If They Do THIS – You’re the Target

You won't see it happening. At first, you're just living your life, showing up, being decent, doing what you do. But somewhere on the edges of your world, a narcissist has already noticed you. And before you know it, they want to destroy you. Your reputation, your relationships, your career. But they're not always the people close to you. Sometimes it's the coworker, the neighbor, the friend of a friend, the one who lives in the periphery and waits for an opening. The the takedown starts with subtle clues. Quiet, strategic and easy to dismiss. And each clue reveals how they think, what they want, and why they've chosen you. I've spent the last 20 years studying self worth and narcissistic relationships. And I teach people how to recognize manipulation the moment it starts. In this video, I'll show you three early signs that you've been targeted. What's really going on, and how to protect yourself before it's too late. In the wild, animals test rank before they ever fight. A wolf doesn't just attack another wolf. It gives a small eye contact that lasts a little too long, or a shoulder bump or a low growl. And the other animal's response decides everything. Submission, avoidance or equality. Humans do the same thing, especially those driven by dominance and control. They'll throw out subtle tests to see if you'll yield. Interrupt you mid sentence, ignore your opinion, dismiss your success, or make you the butt of a joke. This is an alpha test, seeing whether you're going to submit to their dominance in their world. There's only one alpha and it's them. Even if you're just a small part of their world, your self possession isn't allowed. So they create a small moment of tension and watch what you do next. Do you become uncomfortable? Do you shy away? Do you laugh even though it hurt? And if you do, they'll register you as safe. Someone who will stay lower in position. But if you don't, if you stay calm, self led or unbothered, they read this as defiance. And that's the moment you become the target. If this sounds familiar and you're wanting to assess the level of risk you're dealing with, I put together a quick narcissist protection checklist links in the description. So here's the thing. You don't have to do anything intentional to fail this test. Totally ordinary situations can set this one off. You might offer an idea at a meeting that saves the company money. Or you show genuine care checking on somebody or bringing a thoughtful gift and unknowingly outshining the Person who wants to be seen as the most generous, or you hold your ground politely when someone corrects or dismisses you and they take note that you didn't back down. Even if you're not trying to compete, you're just trying to be decent or capable or kind to someone who needs to dominate. Even your ease is a challenge. You become the target because your presence has made them feel outshined. In every hierarchy, families, workplaces, friend groups, there's someone who quietly believes they're the most capable, the most admired, or central to the entire group. And when you walk in and simply are what they're pretending to be, calm, competent, genuine, it threatens that image. You don't have to brag or compete or challenge them directly. Your authenticity does it for you. You're comfortable in your own skin and they are relying on performance. In his book the 48 Laws of Power, Robert Greene explains one of the most dangerous dynamics in any hierarchy. Never outshine the master. It's a minefield and most people don't know they've stepped into it until it's too late. And once this happens, the environment is no longer safe. This has blindsided me more than once. It's usually after I've naively just been myself doing something normal or something decent. And it's deeply destabilizing because I wasn't in a situation that even seemed hostile most of the time. I was just being normal. And if this happens to you, it helps to understand that sometimes what you find harmless about yourself, a narcissist finds deeply terrifying. So the first line of defense is knowing that you don't have to change who you are. You just need to recognize that your self possession can destabilize people who build their value on image or hierarchy. So what do you do about it? Well, now that you know what a trigger you are just by existing, pay attention to who in the room is watching. If you fit this profile, as a rule of thumb, expect at least one person in every group to target you. So you keep your eyes open and just stay prepared. If you don't realize that you've been targeted yet, what you'll notice first is that people are talking behind your back and you have no idea why. You're not sure who started it or who's in charge of it. You just know that somehow you're radioactive now. And this is what triangulation looks like in real life. It happens behind the scenes. One person uses others to do their work for them. That's where the flying monkeys come in. Just like the wizard of Oz, these are the people who are sent to do the dirty work. Family members, members, co workers. It can even be your own children. The goal is always the same. To exile you, to punish you, and to make sure no one believes you. You'll notice it in small ways. Rooms that go silent, conversations that shift. Helpful messengers who warn you to behave differently. And they're going to frame it as helpful, but what they're really doing is just becoming your handler. This is what you have to notice. The flying monkeys are the clue. If you pay attention to how you're being handled, you can figure out who's targeting you and behavior you're being trained to follow. That doesn't mean that you need to comply. It means that you need to see the system for what it is. And once you see it, you can protect yourself. Instead of teaching you a tool, let me show you how I would deal with this. When something like this happens, I actually use the tools that I built into my training. I put everything I've learned in the last 25 years into these tools. The same frameworks I use with my books, classes, and private clients. It's all in one place so I don't have to reinvent the wheel every time something like this shows up. Now, let's just say that I'm having trouble at work with a manager who seems to be targeting me, and I've noticed flying monkeys. I don't know what to do, so I just drop in the situation and it shows me exactly what's happening and what to do next. Because when you're triggered or blindsided, it's hard to think clearly. This breaks it down for me. What's really going on, what to watch for, and the exact words to use, like here. It gives me this script. I appreciate your input, but I'm comfortable with how I'm handling things. And that's it. No explaining, no defending, no justifying. And if they keep pushing, I just repeat I'm comfortable with my approach. If I were at work, I could just screenshot this and keep it on my phone for next time I need a comeback. The flying monkeys and the narcissist boss don't have to take up mental space anymore. I'm locked and loaded. And that's why I built these tools, so that no one has to wonder how to deal with situations like this. If you'd like this tool, it's inside my unmanipulatable training. Grab the narcissist protection checklist in the link and I'll send you an offer to access it. The next point is where it starts to become obvious that you're the target. You're not being managed anymore, you're being removed. And this is when you start to notice that things you've said or done are being repeated in twisted ways. Private conversations suddenly become public. People are being told different versions of what happened, each designed to make it look like you're the problem. You feel the shift before you can explain it. Invitations stop and people go quiet when you walk in and they stop making eye contact and they don't ask you what happened, they just act like they already know. That silence, that social freezing out, that is the coup. That's the moment that the group has quietly decided that you're out. So why does a narcissist do this? Because if they take out the person who won't fall in line, the group goes back to orbiting around the narcissist. And if that has happened to you, I am so sorry because it's terribly painful to go through this. Being cut out like this feels shattering because it is. You're not just left out. You're socially erased and people you trusted pull away. Reality gets rewritten without you in it. That level of rejection hits survival level wiring. Feeling shocked or sick or disoriented isn't overreacting. It's a normal response to social exile. So remember, you didn't become a target because you were weak or naive. You became a target because you were steady, self, self led and not easily controlled. If you're watching videos like this, chances are you're not easily controlled. And going forward, you need to know that the more unmanipulatable you become, the more of a threat you're going to be to predators. So once you can see it, the testing, the undermining, the coup, you stop personalizing it. You stop thinking, what did I do wrong? And you start recognizing, oh, this is what people do when they feel threatened by someone who doesn't play along. You don't have to become smaller to stay safe. You just have to have eyes wide open. And because you see it coming, it won't take you down the way it did before. Thanks for watching YouTube thinks you're going to like this video on screen right here. Yep, that's the one. Click it to learn even more about spotting narcissists and protecting yourself against manipulation. I'll see you over there. Okay, bye.