What Is It Really All For? Reflecting now the Honeymoon Period is Over - Doc the Journey Ep 39

Yo, back with documenting Journey episode 39, I think. Apologies in advance. I'm recording this with terrible man flu, which is a really bad fucking idea. But I figured if I don't record it now, I'll probably feel worse tomorrow and I won't do it over the weekend and then I won't do another episode and then my podcast and YouTube channel will be going to shit like I feel like it has been in recent weeks because I fucking changed the studio like I said, then moved it back to the flat. But then the flat is not the vibe that I thought it was going to be. The new setup, there is a room, I'm going to move it to a different location, which is coming soon, but I'm just pending sorting out. But yeah, I guess I'm more excited to do the pod and everything else when I feel like the setup is consistent. I'm used to it. Kind of missing the old flat as well, to be honest. And I appear to be living here by myself for the foreseeable future because my flatmate is just not coming here, which I'm alright with because I get out most of the time. It's productive. It's a nice place to live, can't complain. But yeah, what I want to speak about this week, probably not much. I feel like shit. But in the interest of Document the Journey, I just thought I'd actually record some stuff. This probably sounds horrible to anyone with earphones because I sound all blocked up and horrible because I feel like that I've had about 2 grams of paracetamol today, probably more, but I've never taken like a sick day in my life in terms of, like, not working at all, not thinking about stuff I'm working on. So in that spirit, I'm putting out another fucking episode which people can watch. I also feel like every episode I ever do feels, like really glum. And people have commented saying just like message me saying my whole vibe is like not upbeat and shit. But it's funny because I look back at summer episodes from last year or whatever and I thought I went through times where I was like super fucking gassed to be back in the game and stuff. And maybe in all honesty, coming up to a year since I launched the brand, coming up to a year, which is mad since I started documenting the brand. Even people I've met recently have said to me, you seem way less inspired, way less, like excited about everything now. Which is probably what it seems like on the surface in many ways. I think it was like with everything in life There's a bit of a honeymoon phase of anything new. But it's also quite funny because the longest I ever focused on one specific E commerce project or brand or website, whatever the fuck you want to slice it as is literally a year. Because when I did Midnight City, I only did that for a year focus before I fucking started working on Neon beach on the side. So it's kind of hilarious really, because a year is not a lot of time. So I'm already coming up to breaking my personal best in terms of focusing on one thing. And it's also coming up to the period where people are saying you seem less excited and shit, which is kind of funny because in many ways maybe my mind just is most excited at the start of something, but that's also, I'm very aware more than ever that's not how you get to where you want to be. And by no means do I want to do something else. I'm still very deep down intrinsically motivated to work on the brand. And it's moving the right way. And I have made a lot of progress, but it's also fucking hard. And a lot of change recently, like I said, hiring the new md, moving, moving the pods, new finance guy, new agency, bringing email in house. A lot has changed, but I think that's good. Yeah. What am I saying in this episode? I guess, yeah, that's the first thing, like I've just got less excited or people have told me I've been less excited. But I think that's just the reality of anything in life. And then it's when you, when you're not that motivated, which at times I'm not from completely honest, that you obviously have to do. That's the most important times, like with anything. When I was training for the marathon, I didn't fucking want to do it half the time, but I knew that if I did, I would move the needle and get there eventually. Which obviously happened. Yeah. What the fuck I was gonna talk about in this episode? My brain's fried because I'm legitimately quite ill. I've not felt this ill in a long time, which is maybe credit to athletic greens or whatever, or credit to my immune system getting better as I get older. I don't know, but I used to get ill quite a bit. So, yeah, like the one year milestones coming up, that's pretty interesting. And I guess it's super good from my own perspective to look back on stuff and I'm glad I filmed when I didn't want to film, you know, months and months ago when I was in a Barcelona hotel, because that's a cool memory. Like all these things and I think I tweeted this the other day. Is everything actually better in hindsight by default or as in is it always going to be better in hindsight? Because that's just how life works. Because we filter out the bad bits and we over romanticize good bits and so on. Like when you think back about anything and oh fuck, I'm longing for that moment again. Or do we just not appreciate how good it was at the time and it was as good then and we just underappreciated it rather than we're now over overestimating it? You know, I mean, maybe I'm super fucking sentimental and stuck in the 80s, like in a movie or some shit. I think in many ways I am. But yeah, it's just funny how life goes like that. And looking back at my own YouTube videos, I get very sentimental about stuff. Like even just a year ago, it's like this weird. It's like a beautiful sadness of the passing of time. I don't know if that makes any sense. But yeah, I spent today with one of my investors who I'd actually never met before. He invested like four months ago. Pretty significant amount. One of the biggest investors I have, I've never met him. We spent like three hours together just going through loads of shit and it's actually very valuable to step away from the day to day and fucking. I've just got a massive long list of notes now. A lot of shit to think about of what he said I should be doing and how I should be looking at things. And I think it's super valuable because anyone gets super stuck in what they're doing know and he said, even himself he does that. But when you get another person's perspective, especially a new person, maybe it can just shake up how you look at everything as well. So that was super interesting. And yeah, I suppose like the theme in the business right now is I'm really trying to learn how to let go of like doing everything and even just like owning everything. So like handing that responsibility off to the guy I've brought in and just trusting people to do stuff better and obviously giving my guidance but just realizing that I should focus on a very few, a very few large levers and identifying what they are and it's kind of obvious but it is always going to be a challenge, especially in a startup which is only a year old. Yeah, just realizing that there's no fucking way I can do it myself, obviously, but like even more to the point where I shouldn't even make every decision really. So yeah, that's like a big theme at the minute. And the other thing I'm thinking about, and I always get fucking debating in my head every time it starts to come into like spring and summer, is the whole like travel being in one place thing. I don't know. I've rambled about this my entire fucking YouTube career. But I'm always torn between is everyone that's in Bali say, or like doing the Nomad thing, Are they actually just. They've got it right and that is why I did this in the first place. It's for freedom or are they all kidding themselves and in 5, 10 years time they'll pay the price for that, whatever that price is. The business doesn't scale to a certain level. It's not sustainable. They realize that they should have worked more in their 20s. It's honestly such a hard balance. I feel like I have historically got it pretty well bang on. And for me that tends to be like in winter, maybe a trip in September, then I knuckle down until Christmas New Year, which obviously is the last time I went away in Bali. I'm going away again on Monday to Dubai and potentially Bali after. But I'm undecided on that because of this reason I'm thinking, is this delusion that I can run this business and scale it at this stage when I'm doing these two fucking really far away trips or actually is that the whole fucking point? I grind really hard, particularly in winter, and build teams and systems so I can fucking do that. And that was what made me happy when I was 22, when I first got into all this shit, was the freedom and ability to do that. I don't know. So that is a debate I constantly have even now. And I thought that debate was answered. I don't know, even last year I was, ah, I really want to have an office and fucking set up. And then my mind changes every season, honestly. So yeah, it's difficult. That is something I'm. And then again it's like this weird dichotomy, if that even makes sense. I'm always. I'm aware of the fact that I over romanticize the things I'm not doing by default. We all do. The grass is greener, you know, like this barley idea of living in the villa, fucking working like the palm trees, the movie, Instagram lifestyle. Yet when I was in Bali three months ago, I remember saying like laughing at that and Saying, I've got Bali belly. I feel like, get me back to London yet when I'm in London in the winter, you know, it's classic. So it's just, it's being aware of that. And the answer will probably always change a little bit, like what I want to do, what I don't. I guess ultimately my priority is scaling the business and actually as well, to be honest, I realized I actually want to take the pod and YouTube more seriously because I just fucking enjoy that shit. And I'm glad that I documented weird shit when I was younger and I wish I'd done more of it. And that's the one part of my life I feel like I don't give enough attention, which is like, like almost like wanting to be a content creator, like deep down in my, like child fucking hood or some shit, and wanted to make movies and shit and. But I also want to build a really big business and get really rich. So it is a hard balance. But I guess the pod and even just these shit little videos is basically me indulging the fact that When I was 15 years old, I wanted to be a YouTuber but everyone laughed at me. I didn't really have anything to talk about. So now I guess I am kind of a YouTuber on a small scale and people fucking listen to me with snot in my nose talking shit on a Thursday night when I feel like shit. So it's kind of funny how things work out. But yeah, I'm just weird enough to put myself out there, I guess, and document all the highs and lows, which is maybe quite unusual. So, yeah, I don't know. This is a probably even less coherent episode than normal because I feel absolutely out of it because I'm very sick and I've got a shockingly long list of things to do. Sometimes I do wonder, what's it all for? Should I just fucking go to Bali and work less hard and build more of a lifestyle business? Honestly, depending on the day of the week, you ask me, I sometimes think that. And I notice a lot of my mates, well, maybe not calling out my mates, but I have noticed a lot of people as they've got older do pivot towards that being more of a priority. And like the whole I want to be a billionaire, like maybe early 20s sort of angsty mindset dissipates a little bit. And not that they become more realistic, but rather that they become more experienced and realize what they actually want, which isn't necessarily the billionaire pound business, which everyone seems to think they want when they get into entrepreneurship and then they realize that even making a million pound business is really fucking hard. Especially if you're doing doing it legit and making some in long term. So I'll leave you with that thought. As always, I do appreciate anyone watching this shit. I did an event the other week, we're going to do more of those. I'll actually make a video about that because that is going to become more of a thing. It's not going to be called Pool Party Social Club anymore. It's going to be called Midnight Social Club because the pool party thing makes no fucking sense. I just decided. So I know I've been teasing that shit for literally a year and I'm absolutely retarded in that respect, but I'm gonna do something more with that. I'm actually working on some shit tonight on that. Well, I'm trying to, but I'll probably end up fucking going to bed because I feel like shit. And as always on that note, cheers watching the POD subscribe. I promise I'm trying to make this channel better and more useful and whatever the fuck you want it to be. And I'm trying to take it more seriously. I just, I'm so busy. But I promised I'll do an episode a week and I will, including when I feel like subscribe to the pod. Cheers for watching. Peace.