I'm 63. Should I just disappear now?

Hello, bonjour, it's Mary in Paris, and I'm filming this inside today because it is a very blustery fall day here in Paris, and you would not have been able to hear me because the wind would have just gone crazy with the microphone. I am making this video because something very interesting happened on my Instagram account a few days ago. I have not been super active on Instagram in a while, and about 3 weeks ago I was inspired inspired by a business coach I was listening to, to get more active on the app and start posting once or twice a day to my Instagram feed. Well, the other thing this business coach suggested was to quote unquote claim your space, meaning really put yourself forward as the authority in what you do. And I realized that one of the things that I stand for essentially is people of a certain age who have made big changes in their life, who have maybe started over. And I thought, okay, well, I'm gonna make a post that talks about that in no uncertain terms. And so that's what I did. I put a post up that said— and I'll put it on the screen here— as you may have noticed, I'm not 23, I'm not 33, I'm not 43, I'm not 53. I'm 63 and I am not ashamed about that. I'm not going to hide my face or my age, even if the algorithm doesn't like it. And then in the carousel post, I added some other things in there about values that are important to me, how I live my life, how I run my business, what kind of people I like to work with, and so on. And this particular post got a lot more eyes on it than my posts typically do. Let's just say that. So I've been wondering, why was that? Why did that particular post get so much more attention? And this topic of aging is certainly a biggie, and I'm not going to be able to talk about everything about that in this video. But I do want to point out a couple of things that I think are at play here. Now I need to back up a little bit and say that for almost my entire adult life, from the age of 22 to about 52, 53, I was living in a real state of confusion about most everything. I was really suffering. I didn't really feel like I had any say-so over my life. And the only piece of my life that felt really solid was my relationship with my daughter. That I definitely felt great about from day one. But my first marriage, unfortunately, was a very bad situation. I have written about that, spoken about that a lot. I will put a link to my memoir in the description, and I'll try to find a couple of the interviews that I've done and link those in the description as well so you can listen to more about that. But essentially, I didn't come out of my post-traumatic stress disorder haze until I was in my early 50s. What I discovered at that time was something completely different. That ultimately transformed my life in ways that are impossible to describe. It's what made me want to be a life coach. So a couple of years later, I became a life coach to help other people transform their lives and end their suffering. And it truly allowed me to start my life over. It really did. I can get kind of choked up thinking about this. So at that point, when I was in my early 50s, I actually felt like I was 23, not 53. I felt like the world was my oyster, like I could do anything. And I kind of did. I got myself out of a very bad job situation. I saw myself through some ups and downs over a couple of years, and then was able to start coaching people in 2016. And then a year later, my husband and I were able to move over here to Paris. So it was kind of incredible how much I was able to change in my life in a very short period of time after going through this transformation. So when I think about myself now, 10 years later, do I feel 63? No, I feel like I'm 33. I feel like I have gone through that period that you go through in your 20s if you have a more typical life. Mine was not really typical at all. I didn't get to have that real 20s experience in the way that I should have, but I don't feel badly about that because I'm having a very different experience of life now in my 60s than I think most of us are allowed to have. Because most of us, when we start to hit our 50s and then certainly in our 60s, what is society telling us we're supposed to do? It's telling us that we are supposed to slow down, that we are supposed to quote unquote retire. I've made other videos that talk about this, and I just don't get it. I really don't get it because We are at a stage of life where we have gone through so much and we've survived so much and we've seen so much that we are a force to be reckoned with. And yes, there is lip service paid to the baby boomers and all of that, but ultimately I don't think that we are being given the respect that we deserve to be given. And also I think we have to demand that respect. So one of the reasons that I made that post on Instagram was to show people that I'm not afraid to put myself out there, to show my face. I have not had anything done to it, you know, this is my hair color, whatever. This is me at 63. I don't care about that. And maybe I can be a force that will encourage other people, especially women, because we are really seen as less and less desirable as the years go on, to come out of hiding and show our ambition and put that ambition into action and actually do more things now maybe than we did when we were younger. I have to admit that at my age, I'm a little dismayed that this is where we are still, that we are still looking at people through this ageist lens. And it's so interesting because when I was in my 30s, I was going to some job interviews for academia. And believe it or not, back then I was being discriminated against for being too old. I had some discussions with a friend of mine who was also in graduate school in their 30s, and they were like, man, I can't get hired. And I think it's because I'm older. Than these 20-somethings. And that's exactly how it looked to me, because all of the grad students I knew back then who were in their 30s were not getting hired, and all the 20-somethings were. It's very interesting to me as an entrepreneur that I can make my way in this space without somebody telling me what I can or can't do. And I am hopeful hopeful— not sure this is true, but I am hopeful— that no one will care what age I am or what age you are. They will care more about what can you do to help me, what can you do to inspire me, what can you do to support me. For example, I have written and self-published several books. I don't think people care how old I am. I think they care more about the quality of the book. Is it good? Can it be beneficial to me? Is it entertaining? Is it fun? All those things. Same with my coaching. My hope is that no one will care about my age in that sense, but will look at me more as someone who can help them. And if my age is part of what helps them, then so much the better. I do think it's important for us to not sweep all of this under the rug because there's a lot in the media as I am talking to you about women and aging and these impossible standards that we are supposed to meet. And I don't think the conversation right now in that regard is very helpful because it's mostly focused on people who can afford to have lots of surgery done and all of these things. And I'm not knocking that, to each his own, I don't care. But the point is that there are regular people like you and me who can be visible, who can speak our minds, who can have ambition and drive, and who don't want to retire, who see no point in that, who want to keep contributing, keep creating, keep being the capable people that we are, and be visible about that and not feel like we have to hide our ambition and drive just because we've reached a certain age when society says we're supposed to be stopping now. That makes no sense to me. You're not going to see me disappearing from view anytime soon. I am going to keep listening to my energy levels that feel, like I said, like I'm 33, not 63. I'm going to keep expressing myself. I'm going to keep listening to that drive and ambition, and I'm going to reach and surpass the goals that I have set for myself. And that's just the way it is. So if you're in that camp, just know that you're not alone. I'm right here with you.