Mary Schiller reflects on her mother's deathbed warning: "Don't end up like me." Her mother gave up dreams of nursing and art to raise a family. Around 2015, Schiller quit her job to become a life coach, determined to honor her own gifts instead.
Hello, bonjour, it's Mary. Mary in Paris in my neighborhood park, and I have a message for you today that really comes from my heart of hearts, really from the deepest part of my self. As I'm recording this video for you, it is the anniversary of my mother's death. She died in 1992. She was 72 and I was 30 at the time. And it's hard for me to believe that she's been gone that long. I really— it's, it's hard for me to believe that she's been gone more than half my life now. And she said something to me about 6 weeks before she died that has made a huge impact on me, and that was this: Mary, don't end up like me. Don't end up like me. Now, I knew exactly what she meant. There was a lot in that statement. But one piece of it I know for sure had to do with not subjugating your desires, not following your dreams because of someone in your life who thinks they're not worthy, because of some constraints that you might feel. There was a lot wrapped up in that statement, and for my mom You know, it was tricky for her because she was born at a time when society looked at women in a very specific way. To some extent, that is still true, and in many parts of the world, it's still true where, you know, the goal was to get married and have a family. And my mom did that. She got married young, had my brother and sister while she was still in her early 20s. And then I came along very late in the game as an accident— a lucky accident, maybe, I don't know. But she was 41 when she had me, and my brother and sister were essentially grown. My sister was 19, my brother was 16. And so I think she thought that maybe at that point she was going to have a chance to pursue some of her dreams, but that That didn't happen because she had me, and of course the expectation in those days was that you would stay home and raise the kid, right? So that's what she did. And she was able to do that because my dad made enough money. But I know for a fact that she always wanted to be a nurse. That was something that she talked about sometimes. And yeah, this is hard to talk about. She— way before I was born, she worked in a hospital maternity ward and checked the women in. And she used to say, yeah, I used to say the same— see the same women every year. And so many things that her life could have been just didn't happen. She was a talented artist, and I think that she could have done a lot with that if she had been allowed to study, but that didn't happen. You know, I don't know all of the aspects of my mother because of course I didn't know her that long, and some things I think she just didn't talk to me about. And so right after she passed away was a very, very difficult time in my life for a lot of reasons. And I wasn't able to pursue what I wanted to pursue, but it was okay. I had other responsibilities at that time that I was happy to take care of. And I can put a link to my memoir in the description if you want to read about all of that. Then you'll know what I'm referring to specifically. But it wasn't until 2015, 2016, so, you know, close to 25 years after my mother died, that I finally was able to start listening to what she said. I was finally able to start listening to the message behind that statement of "don't end up like me." I quit doing what I was doing professionally and decided to become a coach. I remember having the thought at that time of, you know, if this doesn't work, if I end up broke or whatever, I'll just sleep on my sister's sofa and I'll figure it out. But this is what I want to do. Even recently, in the past 2 to 3 years, I had to go back again and ask myself, am I doing what I really want to be doing? And I discovered that I wasn't. In part, I was, certainly. I've enjoyed a lot of the work that I've done. I've enjoyed the people that I have met and created within my own coaching community. At the same time, there's been a lot more that I have been called to do that I have just been subjugating, and I'm not doing that anymore. And part of that is creating this video for you where I'm sharing something with you that's meaningful to me in the hope that you will take this message and do something with it. We live in a time where Some of us are afforded great opportunities to follow our dreams and other people are not. And many of us who do have the opportunity to listen to ourselves and answer the callings of our heart are not doing it. And that upsets me because those of us who are in a position to do this need to do it because it's the only way that the world is going to get better. If we keep pushing down all the things that we really want to do with our lives, if we keep listening to outside forces or people who are trying to tell us we can't do what we want to do, that is not going to change the world for the better. It just isn't. So I feel like it's my responsibility, and it's our responsibility, to listen to those heart callings, as I like to describe them, and answer them. And today, thinking of my mom especially— I think about her all the time, but especially on this anniversary of her passing— it's more important to me than ever to listen to myself, to create what I want to create, to do it from a place of excitement and of love for myself, for the gifts I've been given, out of love for my mom, out of love for you. And I hope that you will do the same. I hope that you will take a look at yourself from this lens of, you know, lovely hair today, this wind, you know, am I truly listening to myself? Am I sharing my gifts with the world in a way that really digs deep and allows me to be who I really am? Am I fully expressing myself? Am I living in a way that excites me every day and doesn't bore me to tears? So do that in honor of my mom, Lucille. Listen to your heart and answer what is calling to you to do. And just know that I love you and I'm here for you.
