7 manipulative catch phrases narcissists use

Have you ever wondered if there's a quick and easy way to spot a narcissist just by the code words they use? Whether it's a boss, a co worker, a family member, or someone you just met, narcissists use specific buzzwords to gaslight you, deceive you, and to gain power over you. If you're an empathetic, giving and caring person, you're exactly the type of person they target. But if you know what to listen for, it could save you from years of confusion, stress and emotional abuse. I've spent the last 20 years researching the connection between self worth and narcissistic relationships. As a coach, author, and someone who's faced these challenges firsthand, I know how devastating a narcissist can be. In this video, I'll share seven Catchphrases Narcissists use real life examples of how they use them and simple strategies to empower you in any situation. Have you ever been called selfish by someone close to you, even after you bent over backwards to help them? This is the first type of catchphrase you'll hear from a guilt tripping accusations. This could sound something like being called materialistic if you purchase something you really want, or high maintenance when you ask for something you need. When they've broken a promise or let you down, they might call you ungrateful for expressing your disappointment. Or if you ask them to pay their fair share, they might call you greedy. Or after they've kept you waiting and you ask them to explain why they're so late, they might call you too needy. So so these types of phrases all decode to the same idea. The narcissist wants you to feel guilty. They want you to feel bad, wrong, remorseful and regretful for wanting or doing or saying or feeling anything other than what serves the narcissistic need. This creates an environment where you feel responsible for their emotions and actions and feel morally wrong for caring for yourself. So when you hear this category of catchphrases, understand that the narcissist is simply trying to punish you by pushing the guilt button. If you're empathetic or you've been raised by narcissists, you have to work extra hard to be resilient to this tactic rather than defaulting to feeling guilty. It's important to recognize the intentional manipulation when someone tries to use guilt tripping accusations against you. Use the anger redirect method to protect yourself. Empower yourself by pausing and taking a deep breath. Consciously choose to feel anger instead of guilt, which can protect you from manipulation say firmly, I have the right to take care of my needs. This does two things. It asserts your right to self care and redirects your feelings from guilt to protective anger. Have you ever felt upset only to be told that you're just being too emotional? This is the second type of catchphrase that you'll hear from a dismissive and minimizing phrases. They might say, stop being so dramatic if you tell them that your feelings are hurt or you're too sensitive. If you say that you're cold or hot or sick or tired or frustrated, they'll say, it was just a joke or I was just kidding after they tease you, bully you, or poke fun at your insecurities. These phrases all decode to the same idea. The narcissist wants you to know that you're not in charge. They are. You're not allowed to have a separate self. You're an extension of the narcissist, so your feelings, your emotions, your experiences no longer belong to you. By invalidating your experience, making you question your reactions, they train you into giving them more power and more control. They want you to believe that you're the one who's unreasonable, so you stop looking at their behavior and take responsibility for any problems. When someone uses dismissive or minimizing phrases against you, use the assertive ownership method to protect yourself. Calmly and firmly say, it's my job to define my experience. This does two things. It asserts your autonomy over your feelings, sets a precedent, letting them know that you're not going to surrender your sense of self for their benefit, and sets a boundary for respectful communication. If you'd like a copy of the Tools I share, sign up below and you'll get a new three minute empowerment plan every week. Have you ever been told I never said that? When you clearly remember that yes, they did say that. This is the third type of catchphrase you're going to hear from a narcissist. Denial and deflection phrases. They might say, I didn't agree to that when you confront them about a commitment that they broke. Or that's not what I meant when you call them out on a hurtful comment. Or they might say, don't be that way when you're trying to discuss why their behavior upsets you, trying to diminish your feelings and shift the blame back onto you. Narcissists live in a fantasy world and they need you to not only be part of their fantasy, but also to agree with their fantasy. They don't have a static or fully formed sense of self, or even a grounded perception of reality. To them, everything is fluid and can be bent to their will for their benefit whenever they wish. So what they really mean by this type of catchphrase is your beliefs, feelings, or experiences don't matter. What matters is their narrative and that their narrative wins. It's a deliberate tactic to get you to step into a fantasy world and to leave any sense of grounded reality behind you. That way, they gain more control and keep you enslaved as their narcissistic supply. When someone uses denial and deflection phrases against you, use the reality Check method to protect yourself. Calmly and firmly say, I remember what happened. This does three things. It asserts your awareness of the actual situation, shows that you're not going to participate in their fantasy, and sets a clear boundary against their manipulation. Have you ever had someone act like they don't understand what you're saying, even though you know you're being very clear? This is the fourth type of catchphrase you're going to hear from a narcissist. Feigning ignorance phrases. They might say something like I'm confused when you ask them to follow through on something they promised, or I don't understand what you mean when you try to give them feedback about their performance at work. Or they might play dumb or act like you're not making sense when you try to set a boundary, hoping to exasperate you. Narcissists use this tactic to undermine your confidence and to make you doubt your communication skills. By pretending that they don't understand, they shift the focus away from their behavior and onto your ability to explain yourself. They know exactly what you're talking about. They just don't like it. They pretend not to understand so that you keep shoveling more time, more attention, more energy in their direction. They want you to feel confused and to question your own clarity. It's a deliberate tactic to make you doubt yourself and to give them the upper hand in the conversation. When someone uses feigning ignorance phrases against you, assert yourself with the Clarity method. Calmly and firmly say, I'm sure you'll figure it out. This does three things. It asserts your confidence in your own communication, it sets clear expectation for them to take responsibility, and it prevents the conversation from being derailed by their tactic. Has anyone ever told you that they care about you, but in reality they really don't seem to care about you at all? This is the fifth type of catchphrase you'll hear from a narcissist. Emotional Bondage phrases. They might do Something hurtful, and then say something like, you know I love you to make you feel guilty about questioning their actions. Or they might say, I just want the best for you. After they've caused a scene in front of your friends, they might say something like, I'm just concerned about the stress load. When you share that, you're excited about a possible promotion. The easiest way to decode these phrases is spider love. This is a quick reframe for any type of emotional bondage. Spiders love the fly, which is why they trap it in their web. And narcissists love you in the same way. Just like the spider traps a fly to consume it, narcissists want to trap you and to suck you dry. And they use these types of phrases to manipulate your understanding of love and care, making you feel guilty or unreasonable for questioning their intentions. They want to strengthen the emotional bond to keep you trapped and compliant. This is a deliberate tactic to keep you emotionally tied to them and to prevent you from seeing the true nature of the relationship. When someone uses emotional bondage phrases against you, use the spider love reframe to protect yourself. When the narcissist says a phrase like I love you, what they are really saying is, I love the way you make me feel about myself. If they say I care about you, what they're really saying is, I care about how much you serve my needs. If they say I want what's best for you, what they're really saying is, I want the best way to keep you stuck with me. And if they say I'm concerned about you, what they're really saying is, I'm concerned that I'm losing control over you. By mentally reframing their emotional bondage, you can avoid getting drawn into their traps. Moving on have you ever been criticized for being bad at social skills? Even though you know you're a reasonably nice person? This is the sixth type of catchphrase you're going to hear from a narcissist. So social shaming phrases. They might say you're no fun when you don't feel like going out to the club after a long day of work. Or you're so antisocial or so awkward when you feel shy about being invited to a party where you don't know very many people. They might label you as a homebody or a hermit, acting as if introversion is some sort of character flaw. And here's what I really want you to know about this one. This manipulation is about trying to make you do the heavy lifting and socializing because they intrinsically know that they are awkward, they are no fun, and they are bad at social skills. They know that if people really knew them, they wouldn't be liked. So without you serving as their activity coordinator or their social lubricant, they won't be adored, admired, pitied, or all those other things that they thrive on. Narcissists use these phrases to undermine your confidence and to make you feel insecure about your social standing by shaming you. They try to control your actions and make you more compliant with their desires. When someone uses these types of phrases against you, use the social sovereignty method to protect yourself. Remind yourself that your social preferences, desires and needs are valid. Nothing is wrong with you. You are allowed to socialize or not socialize. It's okay to prefer solitud smaller groups. You have full permission to watch TV in your pajamas and stay home anytime you want. If someone tries to weaponize this against you, calmly and firmly say, I'm good with who I am. Even if you feel insecure or awkward or judged, it's important to use these words as protection. This method does two things. It reinforces your self confidence in your social choices and sets a boundary against their attempts to use you as their social coordinator. Stay firm in your confidence and independence and avoid getting drawn into their attempts to shame and control you. Have you ever been scolded by someone saying who do you think you are? As an attempt to belittle you or shame you? This is the seventh type of catchphrase that you'll hear from a projection and inversion phrases. They might say, you think you're better than me if you stop drinking or start losing weight or sign up for college or make any attempt to improve your life. Or they might call you a narcissist when you try to point out manipulation behavior or make an effort to fix yourself up or book yourself a much needed vacation. They might take a shot at you saying, get off your high horse on a day where you're feeling confident enough to ask for something that you rightfully deserve. So here's how to decode this one. This manipulation is about projecting their own insecurities and narcissistic traits onto you. They can only see the world through their own limited point of view. They can only imagine you through their own belief systems. They so they automatically accuse you of the very behaviors, beliefs, and motives that they have themselves. They know that you're not like them. They know that you don't want to hurt people. They also know that you're not a narcissist, but they use these inverted phrases because they know it'll hurt you, knock you down a peg and make you easier to control. This manipulation is about weaponizing your self worth against you. It's terrible. It has lifelong effects and if this has happened to you, I am so so very sorry. When someone uses projection and aversion phrases against you, use the own your worth method to protect yourself. You build self worth by investing time, energy or attention on yourself. A narcissist is going to be very threatened by that. They want to use all of your time, all of your energy, all of your attention for their narcissistic supply. So basically anything that you do to build self worth will be weaponized against you. Mentally reframe this and tell yourself no one defines my worth but me. You and you alone have the ability to strengthen your self worth by investing in yourself. You make yourself stronger, better and more loving and more capable and you make the world a better place not only for you but for everyone around you.