7 Phrases narcissists hate

Have you ever wished that there were magic words that would stop a narcissist in their tracks? Whether you're dealing with a boss or a co worker, or someone you've just met, or even someone you've cared about for a long time, there are a few quick phrases that you can use in any situation to not only end manipulation, but to actively keep narcissists away. With over 20 years of experience as a coach, author and survivor, I teach simple systems to empower you in any situation. In this video, I'm going to show you seven phrases that narcissists hate. But before we get into those phrases, it's important to understand how the phrases work and why they're effective. Without understanding your role in the narcissistic dynamic, you'll remain surrounded by narcissists, leaving you exhausted and depleted. My focus is to help you change your habits so that you know how to hold yourself, what to say, and what to look for. These new habits do two they make you unmanipulatable and they build self worth. Self worth means deserving attention, energy and respect. And you build it by investing those same qualities in yourself. So I want you to think about self as something that you own, something that you need to protect, something that you have earned, invested in something that's rightfully yours. This precious sense of self is exactly what narcissists lack. They cling to an imaginary facade they've created, always trying to cover up the fact that they are artificial, flawless, fragile and empty. They are deeply envious and threatened by your ability to be separate and whole. They recognize the internal bank account where you've invested your attention, your energy, your respect. And they want it. Their entire motive is to steal your sense of being, to leech off of you, to drain you in an attempt to fill the void within them. This is why your self worth plummets the longer you spend time with a narcissist. Narcissists cannot tolerate any acknowledgment of independent self selfness. They require complete surrender of yourself to serve their image. When your boundaries aren't protected, narcissists gain control. That's why they hate phrases that assert your boundaries. These phrases remind them that they can't cross the line. So first, let's get clear on what that means, because a lot of people are confused about this and they end up doing the opposite of setting a boundary. Boundaries are not instructions for how someone needs to behave. They they are not about telling someone what to do. They are not about trying to change the Other person. They are not about explaining your feelings, your thought process, or your rationale. Boundaries focus on you. They are rules for how you act and where you stand. Boundaries are merely the process of communicating who you are, what works for you, what you want, or what you feel. By definition, boundaries define you as a different set, a clear signal that a narcissist cannot affect, dictate, or control you. This conveys loud and clear that the narcissist will not get what they want from you. However, if you're watching this video, I'm assuming that you have at least one narcissist in your life. So it's really important to understand how to communicate and protect your boundaries. So let's imagine a house. The walls, windows, and doors give the house shape and form. The form is what defines the home. To protect yourself, you close the windows and doors and you stay inside. Similarly, boundaries give shape and form to the self within you. Your boundaries are what keep you inside and keep others outside. Once you understand how your boundaries protect you, it becomes clear why narcissists target those with weaker defenses. Narcissists are similar to thieves who want to break in, steal everything, kick you out, and then occupy your home. Thieves avoid occupied houses. They look for unlocked doors or open windows, anything that makes entry easy. Just like thieves, narcissists are looking for easy access. They're watching to see if your boundaries are weak. If the door is left ajar, or if you're too distracted to notice them slipping in. They look for someone who doesn't keep the lights on inside, someone who isn't fully present, someone who is uncomfortable protecting their home. If your emotional door is open, they'll slip in and take what they want and leave you drained. They'll try to get through these doors by pushing against three different parts of your perimeter. The three qualities that build your attention, your energy, and your respect. So your boundaries, the house that protects you must be clear lines around your attention, your energy, and your self respect. If they can get you to open the door and pay attention to them, they're inside the house. If you give them your energy, mental, emotional, physical, or financial, you've left the doors unlocked. If you allow them to chip away at your self respect, they're now running the show. So half of the boundary battle is keeping the bad guy out. The other half of the battle is keeping the good guy, you, in. This was the most difficult and the most critical aspect to boundaries for me to learn. I learned how to keep the bad guys out, but keeping myself inside was the hardest lesson, if you're anything like me, you're overly generous, you over deliver, you're a giver, you like to serve, you're kind, you're compassionate, you're overly willing to take on someone else's burden, you're willing to justify their mistakes. You might look at their childhood and make excuses and chalk it up to someone who was hurt rather than someone who is actually trying to hurt you. And what you're doing is equivalent to you going out into your front yard. So if you can imagine, the narcissist is outside your front door, but through manipulation, guilt tactics, calling you selfish, playing on your pity, acting like the victim, blaming you for their pain. And then you walk out the door to talk to them, to reason with them, to talk them down, to explain, to alleviate your guilt, to prove that you're not selfish. Guess what? You're no longer inside your house, you're outside yourself. And the narcissist has gotten exactly what they want. Narcissists are experts at drawing you out, getting you to overextend. They do this because they sense that you're a giver, someone who's empathetic and responsible. So the key to boundaries is containment, keeping yourself inside, keeping your resources intact. The phrases narcissists hate the most are those that force them to stay outside your house and help you stay protected inside. Now that you understand the importance of protecting your boundaries, here are seven phrases that you can help to keep them intact, no matter who you're dealing with. Having clear communication about who you are, what you want, how you operate, and how you feel will keep the bad guys out and keep you in. And this brings us to our number one phrase that narcissists hate, and it's one magic word. Phrase number one is no. In real life, this can be a simple shake of the head. No words. You could say the word no out loud, or you could use a polite no, thank you. Narcissists hate this phrase because it directly denies them control and reminds them that they don't have access to your time, attention, or energy. To set boundaries around your attention, use phrase number two. I'm not available for that. In real life, this can sound like I'm not available to stay at work late, or I'm not available to watch your kids this afternoon, or I'm not available to meet up tonight. I'm not available for. That is a simple yet powerful way to shut down requests that overstep your boundaries. It's firm without needing to explain further. Another attention, Boundary. Is phrase three I'm not willing to do that. This could sound like I'm not willing to discuss that, or I'm not willing to explain myself, or I'm not willing to justify my reasons. These phrases remind the narcissist that you manage your own time and choices, not them. The phrases communicate that your time and energy are yours and you decide how you use them and you make clear that you're not going to bend to their demands. These phrases communicate that your time and energy are yours to decide how to use, making it clear that you won't bend to the narcissist demands. If you'd like a copy of the scripts and tools I share, sign up below and you'll get a new three minute empowerment plan every week. Now, if you want to set boundaries around your resources, use phrase number four I don't have time for that. In real life, this could sound like I don't have time to travel this holiday, or I don't have time to argue, or I don't have time to listen to excuses. This phrase draws a clear line, letting the narcissist know that your time is reserved for what you value, not for their demands. And when you need a boundary to protect your energy, say phrase 5 I can't afford it. This applies to any energy expenditure where you can't afford to spend the excess resources. This might sound like I can't afford to pay for you, or you could say I can't afford to take responsibility for that or I can't afford to add that to my list. These phrases emphasize that your energy is limited and that you won't waste it on things that don't align with your priorities, making it clear that you prioritize your own limits and needs. When you need to set a boundary for your dignity and self Respect, use phrase 6 I don't have the capacity to take that on. In real life, this could sound like I don't have the capacity to take on that project or I don't have the capacity to take on your emotions. This phrase communicates that you are protecting your emotional and mental space, making it clear that you're not going to overextend yourself just to meet their demands. It's a firm boundary that keeps your well being in focus. And my all time favorite go to for almost any boundary setting situation is phrase seven that doesn't work for me. Not only does this phrase refuse to serve the narcissistic needs, but it also reminds them that you are a separate self, distinct from them. Narcissists hate it when you remind them that you're not an extension of them. Phrases like this one assert your independence, disrupting their fantasy of control. By using these phrases, you keep your emotional and mental space intact, making sure that the narcissist doesn't gain the control they crave over your time, energy, and sense of self.