I've been hiding real health problems while running an 8-figure ££ brand as a solo founder...
In this candid vlog, Matthew Kelly, founder of the nootropic brand Space Goods, opens up about two decades of mental‑health struggles—including ADHD, chronic depression, burnout, and recent physical ailments such as fainting episodes and a misplaced inner‑ear crystal. He explains how the relentless pressure of scaling an eight‑figure business, constant travel, and an inconsistent routine have amplified his brain‑fog, low energy, and loss of creative drive. After trying numerous conventional fixes (therapy, medication, ice baths, lifestyle changes) with limited success, he decides to experiment with clinical‑grade peptides—Semax for focus and neuro‑protection and Selank for anxiety reduction—administered under a specialist psychiatrist in Dubai. He shares his first‑day experience, dosage, cost, and early subjective effects, while also detailing recent health scares (hospital visit, vestibular issues) that were unrelated to the peptides. Throughout, Matthew reflects on the paradox of being a wellness founder who neglects his own health, the need for stable bases (Dubai vs. London), and his plan to document the entire self‑experiment as a series that could inform future product development. The video ends with updates on travel, business commitments, and a promise to keep the audience posted on the peptide protocol’s outcomes.
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Right, so we're back. It's been honestly a very strange few weeks for fairly obvious reasons. I was in Dubai, then the Maldives for a rare legitimate week off, which I'm now craving to go back to, and then Bali for 2 weeks, which wasn't expected but was for logistical reasons. And then being the classic me, when I was in Bali, I was like, oh, fuck Bali, I don't want to go back to Bali. I said last year I wouldn't come back. I think that was my 10th time last week in Bali. And then I came back to Dubai, and now I'm back. I'm like, uh, kind of miss Bali, which is very typical me. But anyway, the topic of this video is something that's probably been pending for a fucking long time for me, and that is is ultimately addressing the challenges I've had with my mind and ultimately like just my fucking health and well-being for like the last 20 years to some degree. And this isn't some sob story, like I've been there in certain areas, but yeah, I'm definitely someone that's struggled a lot with ADHD. I've struggled a lot with very, very deep dark depression and, you know, being diagnosed with all sorts of things. I've, you know, been on medication in the past in the past. I'm not a big fan of that, which is kind of partly why I started the brand in a way. Obviously not to like, not saying Spacecaze is a cure for depression, but certainly like an ADHD, a strong ADHD cohort of customers and so on. And yes, for a no stranger to anyone that follows me on Twitter and fucking YouTube and where I'm far too honest, that I've definitely struggled a lot with that. And I think there's, you know, people that can't relate to that often think you're exaggerating or whatever. And those that can relate to it probably don't typically want to admit it publicly or on the internet like I've done. And I've probably only shared it to a light degree anyway, but that's not really the point. The point is, um, yeah, like, I think there's a genetic part to it, which is probably the largest part to it, as in like just not feeling great a lot of the time, especially recently. And then there's the situational day-to-day life setup of fucking grinding for like the past 8 years and being very burnt out, which I spoke about in a previous video, which I think was like a cap, by the way. But like, there's a lot of research around, you know, elevated cortisol for years, nervous system issues, and I've definitely felt that massively, especially as I've got older. Um, and yeah, I think for me in the past year, it's been like the perfect storm of genetic baseline of fucking neurodiversity, whatever you want to call it, but like honestly to a pretty extreme degree that I think I'm very good at probably not showing to most people, not letting that come up in my business day to day and so on, at least not that much, combined with just chronic stress and probably honestly a bit of PTSD, which might sound ridiculous to some people, but I genuinely definitely felt that for years, having repeat nightmares and shit, and not being able to sleep great, waking up at night all the time, and training a lot, but like still feeling like my energy is not that good. Ironically, given the fucking business that I'm in, struggling a lot with brain fog and lack of energy. But that's mainly in the past year, and I think that's largely because of honestly fucking chronic stress. And for the first time ever, feeling like I kind of lost my mojo. Um, well, not first time ever, but probably more than ever in the past year. And anyway, all of this to say like, fuck, I've kind of had this like I mean, I've known this for a while, like a big realization. I need to like fix my, my health, and that's physically and mentally. Um, I'd say primarily mentally because it's having a mega knock-on impact to my ability to, you know, be creative, want to produce stuff, not procrastinate, and so on and so on and so on. And maybe a lot of people go through this at some point in their lives, but I just feel like I really Yeah, lost my mojo in summary, and I don't need to fucking ramble on too long, but that's the basis of what I'm saying. And I've tried a lot of things to fix that— ice baths, moving to a sunny place, you know, I've been on medication in the past, hasn't always worked for me, different types, don't need to go into too much detail there, but I've tried a lot of stuff, you know, therapy, Harley Street psychiatrists. And yeah, it's all very easy to say, oh, this is all fucking cope, just fucking feel better, bro. And like, I agree with that mindset, by the way, generally. Um, but when it's gone— when it's this intense for this many years in terms of like the struggles with everything I've just said, then at some point it actually is like a legitimate health thing and a clinical thing. Um, so don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm some fucking victim and, oh, I can't control any of that, but like there is a biological reality in these things. Oh, fuck me, nearly just crashed. And yeah, anyway, so like, long story short, I'm trying some new shit and I want to document the process of like actually trying to fix this with unconventional, I guess, unconventional medicine. Some, to some degree, I don't know what I can, can't say on the internet, but like I've been going down this deep, deep rabbit hole on peptides, which I am literally about to start today. I've put a lot of, quite a lot of time and a decent amount of money into working with a, I guess, like a, well, a psychiatrist who has a peptide specialism, I guess. I should have filmed going to the clinic and stuff. It's actually pretty fucking interesting. Gone down this massive rabbit hole. My girlfriend's into this stuff for like the physical side and Yeah, like a lot of people are anti this stuff because they're like, oh, it's a quick fix, you need to just train better and eat better and eat clean and all this. And I agree, like do the basics, and I do a lot of the basics, and I've still not felt like myself, especially in the last year, which shows up negatively in how I am socially, the content I want to make but don't make because I just can't fucking bring myself to believe in my creative ideas anymore. It shows up in my work, etc. It shows up physically as well. I've had less energy to train hard. I feel like I've got fucking fatter. All these things. And I've gone through years where I felt fucking incredible. Like in 2022, for some reason I just had— maybe this is part of being like ADHD, it probably is, um, and I probably was going through like a manic episode for like a fucking year, to be honest. And I felt really, really good physically and mentally. Um, and yeah, I want to document the process of trying to fix this and honestly use myself as like a lab rat. And I guess the irony here, some people might be, oh, you run a fucking Focus Energy supplement brand. And yeah, that stuff does help me, by the way. Um, but that stuff is not clinical pharma, right? That is the icing on the cake. It's a nice lifestyle addition, and I still use my products every day. But they don't go as deep as fucking peptides or something else. And yeah, so yeah, that's what I'm going to do. I've not started taking any of this stuff. I might share like my list of plans, but I'm going to spend a decent amount of my own money and time in really trying to fix myself because I think there's a baseline that most people are at, and you know your own baseline because you'll have felt it. Before, right? When you genuinely feel good. And you can obviously be better than that, but like, for me, I've been below that certainly for the last year, probably longer to some degree. And I don't like that version of myself. Um, and I think for me, given ultimately like the intensity of factors, which might sound ridiculous to a lot of people— I'm sure some people can relate, maybe most can't, but that's fine— I know like the reality of how it's been for me. I think given the intensity of all that, I need to take a more hardcore approach. And I'm interested in this stuff anyway. I find it fucking fascinating, like the whole biohacking, self-improvement, like physically and mentally stuff beyond just like reading books and meditating and so on. Um, and yeah, it's going to start with 2 peptides that are for the brain. I'm gonna go down this whole rabbit hole of like mind and body, but for me I think it very much starts with the mind because I think that helps you fix a lot of the other habits and thought patterns and everything else. And yeah, I want to document basically— I wouldn't say I'm at rock bottom now by any means, but like just been in a flat place, not a great place. Like my ideas have dried up, like I just don't feel like I can access the best version of myself, like my fucking full potential. And that's probably been visible to those that followed me on YouTube, certainly in the past year. Like, everything's just felt a bit heavier. And like I said, it's for all the reasons before. And I want to fix that because I know that the best version of me, which I felt before— and hopefully with this protocol I'm going to jump on, there's going to be lots of parts to it, I'm going to experiment and document it— I hope with that— well, I believe that I can get beyond my best previous self. And, you know, I think I've got a sub-2:45 marathon in me. I think I've got a sub-1-hour HYROX in me. I think I've got a scale the business to the next level in me. I think I can make way cooler content. I think I can bring the podcast back. And it's all fucking talk, and I'm very self-aware of that, but it's all in me. I've done all that stuff before. Well, not the exact marathon numbers, but, you know, I've, I've reached high levels in most things I've done, generally speaking, but not, not recently to the high— to the level I would like to. And I don't feel like I've progressed enough, but I think that's been held back by ultimately like the clinical reality where my mind has been. So yeah, anyway, I'm fucking rambling. I'm just gonna start documenting this series where I'm gonna become a lab rabbit, I guess, to myself for only legal stuff, to be clear, but Yeah, I just think it's all super fucking interesting. I find this world very interesting. Obviously I'm in the supplement/nootropic space anyway as a founder, and we're launching new products that are kind of designed around my desires. But ultimately, like I said, that stuff can only take you so far, and it is useful, but it's not as powerful as, you know, more pharmacological stuff, you know, whether it's medication, clinical-grade biohacking tools, peptides, etc. But yeah, I find the whole world interesting. I think I'm actually like a really good case study to do this on myself and document it because yeah, hopefully others can see the potential and so on. So yeah, this is just the intro. I'm gonna make episodes whenever I'm doing something really to document what's going on, starting with the peptides, and then there's other stuff I'm looking into. This might be super fucking weird to a lot of people and super cringe and whatever, and if you can't relate to like feeling less than your potential, like physically and mentally, then maybe it's a load of shit. But I think everyone wants to get better, right? For me, I'm starting from a definitely below baseline level, so hopefully the, the gains I can make will be fucking insane. And that should ultimately show up in the rest of my life. Like, the irony is I'm in the wellness space and I feel like I haven't prioritized my own wellness enough. And the ultimate irony is I'm a wellness founder, um, and all our customers, you know, gives great feedback. Not all of them, but you know, get a lot of customers saying the products really help them, etc., etc. Obviously to a small level at the end of the day, but small improvements, changes to habits and so on. Yet me as the founder, through the stress of building that thing, which there's a lot of nuances specifically why I've maybe been super stressed, which ultimately probably things I don't feel like I can speak about on the YouTube, even though that's actually probably the most insightful stuff, um, around like, yeah, things that might be obvious, people that know the nuance of my business. But yeah, I'm a wellness founder and I've basically fucked my wellness, especially in the last year through the process of trying to build that thing with the pressure I've put on myself and probably overcomplicating a lot of stuff, etc., etc. And like I said, this is not some fucking sob story, it's just me documenting the reality that I've felt, that maybe a lot of founders feel But I felt it probably too. I would imagine quite an intense degree because of like my biological baseline and history with this stuff as well. And yeah, I want to fix it and I want to document it and I want to try new stuff that might be interesting. So that's the intro to this series. More to come very soon on what I'm taking first and how it helps me. I'm going to document the highs and lows of it and the realities of what I'm doing, how much it costs. And yeah, who knows, this could become a whole series and maybe a new product range eventually. I don't know, Space Kids peptide sounds kind of interesting, but that probably wouldn't, wouldn't fly with some of my investors potentially. But yeah, that's the intro. I need to go to gym now. Let's go on it. I'll document it as we go. Cheers. Right, following up from yesterday's intro, the two peptides I've jumped on This isn't— I've done this very legit. I haven't done this like, you know, you can buy these off random fucking websites and shit. I went to like a very high-end clinic in Dubai on the Palm. This was administered by a psychiatrist actually. Seems like a bit of a grey area, like it's not like FDA approved all the stuff, but it's very, very studied and stuff. So I've got Semax, which is the first one, and then Selank, which is the second one. So anyone that's familiar with peptides has probably heard of both of these. I wasn't familiar until about, honestly, the past few weeks. I'm not an expert, I'm not gonna claim to be. I've done a lot of research, but obviously I'm working with an expert, which is more, the more important part. But yeah, both of them are nasal sprays. So one spray in each nostril once a day. The Semax, I've literally just started it this morning. Haven't had the other one yet. The Selank is the evening and the Semax is the morning. I mean, basically high level, I'm literally reading off screen here, by the way, 'cause I'm not a fucking expert. I'm not claiming to be. I'm just a lab rat on my own terms. Yeah, basically Semax is, works for focus, mental clarity, cognitive function. I guess you could say it's like Space Goods products on fucking steroids. Selank is the evening one, like reduced anxiety, can be good for depression, all this sort of stuff. I mean, this has been like, I mean, seems like a bit of a gray area. I'm going to sound like an idiot in this series because I'm new to it, but I'm literally testing on myself. But this was the advice I was given. So Semax, focus, mental clarity, neuroprotection, boosts levels of BDNF, brain-derived neurotrophic factor, and NGF, nerve growth factor. So it literally helps you grow your brain cells and connect them. I'm reading off AI thing here. Users report clean focus, not jittery. It's basically like fucking space cruise on steroids. Medical use in Russia is used for stroke recovery and treating brain circulation. Selank is primary goal anxiety reduction, stress management, emotional stability. All things I probably need running a fucking consumer brand at this, at this stage. Um, modulates the GABA system, calmness without sedation. So yeah, high levels of SAMHSA for focus and learning, BDNF, NGF. Ceylanq is like calm, calm and resilience, GABA and serotonin. Basically both of them together are meant to be an insanely effective combo. To just feel locked in and good, basically. I've only taken the Semax today so far, haven't touched the Selank yet. I genuinely did notice something. It's hard to put your finger on it and it's often hard to say whether it's the placebo or not, but I mean, like the psychiatrist said, it's not placebo. You should feel effects within like 2 to 5 minutes, 'cause it literally goes up your brain, well, up your nose into your blood-brain barrier. So yeah, it's only day 1. Haven't even had a coffee yet though. I intentionally didn't have a coffee to see, to remove like other stimulants and definitely felt more locked in. I hope it's not placebo. I don't think it is though because I haven't had a coffee and all that stuff which I normally would have done, which I'm normally very reliant on in the morning. So I literally had electrolytes, creatine as always, and then 2 sprays of Semax and felt a bit weird for like 30 seconds. But then it went— it definitely felt locked in. So yeah, that's interesting. That's the first day. I haven't tried the Selank yet. That's evening. But then the two combined over time are meant to be very, very effective. So I'm on a 600.6 milligram dose per day of each one, which is 600 micrograms. I think this has like 2-month supply roughly. Maybe I'll do a breakdown of costs. Pretty expensive given like there's other stuff you can stack on this, which I'm going to be doing as well. But these two alone are like £400 a month combined, which obviously for me, if it fucking works, it's worth it a thousand times over. But yeah, it's obviously expensive compared to like other stuff. So, and then I had to pay for, you know, the proper consultation and so on. So I've probably already spent a grand on it. But for me, given my situation and my background and so on, that's well fucking worth it if it works. So yeah, first hour now. I'll report back how it goes today and when I try the Cellank. But it's interesting, the start of this journey, and I'll document it. Cool.
All right, so quick update, um, very random. I mean, like, a quiet part of a coworking space. I'm not actually meant to be recording. I'm actually in York where I'm originally from, visiting my parents for like 2 days. Came back from Dubai, York for 2 days, then London for like 4 weeks coming up soon. Learning the skill of just locking in anywhere I have to get out of my childhood bedroom. So I'm in some random co-work space on the river I used to row on, in a place I'm not meant to be speaking in. So I might have to go and get a phone booth. But, um, yeah, pretty weird yesterday. So update on the peptides, I thought this was a peptide thing Um, but basically the last week when I was in Dubai, like last week I pretty much fainted. I say pretty much because I didn't actually faint, I didn't go blackout, but like I was very faint in the mall and basically couldn't walk, had to sit down. It was like super weird. I thought I was literally dying. Didn't mention this before. Um, and then that happened again to a way larger extent yesterday when I was walking down the street with my brother, meant to be going out for dinner. I literally couldn't walk. I was like, wow. I was like falling over, felt super faint, body felt heavy. I was convinced I had a heart problem.
I ended up spending 5 hours in hospital, absolutely convinced something was wrong.
I thought it might be the peptides, might be related to being ill in Bali. When I came back from Bali like 3 weeks ago, after 2 weeks there, um, turns out I had some misplaced crystal in my ears, which I've never heard of that before. Which basically was making my— making me feel mega dizzy, but also kind of showing up in faintness. And that has some impact on your vagus nerve, which makes you feel like your blood pressure has dropped massively. So it's a very real thing, but wasn't my heart. And I get massively like health anxious. Wasn't the peptides, wasn't my heart, just completely unrelated. It just like coincides at the same time I started taking those. So that was a weird situation, but glad it isn't my heart. I could do without that. But yeah, still dealing with it. Like, the only solution is— well, they thought it maybe had come from snorkeling in the Maldives like a month ago, which sounds weird, but like something got my ear— got ear blocked with water at the time. And then you have to do like some maneuver to try and fix it. And yeah, still feeling a bit weird now, but I felt super strange the past week, like fainting in the Fainting, feeling very faint and not being able to walk in the mall the other week. And then last night to an even greater extent, I literally had to sit down for like 10 minutes. I thought I was like honestly dying. Very strange feeling, but thankfully not. And yeah, good to get checked out, but just like one thing after another at the minute. Business has been pretty challenging for many reasons, some of which, well, ironically, I almost feel like I can't go into a lot of the reasons why. Which would be the best content for this channel and also the most useful, but also it doesn't necessarily help me in my situation right now. Um, yeah, it's been a lot of changes, a lot of things at once— macro, micro, personal, in and out of the business, to be honest. So yeah, I feel like my body gave up yesterday. Not that it's necessarily related, but there's been a lot of stuff going on, and yeah, it was rough. So Yeah, I'm in the UK now for about a month. London, probably in 2 days' time. Lots of stuff to figure out. I should be documenting it because it's the interesting stuff, especially when stuff's not necessarily going perfectly, which is the real stuff. But often, like, because I'm on YouTube, I want to make it seem like everything's perfect all the time, like everyone does on LinkedIn. But that's obviously not the nature of my channel. Um, but yeah, I'm not gonna lie, it's been rough. Been rough on a personal level and business level the past few months, to be honest. Um, and it's definitely showing up physically, either because of or just completely coincidentally. But yeah, I've been pretty wiped out the past few weeks from a few things, like injured my foot had a lot of issues I spoke about before, and more recently had the mega issue the past week that peaked like last night. And then yeah, a few other bits going on as well, but health has to come first ultimately, and it's hard to run a business in a tricky time when your health isn't great. So yeah, that's what's going on. Last night was pretty fucked. But yeah, I'll keep you in the loop on a bunch of things.
I have been back in London for the past week. I'm actually in London for another 2 weeks. It's not the exact scenario I intended because I basically left Dubai a bit earlier, um, because I guess there was all this talk about shit kicking off, which doesn't seem to have happened. And you know, they might have shut the airspace and all this hasn't happened ultimately. My girlfriend's still there. Um, I came to see my mum. I came to my mum's birthday, 62. Hadn't seen her for like 4 months or 3 and a half months since Christmas. And then I have like a board meeting and there's London Coffee Festival to launch this big product we're doing at the end of the month. And I thought, well, I'll just come do a month. But yeah, super impractical being somewhere for that long without having like your own place and a routine. Obviously I was at my parents' for like a week, which is probably too long, but needed to catch up with them, to be fair. Then I've been in hotels this week, which to be honest, I find hotels just easier to lock in often than an Airbnb. I'll probably do an Airbnb the next 2 weeks. Um, and yeah, I actually, I actually rate London when I'm here for less time and it's like spring, summer. I think April onwards it's nice. The weather's been decent actually, probably, well, not better than Dubai, but Dubai was a bit hit and miss the past month. Um, but it's just the not having like an actual base. Obviously Airbnb, whatever, is the best way to do it. Currently in a hotel in Chelsea next to Battersea Power Station, around the area I used to live. But, um, yeah, I don't have a place here anymore. So ideal setup would be, I guess, have a place here that you own, you rent it out when you're not here. I know that's probably impractical and doesn't work, um, and it's probably just fucking faff I don't need. So maybe it's not actually that ideal. But the point is, when I come somewhere and I don't have a place or gym routines. I find in London all the good gyms, you just can't do a day pass, a week pass, a month pass like you can in Bali, Dubai, etc., which I just find weird. Um, but yeah, I kind of came back to like do a lot of in-person stuff, but most of that in-person stuff, including Bite of Foods Barcelona, we're doing London Coffee Festival, first time we've done a proper like branded neon style Space Goods pink and purple stand. That's in early May. Then I got a board meeting end of April. Realistically, I should have come end of April for 2 weeks. I've ended up coming about 3 weeks earlier than I needed to. I mean, it's not a problem, but I guess for me, I'm like all over the place sometimes mentally. Definitely on the fucking spectrum, severe ADHD, all this. Probably more than I've admitted on this podcast before. Maybe some people can relate. And I just find I used to be mega chaotic, being like quite nomadic in my early to mid-20s. Then I settled in London. I still travel quite a lot. I just find if I don't have an actual base and a set routine in the place I am, like laptop and keyboard, whatever, it's workable. And I obviously can work from anywhere, but it's not the same as being at my desk with product samples, etc. Obviously we've got an office here down the road. It's Saturday today, I've just been out and about working in a cafe basically. Then I'm going out later with friends, but I should have fucking gone to the office, to be honest, because I've got a dial set up there. The reality is though, what I'm trying to say is I came back thinking I need to do loads of stuff in person, all this. The reality is 20% of my time probably needs to be actually in London while I'm here. But obviously when you're not here, you can't do— you can't go back for 4 days. It's not practical. So I had a lot of things I need to be here for. I think going forward, the optimum for me is— I actually genuinely don't work that well in an office all the time. However, I do work well and I enjoy in-person stuff like intensely over like a week or two, which is originally what I was coming for at the end of April to early May, but I came too soon. Um, I've also realized that, I mean, I was never a London hater, but I kind of got nostalgic. I went for a run last night around where I used to live. I was like, fuck, I kind of miss it in a way. But it's like rose-tinted glasses, right? Um, when I'm in Dubai, I probably want to fucking go back. And I'm here for a week and, oh, it's nice, whatever. But then, then the weather will start to get terrible and I think, oh, times are not as good because I miss my morning gym routine back in Dubai. I think ultimately for me to get the best out of me work-wise and just like mental health-wise, to be honest. It's have the base in Dubai in the sun, lock in, because that's literally what I do there pretty much— lock in and gym. Well, not entirely, but 95% of the time. And then here, spend time here to actually get quality in-person time. Product tastings I can't do in Dubai, which I mean I can do them all in Dubai to get them shipped out, but product stuff in person, team quarterly team days in person, board meeting in person, which I always do anyway. I did a video back in January when I did that, so this is the April version of that, so 3 months later, every quarter. Um, probably quarterly supply. I mean, it's like doing that, obviously see the parents, etc. And then this time there's a bunch of other stuff I could actually do with being in person for. The thing I don't like is when I come and I spend all my time in the office, and given the team— half the team is in, is in London in general, and of that half roughly they only come in about 2 days a week. And then I'll be in the office probably 5 days a week when I'm here because I want to make the most of it. So What am I saying? I'm saying I actually rate London when I come back and have specific things to do. What I don't rate is when I'm here for too long or just out of my home routine, which is now Dubai, and I'm in the UK without a clear base, without a clear gym routine. I just find I get super sloppy on the diet and gym. I know it's a fucking excuse, but it makes it harder to stay dialed when I don't have the exact same routine every day, right? The same desk setup. Obviously I can work, like I said, but for me, I find my brain just doesn't function that well. So yeah, it's just been like another fucking life lesson for me that me, to get the best out of myself, I just need to be in a very specific routine. And when I'm here for actual in-person things, it needs to be regimented. Like, every day is full, the energy is high, I'm fucking busy. I'm not doing stuff I could just do remotely, which ironically 90% the past 2 weeks I've been here is basically that. I mean, whatever, I don't mind being in the UK, but um, it's not the best use of travel time and like fucking Airbnb costs, etc., um, given my house is just back there with all my stuff. But for me, the grass is always greener, right, to some degree. So I basically realized after fucking 8 years being a founder, for me, multiple places is the answer. But ideally you have a fixed place and a fixed routine in each place. I don't have that currently in London, I don't have it anymore. I do have that in Dubai, I don't have that anywhere else. So I think for now the solution is based in Dubai, which I am, which I like for many reasons. Um, certainly over like winter and early spring, probably like 7 months a year equivalent, even maybe 7, 8 months a year. UK for a week or two at a time, probably, you know, 7, 8, 9 times a year, pretty much the equivalent of like 1 week a month or slightly less. About a quarter of the year roughly, and then the rest of the time other trips. Like, I'll be in Barcelona for a week for this Vitafoods thing and a few other things. I was in Bali for 2 weeks more recently. That wasn't planned, but I do end up there every year for some reason. And just other parts of the world like America or whatever. But ultimately, like, the actual living and workplaces are Dubai and London. And then when I'm here in the UK, I always go to York, which is where I'm from, to see my parents, etc. And it always feels very small every year, but it's always nostalgic and obviously nice to go back. So yeah, that's the reflection. Um, I've also been mega fucked, like physically, the past few weeks. I mentioned I had like severe barley belly and like borderline salmonella. I've been playing around with peptides, still doing that now. That's feeling— definitely noticing a difference. Um, turned out I had a misplaced ear crystal, I think in my right ear. I'm going to see a specialist, a vestibular physiotherapist, on Monday. Sorry, I got rudely interrupted by a phone call there. Forgot what I was saying. Yeah, end of the story time. Basically went to hospital, thought I was dying. Turned out I had some crystal misplaced in my ear, which is something called, um, nystagmus, where your eyes are like twitching and basically your brain thinks you'll— you get dizzy and faint feelings from it and it affects your vagus nerve, which was dropping my blood pressure, which is why I felt super faint. Partially my head, but partially the blood pressure dropping from Vagus nerve interaction. Very weird. So the past 2 weeks I've been feeling like mega dizzy randomly. I was in the office the other day, like, speaking to someone, I thought I was going to fall over. You feel like super drunk. So yeah, it's been kind of one thing after another recently. I injured my foot really badly, couldn't run for like a month. I had like a tendon issue from hitting it. That's a long story. When I was playing football, um, and then had the fucking barley belly that was severely bad, then had this issue. And then yesterday morning I woke up in this hotel, I could barely— well, this morning, this morning from yesterday, from last night, woke up this morning, couldn't turn my fucking head because this part of my neck is absolutely rugged. So I'm on like big painkillers and this like heat rub. It's just funny because when it rains it pours, and like the business has been a bit of a— maybe not a shit show, but a lot of different things going on, which maybe I'll make a video on or not. It's going a lot better now, but there was some issues with a lot of things, basically, long story short. And my fucking health was taking a turn, like physically, for the first time in a long time. Which isn't fully sorted. My neck still fucks. I'm still getting these episodes of being mega dizzy and it makes you feel kind of confused and weird. So I'm seeing some specialists in Harley Street on Monday morning, which is fucking expensive but probably worth it. Called a vestibular physio. They basically deal with neck issues. Ear, inner ear balance things and so on. So it's like an area of health I hadn't even thought about before. So also need to go blonde again because it's fucking spring and summer coming up soon. But, um, yeah, it's been a bit chaotic recently. When it rains, it pours. Business things, traveling around, feeling nomadic far more than I wanted, like issues with my health physically for the first time in a long time. On the peptides to try and lock in and get rid of that fucking brain fog. I mean, ironically, even though I run a focus and energy business, not all the time, but that sort of burnout issues I've been dealing with and just lost my creativity and like edge, it felt like. Still feel a bit like that. The peptides have definitely been helping. I don't think traveling and probably not eating as well as I could have and training as hard as I should and being injured for a billion different reasons has helped. Especially with this like inner ear issue, it throws you off massively. Like I was walking in Battersea Power Station earlier, I went to see Holland and Barrett just to check out what we're doing in retail there, as I always do, and walk past. But, um, Yeah, I was getting like waves of feeling like I was gonna fall over in the shop, and then I couldn't turn my neck because my neck was crippled. So there's been a lot of things going on recently. I mean, whatever, it's like, I'm fine. But yeah, it just puts things into perspective when your health is not ideal. And I've had more mental health challenges than I have physical in the past few years, which, I mean, pros and cons to both, but at least like the mental ones doesn't stop you running and stuff, right? Which makes you feel better anyway. But a fucked up foot and this dizziness issue in the past month has been pretty rough. So yeah, through the worst of it, I think. And yeah, I can't fucking believe it's been 4 years of Space Goods nearly now. I've got another video to follow up on that coming shortly. But yeah, the scary thing about time is it just feels like it gets exponentially quicker. And I'm a very deep thinker about these things. I always think, oh, I should be further ahead, or, you know, I would have done that if I could go back, or had I done this perfectly, I'd be here. But that's never like a realistic— it's impossible to think that way, right? Because you're looking back saying, had everything been perfect, I would have been X. But by default, things are never perfect. And yeah, I feel like I have learned more in the last year. I say this every year, but maybe that's a good thing. Like, more in the past year than I ever have previously, not just about business, just about fucking life and like my preferences and what makes— what works for me, what doesn't, in terms of lifestyle setup, office setup, environment, work environment, team, what I want to spend my time on, what I don't, where I can build leverage, where I'm wasting my time, etc., etc. Um, yeah, I guess that's the journey of life, but I always had in my head by this point I'd be fucking retired and like never have to work again. I'm getting close to that financially. I'm not quite there yet. I'm at a certain level, but I guess even if I had 50 million quid tomorrow, realistically— and I know people that made that kind of money and they all say the same thing— after a year or two, it's obviously fucking amazing, but after a year or two you get bored. What'd you do on a Tuesday afternoon? If you've got 50 mil, you fucking work on the next business, right? Obviously with more freedom and so on. And I'm working towards that, or some version of that. Um, but yeah, I also think trying to enjoy and appreciate the journey more, because it's so fucking cheesy, but like, I put so much pressure on myself the past few years, you end up not enjoying it. And then it's like, fuck, well, you probably will make the money. You're gonna make the money. It just depends what level. At least that's my belief by myself. But then you look back and think, fuck, it was 5 years, whatever, and I didn't really enjoy it. I'm not saying I don't enjoy any of it, but I think often the bits I've made hard for myself are more internally, like I'm not here, I'm not doing well enough, even though everyone fucking licks my ass outside of the business saying how amazing SpaceKits is, all this, blah, blah, blah. And that's just the founder entrepreneurial paranoia and comparison loop, I think, to some degree, and just internal, it's never good enough. But yeah, like, fuck, I want to just play golf on a Sunday now, to be honest, rather than just think about work, you know. Like, I've obviously spoken about stuff before, or even on like a Wednesday night, I wouldn't mind just playing golf instead of just working at my screen because it's not actually productive for me anymore. Definitely entered a different phase where I think my value add is not just I mean, I've been in this space 2 years, but I think specifically recently my value add is not just fucking grinding. Um, but yeah, I want to make a separate video about that because it's been a few changes there, a few lessons, a few things have happened in the business that I have changed about my role and so on. Um, but yeah, this is me rambling. It's basically an update. Once again, I've gone a month without dropping a YouTube video. I'm probably just going to drop this as like a general ramble. And my mate Fred from Sanucci's gone like full fucking YouTube, hired a videographer full-time, he follows him around, and I'm like, fuck, the quality is so much better, and I'm still sat here on a DJI talking shit in my hotel room. But yeah, I think every week's hard when you're not full-time YouTube and already focused on it. But I'm just going to stop promising, I'm just going to make videos when I feel like making them. I am going to always make them, it's just the frequency and the content of them that's variable. So anyway, I'm rambling. I'm gonna go out shortly. Another video coming soon, and I'll catch you in a bit. Thanks again. Cheers, peace, bye.
