Coach: Being more YOU leads to easier income

Hello, bonjour, bonsoir, how are you? This is Mary Schiller of maryschiller.com and the creator of Coach to 5K. I wanted to come on and do this video for you today because of a very interesting conversation I was listening to that has a lot to do with what you and I do, with the fact that you and I want to impact people's lives through our coaching, and we also want to make a wonderful income doing that. So I thought, you know what, I am just going to jump on and do a pop up live here in the group and share a few thoughts with you about what it actually means to be a coach who has a business that earns a wonderful living. When I first started my business back in 2016, I had no idea what I was getting myself myself into, frankly. No idea at all. I just knew a couple of things. One was I didn't want to be a professional writer anymore. I had done that for years in many different contexts, and I was just done. Like, I didn't want to go back to that. At the time, I had lost my job, and I was like, oh my gosh, what am I gonna do? At the time, I had no other source of income, and my finances were kind of— not kind of, they were a train wreck. And I was staring at all of that and going, okay, well, I have a choice. I can either go do the thing that I've been doing for decades that I know will pay the bills, even though I don't really like it. I can try to find some job someplace, but I really didn't want to do that either because I wanted to move. From where we were. We were living in New York City and we really wanted to move over here to Paris. And so I just decided, you know, I really want to be a coach. And by the way, if you're jumping on live, feel free to type a comment. I hope I can see them. Sometimes Facebook doesn't allow me to, but please feel free to type a comment and say hello. So there I was, you know, staring at an almost empty bank account looking at myself in the mirror and going, okay, you know, what do I really want to do? Do I really want to spend my life doing things that I don't want to do? Which is basically how I felt about going back to being a professional writer, or, you know, being a ghostwriter. Hi Marlene, thank you for joining. I'm glad I can see your comments. Thanks. And I just thought to myself, you know, I really want to coach people in the thing that transformed my life a couple of years earlier. Back in 2014, I came across something called the 3 principles through a book called The Inside Out Revolution, written by Michael Neill. And what Michael wrote in that book completely changed my life, completely changed everything. I was able to dissolve 30 years of post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms in a matter of just a few weeks. After literally seeing more than 2 dozen other kinds of professionals. And that was all from just reading and listening to a book. That wasn't even having any coaching around it. And I thought to myself, if this is that powerful, this is what I want to share with people. This is what I want to do. And I just said to myself, I'm going for it. I'm going for it. At the time, I was— let's see, I guess I was 54. 4 years old. I had never done any coach training. I had no idea if I could make a go of it, really no clue at all. I had had some conversations with people since I came across what are called these 3 principles, and I knew that I could convey that, but I didn't know if that was going to translate into becoming a coach who also made money. That was a big gap there. And I didn't know if I could do it. And I remember having this thought of, well, I guess if this doesn't work, you know, I, I didn't have much time to see because I didn't have— at the time, I didn't have any money in the bank. I had about 2 or 3 months of cash available to me. And I thought, well, I guess I'm going to find out pretty quickly if this is gonna work or not, so let's find out. And I felt at times like I was diving headfirst into a cold lake. I mean, it was really a jolt to my system to try to figure all of this out as quickly as I could. It was about, okay, where might there be some people who I'm already connected to who might want to work with me? How can I build some credibility for myself. And so I just took whatever step looked like the next one to take, uh, until, you know, I was earning money as a coach, which fortunately for me, through my actions and through my determination, it didn't take long. Looking back on that, I can see that there were some factors at play. One was that I was just completely unashamedly boldly telling everyone what I was doing. So I didn't hold back. I told everyone I knew. I told everyone I knew online. I told everyone, hey, I'm a coach now helping people with transforming some aspect of their life that they don't like. If that's of interest to you, let me know. If you know of someone who I might be able to help, send them my way. I was just like, I am gonna tell everyone I know what I'm up to. So that was one thing I did, and I just didn't hold back. The second thing was I realized now that I had built some credibility, which is one of the first things we do in Coach to 5K is step 1 is build your credibility. I realized that I had had some when I hung out the coach shingle because I had a small, small, small following, maybe 100-ish people who had been listening to a daily audio blog that I had just been doing personally for a few months. So I had those people. I had a few people— when I say a few, I mean a very few people on an email list who I thought might be interested. I had also built some credibility. Hi, Brian, thanks for jumping on. I had also built some credibility from writing a, a book and self-publishing a book about the 3 principles. It was called The Joy Formula. At the time that I wrote that, I had no clue that I was going to be launching a coaching business and doing all of that. I had no idea that that was going to happen. I wrote that book as really a response to a request from some people to simplify these principles, so that's what I came up with. So I realized that I had built some credibility before I launched my business. I'd also been interviewed by a few people in the Three Principles world, but it's still a whole different thing when you decide that this is going to be a business and this is going to earn money for me. There is a big difference between saying I'm a coach or I want to be a coach and I am someone who runs a coaching business. So if you happen to be watching live or if you're watching a replay and you want to comment on that, I would love to hear because this is a gap that I am working very hard for you to see and for us to fill this gap. Because in, um, as I mentioned at the start of this, I was in a conversation, I was listening to a conversation about entrepreneurship and coaching and how most coaches don't see themselves as entrepreneurs. They don't see themselves as people building a business And so what happens is, in my experience now in supporting coaches over several years now, because I kind of morphed into more business coaching along the way, what I've seen is that most coaches see themselves solely as a coach. They are a coach who loves working with people to do blank, which is amazing. Coaches are some of the most incredible people, big-hearted people, generous people I have ever met. And so I think it's amazing that they want to use what they have learned and what they have experienced and what they've embodied to help other people achieve their dreams too. And at the same time, I would have to say that probably 95% of the coaches that I have worked with have trouble seeing themselves as anything but a coach. They can't see themselves as an entrepreneur, as someone running a coaching business, because the two things in their mind seem very separate. And what I am going to try to convey today and going forward is that being a coach and being an entrepreneur running a business do not have to feel like two separate sides of a person, or like you have to sort of become someone that you're not. That isn't what it is. That's not what it is. And I think that's what a lot of coaches are trying to do. It's like they want to have a business that makes money, and they feel like they have to then do a bunch of things that they don't want to be doing to be that entrepreneur, to be that coach is making money. They feel like they have to create— as I've talked about— all of these crazy funnels and lots of freebies, and they have to be emailing all the time, and they have to do things that they don't enjoy doing. In order to have a business that allows them to make $5K or more a month. This is what I've seen, and my whole perception is so different because the way I see it is this— that, and I'll use myself as an example because I'm the best example that I have in front of me at the moment— but when I decided that I wanted to coach people because I wanted to have a bigger impact on the world before I'm not here anymore. I wanted to help people to have the same kind of transformation, even if it was a different topic that I had. That just meant everything to me. I also knew at the same time that, that was going to require me to develop some new skills to experience myself, capital S self, in a very different way, that it was going to be an expansive self-discovery type of experience that I was embarking on because it meant I was going to become a, like, a larger, more— what's even a word for it? The only word I can think of is expanded, more expanded version of myself. And that was tremendously exciting to me. It was really exciting to me to think, oh my gosh, not only am I going to be able to be a coach and help people change their lives and, you know, expand on that side of myself, but I also get to dive into something else and really see, wow, what kind of business do I want to have? What kind of— how do I want to connect with people to, you know, bring them into my world or to have them find me? How do I want to do those things? And so instead of being like really freaked out and scared, I mean, I had some of that going on, but it was more like How can I use this desire to help people and to transform their lives through this new skill of coaching? How can I use that to also fuel this other side, this business side of things, this entrepreneurial side? How can I bring those two things together so that I feel like myself all the time so I feel like I'm showing up authentically, so I am speaking my own language and I'm doing everything the way that I want to while also learning the business skills. This is where I see a lot of coaches getting really confused and really stuck, is they love what they do as a coach, they love that whole thing, and they see this business thing as something that is not fun, that is hard work, that is kind of a grind, almost like a job. It's something that they have to do if they want to make money. So many times they just don't. They just coach for free, or they coach for such low prices that they don't have to really sell, you know, $20 or $30 or $40 a session. That's not that much of a leap for people. So the, the point that I am trying to convey— I have no idea if this is coming through, but here, that's what happens when you go live, right?— is that we don't have to see the business side as a separate entity. It can start to feel like part of who we are, just as coaching and being that is part of who we are, we can start to adopt these wonderful creative processes. As I see business, it doesn't have to be this separate thing. In fact, if you look at the most successful coaches, what you see is someone who doesn't seem to separate themselves out into a million pieces. That's not what they're doing. In fact, they seem very kind of integrated. It's like the whole thing is flowing through them. The coaching is flowing through them. Their interactions with their clients are flowing through them, as well as the business part, the creative business part, how they show up on whatever medium they're showing up and what they are sharing and what they are writing. Those things all seem to kind of coalesce and come together and be part of the whole person. So if you've been feeling like, I love coaching and I want to make a difference in people's lives, but I don't get this business thing, like, that seems like so far away from what I can do, and it just doesn't seem possible, it seems like that's for other people, my whole question to you is, why not you? Why not you? You can. Bring all of that together into a beautiful experience, a beautifully self-expressed experience. It does not have to feel like some kind of separate thing that you have to do all the time. For example, I will just kind of run through my day very quickly, and this will exemplify, I think, what I'm talking about. I got up this morning, uh, I had slept a lot because I hadn't slept much the last few nights due to cat things that got sorted out, and my husband left on a trip very early, so I slept in a little bit more than I normally do. But I got up this morning, I planned out my day, I listened to a little bit of a training and started mapping out a new workshop that I'm going to share soon. I then had, you know, food, and I did some cleaning. I went out for a walk and bought some flowers to plant in my flower boxes. I came back, I did some other things related to my business. I listened to a live training, and I also posted on Instagram today. And, you know, they're— all of these things just sort of flow together. It's not like, okay, now I'm in business mode, I am in serious business mode. You know, entrepreneur, gotta work hard. No, that's not the vibe. It's like I'm just living my life. I am showing up here and offering a mini coaching session for you. I am showing up on other, you know, avenues like Instagram. I am writing an email to some wonderful people who I had a Q&A with last night. You know, all of it can just be part of a new experience of yourself. It doesn't have to feel like a job. You know, I can get really loud about this, so I will try not to, but we are so conditioned, so conditioned to see work and life as two separate things. We go to work. We say that, oh, I've got to go to work. No, that's not what's happening. You're not going to work. You are living your life, and you're living your life doing this job. Let's say if you're, if you're in a 9-to-5 type of job, but we have this idea that somehow work is over there somewhere, you know. Unless you're someone like a doctor or a police officer or something where you can't really separate the two things because you're kind of always identified as that, most of us see ourselves as these separate entities. We have our work life, our work self, that is one way, and then we have the rest of our life, which for most of us who have worked full-time jobs, there isn't a whole lot of time for that. Right? Because I don't know about you, but I have never had a job— well, maybe one, I can think of one— but I've rarely had a job where I really felt like I could be myself, where I could, you know, dress how I wanted and talk how I wanted and just be myself. Hi, Debbie! Thank you for being here. The concept of integration is brilliant, so refreshing to hear. It makes so much sense. I'm glad you're seeing that, Debbie. Um, because full disclosure, Debbie's my niece. I miss you. Um, because we as human beings are not meant to be disintegrated. Disintegrated. We're not meant to be living like that. And it's so much easier when you can accept the idea that you don't have to disintegrate yourself, that you can simply live and be who you are and do what you want to do. And on the business side, you can decide, okay, these things I really enjoy doing, these are the ways, these are the ways that I like connecting with people, these ways I don't, so I'm not going to do those. And you start to use the business side of things as a mode of self-expression, as a part of everything that you're doing, as a part of your daily life. So my coming on here right now and doing this live for you is simply something that I wanted to do. I wasn't coming on here thinking, okay, now I have to do a Facebook Live because if I don't do a Facebook Live, I'm not going to get any clients this month. If I don't get any clients this month, it's not like that. It's not like that. It can be literally you living in the moment with some level of strategic planning. I'm not saying business doesn't require a little of that, but it's not as much as you think. It can be a matter of you listening to yourself and saying, these are the things that I just love to do. These are the ways that I love to connect with people. These are the things that lift my spirits. On this training that I was listening to, the coach asked us, what are the things that really help you, or what are the times when you feel most at home in your business and what you're doing? And I said, well, I love giving live talks and live classes. That's one of the times when I feel most like myself, when I feel the freest, when I feel like I'm using my gifts and talents to their highest level. And I can always get better. But, you know, this is one of those times. And so, you know, we have the opportunity as people who are developing a business, in this case a coaching business, to tap into ourselves and ask those questions. What do I really love to do? How do I love to connect with people? How do I love sharing my message? And you can do those things. You don't have to squash any of that down or fit it into some weird mold that you've learned from being in a job. Life is not meant to be lived in these boxes that we have made up for ourselves. That's not how we're meant to be. And that is one of the main reasons why I love entrepreneurship so much, because I simply get to be me. I get to be me all day long. I get to show up as me. I get to explore who I am. I get to connect with people from the deepest part of myself without any filters on, because filters have no place in this kind of relationship. Yes, I have boundaries around, you know, how people can interact with me, or, you know, I wouldn't be a professional and I, you know, be making myself a little nutty. But this is an excuse, if you will. I often say this, that entrepreneurship and having a coaching business is the best reason/excuse to discover what you really want in life and how you really want to be spending your time. You can bridge this gap between entrepreneurship and coaching by filling it in with yourself, by filling it in with what lights you up, with the ways that you love to do things. Forget all of the rules and things out there about what it takes to have a coaching business. I don't know how to say this any more plainly, but most of them are just hogwash. They're absolute hogwash. Yes, there are things to do, but how you do those things is a reflection of you, of your heart, of your soul, of your skills, your talents. They can be all reflective of how you want to do things. One of my main goals with this Coach to 5K, this new change that I've made, is to simplify things to the point where, you know, there are 3 steps to take basically on a daily basis. And within those 3 steps, you have the complete freedom to decide how you want to do them in the simplest way possible, how you want to build your credibility, step 1, How you want to make amazing offers and what those offers are, step 2. And 3, how to dazzle your clients. Those are the 3 pieces, but within there you have complete freedom to decide what that looks like for you, how simple it is or how complicated it is depending on what you love. And I want us to just throw away these crazy rule books I want us to throw away the idea that we have to become a different person in order to have a business that makes money. The fact is, the more you can embody both sides more and more of the time by seeing that you can show up authentically as yourself, both as a coach and as an entrepreneur, the easier it gets. The easier it gets. When you start to really feel this as like a whole— I've often said that coaching and entrepreneurship is a whole body experience, a full body experience. There's no separation going on here. We don't need to do that. We can simply live. We can simply live. And this is possible for you. I know it's possible. Because I know that the people that I have encountered over the years who desire to make change in the world through their coaching are some of the most amazing people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. And I just want to do everything that I can possibly do, and I mean that. I mean, like, this is my life's work, is to help amazing people who want to coach others and transform not just other people's lives, but let's be candid, we're trying to change the world, aren't we? We're trying to make this world a better place so we don't keep seeing the same headlines decade after decade after decade. After you've been around as long as I have, starts to get really boring and horrible to see the same headlines repeating themselves. We've got to do something. And that means that you and I need to step it up. We need to level up, and we need to start experiencing this business piece differently. It doesn't need to be this separate, scary thing. It can simply be another expression of who you are and what you love to do. It can be fun. It can be exciting. Sure, like everything else in life, there's going to be some ups and downs, but you can learn over time to navigate those in a way so that you don't get deterred every time something happens that you don't expect. So I want this to be an integrated experience for you. I want this experience of coaching to $5K or $10K a month or whatever you want to be earning, it doesn't matter. I want this to be an experience of you and of your life and not have it be so fragmented and so like, oh, you know, such a chore, I've got to do this. And I don't want that for you. I don't want that for you. I want it to be an embodied, exciting, grounding, amazing, unforgettable experience that is also a lot simpler than maybe what you have been doing previously. I know you can do this. I believe in you more than I can express. Belief isn't even close to the word. I know that you can do this. I know that you can. So I hope that this has been helpful to you today. I would love to hear what you think, so feel free to comment and let me know. Let's bridge this gap between wanting to change the world through our coaching and wanting to have a beautiful business that brings in an income Let's bring those things together into something simple and beautiful and integrated and whole and amazing. All of those things are possible for you. I know they are. Thank you so much for being with me. Again, if you joined me live, thank you, it means the world to me. And if you watched or listened to this on a replay, thank you for taking the time I am just a direct message away if you ever want to reach out to me. You know how to reach me on Facebook or on Instagram, or you can always email me mary@maryschiller.com. It would be amazing to connect and to see how I can support you. Thank you so much. Have a wonderful day or evening wherever you are in the world, and I'll talk to you soon. Bye.