Mastering Confidence: How to Build Self-Worth When Starting Something New

If you're feeling insecure about trying something new and you want to show up with a sense of self worth, this is what you do. Today. I want to talk about self worth when you're trying something new. And specifically I want to talk about how to feel more confident and have more self esteem and more courage when you might not be great at something. I chose this topic today because I am trying something new. I am recording my first video podcast for YouTube and if you want to see it, I've linked my YouTube channel in the description. Even though this is being recorded and even though it'll be edited, it still brings up all my insecurities because I have to move out of my comfort zone and be willing to show up as is. Not only as is, as in here I am, but also as is. This is where I live. I live in Big Sur. I live in a yurt. This is is my lifestyle. So what do you do when you're feeling insecure or when you're not an expert and you still want to show up or build self worth? Self worth is built by valuing your true self over your ideal image. So when you're a newbie like I am today and you're focused on the ideal image, it's that better, more accomplished, more expert you rather than the humble, clunky newbie you, you're deteriorating your self worth. So before you even start, you have to acknowledge who you really are, your true self. Next. Instead of being focused on what you want to get, you need to focus on what you're giving. Focus on the effort, the time, the attention that you're giving to whatever endeavor you're wanting to do. Acknowledge that you're giving away something that's precious, some of your resources, something that's valuable to you. Instead of thinking about this is what I want to get out of this. So regardless of what you're spending, whether it's money, time, energy, health, self, I want you to frame this as giving away something that you own, something that you steward. This helps you focus on yourself and what you already possess and who you really are. Rather than focusing outward toward others, what you can get, or towards your ideal image. The next step is to restate what you want in terms of what you want to give. Instead of I want to be good at X, Y, Z, I want to be an expert at fill in the blank, you say I want to give my time, attention and energy to whatever it is. And the last step is to give yourself permission. It's to directly state that you are Allowed to give your time and energy to these things. You give yourself permission to want it. You give yourself permission to invest in it. You give yourself permission to be new, to be clunky, to be not so perfect at something. So you use this mantra. I'm allowed to want this. For example, here I am on camera. My ideal self wants to be better at this, wants to be way better than this. My ideal self wants to be eloquent and funny and never make a mistake. And it wants perfect lighting and it wants that light behind me to not be so bright. But the sun is coming through the roof and I can't change that. My ideal self is focused on what I look like and all the little nitpicky criticisms that come up as soon as I have to look at myself on camera like this. That's my ideal self. But to value my true self, I simply have to acknowledge who I am as is right now. You have to just tell yourself the truth. So here I am showing up as my clunky newbie self. I acknowledge something true about me. This is literally my living room. I live perched on the side of the Pacific Ocean in Big Sur. That, that's me. That's, that's who I am. And I've invited you into my house. And if I think about that as you being a real person on the other side, calm, calm, it's going to be okay. Like I wouldn't be all freaked out if you were here. I would be okay. So that's what's true. And as soon as I move into something true like that and I get grounded back in myself, it is not the problem because I'm not trying to chase that ideal. I'm not valuing my ideal image over who I really am. When you come back to true self, that is where you start building self worth next. Instead of focused on what I might get, subscribers, listeners, likes, I don't know all the things that I might be able to get out of this. I want to focus primarily on what I'm willing to give this project. And what I'm willing to give this project is 20 years of experience of working out all the little nitty gritty things about self worth. I have 20 years of coaching experience, I have many books that I've written on this subject and I've got thousands and thousands of clients that I'm distilling down into these little 10 minute segments. That's what I'm willing to invest in this. You know, I focus on what I'm giving rather than what I hope to receive. And the minute the focus is not on, on that ideal or not like out there trying to please others, that's another settling factor to start building self worth. Next is to restate what I want in terms of what I want to give. I want to give my time, energy and attention to video podcasting. It's like I start focusing on something that I already own rather than focused on what I don't have yet. I don't, do not have expert status here. I do not have, you know, as far as the video part, but I do have knowledge that I want to share. So I kind of bring myself back to something that feels true and also brings me back to not this idealized fantasy thing that I'm trying to chase. And then lastly, I give myself permission. I'm allowed to want this. I'm allowed to want to video podcast. I'm allowed to want to give my time, my energy, my money, my everything to this endeavor. Like, I'm not going to want that. So now back to you. Think of something that you might not be an expert at, something that you feel a little insecure doing. For example, maybe you've met someone new and you really want a good relationship with them. So first you have to go true self versus ideal self. Okay? Ideal self lives over there in that perfect relationship part where you want to be someday. So right here, right now, you just come back to your true self. I'm a person who wants a relationship. I'm a person who cares deeply about learning about this person. Something like that. Number two, rather than thinking about what you want to get good relationship, you think about what you're willing to give. I mean, I'm willing to spend the time and energy to create a good relationship, or I am willing to spend the time getting to know this person to see if they are someone I want to have a relationship with. Three, you restate what you want in terms of what you're willing to give or invest. So I want to give my time, attention and energy to having a happy relationship. I want to give my time and energy to getting to know this person. Something like that. And then four, give yourself permission. I'm allowed to want this. I'm allowed to want a good relationship. I'm allowed to want whatever you're wanting, whatever you're wanting to start and where you're new and where you might not be a total expert or you might not have achieved what you're wanting, you're allowed to want all of it. If you're feeling insecure about trying something new and you want to show up with a sense of self worth. This is what you do. Number one. You bring your attention away from the ideal and focus on what's true. Self worth is built by valuing true self over ideal image. 2. Instead of thinking about what you'd like to get, you focus on what you want to spend and what you're willing to invest in. 3. The next step is to restate what you want, but state it in terms of what I'm willing to give. I want to give my time, attention, resources to fill in the blank. And then four. Give yourself permission. Give yourself permission to want it. Give yourself permission to invest in it. Give yourself permission to be new, to be clunky, to be not so perfect. And use the mantra I'm allowed to want this.