I thought it was just stress, it wasn't...

I'm testing a nasal strip. It's going to go in our starter kit.

I've got to wear it for at least 24 hours, and that means including when I'm walking down the street.

Um, I wear these at night normally, but not out and about. It's probably get a few weird looks.

Yeah, it's going to go in starter kit and gamification retention stuff.

So seems to be working pretty well so far.

It's, um, a different brand probably.

This feels like the normal size I'm used to. Fuck, it's hard to do it. You need a mirror, really. Oh yeah, I felt that open up straight away. And those original ones, they're the most comfy.

These are—

let me see if I have my orange.

These ones feel a bit weird. These are bigger, aren't they? This is the RTA. Oh, well, it's not finished, but as in, like, it's not final can, but you get the idea. Going head to head with this sort of shit.

Mhm.

When you're marketing this and stores. This is kind of very clear. It's kind of like a mushroom and coffee, right?

This is just oat mushroom latte.

I know, but I feel like this to me isn't clear. This is like a coffee drink. It's coffee flavor. Yeah, it kind of says it up here. Yeah, but I, I, I still would be a little confused on, I think, like what I'm going to end, end up drinking.

Yeah, it's less clear than that.

Yeah.

Costa Coffee.

Big and latte, classic latte.

Yeah, it's probably one of those things where we launch it, get feedback, see what people say.

Yeah.

Tweak it.

But yeah, it's definitely— the colors are definitely cool.

No, it's a beautiful can. Are you doing all the co-bec in here?

Cheers.

I don't even know where we're doing the co— it's somewhere in London, I think.

Is it?

Which drink?

Which, uh, it's—

oh, it's in the UK. Yeah, but it's, uh, it's not Canafar, is it, in the end?

Oh yeah.

I think George said we're gonna go see it.

Testing out this Pink Nose Strip bike running in this park actually for the first time in like a year. Nowhere near as fit as I used to be, but doing a gradual build-up after foot injury, major dehydration issue a month ago which fucked me, and, um, yeah, just not training. I'm probably in okay shape, maybe like 20-minute 5K. Hard to guess, but I'm just doing very steady, like, I don't know, 4:55 pace, like half an hour dead minute to warm up the foot again. Because yeah, nowhere near my previous fitness, and injuries actually wipe me out. So the hard thing about running— well, training for me—

I'm back in the UK, I'm used to the 4 hours, 3 hours ahead in Dubai.

Um, not having that time difference. I'm not like a 6 AM training guy, so yeah, getting it in after I've been in the office on like a 12-hour shift. It's like 9 PM now, or half 8, but yeah, really didn't want to train, especially with no gym membership at the minute. As in, I didn't bother to go and get a gym pass. I thought I'd just hit the running, but yeah, I didn't fucking want to train, but especially running in the cold. Weather says 10 degrees, feels like 6. So I thought, perfect opportunity to put the vest on and go and just fucking run anyway, because I was becoming a bit of a bitch recently with training. So Here we go, catch you in a bit.

Right, this is the fucked part about being honestly probably more fucking on the spectrum and ADHD or whatever. It's not even— I'm not even like glorifying that, it's just, just reality of what I realized about myself. This is the most fucked part being ADHD founder when you come to a place you don't live in anymore. And I've realized my environment and my setup is so fucking important. This place is quite cool, but this is the fourth place I've slept in in the past week, if you include my parents' house, because I'm a fucking idiot and I didn't book somewhere for like the 4-week period that I'm here. And then nothing was available that was near the office, and this place is for one night only, which is absolutely mental. And I've bought a fucking steak ciabatta at the gym, so I end up becoming a fat cunt as well, um, with protein pancakes, I might add. Yeah, the whole setup is pretty mad. I'm living more chaotically at the minute than I used to live when I was like a young fucking 25-year-old skater originally. And yeah, it's pretty lonely, I'm not gonna lie. Just fucking— girlfriend's not here. Obviously I live with her now. I mean, I'm going to the office day to day, but yeah, it's not ideal, to be honest, this setup, because I'm not a househusband type I'm not the most functional in the kitchen. I mean, I used to just cook chicken and rice, that was about it. And I was pretty good at that, to be honest. That was when I was in my best shape ever. This flat's pretty nice. Reminds me of where I used to live in Riverlake Quay next to Battersea Power Station. It's like one of those triangular bike places with sick view. The Shard's just over there. It is a sick location and a sick view. I also got salted caramel Oreo shakes. They're fucking scam these days. I cannot believe how expensive London is. I'm not even just saying that. Protein shake, sandwich, protein pancakes was £33. I mean, I'm just a northerner. I could be a billionaire and I'd still complain about that out of principle. But I honestly don't know how people on average salaries with the taxes and everything else make it work in central London. I genuinely fucking don't. I saw a tweet that went viral. It's just very true, and I'm gonna butcher it, but it's words to the effect of like, the only people, only young people that own property in London these days are either in council housing and living off the state, or their daddy gave them £500,000 for a deposit on a Clapham flat. Because a Clapham flat, you know, like an average fucking 2-bed flat, it's like £1.2 million these days. And that's not even like Zone 1. Yeah, this place is pretty cozy, but just fucking mental that I'm here for one night now. My office is literally like 200 meters that way. It's this perfect location. I was nicely surprised with this one, to be fair. Banging view as well. Oh, fuck, you can't really see the Shard out there. But yeah, cozy little gaff. Reminds me of my old place, but obviously I'm only here for one night, which is not ideal. I'm not even unpacking my stuff. Yeah, I've realised I should just vlog more shit because, I don't know, some people say they like seeing it. I might want to watch it back in a few years' time. It's cozy out here, to be fair. Yeah, that's a much better view of the Shard, which to be fair is a pretty sick building. It's funny that that's the tallest building in Europe, factually. The fuck, do I zoom on this cunt? And it's still— I can't zoom. Okay, whatever. There's the Shard, and it's still way smaller than most the buildings in Dubai Marina. I don't know if that's symbolic or if it's just a fucking economic reality for some reason, but Yeah, she needs to lock in. I'm definitely more of a fucking night owl than I am an afternoon office guy. I find this week at least— it's meant to focus on my face. I found this week being in the office, I just haven't been productive at all, to be honest. And I just find like when my home setup isn't fucking settled, which to be honest mine hasn't been for a good 18 months, 2 years at this point. I just find like I'm never— nothing's ever right for me. Nothing's ever good enough. Nowhere fucking makes me happy. That's the honest truth. And I think that's ADHD or whatever. It's not because I'm an ungrateful cunt, it's just because that's the truth. And I think I'm just trying to be more honest than normal on this channel.

It's to be honest.

I think that has made running this business pretty fucking hard. More, but it's knocked over there.

Fuck.

Oh dear. Because yeah, I've been always pursuing the grass is greener. I need to go somewhere else to like enjoy things more. The reality is I probably need multiple— well, not multiple, like 2 bases throughout the year, um, and that would work probably very well for me. I really shouldn't eat this while recording, but yeah, I've just been in a weird place. I don't know, this probably sounds like fucking like this cunt that's going too introspective, but it's an honest reflection of like— it's not even negative necessarily, although I have struggled with a lot of things that have not been ideal recently, some of which I shared, probably a lot of which I won't or shouldn't share. I just want to fucking enjoy the journey more, and I've been trying to— I've been hunting for the environment and the setup that lets me enjoy the journey more, which is why I went to Dubai. And that helped in a way, but didn't in another way. And like, you know, then I missed London. Now I've come back to London. My girlfriend takes the piss out of me for this, and even my mates in a group chat do, like, office versus remote. Like, I must have fucking said that a thousand times and I still don't know the answer. I guess the answer is ultimately hybrid, right? And my hybrid is probably in the sun in Dubai sometimes, in London sometimes. It's pretty fucking simple. That is the answer. The problem is I've not done either of them properly because when I've been in London, I've been doing this stupid shit where I come somewhere for a night, go to the office, spend 14 hours in the office, come back, sleep. Well, I should have just got an Airbnb 3 weeks, obviously, but I didn't plan ahead enough and I'm very last minute and I wasn't going to be here for this long and so on. I don't know if anyone can relate to this, but I need my fucking routine, like gym, diet. Like, look at this diet. This is not ideal. It's relatively healthy fucking fast food, but it's still fast food. Had a Huel earlier. Great brand, great business, but doesn't make me feel great. My stomach don't react very well. Um, yeah, I'm 4 years into this business, you know. We're sizable business now, like, relatively speaking. I don't Like, we're not as big as we should be, to be honest. They're not as big as I would like to have been. But the point is, I have a serious business, and sometimes I feel like my fucking, like, ADHD and founder tendency just means I just can't settle. When you're not settled, I often feel like you can't do the best work. At the same time, when I'm too settled, I'm not creative. And my greatest value add now is being creative, but I've kind of lost that through being so strict on myself over the past few years. Anyway, I'm gonna eat this, then we can chat some more shit in a second.

Right, fuck me. The past few days have been very strange because I'm an idiot and I didn't get a long-term Airbnb. I only need to be here for one more day currently because I've got a Harley Street appointment tomorrow morning with a specialist ear person. I don't ever felt so fucking weird mentally, to be honest, um, because it feels like my head's a bowling ball that's underwater and there's like a pressure in my ear. So the dizziness and stuff has got way worse. Not really dizziness, but I feel like when I'm stood still, I feel like I'm swaying on a boat. I like— feels like my head's kind of about to fill up and burst, which is just very fucking weird. So yeah, like this whole health issue the past few weeks has got way worse. I've been in the UK and I've been in 5 beds in the last 10 days, which is not ideal at all. Honestly, it's the most chaotic fucking, like, just period of combined factors probably ever. My girlfriend's not here, I'm by myself. I need to stay here till— well, there's a few things I need to be here for, largely now this fucking specialist, um, vestibular physiotherapist that I found tomorrow. I have to wait like a week for. She's like meant to be the best fucking specialist. Then we've got a team down to board me in next week. Um, but yeah, as I said before, it's like a fucking stupid problem. But because of all that, I didn't— I didn't know how long I was going to be here for, so I didn't book a long-term place. And then I kept extending things, and then this Airbnb I was in last night, which was actually sick and fucking cheaper than this hotel, wasn't available. So now I'm in a hotel back near where I used to live again. So I've gone parents' house mate's house for one night, hotel, hotel, Airbnb, hotel. So fuck, I've been in 6 places. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. This is my 6th bed in 10 days, which is just fucking retarded. Like, kills the routine. I mean, I'm going to the office every day, so I'm like putting in a shift work-wise, but other than that, this kills my fitness routine. Been running my stage, went gym yesterday, I got man flu today, today off. It kills my diet because I'm just, when I'm moving around, I know it's an excuse, but I just don't fucking buy the healthiest shit, to be honest. And when I'm back home, my girlfriend kindly cooks most of my stuff because she fucking likes doing that. I'm shit at cooking. Well, I'm competent, I just don't like cooking. Anyway, she helps me with all that, but she's not here right now. So yeah, I just feel fucking all over the place. Partly because my brain's been massively thrown off by what's going on for me right now, which I don't really know. I'm gonna find out more tomorrow. Hopefully it's not a fucking brain tumor or something. And I'd say that slightly sarcastically, but not entirely, because a lot of the symptoms are not ideal. And you go down a rabbit hole reading on Google and stuff, but that's not the best way to self-diagnose. But it's what people do, and it's what I do. Not been sleeping very well as a result. Just feel dizzy even when I'm lying down. All the while the business is— well, I feel stressed about a billion different things right now, personal and business, and it just feels like my body's fucking giving up. My focus, ironically, is fucking not very good. You know, the peptides and stuff, I don't know if they're helping right now because this fucking issue is blinding everything. It's all of that, it's just terrible timing. It's spent a bunch of money on that and excited to feel better. I've now come UK, my diet's not been great, my fucking head's spinning, like figuratively, figuratively, metaphorically, I can't even speak. And now literally someone thinks I've got mold poisoning. Wouldn't fucking surprise me because I went down the rabbit hole like 2 years ago looking at that. A lot of this stuff apparently is linked. I almost need to take like a month off and just fucking fix these health issues entirely. I haven't even had a haircut, looks horrible. Because yeah, this is the first time probably ever where I, for this long, felt physically not well. And it was— it started when I got Bali belly a month ago, whatever it was. That was like the trigger where all this started. Feeling suddenly really bad and getting progressively worse. So I'm very glad I'm seeing this person tomorrow, but I'm a bit concerned by what she's going to say, to be honest, about A, what it might be, but B, what the fucking fix is, if anything. And then on top of this, I've just been in a bit of a hole mentally, which probably goes hand in hand. Feel shit, don't get stuff done, make bad decisions. Feel bad mentally and then feel bad mentally and fucking probably doesn't help the nervous system and everything else. So I feel like I'm the opposite of relaxed and yeah, all that right now. I just feel like my ability to fucking— honestly, my ability to like focus and work properly has fucking disappeared in the past 2 weeks more than ever, largely tied to this. Because my brain just feels fucked and I'm super dizzy all the time. And then I feel guilty because I'm not fucking working, which is my personality type. And then I want to feel productive and good, but I honestly— I know I've made a few videos in the past few months, but this feels like maybe the culmination, whether it's directly related or just like indirectly correlates because of, you know, timing. But I feel like I'm just— I've reached like physical fuckery for the first time. And it's physical and mental, but it's physical first because I'm literally like, can't fucking walk without like feeling like I'm drunk on a boat or something, which is very, very, very unsettling. And you know, starts to make me worry about fucking brain tumors, anything else. And when you're cognitively impaired like I am right now, genuinely, it's like, fuck. I'm a useless cunt. Thank God this didn't happen when I was a one-man band with no team. Um, yeah, I'm not gonna lie, I'm in a pretty fucking rough place at the minute. A lot of that's not visible to people.

Well, most of it's not.

It's in my head, but partly. But also, this is physical symptoms that are also showing up in my head. But as in like literal physical symptoms, like I can't walk, I'm dizzy and shit. So I don't know, I probably shouldn't be fucking documenting it, but yeah, there's something going on with my health, it's not ideal, and I'm not fully at the bottom of it yet, and it's impacting a lot of things. I think it's a culmination of many months of build-up, but also probably a standalone issue. And right now I don't fucking like being alive very much because when I feel like this, I'd just rather be asleep. So yeah, let's see how we go tomorrow. Fuck me, I've woken up with mega fever and like sweating all night, heart rate like 95 to 100 while resting. I'm going to this vestibular physio this morning, but I'm not sure that's going to fix it now because I reckon I might have labyrinthitis or some sort of ear infection, but it's all linked. And like I said last night, I think it's just the culmination of like honestly overworking for like 8 years, and especially for the past 4 years. So I might need like a month off or something, to be honest, which feels crazy, but I just can't operate like this because it's not— it's not been sudden, it's just been a gradual decline. I've been getting ill super often, and this just feels like the fucking culmination.

So yeah, I just feel fucked.

Like when you can't even barely stand up. Similar to when I had barley belly like a month ago. My immune system just feels fucked, my nervous system probably. Just documenting the reality of fucking— I actually think it's work-related. So yeah, we'll see how the appointment goes.

Right, after a very rough few weeks, I was in Harley Street seeing a fucking expensive specialist specialist. Long story short, they diagnosed me with some vestibular migraine dizziness syndrome, which basically means I've got a fucking— well, it's kind of an inner ear issue, but not, not the crystal issue I'd thought. It's a, um, brainstem thing that some people are apparently chronically prone to, which comes on through too much stress. And yeah, basically it's incurable without— she said not having caffeine, not working out hard, not working for like 6 months. So I keep getting super wavy and dizzy, but there isn't really an obvious cure. I then at the same time, a few days ago, as you probably would have seen, got super bad chest infection. They said I had early stage pneumonia and I was given penicillin, which didn't work, and then I had to go back to the doctors Felt the most sick I've felt in a long time. Been on antibiotics for 6 days, got on amoxicillin, which is a stronger, better antibiotic, which is now— seems to have worked, but I'm still pretty fucked. I haven't trained in like 2 and a half weeks, was completely wiped out with the 2 different things going on. Probably the most ill I've been in a very long time, but just felt like the culmination of fucking, well, years of just working like 7 days a week, but also 6 months probably being the most stressed I've ever been about many things. And yeah, now I feel a bit like a fucking disabled person. I'm still slightly ill now, still coughing, but it's mainly just phlegm coming out my lungs. So there's been a few things going on. Hopefully when the chest infection's gone, the dizziness will also relieve itself, but Yeah, it's been very weird because it's just made me feel massively brain foggy and unable to work as much as I would like, or as well as I would like, which then kind of becomes a spiral because I get pissed off that I'm not being productive and doing good creative work and so on. So I think the lesson here is just I need to put my health first a bit more. I've always trained a lot, but I've kind of like not really thought about my general health and how much stress is actually having an impact because I was always like, burnout's not a real thing, and I'm just raised that way and like an ex-fucking rower and shit. I don't want to be a little bitch, but definitely things caught up with me. I was waking up with a heart rate of like 110 last week and a temperature that peaked at 39.9. Apparently over 39 can give you a stroke and shit, so it's pretty bad. But I feel generally better now, but I'm still not back to training. I still don't really feel myself work-wise, so trying to do like a morning walk, not work instantly when I get up. I'm still just in that kind of toxic mindset of, oh, if I'm not working then I'm fucking falling behind. And that is probably sometimes true, but not always. And Yeah, I just need to get a healthier relationship with work so I can fucking enjoy what I'm doing again more. Because I'm obviously— I've changed my role.

Well, I say obviously, be a separate video on that.

Changed my role in the business so I can actually focus on the stuff I want to do, but I'm still doing a lot of stuff I don't want to do out of habit, to be honest, which is probably a very toxic habit. So yeah, pause the peptides for a week or so because when I was that ill, it just felt like a waste, and I wasn't really sure if they were going to interact with my illness or whatever. But I'll be back on that soon, I'll keep you in the loop on that. So yeah, it's going to be a bit of a journey to fucking figure out feeling my best again, because yeah, the irony is when I started this mini-series, I didn't feel great in general, and then the dizziness issue, as I mentioned, has now been deciphered by a specialist. But yeah, there's not really like an obvious cure other than just fucking slowing down, which for me doesn't feel the most helpful. But we're back in London, and to be fair, this part of town is very nice in the sun. It's where I used to live and catch the [MUSIC] [MUSIC]