In this solo meditative talk, Mary Schiller explores the common human tendency to suppress our deepest desires and dreams, especially as responsibilities accumulate. She argues that we have an innate permission to want what we truly want and that denying these desires creates internal conflict and stagnation. Schiller guides listeners through a reflective exercise: asking themselves what they would want if there were no limits, and paying attention to the physical emotional response (choking, tears) as a signal of authenticity. She explains how allowing these wants to surface can transform one’s outlook, creativity, sense of freedom, and daily quality of life, making next steps and actions become clear. The talk emphasizes that the act of giving oneself permission to want is itself a profound act of self‑acceptance that can open new possibilities, relationships, and creative endeavors, ultimately leading to a richer, more rewarding way of living.
Chapters
Many of us spend, dare I say, most of our lives trying to not want what we want. I will say that again, but most of us spend our lives, or at least a large portion of our lives, trying to not want what we truly want. At some points we are told by people to listen to our dreams and to follow them, but then invariably that message gets kind of ripped away from us. When life starts to hand us more responsibility, we start to feel like we really can't follow those dreams anymore, and we start to wonder, was it ever safe to even imagine following my dreams? It's a contradiction, isn't it? Encouragement to listen to ourselves and to do what we want with our lives versus, "Well, you can't really do that. You can't really follow your dreams. It's a nice idea, but only a select few people ever get to do what they actually want to do." This whole scenario sets up a very difficult place in which to live because it means that we're constantly having to fight against our natural instincts. We were given dreams, desires, goals, wants for a reason. We wouldn't have them otherwise. They are there to serve a purpose. It's part of how human beings are made, and yet we try and try and try and try to make that not so. We try to not listen to our dreams because the fact that we aren't living them feels too painful to us to even acknowledge. And so the more time that goes by, we try even harder to not listen to those dreams as they rise to the surface within us. We try to push them down and push them down because, well, if I haven't lived it by now, it's not going to happen. Well, what if we were actually allowed to want what we want? What would happen then? You have permission right in this very moment to want what you want. You don't have to try to stifle it. You don't have to try to make it go away. You don't have to try to bury it. You can want what you want. What I find oftentimes is that when people have spent many years attempting to put their dreams and their desires inside of boxes and then inside of more boxes within themselves until they can't even see them anymore, they don't even remember what those desires were. That in and of itself isn't necessarily a problem, because oftentimes what we want changes. That's just how human beings are designed to— we're designed to fluctuate and shift and transform. And so the things that we want can fluctuate and change and transform too. Totally okay. Even so, many people have a very difficult time defining what it is that they actually want. So what I often do with people, if that's their situation, if they don't know what they want to do with their lives, let's say, or they've just completely disconnected from their deeper desires I ask them, what do you want? And they start to list a few things that would be nice to have in their life, or do, or be. And it's still on the surface, it's still in the safe zone, if that makes sense. So I continue to press them, which is what I'm going to do for you now. What is it that you truly want? If there were no limits, which there aren't, if you could have anything, if you could do anything, if you could be anything, what is that? What is your deep desire? And if you start listing things and you're still able to list things without getting choked up, You're not even close. You'll know you have hit on the answer when you can't even speak, when the tears are flowing, when your throat has closed up because you've become so emotional about it. And that's when you know you've hit on what you truly want. Sometimes that process can take a while, but if you are listening to me right now, I would love for you to take that time and give yourself that gift of allowing yourself to want what you want. Many people are nervous about letting themselves go there because they think, well, I can want it, but that doesn't mean it's actually going to happen. And then if it doesn't happen, I'm going to be so disappointed, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. How am I going to live with that level of disappointment? When we simply let that desire or desires— there may be multiple things that we want— rise up to the surface as they are supposed to, it's amazing how things can change, how our outlook can change, how our overall sense of who we are can change what we're capable of. It may look impossible, but it may not actually be impossible at all. And not only that, but once that dream and that desire is allowed to flourish, it starts to happily infiltrate other areas of our life so that joy becomes more the norm. Excitement becomes more the norm. A sense of creative possibility becomes the norm. Once we allow those deep wants to live, really live within us, instead of being relegated to a corner of the cellar somewhere within our heart, then all sorts of things can come alive in us again. Instead of feeling locked in we feel set free. Instead of feeling creatively stuck, we suddenly see that we're always in the flow and we have endless ideas and things that we could do. And then here's the really exciting part: what we do starts to shift as well. Sometimes people will say, 'Oh, I have this dream to do such and such, but I don't know where to start.' Well, when you are really in touch with that dream, when you have cried your eyes out because you have heard the truth of what you really want, you know what? You absolutely know what the next step is. So whenever I hear someone say that, I always know they haven't really gotten to their deepest want just yet. They haven't really felt that choking in their throat. And the tears in their eyes, because if they had, they would know what to do next, and they would know what to do next after that. The steps become obvious when you let yourself want what you want. If it looks like you're stuck, it may be because you haven't allowed yourself to go there. You haven't allowed yourself to really say out loud what it is that you desire in your life to the point where you need a box of tissues next to you. In my view, this is one of the most important things that we can do as human beings, is to give ourselves permission to want what we want. That's for me what it means to live as fully as I can, to give myself as many opportunities as possible to discover more and more about who and what I am and what I'm capable of. What doors could possibly open for you if you spoke the truth about what you want? We can't even imagine that possibility because It's just too vast. What might you create? Who might you meet? What incredible events might occur? Again, we can't know because we are not letting ourselves go there most of the time. We can see examples of people who have allowed themselves to want what they want no matter what, but the results aren't even the point. The point is the quality of how we live every day. It's a lot more rewarding to live in this wide open space of possibility and excitement and creativity than it is to continue to hide away inside those walls that we keep building around our desires and wants and dreams. Fling those doors open, break down the walls, let yourself want what you want. And see what happens next. Thanks so much for listening today. I hope to talk to you again soon. Bye for now.
