How to stop procrastinating

Hello and welcome to The Real Coach Convo. I'm Mary Schiller, your host and the founder of the 5K Coach Club, an affordable group program for coaches who want to reach those $5,000 months without all the complexity and with a lot more fun. Here on The Real Coach Convo, we get real about what it means to be an entrepreneur coach, as I like to call us. So let's get into today's Real Coach Convo now. Let's talk about procrastination. I recently had a member of my 5K Coach Club request that I tackle this topic, and I am thrilled that they mentioned it because this is a big topic in our world, isn't it? I mean, how many time management programs and books are out there? How many people are talking about work-life balance, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera? Oh my goodness, it's gotta be a billion. Google results. I haven't actually Googled it, but I would imagine that it's a lot. I actually have a very simple notion when it comes to procrastination, and I have to thank a former client of mine for giving me a very interesting perspective on this topic because I have not been the type of person who quote unquote Procrastinates. Procrastination, I think, would be defined by most people, not by me, but by most people as putting something off that you know you need to do. That's kind of the simple definition. I haven't looked that up in Webster's or anything like that either, but that's probably what most people think of. You're putting something off, it's nagging at you, you know you need to do it, but you just don't do it. Well, a few years ago, I was supporting someone who really felt like they were a master procrastinator. They had a to-do list that literally had 50 or 60 items on it. That was something that they looked at every single day. And I asked them, oh my gosh, do you like having this to-do list? Is this what you want to be doing with your time? Is looking at this to-do list, recognizing that you're not doing anything on the list, feeling bad about that? I mean, is that really what your aim is? And they said, no, absolutely not. I don't want to look at this list. I don't want to think about it. And I said, well, then throw it away. What? Throw it away? What do you mean throw it away? And I said, yeah, I want you to just get rid of it. Because, you know, there are things on that list that have been on there for years, right? Yep. They told me, yep, years. And I said, I'm sure that there are also things on that list that you yourself don't even need to do. And they said, oh, yeah, probably. And I said, well, Okay, then before you throw the list away, why don't you make note of a few of the things on there that someone else could do for you? So they went through the list and marked a whole bunch of things that they themselves actually didn't have to do, that they could ask their spouse to do, for instance, or they could hire someone to do. Pretty soon that list was already being whittled down. And then I said, okay, of the things that are left on that list, what do you actually want to be doing? And their answer was nothing. And I said, okay, now you can really throw that list away. You don't need that anymore. This is my definition of quote unquote procrastination. It's not real. It's an idea that we have that doesn't make any sense. And it doesn't make any sense because we have been conditioned to believe that we have to fill our time with stuff we don't want to be doing. I don't see life that way anymore. I used to, especially when it came to earning money. I felt for years and years and years, I mean literally decades, that the only way that I could earn money was by doing something that I didn't really like to be doing, but it got the bills paid and that was really what it was for. When I kind of snapped out of that mode, I started to realize that even though I had never been the type of person to, again, quote unquote procrastinate, because I don't use that word, so I'm having to say it like that this whole episode. But anyway, when I realized that actually I could fill my time with things that I wanted to do and I could start getting rid of the things that I didn't want to do, Everything started to change for me. So instead of seeing yourself as procrastinating, if that looks like a problem for you, I want you to start looking at filling your time more and more and more with activities that you enjoy. Once you start filling your time with activities that you enjoy, the things that you don't want to do will just fall away like they did off of my former client's to-do list. Or someone else will pick up the ball and take care of it, or you'll just ask them to do that. I also don't like the stigma that comes with the way that people view procrastination because it makes it seem like you're not doing something and there's something wrong with you not doing something. I'm giving you permission to not do things that you don't want to do. No one is forcing you to do things that you don't want to do. So if you have something on your list that you haven't done, you just haven't done it. And that's all. There doesn't need to be any drama or judgment around that. And you can decide, do I want to do it? If I do, okay, let's figure out how. If I don't, I'll find some way to get it done if it has to get done. And if not, I'll just forget about it. Like, what is the big deal? And yet our culture has really created a firestorm around this idea of procrastination and time management and all of that, it looks ridiculous to me. Time management especially looks just plain dumb. I don't get it. You don't manage time. Time just happens. And instead of trying to wrangle it into something, why not just let it be free and start to fill it with things that you enjoy? Now you may be saying, Okay, Mary, in, you know, a utopia or something, I could do only what I want to do. I have responsibilities. I've got responsibilities too. I look at those responsibilities in a different way though. I look at them as something that I enjoy doing. And if I don't enjoy fulfilling those responsibilities, I find a way to make them more enjoyable or I allow someone else to take care of it for me. And that's just the way it is. I'm no good to anyone if I'm filling my time with stuff that doesn't thrill me. Life is supposed to be thrilling. It's supposed to be magnificent. Yes, of course we have ups and downs and all over the place when it comes to circumstances and emotions and all of that, but it's supposed to be like that. But to feel bad about not doing something just does not make sense to me. People over the years have really questioned whether I am telling the truth when I say that I have given myself permission to do only what I want to do and nothing I don't. That is an absolute fact. When it comes to my coaching business, I do not do things I don't want to do, period. I just don't. I have tried that a couple of times. I have offered things because someone asked me to, but I wasn't thrilled about it. It didn't work out well. I've learned my lesson. It doesn't pay in any way to fill my time with activities that I don't enjoy. So when it comes to marketing, let's say, I don't do things because some guru says I'm going to get 1,000 people onto my email list and make $10 million, if it doesn't excite me, I'm not going to do it. If it's not something that is really hitting me in the right place and sounds fun and interesting, I am not going to do it. And that's that. I don't care. There's always a way to find a solution for something that needs to be done, and you don't necessarily have to be the one to do it. In years past, I was often what I have called Martyr Mary. I don't want to be her anymore. I don't want to be that put-upon person. And I don't think that's what you want either. I also don't want you to see yourself anymore as someone who procrastinates because that's not what's happening. What's happening is you've recognized that there are certain things that you just don't want to do, and that is perfectly acceptable. You don't have to do them. You can find another way and you can start to exercise your right to do what you want to do and to stop doing a bunch of stuff you don't want to do. If you ever doubt the truth of what I just said, ask yourself, who is making me do these things? Who's making me do these things? Is there someone literally saying you have to do this or else? No, guess what? You get to decide what to do. Another client I had many, many years ago, this was maybe my first year as a coach, realized that they had set up all these bizarre rules about how they were going through their day. And at one point they just stopped and said, wait a second, who's making up these rules that I don't even like? I guess I am. So therefore I can stop. I don't have to listen to those anymore. They don't suit me. They're not fun. They make my life a drag. So forget about them. What if procrastination isn't real? What if it's simply you just don't want to do something and you accept that you don't want to do it and you just don't do it and then you turn your attention towards the things that you really want to be doing? What kind of turnaround do you think you would have in your life if you first of all started to see things that way and then started to act on things in that way? Would that be a game changer? So let's not go into that whole judgment thing around not doing stuff. You just aren't doing it, period. No drama, no judgment, no nothing. Now, what do you want to be doing with your time? What do you want to be doing with your time? And of course, this applies to having a coaching business that makes an impact and an income. If you're filling your time with things that you don't want to do, you're probably seeing yourself as quote unquote procrastinating. Well, drop it and start doing things in a way that excites you, that thrills you. And I do mean thrill. I want your life to be so thrilling you can't wait to jump out of bed every day and you're reluctant to go to sleep at night because you are just loving your life so much. That's what I want for you. That's what giving yourself this kind of permission can lead to, and it can lead there fast. You have permission to live the life you really wanna live. You have permission, and I actually wrote a book by that title, but you do. It's true. I'm here to support you in that. You have permission to drop what you don't wanna do and to start filling your time with things that are so much fun. You can't believe how lucky you are to be alive. Thanks so much for listening today. I'll talk to you again soon. Bye for now.