The #1 Dating Shift If You Want to Be a Wife

What if I was to tell you that even though you want a husband, you might be dating in a way that blocks you from having a husband? And there's one dating shift that no one talks about, but when you do make it, everything in your love life changes. And this is something that my wife and I teach to our private clients. And it helps countless women go from situations, heartbreak to helping them have the love that they want. And it's called the 333 dating rule. And I'm going to show you exactly how it works in just a moment. But I'm also going to give you two extra shifts that will especially help you if you have an anxious attachment style and if you are new here. My name is Matt. I'm a dating certified trauma informed coach who has worked with over 10,000 clients. And I help you to go from being single to having the family and marriage that you have been praying for on this channel. I keep dating advice simple, practical, and grounded in biblical values. So if that's what you want, stick around because you're going to feel right at home here. And if you want some more personalized guidance in your dating journey, I'll put our dating for marriage program down below. So I want to talk to you about a woman named Sarah. Sarah loved God. She wanted a husband, a family, and to finally do life with someone. And she met a guy named Samuel at a friend's birthday group dinner. And Samuel, he looked at her like she was the only woman in the room. He asked for a number. And then a few days later, they were on their very first date. The very first date. Magical. The second date that was 24 hours later was even more magical. The third day, that was 48 hours later, was even more magical. And by week four, she imagined herself walking down the aisle. They were saying I love you to each other. And she told herself this must be an answered prayer from God. This must be that guy that I have been waiting for. But two months later, Samuel changes. His interest fades. He started showing a different side to him that she never saw before. And she felt like she was no longer wanted by Samuel. And Sarah spent nights replaying every single text message, every smile, every conversation, wondering what she missed. And at night, she laid on her bed asking, like, what's wrong with me? And she felt rejection not just from Samuel, but also from God. You see, dating like this is like driving through a fog. It feels romantic. It feels exciting. Exciting. But by the time that you see the danger ahead, it's already too late. It's too late. To swerve. So do you want to know the number one reason why most people get stuck in this dating roller coaster? It's their pace of dating. They're simply moving so fast that they can't even see the subtle and not so subtle red flags that are right in front of them. And when your dating pace is moving at 100 miles an hour, the red flags don't disappear. They just get lost in the fog. If you keep dating at this speed, you'll keep crashing into the same heartbreak. So the only way out of this pattern is to slow down. I said this in our dating for marriage program the other day, and it really hit the group. The right man gets better with time. The wrong man gets exposed with time. Okay, Matt, this all makes sense, but what does slowing down practically look like? So let me show you. Step one is called the three, three, three dating rule. For the first three dates, make them three hours maximum, spaced out over three weeks. So let me draw it out for you. So in our dating for marriage program, my wife and I like to break down the three phases of dating. We have phase number one, phase number two, and then phase number three. And when we get to the end of phase three, this is when we have the commitment conversation. Phase one is dates one, two, three. Phase two is dates four to eight, and phase three is dates four plus. Right. So we recommend to our clients the 90 day principle. It's a principle, not a rule. But we recommend for most people, waiting 90 days before you enter into a committed relationship. It's just a principle because it gives people a framework around how long should they wait before they enter into a relationship. And 90 days tends to be the sweet spot. But also, we've had clients get into a relationship 60 days in, and now they're married. So what we want to think about is when we are in phase one over here, this is when you're focusing on the three, three, three rule. Right, Let me just move this over. This is the three, three, three rule right here. And again, for the very first three dates, spaced out over three weeks, keep it to three hours maximum. Now, why can this be helpful for you? Well, what this does, it allows you to pace yourself and really get to know the person. Because the right person gets better with time. The wrong man gets so a lot of the time when someone gets into a relationship, they start seeing someone that they start seeing a side of another person that they've never seen before. But they could have seen that aspect of that person if they would have just taken their time and throughout all of these three phases here, you want to see how is it that they show up in different contexts. How are they with a friends, how are they when you're. When they. When he might. Is with your friends. Which again, is all in phase three, right? So this is when you can start to introduce someone to your friends. This is when you might want to do a double date. This is when possibly you are inviting them to your home, right? It just totally depends on the, on the individual and their boundaries. But you don't want to be treating a person that you've just met as if they are someone who is in phase three. And what's also great is, is when you are in phase number one here, you can date multiple men at the same time. For a lot of women that we work with, they want to get married. They're not messing around, they're not wanting to just waste time. So in phase number one, you could be dating three to four different guys, but also just ensuring that you're taking your time getting to know someone. So when we look at phase number one here, you're not rushing intimacy. You're not texting all day. You're living your life, right? You're. You're making sure that you're continuing to take care of yourself. You're not putting all of your eggs in one basket and getting ahead of yourself and thinking that you're gonna get married to this guy when you have just met him. No skipping any foundation here. So that's step number one. Step two is you wanna check for compatibility. So let me ask you a question. So I wear a large shirt, but if someone gave me an extra small shirt, could I still fit into it? I could, but it would be extremely uncomfortable. Right? What about if this shirt was medium? Could I fit into it again? I could, but it would still be uncomfortable. Well, this is what a lack of compatibility is like in relationships. So a lot of people ask me, well, Matt, can I be in a relationship that I'm not compatible with? And the answer is, of course you can be, but it may be uncomfortable. And the more incompatible you are, the more uncomfortable you will be in your connection. Which is why Paul in the Bible was speaking so much wisdom when he said, do not be unequally yoked. In phase number one, you want to be asking important questions. You want to be asking questions to establish compatibility question like, are we in the same stage of life? Do we want the same future? Are our values aligned? Because choosing who you're going to be with is one of the most important decisions that you're ever going to make in your life, it affects everything. Because you're not just choosing a partner, you're choosing a husband. You're choosing who is going to be the father to your children. This is an area of life that we just cannot get wrong because it affects everything. It affects how you think, how you feel. It affects your spiritual life, your physical life. It affects everything. That is why my wife and I created a compatibility checklist for our private clients. Now we give it away for free. It's already been downloaded by 20,000 women, probably more by now. So I'm going to leave a link down below so you can grab it now. That leads me to step number three, which is dating in the middle. Have you ever walked away from a bad date or spending time on a dating app and thought, that's it. I'm done. I'm staying single. I'm buying a cabin in the woods. I'll become that mysterious woman that the Village people whisper about. I don't need a man. I just need me. Have you ever been there before? Well, that is called going too low. Right? So stay with me. This is all going to make sense in a second. But on the flip side, have you ever been on a date with a guy where maybe he was everything that you've been looking for, and it was a great date, and you catch yourself thinking, this is the one. I'm deleting the dating apps. You start scrolling on Pinterest looking for wedding inspiration. You start writing down the potential names of your future children. Well, that is called going too high. Right? So whether you lean more on having an anxious or avoidant attachment style, it's so easy to swing into these extremes early on when dating, when we're in phase one, and the challenging thing here is whether we are too low or too high, we're not able to think coherently. We're not able to make sound judgments. So let me show you how to get out of these extremes. So in our Dating for marriage program, we call it dating in the middle. This is where we want to be here. This is the sweet spot right here. Because being in the middle allows you think and act coherently. Now you might be thinking, okay, Matt, so how do I stay in the middle here? Well, there are two simple ways that you can do this. The first way is the internal approach. So the internal approach is when we start transforming what is happening within that's influencing what's happening outside of us with our behaviors. Right. So there are a few different ways that you can do this. I won't go through every single thing, but just a few things. You can shift your beliefs. Another thing that you can do is you can go to God, right? So if you notice that you're feeling anxious and you, you start thinking that this is the guy that you're going to marry, and then you have what we call oneitis and you start deleting all the dating apps and you start noticing that you're doing all these things. This is when you can go, God, I need your help. I'm doing that thing again. Please help me here. What you can also do is you can go into self plus co reg co regulation, right? So deep breathing, you can speak to a friend, you can go to a coach. All of these things can be really helpful. And one of the most powerful ways that you can do it other than going to God is transforming your identity. This is where a lot of the lasting change can happen. That's a big part of what we do in dating for marriage. And then the second way to transform and make sure that you're staying in the widow in the middle is, is the external approach, right? So this is where you have something like what we teach in the program, a dating plan. And here's something to remember. You have a dating plan. The question is, is it a carefully conscious constructed plan or is it a plan that is a byproduct of what you saw, heard and experienced growing up? You might have a dating plan that you're already following. It's just unconscious. So having a dating plan can be really helpful. Having a coach can be really helpful. Following the 333 method. I'm running out of room here. Following the 333 method can be really helpful. All of this can really ensure that you're staying in the middle. So when you do make these simple shifts, you stop wasting months on men who aren't your husband. And on your journey to finding love, you are going to hear all types of advice that is a lot of it is terrible. And if you don't have any discernment, it may prevent you from having the type of marriage and family that you want. And for a, they do end up staying single because they're listening to all of this advice, which is why my wife and I put together a video breaking down some of the most terrible advice to not fall for. And you can go ahead and check it out here.