Mary Schiller argues we shouldn't try to fix ourselves like we'd never alter the Grand Canyon. Instead of self-development, she proposes self-discovery: uncovering what's already there beneath limiting beliefs and labels. She spent decades labeled mentally ill before realizing those narratives obscured her authentic self.
Hello, hello, it's Mary Schiller, author and coach of MarySchiller.com, coming to you once again from my hometown of Paris, France. And my neighborhood is quite bustling today. We have a very large sort of flea market/antique show going on in this neighborhood today and over the weekend, and there's just a lot more people around. And also there's a new restaurant that just opened a little bit behind me. So lots happening. You know, this morning I was reflecting on this whole idea of self-development, and I realized that the reason why I feel like my life has been transformed so much over the last 3 years, at least in part, is because I realized that self-development was looking in the wrong direction. That really what I needed to do was self-discovery. And I'll give you an example. So I took a trip in 2015, just a day trip to the Grand Canyon, and I was remembering that trip today and realizing that, you know, when you go to a place like the Grand Canyon or any place that you find stunningly beautiful in nature, you don't go with the idea of changing it somehow. You know, I didn't go to the Grand Canyon and think, gosh, you know, the rim should have gone in a little bit here, or the Colorado River should have jogged to the left instead of the right. That would have made it much better. You know, you don't go to a place like the Grand Canyon or the ocean or anything like that with the idea of changing it or fixing it. You go with the idea that you want to discover it. You want to, you know, hike, and you want to paddle down the Colorado River and you want to go in all the nooks and crannies and see what's there. And that is what makes your experience of such a place so magnificent. Well, it's the same with us. You know, we're no different from anything else in this natural world. We don't need to be fixed or changed. We just need to be discovered. Everything that you want to be is already here. Everything you want to have is already here. Everything that you want to, quote-unquote, change about yourself doesn't need to be changed. It needs to be discovered. You need to discover what's underneath all of the thinking and all of the ideas that you have about yourself. And that's really the key to this whole self-discovery process as I see it. Is it's not about changing the essence of who we are. It's about discovering the essence of who we are simply by ignoring any preconceived ideas that we have about ourselves, ignoring any thoughts that come in that say we should do this, or we have to do this, or we are this, or we aren't that. Because we are none of those things. We are completely fluid and free, just as anything else in the natural world is. We are always changing whether we realize it or not. We're always transforming whether we realize it or not, because that's the nature of life. That's the nature of what and who we are. So I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments about self-discovery versus self-development. And also, I'd like you to keep in mind that if you hear anyone say that you need to better yourself or you need to do something to change who you are, you need to become a different person or a, a better person or anything like that, run the other way because that is not helpful. What is helpful is recognizing the fact that there's nothing about yourself that you need to try to fix. It's simply a matter of uncovering who you actually are and not being afraid to do that. Hi Debbie, nice to see you. Uh, one thing I will say about that was that when I was first coming into this whole new way of seeing myself, I was afraid to discover who I was because I'd been told for decades that I was sick, that I was mentally ill, that I couldn't be trusted, and I believed all of that stuff. Once I realized that that was simply thinking that wasn't true, that I didn't need to listen to all of a sudden I started to uncover more of who I actually was. I started to see myself more in a truthful way for what was really going on underneath all that funny thinking I was listening to. So that's really all it's about. It's about ignoring thoughts that say otherwise, that tell you you're less than, because you could never be less than. The Grand Canyon could never be less than. You certainly can't. So enjoy your day, and I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments, so please post them below this video wherever you happen to be watching. Thanks so much. I'll talk to you again soon. Bye now.
