You'll Find Your Dream Relationship Once You Learn THIS…

What's up, everybody? Welcome back. It's great to see you. And by the way, it's so funny reading the comments this morning from people who are like, I wasn't here for the first 2 days. There are people who are like, how does— what is Calm Method? Like, what did I miss? I'm here now. Can somebody get me up to speed? You're here. Don't worry. The Calm Method has been a 3-day process. It culminates in today. It is about understanding that how we are experiencing life internally dictates our results in life externally. And today, I want to talk about the concept of building our dream life through calm, and I'm going to use some really important examples of how calm shows up in our practical everyday life. And I am so glad you are here today because I'm going to do something very special at the end of this session. Anytime I do this, people ask me if there's a recording of it. You know, can I listen to this over and over again? But it does not exist anywhere publicly. It's something that I do live with people. I very rarely do it, but I am going to do it today at the end of the session. And after this session, I'm going to do a Q&A for everybody who wants to join me completely Free. This whole thing has been a free experience. I'm so glad for all of you who have been able to commit time to showing up. I wanted to do something ultra valuable at what I think is a really crucial and interesting time of year. September, October is a time where you can gear up for a great end of the year and an amazing beginning of 2027. So the timing of this is beautiful. If you're not in the community right now and you want to be part of that Q&A afterwards and Why shouldn't you? Why wouldn't you want to be part of it? You can— there's a QR code somewhere around me. I don't know where exactly it is, but if you screen or scan that QR code, it'll take you through to our community, and you can join for free. There'll be a live chat. We'll all be in there together doing a debrief from today's session. So, welcome back, everybody. Teresa, Rita, Catherine, MacDylan, Lake Golden, all of you. I'm so grateful that you're spending this time with me. And even if this is your first time today, I'm really grateful you're here. I guess my first question to you all is, what's the number one thing that you would like to use calm for in your life? If you think about that concept that internal states produce external results, how we feel on the inside is responsible for what we achieve and what we get on the outside. What is the number one thing that you would like your internal state to generate for you on the outside? I would love to know. What's the result you want in your life? What would you like to happen in your life? Is there a goal? Is there a specific thing or a person you've been wanting to attract that You're like, if I could have the way I feel and what I experience in here be responsible for one thing in my life, what's the number one thing? And be honest, don't say what sounds good. Say what you really want. I'd love to know. Love and wealth, someone said. Emotional healing, but let's go a step further. Emotional healing is still happening on the inside. What would you like your emotional healing to lead to on the outside? What would you like it to create for you? Love in my life. Living a peaceful life. The feeling of new possibilities, someone says. Not letting other people hijack my emotions. Who are the kinds of people that normally hijack your emotions? I'm curious. Lots of people saying charisma and confidence, but let me push you again a step further. What do you want charisma and confidence to create for you? What would you like in your life? A deep relationship? Who here feels that? Who— someone said new partner, a loving partnership. Who here, you know that at this point in your life, your biggest goal, the thing you want more than anything is to attract Love. Love. I'd love to know that. Who here wants to attract love in their life? That is the, you know, you've— maybe you've achieved certain things in your career, or you've made certain things happen in your life, but that's the one that, you know, like, this is what I want more than anything at this point in my life. Okay, so a lot of you. I see you. Wow! Okay. Now I know that's not the only goal people have. You might want to create something. You might want to build something. You might want the confidence to do other things in your life. But for so many of us, we know that our relationships, more than anything else on the outside, dictate our quality of life. So if we're not happy in that area of our life, it has a way of poisoning everything else. I wanna— I think it would be fun to use the example of finding love, and even if you're not in a place in your life right now where you're looking for love, maybe you're happy being single right now, Maybe your focus is in your career. That's totally fine. You can apply what I'm saying with a career lens, with a lens of what you wanna create in your life. But I'll use some examples from the world of finding love today. And by the way, if you're looking for love today, today's gonna be really fun for you. But it's also just gonna be highly illustrative of how much what happens on the inside affects everything on the outside. So many of us are constantly looking for a technique, a strategy. It's why dating advice does so well online, is that people want that one magic line that I can say, that one dating tip that's gonna make all dating easier. But in truth, there is nothing more important than our internal state. It all starts with our internal state today, and how we show up. Think about it this way. If you want to dream life in the future, it starts with how you show up today. Every time you show up with calm, even to the most difficult, high-stakes situations, the situations that normally make you freeze up, the situations that normally scare you, the ones that feel really high stakes, even when things are going wrong, when we show up with calm, we are showing ourselves that we can own whatever situation comes our way. Because we know how to own ourselves. I want you to take— if you haven't got a piece of paper for today, you're going to need a piece of paper. It's a cheesy line, but a dull pencil is better than a sharp mind. So I want you to write lots today, and the first thing I want you to write down is, starting today, I am going to learn how to own myself. Starting today, I'm gonna learn how to own myself, and underline own myself. And there is no more important time to practice than when it feels hardest to do that. I spoke to a really lovely man named Eric in our Q&A yesterday, who has been beating himself up for the way that he showed up in his past relationship, and I could hear it in his voice, and from the things he said, This is a guy who really wanted to hate himself right now, right? How many people feel that? How many people are here right now, and you're like, something you've done, you regret, you're beating yourself up for, maybe even you go as far as to say, I truly am like hating myself right now for a mistake I've made, a decision I've made, a position in life that I've landed myself in. How many people feel that self-hatred? Right? If you're feeling that right now, the best time to practice. This is the best time to practice. I spoke to someone named Kim yesterday who was— talked to me about a health issue she has that makes it harder to date in her eyes, and the fact that she hasn't had a serious relationship, and how she, in her mind, she felt like that might mean she never finds love. She's scared. Great time to practice. So, it doesn't matter what you're experiencing right now. These are great times to practice owning ourselves, because owning ourself is a superpower. It has a magnetic effect on how other people see us, because when people see us owning ourselves, they wonder what it is we have. I once— I was in LA. I was hired to go and do a speech. And a guy came and picked me up in a car that was sent for me by the company that had employed me. And I got in the car, in this big kind of Escalade, you know, one of those ones that you feel like you'd need a ladder to get up into the back seat. And I sat in the back seat, and this driver, he gave me almost like a slightly cheeky look. He looked at me in his mirror, and he goes, Someone must think very highly of you. And I said, why? He said, because they sent you me. My immediate response, I laughed, and it created like this fun, you know, like it instantly created this vibe. But I was like, who is this guy? Like, I wanted to know his story. I wanted to know who had sent him. Like, who had I been sent in this man? Him owning himself, albeit playfully, showed that immediate level of confidence that arrested my attention. Even though this is a playful example, I want you to consider for a moment the impact that you would be having if you calmly owned yourself in the key moments in your life. If you showed up to a date thinking, I'm here to see if you're right for me. If you do that, are you gonna have a different energy and say different things than if you showed up thinking, Please don't hurt me. Yes or no? Leave me a comment. Yes or no? If your thoughts in a relationship are, Let's build something great. Are you gonna do something different than if your mind is screaming, how do I make you stay? Yes or no? Be— by the way, I want you to be with me today. Like, interact with me. Play with me. Like, be here with me. Let's be present together, and the more we engage, the more we're gonna ingrain today. What about if when you're looking for love, which we clearly— many people are here, you're connected to what makes you special? Are you gonna have a different energy than if you're walking around thinking, everyone has something I don't. I can't compete in this dating market. Look, I have been coaching people on how to find love for 19 years of my life now. I can tell you what reliably leads to people finding love. The number one pattern is people find love... who know how to own themselves at every stage of the process, because those people are the ultimate persuaders of their value. I once heard that persuasion is the transference of emotion, right? We become the persuaders of our value when we own ourselves. Let me ask you this. What is the number one reason The number one reason a first date doesn't lead to a second date. One of the biggest problems we have in our time in dating right now is first dates going nowhere. What is the biggest reason? Anyone know? Leave me a comment. Let me know what you think. Chemistry. Chemistry is the reason. They didn't have it, but not because they couldn't. That's a cop-out. You can't have chemistry with every person on Earth, but you can have chemistry with 100 times more people than you have chemistry with right now. The reason most people don't get chemistry is because they're not owning themselves on a date. They're second-guessing themselves. They're overthinking everything they are saying. Have you ever done this? You go on a date, and you censor yourself. You're not your normal self. We take ourselves too seriously. We get to the end of the date, and, you know, we text someone an hour later, after overthinking it for an hour, and wondering who should text first, and we say, thanks for tonight. I had a nice time. In other words, we say the most vanilla thing we can possibly say, so that we don't say the wrong thing. You know, uh, I hope you had fun at your event afterwards. Safe. Safe doesn't create chemistry. What if instead, you knew that they were going to an event after your date together? You got home, and a couple of hours later, you sent them a message that said, I hope you manage to enjoy the rest of your night without me. And then you did like a little, like tongue sticking out emoji. Right? That's chemistry. This is— we don't think of these things together, but chemistry requires leadership. Leadership requires owning yourself. It's a strange way to think about it, but it's true. You have to be able to lead with the energy you want to create in the other person, right? Like anything else, chemistry is about the cues you give, and you can't give cues if you're constantly worried about the cues someone else is giving. If emotionally you're stuck in your own head, plagued by self-doubt, worried about what the other person is gonna think of you, scared they're gonna reject you, or if you got to a point in your life where you're no longer confident about your sex appeal inside of a relationship, then you're gonna stifle yourself, and you're gonna come from an anxious place. And by the way, anytime I say anything like this, there's probably some— there's probably someone who said this in here already. I'll give a text like that, and someone will say something like, you know, I would never say something like that. I mean, I would never say that. Stop taking yourself so fucking seriously! Right? This is— I know anytime someone says that, they're an overthinker. They take themselves, or the other person, or the whole process too seriously. But what if they think I'm arrogant when they say, I hope you enjoyed the rest of your night without me? Stop overthinking everything! And even if they did for a brief moment think that was an arrogant thing to say, who cares? You'll correct it in the next message. You can't get attraction by playing it safe all the time. Write this down. Anxiety, self-consciousness, and insecurity are the enemy of chemistry, because chemistry requires play, and playfulness is the first thing that goes out of the window when we are overthinking and doubting ourselves. And why do we do this? Because we have decided that someone else is impressive, and all of a sudden we're in our head. We're putting them on a pedestal. We're getting over-invested. Our nervous system, as we've talked about for the last 2 days, gets hijacked, and when it gets hijacked, what do we do? We go into survival mode. Write this down. You cannot make an impact from survival mode. And the key to not being in survival mode Is to be abundant. Okay? By the way, anyone joining me on my retreat this year, I will show you how to be abundant, even if your life hasn't given you any reasons to be abundant, because that's how we feel. Well, how can I feel abundant with how much I've been rejected in my life? How can I feel abundant when I've never had a serious relationship? How can I feel abundant when nothing's happened for me in this area in years? And by the way, this is the beauty of owning yourself. It doesn't just look like one thing, right? Owning yourself isn't about going into every situation in dating, or in life, being the sassy person, being the person who can play with someone, or be a little, like, you know, self-assured in that way, in a fun way. You can just show you like someone. That's a way to own yourself. There's this great scene in the movie Yes Man I posted in a YouTube video recently, where Zooey Deschanel is standing next to him in a bar, and he says to her, like, do you wanna stay for a drink? And she's like, oh, I can't. I have something I have to get up for in the morning. And he goes, oh, really? Huh. And you can see he's disappointed. He's visibly disappointed, but it's not coming from a place of lack. It's weird when you're sure of yourself. It's strange how honest you can be. Let's say— let's take a real-life scenario. Someone you're excited to see changes the plan on you the day before. You're disappointed. It's the worst. But what do you do? Here's what you could say if it's coming from a place of owning yourself. You could actually vulnerably say, Oh, okay. I'm a little disappointed. I was looking forward to seeing you, but I understand if something came up. Have a great day. By the way, that employs a technique I call the bliss point, where you give the, you know, it's salty and sweet together. You're showing a disappointment that you're not seeing them, but you're also showing the ability to be warm and positive. It's not like your disappointment is coming with negativity. It's disappointment married with positivity. That's the bliss point, right? Or maybe, you know, they have a big meeting. You can say, oh, okay, I'm a little disappointed, but I'm looking forward to seeing you. I understand if something came up. Well, you say, I was looking forward to seeing you, but I understand if something came up. Have a great day and good luck with the meeting tomorrow. What we're showing in these messages in relation to owning yourself calmly Is that you can be disappointed without being dysregulated. I want you to take that in for a moment. Owning yourself means you can show you're disappointed without being dysregulated. That is hot. And it surprises people because it breaks the mold of what they've seen in the past, right? They've dealt with dysregulated people when they get disappointed. That's not you. You're vulnerable, but calm, right? You're confident by expressing interest, and you're supportive, but you're also honest about how you feel disappointed, right? You could, by the way, even combine this. This is how cool this gets. You can combine it with flirtation. You could say, oh, okay, sad. I was looking forward to seeing you, but I get it. When are you gonna make it up to me, though? And then maybe you put a little smiley face. Right? But you can't do this if you can't regulate yourself first, and your triggers control you. We've talked about that the last 2 days of The Calm Method. When our triggers control us, we lose our power, right? I had a client who, you know, came to me because she said, I didn't get invited to something that the guy I was seeing was holding on a Saturday. He was holding a barbecue with his friends. I didn't get invited. And so she sent him a message in the middle of the barbecue to say, why wasn't I invited? Like, she didn't bring regulation to it, or disappointment, or a vulnerable kind of like, you know, just a sensitivity. She said, why wasn't I invited? Why didn't you invite me? And he said, oh, I'm so sorry. I, you know, it was just with some close friends that I haven't seen in a while. She's like, can I call you later? And she said, don't bother. Now this was a guy she liked. This is a guy it had been going well with, but she blew it up because she was dysregulated in that moment, and then she regretted blowing it up. How many people have ever blown something up, and then deeply regretted it because you knew you couldn't entirely blame it on them? We like to do this in dating, of course. We like to say, well, they screwed up. They did this. They were out of line. They were toxic. They were treating me badly. But who here has ever, you know deep down, Blown something up because of something that happened inside you, and then you beat yourself up about it. You really regretted it. So owning ourselves means we'll have less of those moments where we look back and we regret how we showed up. Okay? We— how we protected our way out of an opportunity. So how do we calmly own ourselves in this way? How do we calmly own ourselves in this way? We have to be— again, write this down. Lots of things we're gonna write down today. We have to be connected to our value. We have to be connected to our value. Me and Audrey had been dating— how long had we been dating before you came to LA? 2 years. 2 and a bit years. Like 2 and a bit years. And then Audrey came to LA to actually live here with me. And this is an example she said I could share, so this isn't me throwing Audrey under the bus with a personal example that she hasn't been okay with. But she literally admitted, like, at first she felt insecure. And she kept noticing that, like, you know, LA is like the land of the The beautiful people, right? And she got in her own head. She allowed it to disconnect her from her value. How many people have ever done that? Something happened and it disconnected you from your own value, right? For her, it was coming to LA and being like, holy shit, everyone's gorgeous. And for a moment, it made her doubt herself. And there's a danger when we disconnect from our value. In relationships, proximity is power, and the closer we are to our partner, the more we're able to influence the way they think about us. So, if we're constantly showing doubt, even if they didn't doubt something before, that starts to become infectious. Remember, we are the ultimate persuader of our value. To a partner, in a job interview, when we're out socializing, we are the ultimate persuader of our value, and if we're not careful, we run the risk ourselves of brainwashing someone else into believing our negative perception of ourself is actually true. So now they're questioning us, not because they were starting by questioning us, but because we're questioning us. But here's what Audrey did. She came to me one day, and she said something I will never forget. She said, I realized something. I'm getting insecure about something that isn't what you chose, and isn't what I want to be. Right? I don't care about being the most beautiful person on Earth. And I've been missing the point this whole time. If you wanted someone like that, you could have chosen that. But in all your years here, and at that point, I'd been here for, what, 14 years? 13, 14 years. She said, in all your years here, you didn't choose that. You never decided to be with anyone you met, and yet you decided to be with me. And that is because of what I bring to you. And that last line, when she said it, like, that was her— she connected to her value. It wasn't just, well, I suppose since you didn't find anyone so far, and now you're with me, that must mean that I, you know, have something. She said with complete certainty, that's because of what I bring to you. And when she said that, it was so attractive. And not that I needed it, but it validated my decision to be with her, because I'm like, yeah, I did choose you because you bring something special. You have to trust in the thing that you bring to the table. If you're with someone, you have qualities that matter to them. Right? It was almost like Audrey was saying, I don't need to be the most whatever person in the room. Because I'm really confident you're never gonna meet anyone like me. Right? Think about that for yourself. I— you don't need to be the most something. There's something you're not the most. Right? You don't need to be the most that thing. You just need to know that they're never gonna get anyone like you. Being connected to your value, by the way, is more important than what your specific brand of value is. We all have different value, but being connected to your value is what makes it special to somebody. And it's important to realize, obviously, that what is valuable about us is not gonna be valued by everyone, but we're not supposed to be for everyone, right? There are people, by the way, here, and I know this because many of you came from 5 Days to Mend when we were going through heartbreak content, Many of you have been through a breakup this year that had nothing to do with your value. It's that that person didn't value what is valuable about you. That doesn't make you unworthy. It makes them wrong for you. When you're connected to your value, something happens. You start redefining what you need to bring to a relationship to be worthy of love. Let me explain this. When we're not connected to our value— see if you can answer this— when you're not connected to your value, what is the most dangerous tactic that we all default to when we're trying to get somebody? What is the— when we're not connected to our value, what is the dangerous tactic that we default to in our love lives when we're trying to get somebody? Rebecca, right off the bat. Pleasing. Pleasing, right? We try to get love by giving and doing things for somebody. Who knows? They have relied too much on that in the past. Leave me a comment and let me know what are some of the ways you've done that. What are some of the ways you have over-relied on giving to someone in the past? Mimicking them, changing for them, self-abandoning, putting them first, apologizing, always traveling to see them. That's a great one. Yeah. Forgetting your interests. Yeah. Doing everything they wanna do. Money, says Ali. Yeah, that's a key one, right? Why do people's finances often get decimated in a relationship? Because someone came along, and they got convinced that their value was being able to provide money for them, or give them experiences, right? Intimacy. Why do we rely on overgiving? It's what we know how to do easily. For many of us, it's our comfort zone. For many of us, it's been our comfort zone since we were children. We were taught our value was how much we could give, and how much we could do for people. So we grow up, and we keep trying to add value to people in that way. We think that giving is gonna make us safe. We think that giving is gonna make us indispensable. Pleasing is gonna make it so that they can't leave us. And it's okay, by the way. There's nothing wrong with giving in a relationship, but if we give in dating too much, too soon, Our value plummets. And by the way, the same is true in a relationship. If we always give in a one-sided way where we never get our needs met, we lose someone's respect. We do this because we've made the mistake of thinking that our value is what we do for someone. And many people who don't feel inherently valuable feel that they have to make themselves valuable in that way. When you own yourself, when you calmly own yourself, you're connected to your value, and you rely on your presence, not your service. Okay? In other words, we trust— I like this phrase. I've always liked this phrase. We trust the product. We trust the product. Audrey, when I talked about that line, we trust the product, she was like, yeah, like expensive handbags. She's not someone who has loads of expensive handbags, but she does like an expensive handbag. And she's like someone who likes sort of gawking at them and looking at them in a shop. And I remember her saying to me, they don't like keep trying to tell you about how awesome the bag is. They just let you experience the bag and you're like, ooh, look at all the compartments. Look at the stitching on this. Look at the leather. Oh, it's so nice. Like, They trust the product. All right. Question time. What is the moment, what is the moment that we find it the most difficult to own ourselves in love? What is the moment, especially in dating, what is the moment That is the most difficult. What? It is the moment we have decided we like someone. The moment we've decided we really want someone. That is the most dangerous moment in dating, because that is the moment that our calm goes out of the window. Immediately what happens is we stop going, I'm exploring the dating scene. And instead, we say, I have to make it work with this person. Our brain says, I may never get a chance like this again. And then our fears merge with that. I'm getting older. I'm running out of time. I never meet anyone I like, so I don't know when it's gonna happen again. This is the moment that we stop owning ourselves, and someone else owns us. And when someone owns us, We let them get away with murder. I want you to think for a moment in your life. I'm sure you don't have to think very hard. I know I don't. About a time in your life where, because you weren't connected to your value, and because you thought you couldn't afford to lose someone, and you really wanted them, you let all sorts of really shitty things happen. Yeah. You let yourself truly abandon you. There is a lot of talk in dating advice around boundaries and having standards. We hear these words all the time— boundaries and standards. You can't have either of those 2 things if you don't own yourself. They will just be surface-level tactics. They will not be coming from a deeper foundation of self-worth. There is nothing more important than developing that foundation of self-worth if you wanna avoid the pain that you have experienced in relationships in the past. And by the way, when you have that foundation of self-worth, it allows you to adopt what I call a we'll see mindset. Doesn't matter how impressive someone is on a date. You have a great date with them. They're amazing. They're charming. They're charismatic. They took you somewhere nice. They— you had a great time, and your friends are like, how was it? And you go, I mean, they were such an amazing date. And your friends go, ooh! And you say, oh, we'll see. We'll see. If it's not them, it'll be the next person, right? When you have this self-worth, it allows you to do the most important thing in early dating. Go slow to go fast. Someone can't impress you as quickly. I had a client who was living in Prague, and a guy came into town. He was a tourist, and he was gonna be there for 7 days. And she described how they were having the most amazing time together, and they hit it off, and they had so much chemistry and connection, and they were saying all of these big things to each other about how they felt, but she never brought up What would happen when he left, and neither did he. And she was afraid. She had suddenly been so convinced of how amazing this guy is and how much she wanted it to continue that she gave as much as she possibly could in those 7 days, but never once thought it was appropriate to ask what might happen afterwards. 3 months later, when nothing happened afterwards, she was still heartbroken, right? But if she was willing to go slow to go fast, because she was connected to her worth, she would have gone, I don't care about bringing this up. If this person can't even talk about what happens when they leave, then I definitely shouldn't give them everything now. And by the way, I don't mind, ultimately, if this was just a fun time. By the way, if you wanna have a fun time with someone, go nuts. I haven't got a problem with that, but if you want something serious, and you know you'll be hurt if this doesn't turn into something serious, You get connected to your worth, and you're like, I know what I want. Doesn't mean I can't have fun. Doesn't mean I can't be playful. It just means I'm willing to have the conversation, right? It's what allows you to say your— self-worth allows you to say to yourself, if I don't know where I stand, I'm gonna find out, but not from a reactive place. There's a lot— I've been doing this a very long time. What I see is people who are overly passive, and let people get away with murder, and then I see the crowd who are posing as having the most standards and the best boundaries, who are just as scared as the people who remain passive and never bring up what they want, and the way their fear comes out is by saying to someone very early in dating, So what are your intentions? Where is this going? If you don't want a relationship, then why are we even on a date? Or they're like, Angry with it, and they're defensive with it, and they're barbed with it because they're afraid. And fear is posing as standards. You don't talk like that when you're connected to your worth. You're calm. You're having a nice time with someone, and you say, after however long, I realize that I don't know what this is right now. We've never discussed it. And when people ask me out, I don't really know what to tell them. Right? And if someone says to you, which is a lovely relaxed place to come from, and if someone says, well, I'm not in that place right now, but I really like you, you can kind of playfully say, Well, lots of people like me. I'm a very likable person. I'm sure you've realized. But that's not enough for me to keep giving, you know, and I'm giving you— I've been giving you a lot of my time, but obviously I'm— maybe it's not obvious, but I wouldn't be doing that if, you know, this didn't have the potential to turn into something more, if you weren't open to something more. So I'm just glad I know. You know, Audrey, I remember, told me a story of someone she was dating that she basically wanted an answer from. And at some point she said to them, like, You know, where do you stand? And he said, I can't give you an answer on that right now. And she said, well, that's okay. You don't— like, if you can't give me an answer, you can't give me an answer. But then, you know, I think we're done here. It wasn't coming from a place of anger. It was coming from a place of self-respect. And when you do that, every time you do that, it's like a brick in the house of your personal pride. It's a reference point for choosing yourself. It's a very empowering thing, and there's no edge when you say it. You're not mad. You just know what deserves your energy and what doesn't. Okay? This is what it means in practice to own yourself and have your own back. By the way, a little emotional button for you. I talked about these yesterday. I want more time to explain properly what they are. But an emotional button is something that can connect you with a truth and a feeling instantly. They are absolutely key to managing your emotions. An emotional button for this situation is every time something doesn't go well, you know, you go out there, you try something, you get rejected, someone doesn't want the same things as you, instead of being dejected and going, Oh my God! Here we go again! Adding to the story, No one ever wants me. I'm always the person before the person they marry. Whatever it is. Whatever your story is. Abandon that story, and instead just turn to yourself and tell yourself, I'm proud of you for showing up. You showed up. You put yourself out there. You're a hero. You're not standing on the sidelines watching. You put yourself out there. I'm so proud of you. We can't do any of this if we don't value ourselves. If our scarcity mindset, which many of us have developed by this point in our life— who here, be honest, I mean, we have a very vulnerable group here, I love it. Who here has developed a scarcity mindset, especially in their love life, where it can make you meet someone that you feel a connection with and immediately it feels like a matter of life and death? The stakes feel impossibly high. Same. Same. Yeah. Ms. Kathy, Sandra, Joe, so many. And we can't do any of this if our nervous system becomes completely dysregulated because we don't think we will be okay if this person leaves us. I want you to remember, this is at the heart of this. Deep down, we phrase it as, but this person's so special, but we have the most amazing connection. I've never felt like this before. That's the romantic wrapper we put around the terror of not being okay if this person leaves us. So, we abandon ourselves in pursuit of the other person. The person we're supposed to take care of, ourselves. We abandon them by dropping all of our standards and having no boundaries. Instead, we overinvest, we obsess. I see some comments in here. What about if you obsess all the time? If you get addicted to the wrong people? We make decisions from a place of deep insecurity and a lack of internal safety. Who here knows they've abandoned themselves in this way in the past? Let me know in the comments. Who here can point to a very specific time you abandoned yourself in this way? And some of us do this, by the way, by the way we allow ourselves to be treated, right? Which often, sometimes, for a lot of us creates a lot of shame later on when we look back and we see how we allowed ourselves to be treated and for so long. Some of us abandon ourselves by letting the negative voice in our head tell us Really wicked and nasty things, like, you're gonna be alone forever. Instead of what we're supposed to do, right? We're supposed to be our protector. We're supposed to be our best friend. We're supposed to stand between that negative voice and this person. You can see yourself as a child, if it helps, that you're supposed to protect. Standing in front of that child against that negative voice that's telling you, you're gonna be alone forever. Oh, I am? I am. You have a crystal ball that I don't. That's interesting. You, the negative voice in my head, you have a crystal ball about exactly what's going to happen in my future. You have to tell me where I can buy one of those. You have to tell me where you can, where you get this from, where you know exactly what's going to come to me and what's not going to come to me in the future. That's amazing. What a talent you have for knowing exactly what's going to happen. What talent you have for predicting the future. Don't come anywhere near my child. Right? And by the way, there's another emotional button, isn't there? Isn't that a great emotional button to have? You hear that negative voice that tells you, you're gonna be alone forever if you let go of this person. You're never gonna find love like that again. You're never, you're never, you're never, you're never... Get away from my child. Right? Oh, you have a crystal ball? That— if you want that to be an emotional button, Get— buy yourself a little crystal ball, a cheap crystal ball, and just be like, oh, you have one of these that actually works? That's an emotional button for that negative voice. We abandon ourselves in lots of different ways. Some people, like Eric, who I spoke to yesterday, do it by hiding the parts of themselves that they think someone will reject. So you can abandon yourself within a relationship Not by not having, you know, not by just trying to please someone else. You can abandon yourself by what you don't show someone, by only showing them very specific parts of you you think are lovable and hiding parts of you you think won't be loved. That's a way of fracturing ourselves. We're abandoning ourselves in the process. Write this down. It is not for other people to tell us our worth. It is for us to tell them. It is not for other people to tell us our worth. It is for us to tell them, but we cannot do that if we don't feel it. Who here knows on a gut level, you're here right now, you're with me. I love that you're all showing up in the way that you are. I love the comments. That are going off. I love that this is resonating with people. Who here recognizes on a gut level that if you could access that level of self-worth that I'm talking about on a daily basis, your life would change? And the reason I frame it like that, as on a daily basis, is because what we've done already today has been through some very specific practical scenarios where how you feel on the inside, your level of self-worth, your ability to calmly own yourself, Makes you take a different path in that fork in the road than you would if you weren't connected to your value, if you didn't have self-worth, if you weren't able to own yourself. You can literally see how in the past you've gone left, where a version of you that owns yourself would go right, and in that fork in the road is a different trajectory in life. What we're getting in our life is not a result of our worth. It's a result of our patterns, of the times we go left instead of right. Who here knows that if you could do that, if you could calmly own yourself in every situation, there are obviously results available to you that have never been possible before? I just want you to connect with that truth for a moment. We get so deterministic in our lives, like, everything I've had so far is everything I'm ever gonna get. What's happened for me is a reflection of what will happen for me forever. And the most basic— I've been coaching people for a long time, nearly 2 decades. I'm starting to develop some wrinkles. The point I've reached, the most simple realization, is that we don't get what we are worth. We get what our patterns dictate. And that's very encouraging, because we realize that you can completely change the results you're getting by changing your patterns. But the way you change your patterns is from the inside out. Who here finds that a little bit exciting? Like, just a little bit? That idea that there is latent potential in your life, that doesn't matter what age you've reached, what stage of life you're at, That there is still all of this unlocked potential for you, if you know how to go right where you used to go left. Who here finds that exciting? I do. I love the idea that I don't even have a crystal ball on my own life. I have no idea what's possible for me yet. It's definitely not just what's happened for me so far. That's definitely not all that's possible. That is so exciting to me. Please hear me when I say this. What has been possible for you so far is not a reflection of your worth. It is a reflection of your patterns, of how you are showing up, and if you are truly able to connect with your worth, your patterns will change, and then your results will change. Not years. I'm not talking 5, 10 years from now. I'm talking now. I'm talking your results will change on Monday. if your patterns change today? The challenge for all of us is that most of us have struggled our entire lives to connect with our worth. We've learned not to trust our mind and our nervous system because it feels like our worst enemy. So for many of us, we literally don't know how to not be reactive. It doesn't mean you can't, but we don't know how. We have stopped believing That we can change. One of the biggest reasons people don't change is they have stopped believing they can. We've created a narrative for ourselves. I'm too old. I'm too inexperienced. Like, I should have been in a different place in this part of my life. I am so far behind. How many people feel that? I'm behind. Be honest. I'm behind. I feel— that's what I feel. I feel I'm behind. I look at everyone else in my life, I look at my social media. I look at where my friends are, where my family are, and I feel behind. And this narrative, this insidious language that we use robs us of our value. We wonder why we feel like shit. We wonder why we're a nervous wreck. We wonder why we can't tap into our value. There's an answer to this. I want you to write this down. Overcoming these things and changing your life requires something called core confidence. Core confidence. Write those 2 words down. Very important words for you this year, next year, and every year from now on. Now, you may not know exactly what core confidence is right now, or how to get it, but I promise you, many of you— yeah, I don't need to promise you, you'll feel it— many of you have started to Feel it just a little bit by being here, whether you've been here for three days or you just showed up today. How many people just just like just like a little bit, like just a tiny you feel something? You're like I don't know if I definitely know what core confidence is. I think I feel it like just a little bit by being here. I'm like I can. I can feel myself getting close to something. I can feel myself tapping into something. Now, that's because we get a glimpse of what core confidence could actually feel like when we get in the right environment and around the right people. Right? That's why many of you, even though I haven't even explained what core confidence is— there are 4 secrets to core confidence. I've been teaching them for many years. You don't need to know what it is to know that you feel it a little bit, that you've been impacted just by being here today. I think of core confidence like this gorgeous, peaceful, incredible island. And by being here with me right now, you're on like a commercial plane where the pilot told you to look out of the window. And you saw that island just for a few minutes and you got a taste. But I don't want you to watch Core Confidence from a commercial plane. I don't want you to see that island through the window of a crowded plane where you're not the one driving. I want you to have your own private plane. That can take you there anytime you want, because if you can take yourself there, you don't need me. You don't need anybody. You can take yourself there. I don't want you to need me or anybody else to show you that island. It's your island. It's yours. But if you don't know how to get there, you're never gonna get the attraction you deserve, or the respect, or the opportunities in life that are yours for the taking. So long as we don't sell ourselves short. Guys, everyone else isn't better than you. Everyone isn't better than you. There is no reason you can't access the same wonderful things the rest of the world has access to, whether it's finding your soulmate, whether it's feeling peaceful inside of a relationship, or anything else you wanna create in this life. I know not everyone is here to find love. It doesn't matter. This is the answer. But if we let our stuff win, and we've all got our stuff, right? We're all in this battle with our own stuff. If we let that stuff win, our personal stock is gonna fall. Our nervous system is going to hijack us for the rest of our lives. We will be on a constant emotional rollercoaster that we do not know how to get off of. My friends, it is never too late. You are alive now. Mary, you are alive now. Nancy, you're alive. If you're watching me and breathing and seeing this, then it's not too late. You're still here. People say to me, I wish I knew then what I know now. You fucking know it now. You know it now. You can do something about it now. You You're still here. You didn't die. You're here. And by the way, you're not behind. I don't believe in behind. What is ahead? What is ahead? There are people who think they're in a great relationship right now who won't be next year, or someone gets sick. You have no idea what's gonna happen. You are where you're meant to be right now. This is your life. You can't do it wrong. Someone once said that to me, Matthew, it's your life. You can't do it wrong. You woke up this morning and a new game started, right? That's how I see it. Imagine life is a video game. You woke up into it as a character today. You don't start— well, you don't start a video game and go, but why doesn't my character not have more resources? Why don't they have a sword already? Why don't I have tons of ammunition? Why don't I always have— why don't I already have that special special power. You don't think that. You just think, ooh, new game. That's your life. You woke up today as a new character. How do you wanna play the game today? Right? New game just started. How do you wanna play it? You wanna spend it thinking about the past? What a waste. Do you wanna be thinking about the past, or do you wanna have a great time starting a new game today? Look, most of us are terrible predictors of what is possible for us, or of how happy we can be, because naturally our vantage point is limited by what we have experienced so far and by our experience of this life. But we have to be humble enough to recognize that our experience of this life is not the only experience of this life that is available to us. I know that for you, by the way, because my vantage point isn't limited in the same way when it comes to your life. Not because I'm so smart, because I've spent years, literally, I've spent my life seeing people be shocked by the new shape that their lives take when they learn how to be Core Confident. And I'm not talking about the work I do on YouTube, I'm talking about What my actual vocation is, what my actual career is. I'm not a YouTuber, I'm a coach. I'm talking about the people I actually build planes with that take them to Core Confidence Island, not something I do in a 20-minute YouTube video, right? Coaching, creating genuine systems and programs that get people where they wanna go, that's my craft. And look, if you're just enjoying being here with me and This is the end of the road for us at the end of these 3 days. Great! I'm happy. I'm happy we got to connect in this life. I poured my heart and soul into giving you as much as possible in these 3 days for free. I wanted it to be something everyone could access. But I also know that most of you didn't just come here for a casual watch. Who does? Why would you be here just for a bit of entertainment or a casual watch? You came because you actually want something more in this life. You actually want change. And my fundamental belief for myself, not for you, take this for what it's worth for you, but I believe if we are lucky enough to find something that is working for us and finally making sense to us, we should lean in. I have done that my whole life. I've been doing that since I was a teenager. I'd go out— this will blow you away. When I was maybe 15 years old, something like that, I went to a Dale Carnegie seminar in London. I didn't have any money. I didn't have a credit card, but I went to a free Dale Carnegie event in London because at 11 years old, I had read How to Win Friends and Influence People, and that book had a profound impact on me as an 11-year-old boy. And I found out they had a franchise in London, and I went to their event and sat there. I was the youngest person in the room by far, by about 10 years, and I sat in their event and listened intently, taking notes on everything that was being said. If I was in a position to pay for their course there and then, I would have done it. The only thing that stopped me was being 15 years old. I have always surrounded myself with people that I consider to be the best at what they do, even if it means investing in their time. I have my own coaches to this day. I haven't outgrown I have my own coaching. I have my own— I had a session with my own coach last weekend. And I feel very humbled that so many of you choose me as your coach, whether you've ever taken a serious journey with me, or whether you're a casual viewer on YouTube or Instagram. I know that many of you here, some of you showed up just today, but I know many of you here have been with me all 3 days. So, I ask this with all humility in the world. Who among you is here not just because, like, why not? I had nothing else to do in these 3 days, which I don't believe, because we're all insanely busy, but because what I do and how I do it genuinely resonates with you? If that describes you, say, me, in the chat. Me. If that is you, say me in the chat. Jennifer says, Jen says, I'm so glad I got a first-class ticket to Core Confidence Island. It's a lot of you. I'm genuinely humbled by that. It's very, very special to me because I've spent 20 years developing my craft. But I wanna ask you, if that's genuinely the case, then what would you need for you and me to do together for you to truly be in a different place in your love life or your life in general? Like, if you thought a dream scenario, what could Matthew and I do together that would get me to a different place? What would need to happen for that to be the case? And you might say, well, for that to happen, I'd need to be able to truly connect with my worth. I'd need to know how to go to Core Confidence Island on demand and build a different relationship with myself. Or maybe, I'd need to be able to take control of my emotions and my nervous system once and for all. I'd need my— I'd need to really learn this emotional buttons thing so that I can always bring myself back to peace and confidence anytime I need to. Or, I'd need to overcome my fear of rejection so that it didn't hold me back constantly, because I know in my gut that I am always holding myself back. I could do something, and I don't, because I'm so afraid of how it will affect me if I get rejected. Or, I'd need to stop my pattern of over-investing, because my scarcity mindset keeps telling me this is all I'm gonna get, or this is the best I'm ever gonna get. Or I'd need emotional tools to disrupt my pattern of obsessing anytime someone didn't text me, or anytime I'm in a relationship, and I feel someone's energy shift just slightly, and my brain immediately goes to, oh God, they're gonna leave me. Right? Because if I don't go to that place, if I don't immediately go to catastrophe, I'm not gonna sabotage in the same way I have in the past, with jealousy, or being controlling, or showing up in insecure ways, or needing constant reassurance. All right. Some of you, it might be like, I wanna not just go to Core Confidence Island for a vacation. I wanna live there. Show me how to live there and exist there. My life has been dedicated to teaching people these things. This has literally been my life's work, and I have steadfastly kept to teaching the things that I believe are the most important. I feel very, very fortunate to be considered one of the best in the world at what I do. So my question to you is this. If you didn't have to do this on your own, think about the end of this year. I'm sure going away from this, you're going to be like fired up, like, I want to do something with this. When you think of 2027, what if you didn't have to do this on your own, and we could actually do it together? So, by the way, whatever is in your mind, like, well, I feel like I want to do that, but that's This just seems, like, impossible, or, it's gonna be out of reach for me. I know it. Bear with me. What if we could actually do this side by side for the next month? All right? Not in a way— I don't want you to need me for your life. I don't want you to need me years from now. But what if, for a month, I could actually walk you through my system for core confidence personally so that you could feel in control of your life like never before? What would that be worth to you? Not having to wake up on January 1st, 2027, and feel like you're still in the same place as last year, or in the same place we feel like we can wake up in every year, where we go back to that feeling of nothing's ever gonna change. Who here— chat, might not be everyone, that's okay. I'm okay with that. You can reject me. But who here would want to do this with me if it was possible for you? I do. If it was something that was in within within reach, say yes in the comments. Right? Just if it was possible. Eight One Born says it would be everything to me. Jessica, me, the real Cora, yes. So there's a lot of you. I'm gonna ask with your permission because I have an exercise I want to do with everybody. Whether or not you're interested in doing this with me, I have an exercise I wanna do with all of you as my gift to you before you go. And I also wanna give you the gift of some coaching time today. So, for anyone who's committed time to me, I'm committing time to you. Guys, this isn't normal. I'm not, you know, this is 3 days that I've put together. I've taken weeks to put this together for free for you. It's not because I think I need to do 3 days. It's because I actually want you to feel some progress now. And I wanna invest in you. But with your permission, I would love to share with you a way you can actually do this, especially for those of you who are new here today, who didn't hear me talk about this yesterday, and for anyone who was, who's still in their head. I wanna extend you an invitation to do this work with me. Would that be okay? And then we'll finish this process that I am really excited to take you through. Please let me know. Okay. All right, then a couple of minutes and we'll move on to our final exercise. But for many of you, I promise you, this will be the most important few minutes of the next few years of your life. This is something I have done with tens of thousands of people that I have mentored over 18 years. By the way, I never stop hearing from these people, whether it's 6 months after this process, or whether it's 10 years after this process. The results keep compounding. Next month, I am hosting my weekend retreat. I am in my 19th year of this program. Wrinkles, wrinkles, wrinkles. This is where I do the work that I am talking about here. There is nothing else like it in the world. I promise you. It is 2 immersive days with me where I give you the system that I have developed for core confidence over 2 decades, and it will change your life. And the news that I released yesterday publicly for the first time this year is that we have just released a virtual livestream ticket so that you can experience this from home, whether you're in Australia, America, Europe, Japan. It doesn't matter where you are. Don't be thinking that if you can't fly to be in Miami with me where it's happening live, you can't come. You can. And you'll be watching it live with the rest of us. And by the way, even if you can't watch it live because the time zone's crazy, you can watch it on recording for 2 weeks afterwards. So, the bottom line is you can experience this work. That's not the big announcement. The big news for this year that's never happened before is a little bigger, because I decided this year I wanted to do something hands-on in a way I've never done it before for this program. And by the way, may never get to do again. For this time only, I asked myself, what would it look like if I didn't just deliver 2 days on the retreat, but I actually— Yeah. was with you guys. Like, I stepped metaphorically off the stage and joined you for a month in taking this program and integrating it into your life. Something intimate, something hands-on that didn't start a month from now where you're like, oh, I'm all fired up now and I gotta wait a month. No, something that literally Started this Monday. I told you, if your patterns change today, the results you get are gonna start changing very quickly. I'd love you to get to the Retreat on the 24th of October when it happens, and already be experiencing changes in your life. I wanted to turn this into an ongoing process that allows me to work with a much more intimate group of people directly, and in an integrated way, while keeping it virtual. So there's no, like, people can't travel, or people can't get time off work. None of those excuses. People can do it from anywhere. And something that actually gave me the thing that I love but don't always have time for, the ability to get my hands dirty and work with you as a group deeper than I've ever been able to do before. Like, what if we really had a month to get these results and make these changes in your life, not just a weekend. I have been doing these retreats for 19 years. I've never dedicated this much time and resource to a single retreat before, and I'm— I don't know if I'll be able to do it again. I have a 10-month-old son in the house screaming somewhere, in a happy way. It's just what he does. He's like a— Audrey gave birth to a dinosaur. And I'm having to balance my life more than ever. But I genuinely, like, what fires me up in life, what I love in life is my family and my relationships and my ability to help people. These are the 2 priorities for me in my life, and they're balanced with each other. This month, I am giving this time to you if you want it. A month later, it won't be there. But the beautiful thing about this next month is that if you take me up on this, It's gonna change your 2027. If you miss it, it's not— by the way, you might have the best year ever without me. I want you to, but it won't be because of me, because I won't be able to step into your life in the same way for a long time. So, I have launched as a special end of 2026 journey what I'm calling, this whole thing, the Retreat Immersion Experience. I'm not gonna labor the point by explaining every single way that we're gonna do this and how it's gonna go. You can check that out for yourself in just a moment. But here's a very quick rundown of the key components. First of all, we don't start in a month. We start in just a few days on Monday. So you don't have to wait for this change. We have momentum now. We're gonna use it. I don't want us to lose it. If you're feeling in a different state and ready for change, this is for you. And we won't just have a few days together. We're gonna have almost an entire month together, and you're not gonna get stuck anywhere because I won't let you. If you're struggling with the content, We leave no one behind. So, I'm gonna be with you in this journey. We're gonna have special immersion sessions each week with me, where I'm gonna be coaching you every week between now and the retreat in a month. And each week, we're gonna focus on a key area of the retreat: navigating toxic relationships, working on deeper triggers and creating better response systems for them, how to make maximum impact with this new level of confidence that you're gonna be unlocking starting Monday. You're gonna have access to what I'm calling the Retreat Tools Suite, which is a series of journals, workbooks, and guides that we have created specifically for this experience. We've got an Emotional Buttons Journal, so anyone who's excited about starting with that Emotional Buttons Process, I have a journal for you that comes with this. We have what I call my Personal Life Manual Template that I'm gonna talk about. I spoke about it yesterday, but basically, this is a document I live with every day in my life. I couldn't do without it. I'm gonna give you my document, and we're gonna fill it out for your life together, and in the times between our live sessions, I'm gifting you unlimited access to Matthew AI, which is the ultimate retreat tool, because it knows the retreat content almost as well as I do. We're gonna be doing this as a community, so I've set up a whole community for this. We're gonna be doing it together in real time. You'll be able to chat to each other, support each other. I'll be able to support you in there. I'll be reading questions and comments in there. You're gonna have a different level of access to us than we've ever provided for a retreat before. We've got a bunch of free bonuses we're throwing in, by the way. The CALM Method, if you've enjoyed these last few days, or if you missed the last couple of days, we're taking them, and we're giving you the lifetime recordings of the CALM Method, so that you can watch them any time you want. And then this entire process is gonna culminate in the weekend retreat main event that is happening on the 24th and the 25th. So the Immersion Ticket actually includes your ticket to the retreat that I have been doing for the last 19 years, and by the way, look it up. We have hundreds of 5-star reviews on Trustpilot for the retreat. People adore this program. You're getting it thrown in as part of this entire month experience. What we have designed with the Retreat Immersion Experience is the ultimate system to give you core confidence, in a very rare and unique opportunity for me to guide you through it personally. This isn't a digital program. It's me as your coach walking you through it. Guys, this isn't me giving you potential. I want you to understand that. It's me showing you how to tap into your potential, the potential that's already there, the possibilities that are just waiting to be unlocked in your life. This is your life. It is never too late to make the most of it. Do not sell yourself short. Who here, leave me a comment, wants to be a part of this with me? Who here wants to take advantage of this while this experience is actually available? Just leave me a comment. I wanna share it with you. And by the way, Gracie Comedy, who says, okay, how much? Wait for it. It's coming in 30 seconds, but you're gonna be happy. So, Terry, Beth, Estrella, Mary. I'd like the lifetime recordings to go back to. You're gonna get those. Don't worry. Okay. All right. So, listen to this, and anyone who's worried about the financial implications of this, let me put those to rest right now. This used to be a $4,000 experience. Okay? The Retreat I ran for 15 years as a $4,000 experience. You could only do it in person. It took 6 days, and you needed to travel to Florida where I ran it. By the way, don't get me wrong. It was unbelievably special. If you were— I know there will be a couple of people here who are lucky enough to get to go to one of those. You know how special that program was. The challenge was it prohibited 99.9% of my audience from coming. During COVID when everyone was locked inside, we transitioned to a virtual format, which people absolutely loved. To this day, I have people coming up to me in the street and at events saying, I did your virtual retreat during COVID It changed my life. For that event, we managed to get the ticket price down to $800, which was amazing, because all of a sudden, way more people could experience this change from home. Here's where I am in my career, in my life right now, guys. This is the best stuff I've ever created. It's my art. It's something I know helps people. I verified it year in, year out over nearly 2 decades. I know how much this helps people. I need more people to do it. This is mission-driven for me. I don't wanna just create a program that no one can afford. It bothers me that more people aren't benefiting from this. I don't want this to be available only to people who can invest on that level. It's the most important work I do, and too many of you who legitimately love my work, who are giving me time right now, have not taken this offer. So, I am making the entire Immersion Experience, which is gonna be access to me, my team, for an entire month, along with everything else I've just mentioned, including your ticket to the weekend retreat livestream, Just $495. $495. I promise you, you will not find something that is gonna have this big of an impact on your life that is anywhere near this value, anywhere. And I know, because I know people, that most of us on this call right now will find a way To spend $495 over the next 6 months on things that don't do anything for our lives. If, by the way, I know everyone's not in the same financial position. If you need a little help, we have a payment plan option. You can break it up into 2 payments. You do save a bit by paying in full, so we recommend that, but if you need to break it up, if you need some help with that, we have the option to split it up into 2 payments. Okay. Now, by the way, this is an intimate group of people I'm doing this with. I just wanna be clear. We don't have this available for everybody. 15,000 people signed up for The Calm Method. We have 750 places we can offer for this experience. We cannot give, as a team, and I can't give the amount of support and intimacy that we have promised with any more people than that. So, we don't have enough spaces to go around this group. And by the way, we need to get going and people need to get their places because we start on Monday. So, time is of the essence. And if you know you're going to be there, you need to grab your ticket now because we're going to get started. But either way, 350 of these spots were claimed yesterday. About 46% of the tickets have gone since we announced this. Our last Immersion Program, which was Healing Immersion Month back in August, sold out 750 spots in a matter of days. So, I cannot guarantee how long these tickets will be available for. We wanted everyone here who's actually taken the time to be with me live to have the first opportunity to join me for this. We haven't put it on social media yet. I haven't sent emails to my mailing list about this yet. So, we haven't made this public to our wider ecosystem. You are the first people to hear about it, but in the next few days, we're gonna let everyone else know, but you have first dibs. You're the people who have the first call on these. If you know in your bones this is right for you and if you want to experience what can happen for you if you get off the sidelines of, you know, look, I've benefited immensely from Instagram and YouTube and these platforms. So, you know, biting the hand that feeds you and all of that. But these platforms are not the things that change our lives. They're just not. You can't go on a proper journey that changes you. You can watch fragmented YouTube videos and they'll give you information and they'll introduce you to work. Guys, it is not the same as intentionally committing to a program that changes things. So, if you want to do that with me, again, this opportunity goes away not just next month, it goes away in a few days probably. Lean in and come join us. The link is retreataccess.com. Go check it out. I'll give you a few minutes to get your ticket, then I'll see you back here for the final part of our session today and our last Q&A of The Calm Method. Once you get your place, let me know in the comments. I'm gonna be reading them. I wanna know who I am getting to know starting next week. Leave me a comment as soon as you've got your place. Let's take a break now, and I'll see you in just a few minutes. Welcome back, everyone. I've been enjoying reading the comments. Okay, before we jump into this exercise, who is in? Let me know. Put a little message in there saying, I'm in. If you've got your ticket or if you're about to go and get your ticket, let me know. I want to hear from all the people that I'm actually going to get to know in the next few weeks and get to spend time with. XYZ is in. Beautiful. Romy got her ticket, but I want another conversation with you, Matt. Oh, Romy, we spoke this week. I'm so happy you're joining us. Nancy, you're in. Niz, NJ, ISK, amazing. Elena, Mina, incredible. And by the way, for anyone who's already flying to be with me in Miami, to actually be in person with me at the Retreat, and has one of those VIP tickets for the 24th and the 25th of October, don't worry, you're getting everything that's in the Retreat Immersion Ticket as well. So, you're not missing out on anything. You guys are my ultra, ultra, ultra VIPs. You're coming to be with me there in person. Of course, you get everything. For anyone who is getting the Retreat Immersion Ticket, who somewhere in your mind you're like, I kind of want to fly to Miami and be there, you have that option, but not for very long. Once you've got your ticket, You'll get taken through to a page where we have reserved a very small allocation of in-person tickets. They're the last ones we have. Once they're gone, they're gone. You can speak— you can book a call to speak to Billy Jennings, who's one of my favorite people on this earth, and you'll love speaking to him. Even if you don't make it, just go ask questions about it. But you'll get a chance to book a call with him. His diary has been incredibly booked up, by the way, from the last 2 days of people wanting to speak to him. So, if you know you want to speak about coming in person, do that as soon as possible. As soon as you go through the purchase page for the Immersion Ticket, you'll get taken through to another page where you can book an appointment with Billy. And every dollar that you spend on the Immersion Ticket counts towards your in-person retreat. So, you wouldn't be double paying or anything like that. You can just credit what you've spent on the Immersion Ticket to your in-person retreat, providing there are any Tickets left. By the way, like, last thing, the in-person, if you get there, is like, my heart and soul is in that program. You're going to experience it from home. If you experience it from home, it's the next best thing, and I don't want you to miss out on the transformation just because you can't be there in person. But being there in person is a genuine, like, bucket list. Lifetime memory you will never ever forget. And because this is my last in-person that I'm doing in I don't know how long, I'm taking a break from doing this in person, definitely won't be happening next year. I'm pulling out all the stops for this one. We've got some very special surprises even outside of the main seminar sessions. So, I'll leave it at that. Very good. Okay. Cecilia says, I'm in. I can't believe I did this. Terry, I'm in. Amazing. Rebecca, we'll get you a link. Don't worry. All right. Beautiful. All right. Michelle says, Is the Calm Method part of Love Life membership? No, the Calm Method, we're just doing the recordings for people who have the Retreat Immersion Ticket. All right. Let's do this. I'm really excited about this. This always, like, means a lot to people, what I'm about to do, and it always touches people in different ways. You know, a couple of you here may have heard me say this before, and I know you'll be delighted to hear it again because it always connects people on an emotional level. And I'm all about— you'll see this when you get to the retreat— nothing changes in our lives until we get it in our bodies. It's not enough to hear something logically. We have to feel it emotionally. That's how we change. We change not through logic but through emotion. And it's— my work and what I do is designed to tap in on an experiential and an emotional level as well as a logical one, which is why, by the way, for those of you who are joining us on the retreat, day 2, there is an entire experience, a full-on immersive experience built around core confidence. That gets your relationship with yourself in your body in a way that it's never been before. It's very powerful. People never forget it. And it's often the thing that, like, that's the moment people really get it. But we get to do a little exercise today, a little kind of, you know, an interesting moment for us to finish up. And this, in some way, this relates to our love life, what I'm about to do. But Actually, you can see it as a metaphor for all different parts of life. And I want you to think about it in whatever way it makes sense for you to think about it at the point of your life that you're in and what you're looking for. So, I'm going to put my headphones in for this so I can be there with you for this exercise. Okay. Take a couple of deep breaths, and you can put your pen down and just relax, but not into a sleepy place. Just be with me now. Don't let yourself be distracted. Close the door, turn the TV off, put your phone away. Just take a moment for yourself. Right now. Five, four, three, two, one, and close your eyes. Take one more deep breath in. And release. And really take a moment to connect with why you're here. I really believe that there's so much potential in us that's been there since the beginning of our lives if we really know how to tap into it. But it's not always easy to access it, and I want to help you access it because it's already there, it's already in you. I like to think that each of All of us were born with a light inside of us, a pure light that from the beginning allowed you to perceive things as new, as beautiful, as fascinating. A light that brought to life the magic magic in the world. A light that allowed you to bring your magic into the world by being unashamedly you. A light that was untouched by tragedy and grief and heartbreak, or by the comments of other people who put ideas in your head about what you couldn't do, what you weren't worthy of, what you weren't capable of. Those people who put a doubt in your mind. A light you had inside you that hadn't been dimmed by your own thoughts of inadequacy and self-doubt. As we go through life, these challenges From within and from without cast shadows in our world. But if we can resist these shadows, that light remains our superpower. You already have it. It's not something anyone has to give to you. It's not something you have to learn the secret to. Your job Your only job is to be brave enough to hold on to that light, to remember who you truly are underneath all of that accumulated pain, and perhaps to encourage that light to shine a little more brightly each day. And this is important because that light isn't just your superpower, it's your beacon. It's the signal you beam out to sea to let people know who you are and how to find you. And somewhere out there on that vast ocean is a ship crashing through the waves, looking for that light, doing its best to make its way to you. Somewhere out there, there is someone who is looking for you. I want you to picture for a moment this special someone, the person you've wanted to meet your entire life, your person, the person with whom you're going to create the relationship you've always wanted. More than a dream relationship, more than someone Not something that can simply be conjured up sentimentally by books and movies, or the ideas of friends and family about who you should be with and what you deserve. The kind of love only you and this one special person could design together. A secret world only you two could inhabit. Now, this person That person is out there right now as we sit in this room. It's kind of a crazy thought, isn't it? Maybe they're doing their laundry, or maybe they're spending time with the people they love. Maybe right now they're working up the courage to let go of the wrong love, just like you've had to in the past, or might even be doing right now. Maybe they're thinking about you. What I know is that this person needs your help to find you. They need you to be out there in the world where they can see you, flashing a warm look their way so that they know that it's okay to approach you, open and vulnerable and yourself, intensely yourself, so that they feel permission to be themselves around you. And most of all, happy enough that they can see just how beautiful your light really is. If you've already found that person, it may be time to remind them how valuable your light is. This is the greatest gift you can give to the person who is coming for you, or maybe even the person who is already there. The gift of making your light more visible. Bigger. Brighter. Brighter than the darkness that was created by people who haven't treated you right. Brighter than the black cloud that was left by the person who didn't deserve you. More powerful than any heartbreak you have felt. Stronger than any insecurity that was ever put in your head by somebody who was never supposed to play a leading role in your life in the first place. Because this person, that ship out there on the ocean, doesn't need you to chase it. It just needs you to shine your light so brightly in every direction that no matter where it is on the ocean, that ship will see that light and know which way is home. Waiting for someone to come along and make you feel special before you turn on that light—that's living life backwards. The light comes first. It's not something that is turned on by being in love; it's what enables love to find you, and we're capable of access. Accessing that light anytime we want, simply by appreciating what is beautiful about our lives now. Right now, even in this very moment, no matter how hard life feels right now, and whether or not we have that special person already, because with or without them, life is beautiful. Its beauty lies in the places we travel to, the lessons we learn even in the hardest times, the struggles we face, the moments of love between family and friends and between strangers, and the simple gifts of life that are there for us to notice every day if we only pay attention. And its beauty isn't just in these things we we look to on the outside. It's in us. It is us. We have the power to create it. That's what makes human beings so special. Unlike trees that need external light to grow, we have the power to create our own light, even in the dark, by the meaning that we give to things. Life's truly special people Life's true artists are not merely seekers of light. They are sources of light. And there are people in our lives who need our light. In a world where pain and loneliness is more common than our perfectly curated online profiles would ever lead us to believe, and where true kindness means more to others than we will ever likely know, There are people around us who need our light. Our family, our friends, the stranger in the street, and of course, that ship out there. Make no mistake, the most romantic thing you can possibly do for your future partner is to find your happiness, find your light. Now, even if it means finding it before they arrive. Instead of waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel, be the light inside the tunnel. Because life is the tunnel. There's no way to fake that light. It comes from the deepest parts of your nature. Your kindness, your vulnerability, your generosity, your soul, you. You're already amazing. Look at you. Look how far you've come. Everything you've had to do just to be here. You just have to make yourself easier to see. In the dark. We do this first for ourselves and for the people who love us, but it's also the favor we get to do for that special person who is coming for someone just like you. The person who is looking for someone just like you with all of your special magic. So right now, make a pact with yourself. Whatever you choose to do, make a pact with yourself that when you leave here today, you are gonna shine your light so fucking brightly that it can be seen from space. Thank you. Make that commitment to yourself now. Whatever word you need to use, whatever silent pact you make with yourself, make it now. Make that decision. Give yourself that gift. And when you're ready, you can open. Your eyes. And if you feel inclined to leave a comment with what you feel coming out of that, feel free. What emotion is present for you right now at the end of this time we've spent together? I feel a sense of gratitude. I also want to thank all of you, and we're not finished. We're going to go and do some coaching and Q&A together now, but I really want to thank all of you for being a source of light in my life. Meeting you around the world, whether it's on live, live online, or at my events, or on the street, has always been one of the most special things in my life, and I'm so grateful and humbled by the presence and the attention you give me. Whether you come to the next part of the journey with me or not, I'm just really grateful for the time that we get to spend together. It means so, so much to me. I really hope to see as many of you as can possibly make it on the Retreat Immersion Experience. We have very limited places. I know we're already half full. So, if you know you want to be a part of this journey with me, we start in just a few days. We start on Monday. Go grab your place. And like I said, there's just never been a better time to do this. It's the most intimate and deeply immersive digital journey I've ever put together for people. And I would be so honored to have you. Thank you, Matthew. As many people from the Calm Method join me as possible. Hopefully, there are still places left for everybody. Either way, I can't wait for the next time we meet, hopefully Monday. I will see everyone on the Q&A anyway in just a couple of minutes, but I'm just really excited about everything that's in store. Thank you. For us. If my work has impacted you, my promise to you is you have seen nothing yet. The Retreat is where I go all out, and I'm pulling out all the stops for this one. So, I'll see you soon on the Q&A. We're gonna throw up a link on the screen so that you can come and join me in that. The link to go and get tickets for the Immersion Program is retreataccess.com. For anyone who doesn't know. And the link to come and join us in the final Q&A session is 3daycalm.com. Okay? I will see you there for the final part of our session. Thank you. Thank you.