my new website design, and all of that? Well, when I was recently redoing my website and I was chatting with, uh, my daughter, who is now my creative director, and we were talking about, you know, what are the things that people often say that seemed to stop them from making progress. And I recalled something that I learned from a brilliant marketer copywriter named Donald Miller. In the comments, let me know if, uh, you have heard of Donald Miller. I highly recommend his books. One is called Marketing Made Simple. The other one is Building a StoryBrand. And I remember him talking about how when you're writing something for your website, it helps to put the problem in the context of a villain. You know, like there's some kind of villain that seems to be grabbing hold of people and stopping them from going forward. So my daughter and I were going back and forth and she's like, "What? Who's the villain? What's the villain?" And I went through a few things. I was like, "No, that's not it. That's not it. That's not it." And finally, I landed on this word "but." And it was just like, bing! That was the villain. That is the thing that I hear over and over again. And many of you in this group have maybe talked with me personally, and you have heard me call you out. On using the word 'but' in your, in your conversation with me. So for example, somebody might say, 'I'd really love to be more visible online, but I'm nervous about how people will see me or if they'll judge me.' So if you happen to be on here live, or if you're watching this on the replay, in a comment, can you tell me an example of something like that that you hear within yourself? I would love to blank blank blank, but blank blank blank. Like, I can't because such and such, or I'm afraid to because such and such. And I hear this kind of thing all the time. So again, in the comments, it would be really cool if you could give an example of a sentence that starts with something you would really love to have or create or do or be or something, and then you hear that 'but.' But I can't because, or I'm not sure, or I'm scared, or I don't know, or whatever that sentence is. I'd love to hear that. I'll give you an example from my own life. When I was thinking of having this online business in early 2016, I had never done coaching professionally before. Okay, so the first thing I said was, I would love to be a life coach, but I have no training, but I have no audience, but I have no reputation, but blah blah blah. I mean, I think I came up with about 10 or 20 reasons that looked like reasons They looked like very real reasons to me. And I consulted a coach at that time because I was really scared. I was really nervous about trying to go forward as a life coach without any of those things. And she said, what if none of that is actually true? What if it doesn't matter? What if it's actually easy for you to do what you want? What if it's actually easy? And I started to look at what seemed like reasons why not to, and I started questioning them and thinking, is it really true that it matters? Will anyone even care if I don't have any actual coaching experience? What if I can actually do a good job anyway? So I started to really pay attention to when a 'but' phrase would come up in my mind. And I started realizing that the thing that came before it, that had all of the fun energy and the life and the sparkle in it. You'll notice my website has a lot of sparkles on it, and that's because I want to highlight the parts of ourselves and our dreams and our goals that really light us up from inside. And when I say light us up, I mean that literally. Have you ever looked at someone who is kind of down? Maybe they're talking about things that aren't that fun, and then you change the subject to something that they like, and what happens? It literally looks like a light bulb has gone on inside their face. Their gestures get bigger, they smile, their eyes like get bigger and brighter. And that is what I wanted to go towards in my own life, and I wanted to help my clients do that too. So I made a decision that if I heard that "but" come up in my mind, I simply wasn't going to follow that because whatever came after it was not something that was sparkly and light and fun, and I wanted sparkly and light and fun and exciting and thrilling and all of those things. That's what I wanted for myself, and again, that's what I want for my clients. So I feel like there's a reason why we hear that "but I can't because" or "but I don't know if this will work," and it's partially, I think, because somewhere in the back of our minds we're wondering how. We have this beautiful dream, this desire that comes before for the but. Like in my case, it was, oh, I really wanna have an online coaching business that reaches a lot of people and helps me make a really good living so that I can go and live in Paris, France, 'cause I was living in the Bronx, New York at the time and I didn't wanna be there anymore. And I didn't know how I was gonna do that. I had no clue, none. All I knew for sure was that that's what I wanted And I was willing to do what I needed to do in order for that to happen. So rather than trying to see, you know, 10 million miles down the road and try to see all of the how steps, I simply ignored the but and everything that came after it. And I did the thing that seemed the most obvious to do. And I continued to do that. Anytime I would kind of get into a place of, oh, I don't know what I'm doing, excuse me, but what if this fails? I would just stop and go, what is it that you want, Mary? And I would revisit that beautiful dream and that whole set of goals around that, and I'd go, okay, I can do this. I don't need to listen to the but and what comes after it because that's not what I want in my life. There's nothing wrong with it. It's not like it's something I had to deal with. And it's not something that you have to do anything about. There's nothing inherently negative about the "but" and what comes after it or anything like that. It's simply something that happens. It seems like a normal human thing, but we don't need to give it any energy. We can pour all of our attention and our energy and our love towards those beautiful things that are calling to us to do. So once again, I'm gonna ask you to type something into the comment. If you're watching this live, you can participate. If you want to type it in during the replay watch, I would love that. Take the first part of a sentence of something you really want and type that and leave the "but" and what comes after it off. So for example, maybe the first part is, "I want to write a book." And the second part might be, but I don't know how to begin. I don't know if anyone— just leave that part off. Just type the first part into a comment. What is really calling to you to do? What is something that you really, really want for yourself? Not just kind of a frivolous goal or something that, you know, oh, I want a million dollars. Not like that, but like What is something that is really calling to you to do? My guess, if you're anything like me, is that the "but" and what comes after it, you're kind of bored by it. Like you've heard it a bunch of times, it's really familiar, like an old record, if you're old enough to remember records on a turntable just going around and around and around playing again and again. I was really bored with the sound of doubt. I didn't want to have to deal with it. I just was like, I've heard that so many times. I don't need to give that any energy. I want to pay attention to these fun things that are coming to me to do, these exciting things. And that shift of perspective has been absolutely life-changing. Every aspect of my life, every aspect of my life has changed for the better because of what I'm sharing with you on this short masterclass. That when I focused my attention and my energy on the things that I really wanted for myself and I took action on those things instead of giving all this attention and energy and focus to the but and what come came after it. Well, that's, that's why I am where I am right now. When we're so busy trying to deal with or fix or whatever all of what we've deemed as negative thoughts or, or things that look like they're in our way, we're, we're losing time. We're wasting time. We have so many things that are just welling up in us that are just dying to come out and dying to be created through us. They just want to be created and put out into the world. We're just— there's so much of that. And when we stop paying attention to the but blah blah blah, guess what happens? All of our beautiful energy can be put into those creations, and that's what we're here for, right? We're here to bring these beautiful things out into the world so that everybody can experience them along with us, along with us, and benefit from them. You know, one of the— honestly, this is kind of a nightmare scenario for me. One of the things that I am terrified of is the idea of all these beautiful dreams that people have and all of these gorgeous things that they want to create ending up on the cutting room floor of their life because they were listening to the 'but' and what came after it and believing that those things were true instead of taking that beautiful energy of theirs and pouring it into those creations. I often wonder what the world would be like if we all listened to and acted on what was calling to us instead of paying attention to all these things that simply aren't true. They are ideas that come into our heads about all of the limitations we supposedly have, but they're not true. They are 100% not true. I didn't always see things this way. As I mentioned, I spent a lot of years, a lot of years seeing myself in terms of limitation. But when I questioned that, when I questioned, is that actually correct? Do I have to know all of the how before I take a step into something? You know, is it going to be hard? You know, all of the things that I was so bored of hearing in my own head. I was like, wait a minute, there's another way. I can actually act on my deepest desires. I am free to have those dreams and desires, and you are too. You have permission to dream as big and as bold as you want. You deserve everything that you want. There is no measure of what you can and can't have. There is no possibility to measure that. You can have everything. You can have everything, and you can have it instantly. And I mean this— when you start acting from that place of light and excitement and creativity, the moment you start to live every day from that place, everything starts to change. And the "but" and what comes after it just doesn't matter anymore. So, when you hear the "but," this is an important thing to consider. And I have this on my homepage in case you want to refer to it. I have found it extremely helpful to ask two very important questions if I hear a "but" and something that comes after it. The first question is, do I really want the thing that came before it? So for example, I had a thought a few years ago that maybe I would become a novelist, and I decided I was going to see. So I wrote a novel, and it didn't— it took me a while to write it. I, I wrote most of it and then I put it aside for like 2 years. Then I came back and finished it in just a matter of like 5 or 6 weeks. And I heard myself ask this, have this phrase, "I really want to be a novelist, but I think it's just too much work for me. It doesn't come easily." And I had to ask myself, did I really want to become a novelist? Is that what I really wanted? And I have to say that it was a little bit painful for me to admit that I really didn't want it. It was something that I thought would be cool to be like a professional novelist who wrote fiction and wonderful stories and got paid to do that. It sounded really cool. I mean, who wouldn't want to be as famous as Stephen King or something, you know? But when it really came down to it, I wasn't willing to do what it took to be that. It didn't really feel like me. It wasn't really tugging at my heart the way other things have. And so I admitted to myself that that really wasn't what I wanted. And again, sometimes it can be hard to let go of those things. Some of those ideas have been with us for a long time. And we can get to a point though where they don't really reflect who we are right now. Those might be old dreams, old goals. They might be someone else's. I mean, tell me in the comments if you can relate to that, that there might be a goal that you've had in your mind that actually doesn't even belong to you, that's actually a parent's goal for you or somebody else's, you know, and you just kind of grabbed onto it and thought, oh, that sounded good, but it really doesn't reflect what you want. So that is the first question that I think is really important to ask yourself. If you hear a desire, oh, I'd really love to, or I want that, but I'm scared, but I don't know what to do, don't ask yourself that question. Do I really want the thing that I say that I want? You have to be ready for whatever the answer is. If the answer is no, I actually don't want that, there may be some grief that you experience. I certainly felt that way when I saw my vision of myself as this novelist, you know, in some cabins, kind of just go and disappear. It was a little hard to take, but I knew— but I'm saying but— but I knew that whatever was going to take its place would be something that was calling to me, that was pulling at my heart, that was something that I could pour my creative energy into as much as I would have my fiction stories that never got written. So for me, the thing that I really wanted was to help people as an author of nonfiction books and as a coach and creator of online courses, programs, group coaching, all kinds of things like that that had the potential to reach people in a different way. Who knows, my novels might have been expressing some of these same ideas, but I wanted to express them this way, not through writing fiction. It was more of a draw for me to speak to people like I'm talking to you right now, and to create a community, and to surround myself with really fun and interesting people as you are, you know, creative, inspired, who want to do big things in the world. That was more of a pull for me than kind of holing up by myself somewhere. I— that didn't seem— when I really looked at that, that wasn't what I wanted. So that's the first question: do you really want the thing that comes before the 'but'? If you do, This is the second question: What can you do— and I literally mean do— today to take a step in that direction? What will you do today to take a step in that direction? This is crucial. This can also reveal how important that dream is to you. Because a dream or a goal or desire without action, again, it's gonna, it's gonna end up on the cutting room floor of your life. And my aim as a coach to solopreneurs is to help you to get into action and to help you to take a small step every day into what you really want. And if you hear in your mind, oh, I don't know what I would do, oh, I'm too scared, again, you may have to revisit the thing that you say you want. Because I can tell you that everyone who is listening to me, whether you're here live with me, thank you, or you're on the replay, thank you, there has been something in your life that you have wanted wanted so badly that you have been willing to do whatever it took, right? We all have many examples of that, probably not just one. But, you know, for example, one for me was I went to, I went to graduate school twice. I got two master's degrees. But for the first one, I really wanted that degree because I knew for a fact that it would help me at the time of my life when I really needed something to boost my employability and open up some new options for me. I was a single parent. I was living somewhere where the income versus, you know, what you needed to live ratio was gigantic. It was kind of ridiculous, and I knew that if I could get an advanced degree, I would be able to do more things. I'd be available to do more jobs, and I was committed. I was going to do anything it took to get that degree. It took me 4 years to get it. I actually got an additional certification, so that took more time. It meant making a lot of sacrifices of sleep. I was also working at the time, so my schedule was literally like this: I would wake up at around 6 o'clock in the morning I would, you know, kind of do a little bit of homework in the morning. My daughter would get up. She was like, how old was she, 5 or 6 years old at the time? She kind of took care of herself. I had sort of trained her to take care of herself in the morning, get her own breakfast and all that. I would take her to school by 7:15, 7:30 when the daycare opened. I would then go to work. I would work. I was working at a newspaper. Then I would go to my classes. that were between like 2 and 6 PM. I would pick her up at 6 o'clock or thereafter when the daycare ended. I'd get her home, help her with her homework, make dinner, she would go to bed, and then I would study and write my papers and things until midnight. And that's what I did basically for 4 years. That's how determined I was. But we all have instances like that. When something has been so important to us that we're going to do whatever it takes, even if it means making sacrifices in other areas of life. You know, we're just willing to do it. And I found so much joy even with all of that craziness in my schedule. I found such— oh, it was— it's hard to explain how much I got out of that experience of going to graduate school and working at the job that I had, which was really fun, and And being around other excited people all the time, you know, people who were intellectual and having these brilliant literature conversations and all that, it was such a joyful experience for me. And we can experience that on a daily basis. We can experience the thrill of reaching the edge of our comfort zone and just diving over it and just saying, you know what, I'm just going for it. I wake up every single day, and I mean this, this is the honest truth. I wake up every day asking myself, first of all, how can I help someone today? And second of all, how can I just go past my comfort zone? What can I do today that will open up an entirely new path for me? That is what can happen for us when we start to ignore that 'but' and what comes after it, and we focus on that first beautiful part, which is all about dreams and desires and goals, and we take action on those things. So I think that, um, that I will conclude by saying that if things seem stagnant for you If things seem difficult, if things seem not doable, if you don't know the how and you're confused, go back to the things that you really want. Take 5 or 10 minutes right after you finish watching this and write out a list of all the things that you want, all of them. No holds barred. If you end up with 100 things, that's awesome. If you end up with 5 things, that's awesome. Whatever it is. And if you, if you feel a but coming on, you can write that down too and then go cross it out. Go cross it out and just go, I don't need to go there. I can stick with that first part, and I can act from that inspiration. I can act because I am designed to take action. I am designed to have ideas and know what to do, at least to get started, and the rest of the actions will make themselves known to me. So I hope that this has been helpful to you. I really do. It's my aim to give you as much support as I can, and in that light, I'd like to invite you, if this has been helpful and you would like to continue this conversation as I am talking with you, I have a live workshop coming up this Friday, November 6th, and it will— it's called Step Into Your Power. And it's all about how to access this incredible capability that you have to create anything that you want to create. It will last approximately 2 hours. It starts at, uh, what time is it? I've forgotten. I think it's at— I don't know, it's in the evening my time. But if you are interested in joining this workshop and spending 2, 2 and a half hours with me and some other amazing people and really experiencing this feeling of stepping into this incredible power you have to create what you want, I would love to have you join this workshop. It is $77. If you would like to get the sign-up link, you can direct message me here on Facebook. If you send me a message, I'll respond right away. I'll look for the message request too. Or you can email me, mary@maryschiller.com. I should also say that today the, the cost is $77. It goes up to $99 on Tuesday at 5 PM Eastern. So please feel free to get in touch. I will share the details and the link to sign up. It's going to be a workshop to remember, and more than that, it's going to be an experience that will get you moving into something that you really want for yourself. One final thing I will say is that despite everything that is going on in the world, and I know there's a lot to manage right now, none of that, none of that diminishes your capability of creating something amazing in your life. Even if it's something you've never been able to do before, you can still do it. I am living proof of that. I'm someone who never saw myself is capable in this way. And if I can do this, you can certainly do this, because we all have access to this incredible infinite well of capability, creativity, power, however you want to call that. It's there and it's waiting for you. And I want to see your dreams and goals come to life in the world where I can see them and where people can benefit from everything you have to bring to them. So again, thank you so much for being here with me on this masterclass. If you're watching live, thank you. If you're watching on the replay, thank you, and please feel free to comment. And again, if you would like the details and the sign-up link for the Friday workshop on November 6th, it happens live on Zoom in the afternoon/evening Paris time. I'm sorry, I can't think of the time right now. Just send me an email, mary@maryschiller.com, or a direct message here, and I'll share the sign-up with you. Thank you again for being here. I'm so happy to have you in my world, and I hope you have a wonderful day or evening wherever you happen to be. Thanks so much. Bye.
