Covert Narcissism: Don't Fall for It

Have you ever felt like you're walking on eggshells around someone who seems perfectly nice but leaves you feeling drained, anxious, or just downright feeling guilty? Stick around, because today we're diving deep into the world of COVID narcissism. What it is, how to spot it, and crucial steps for recovery. Not just that. We'll be exploring some famous characters in pop culture that might give you that aha moment. So let's dive in. Hi there. I'm Meadow devore, helping you with simple tools to help you recover from narcissistic relationships and build self worth. So what is covert narcissism? Covert narcissism, known as vulnerable narcissism, is a subtype of narcissistic personality disorder, npd, that is characterized by some of the same traits as traditional or overt narcissism, but manifests in more subtle and less obvious ways. Covert narcissists often hide their narcissistic traits behind a facade of humility, vulnerability, and introversion, where overt narcissists display grandiosity. In a covert narcissist, you're going to see something called withdrawn self centeredness. They think they're amazing, they think they're wonderful. They think that most people aren't able or smart enough or special enough to see how wonderful they are, but in general, they know they're not able to convince the world to see them in the same way. So the COVID narcissist withdraws into a smaller audience, isolates, or has a very selective pool of people around them. What you see is more this constant need for reassurance, pity, or attention. They are transactional, doing things to get their needs met, keeping score where they believe they've been wronged and are entitled to privileges. Emotional coldness or a lack of empathy is a common trait of narcissism. But what you'll see more with COVID narcissists is a false empathy used as a tool to manipulate others. You'll see them be sad, depressed, and upset. They may even cry real tears, but it will always be out of self pity rather than true sadness, compassion, or empathy. For me, sometimes the easiest way to learn things is to look at pop culture, especially when I'm trying to understand complex concepts like covert narcissism. Walter White from Breaking Bad, especially in the early seasons, is a really good one to look at. Walter starts off seemingly meek and forlorn, but slowly reveals this deeply narcissistic and manipulative side as the series progresses. While he may not be a true covert narcissist, in the traditional sense. Some of the elements of his character fit the profile, such as his hidden grandiosity and his willingness to exploit others. Mother Gothel from Tangled presents herself as this caring, protective mother figure, but her love is conditional and manipulative. She keeps Rapunzel isolated while feeding off of her powers to remain young. Mother Gothel undermines Rapunzel's self esteem and makes her dependent. This is a classic sign of COVID narcissism. Norman Bates from Psycho Obviously a psychopath, but also Norman Bates appears timid and unassuming, but also has this deeply ingrained, manipulative dark side. His subservient relationship to his mother and the way he manipulates circumstances to seem like the victim can be interpreted as signs of COVID narcissism. Narcissism as well. The Other Mother from Coraline. This character lures Coraline into this seemingly perfect world, offering what seems to be this better, more attentive version of her real mother. However, this is just a facade to control and eventually consume Coraline. Other Mother's victimization of herself, where she says, I just want to be a good mother, is a perfect example of COVID narcissism. So let's walk through three unmistakable signs that you can spot in your daily interactions. Sign number one is selective responsiveness. With a covert narcissist, you're going to see that they are extremely responsive when it serves their interests, but noticeably unresponsive when you're in need. This is a manipulative tactic designed to keep you off balance Jekyll and Hyde behavior. In your relationship, you'll experience a confusing mix of warmth and coldness. This inconsistency keeps you emotionally invested and perpetually trying to decode their behavior. And finally, sign number three. And this was the biggie for me. Financial or emotional dependence. Covert narcissists will often make it seem like you are their lifeline for emotional or even financial stability. Understanding covert narcissism is a big piece of the puzzle, but what comes next? The first step is understanding the dynamic. It's crucial to gain a clear picture of COVID narcissism and the manipulation tactics used. So arm yourself with knowledge, watch videos, read books, consult professionals, and talk to people you trust. Step two is understanding boundaries. It's vital to establish and strengthen and refine your boundaries through honoring your emotions and by defining and protecting your sense of self. Step three is to build self worth. And that starts with understanding people pleasing. If you have any questions, please leave a comment. Thanks for listening.