3 things narcs do when you're not manipulatable anymore

Have you ever seen a narcissist change right before your eyes? Suddenly, it's like the mask slips, revealing a new and sometimes terrifying side of them. If you don't know what's happening, you could fall into their next trap. Even if you think you've already broken free, knowing what to expect can save you from unprecedented manipulation and keep you protected and safe. I spent the last 20 years researching self worth and narcissistic relationships. As a coach, author and survivor myself, I teach simple systems to help empower you in any situation. In this video, I'll break down the three key things narcissists will do when they realize they can't manipulate you anymore. I'll share examples to help you recognize these behaviors and give you actionable tips to stay strong and empowered no matter what they try next. But before we get into what the narcissist does, I want to make sure that you spot the signs. When they know that you're not manipulatable anymore, so you know exactly what to expect. When a narcissist knows you're onto them, it means that they've noticed a change in your pattern. They see that you're no longer willing to give them the same amount of time, attention, or energy. In this context, energy can mean emotional energy, financial energy, enabling energy, anything that helps reinforce the narrative that they have about themselves. They notice if you're no longer playing along with their story, whether it's that of the admired hero or the pitied victim. Somehow your behavior has changed enough to alert them that you're no longer going to give them what they want. To a narcissist, this is an act of war against the carefully curated image that they present to the world. And they feel extremely threatened by that. So they'll be watching you like a hawk for anything they can use against you, if it's something you say or something you do. So just be aware that the minute you start to heal, or communicate boundaries or change your behavior, even if it's a subtle pushback against their manipulation, it's the minute that they're going to switch tactics to deal with this new threat. Don't underestimate this. A narcissist would rather see your life ruined at their own expense than to let you go in peace. So let's get into the three things you can expect in order of difficulty and how you can deal with these challenges. Have you ever seen someone switch gears suddenly going from zero to full blown chaos in a matter of seconds? This brings us to the first thing a narcissist is going to do. When they realize they can no longer manipulate you, they escalate their tactics to regain control. When a narcissist thinks that they've lost their grip over you, they're not going to just give up. They can't stand losing power or control, so instead they'll amp up the intensity and try all sorts of different tactics to pull you back in out of nowhere. They'll have dramatic emotional outbursts, they'll punish you with guilt trips, or they'll even conjure up unimaginable emergencies to bait you into engaging engaging with them. It's hard to imagine the lengths they will go to escalate these tactics, making sure that you're feeling pressured or anxious or obligated to respond. When you're an empathetic person, you might miss this uptick, thinking that something bad has actually happened or that they are really in trouble. This escalation is designed to make you feel like you're doing something wrong if you don't respond to them. Remember, this is either a tactic to get you to comply or to intimidate you into behaving. Either way, don't fall for it. I've helped countless clients work through examples of this. A narcissistic mother who threw herself on the floor, crying hysterically trying to elicit her daughter's pity. A narcissistic boss who came unglued and got in my client's face once my client stopped being controllable. A narcissistic husband feigning illness trying to keep his wife from leaving him. Regardless of the situation, the underlying motivation of the narcissist was to escalate the attempt to regain control of the situation and to overpower their source of narcissistic supply. When a narcissist tries to escalate their tactics, use the escalation deflection method to protect your boundaries and to maintain control. First, recognize the escalation for what it is. It's like a toddler, sometimes a very dangerous toddler, throwing a tantrum. Remind yourself that this heightened behavior is not genuine. It's merely a strategy they're using to manipulate you. Tell yourself, this is an act, it's meant to manipulate me. And next, focus on staying emotionally detached. When they try to get a reaction out of you, do whatever you can to quickly remove yourself from the conversation or the situation. Walk out of the room, hang up the phone, put your notifications on, do not disturb and do not reply to texts. Disengage completely from any part of the tantrum. Don't try to talk them down or to stabilize their emotions. Remember, they want your attention and emotional energy, so keep your power by refusing to give it to them. The second thing a narcissist does when they can't manipulate you anymore is they'll play victim to regain your sympathy. They know that you're a caring and decent person, so when they feel you slipping from their control, they'll try to portray themselves as a helpless victim. You'll hear stories about how everyone's against them or how life is so unfair or how they're so misunderstood. And the goal here is to make you feel guilty or responsible for their emotional state, pushing you to re engage out of sympathy or pity. What's really happening, though, is that they're trying to manipulate your kindness, hoping that you're going to drop your boundaries and come to the rescue. Narcissists know that you're different from them. They are fragile and shallow and they don't think like you and they don't care about anyone but themselves. What they want is to use you, and they'll try to push the victim button to see if they can elicit sympathy and pity from you. Your attention and energy sustains them. They know that you don't want others to suffer, and they count on this to regain control over you. It hard to imagine how calculated and cruel they're willing to be. My clients have shared horrifically manipulative fabricated stories over the years. Lies the narcissist told them about having cancer or going bankrupt or losing their job or being evicted. And even though my clients knew these stories were meant to coerce them, they could barely withstand their feelings of guilt and obligation. Because who does that when you're in a situation where a narcissist might be playing the victim? To regain your sympathy, use the victimhood deflection method. This method empowers you to maintain boundaries when they start to share stories of how life is unfair or how everyone's against them, or how they're misunderstood. So first, recognize this tactic for what it is. A ploy to weaponize your kindness so that they can remain in power. If you're not sure, check both options. Ask yourself, how would you handle this if you were sure that this was a ploy? And then ask yourself how you'd handle this if you knew for sure their victimhood was merited. Sometimes just seeing it from both sides without immediately reacting will help you clarify how involved you want to be. If it's a ploy, don't fall for it, say something like, I'm not able to help with that. If it's the truth, do what feels right without blurring your boundaries. You can ask them to articulate exactly the type of help they need and then determine if you're willing to offer that assistance. If you'd like a copy of the tools I share, sign up below and you'll get a new three minute empowerment plan every week. This brings us to the third thing and one of the hardest and most damaging things to deal with. When a narcissist knows that they can no longer manipulate you, they'll start a smear campaign to damage your reputation. When a narcissist realizes they've lost control over you, they often retaliate by going for full on character assassination. Once they realize that you're beyond their control, their only option is to control anyone with access to you. They'll spread rumors, twist the truth, or make you look like the villain. And they won't do this alone. They'll employ flying monke, just like in the wizard of Oz, to go out and do the dirty work. The flying monkeys might be your family members, your co workers, or even your own children. And the goal is always the same. To exile you, to punish you, and to make sure that no one believes you. And this can be so upsetting and painful. And if this has happened to you, I'm so sorry. Unfortunately, this happens more often than not in this community. Because when the narcissist can't control you, there are really only two options. They decide to exile you through a smear campaign, or you decide to exile yourself by going no contact when you're dealing with a narcissist Smear campaign, use the power boundary method. The goal of the smear campaign is to not only render you powerless, but to take your power. So the only way to protect yourself against a smear campaign is to fiercely protect your personal power. And you do this by refusing to defend, explain, or react. The minute you're on the phone to a flying monkey trying to get them to believe you, you've lost your power. The monkey's mission is to intimidate you so that you'll comply with the narcissist wishes. The more you say, the less power you have. When they spread rumors, don't respond. When they threaten, say nothing. When they publicly shame you, don't let them see you waver. And believe me, I have been the brunt of more than one smear campaign. And I know it's painful, I know it's unfair. But the only thing that you can do is to withdraw your attention and move on with your life. This is the ultimate revenge.