Mastering Self-Love: 3 Confidence Mindset Shifts

Today, I'm going to show you three powerful steps that will increase your confidence and help you master self love. This might sound cliche, but the truth is that the amount of self respect you have and the amount that you love yourself will affect every single part of your life. So if you want better relationships, if you want to be a better parent, or you want to enjoy success, or live a happier and more meaningful life, you not only have to learn these three steps, you need to actually do this. Don't worry, it's simpler than you think. The truth is, we're all seeking confidence and we're all wanting to love ourselves. But most people are going about it in the wrong way and it actually is making it impossible to love themselves. This episode will save you a whole lot of time, pain and confusion. So if you're someone who's ever lacked confidence, felt insecure, or had moments of uncertainty or instability, or if you just don't know how you're ever going to truly experience self love, this video is for you. Foreign. Hi there, I'm Meta devore, helping you with strategies and tools to help you build self worth. Before we get into how to love yourself, I think it's important to know what self love actually means. I want you to think of self love as something that you do rather than something that you feel. I want you to think of self love as a practice, not a destination. There's no finish line where you all of a sudden officially love yourself. So rather than seeing it as a feeling or a destination or an end goal, I want you to think of this as a process that you do, an action that you take, or a way that you behave. There's a slew of definitions for the word love, from having deep affection to really enjoying something, to admiration, desire, and kinship. But self love isn't really any of that. If you expect to have a deep affection for yourself, or to really like or really admire yourself, or even to have a familial kinship with yourself, yeah, you might not ever get there. We're hardwired to find fault with ourselves and to try to better ourselves. And that's actually a really good thing. That desire to be better, to grow, to improve, it keeps us alive and vital and we don't want to lose that. So. So for the purposes of self love, I want to use a slightly different definition of the word love. One that should not only fit your most important relationships, like kids, family, friends, pets, home, but one that really helps you understand how to love you. So here's the definition Caring and generous concern for the good of another. So let me say that again because it's really crucial. Caring and generous concern for the good of another. So let's break that down. What does that actually mean? Care means responsibility for or attention to, and generous means giving without hesitation. Concern means actually to engage with it. And then good in this context means the advancement of well being. So this means that self love is the responsibility to engage in giving without hesitation to the advancement of your own well being. That means self love is based in the idea of care for yourself, generosity to yourself, and being responsible for the well being of yourself. So these fundamental ideas of care, generosity, well being, responsibility are at the core of self love. And we're going to apply these ideas to three key aspects of loving yourself. The first step to loving yourself is to learn how to love your past self. No matter who you are, what you've done, or what has been done to you, you are worthy of care, generosity, and well being. You are not defined by the worst thing you've ever done, and you're not defined by the worst thing that ever happened to you. To love yourself, you're going to have to let go of all the what ifs. You're going to have to let go of your ideas of how your life should have been, could have been, would have been different. You're going to have to let go of all the past decisions that you made and the ones you didn't make. If you are harboring regret, grief, sorrow and pain from your past, old wounds, trauma, addictions and baggage, you're stuck in cycle of not caring for yourself. Instead, you're caring about something that already happened or didn't happen. To put it bluntly, you're spending your life stuck in a story that's not benefiting you and engaging in a fantasy that ultimately hurts you. If loving yourself is the responsibility to engage in giving without hesitation to the advancement of your own well being, then loving your past self is also the responsibility of generous attention to your own well being. By engaging in painful fantasies about rewriting the past, you're doing the exact opposite. So instead of caring for yourself, you're being inconsiderate. Instead of being generous, you're being petty and punitive. Instead of engaging, you're evading. Instead of advancing your well being, you're actually perpetuating misery. So to turn this around for myself and for my clients, I use this quick phrase. You don't have a time machine. Because unless you have some magical DeLorean that can take you back in time, the only way to freedom and peace is is to stop pretending as if your past can be changed. Self love is a process that you do, an action that you take. It's a way that you behave that reinforces that you are responsible for generous attention to your own well being. Start by rewriting your history. Instead of dwelling in the fantasy past, rewrite your history to align with reality. Instead of wishing it was different, accept what it was. This doesn't mean that you have to forgive it or that you even condone it. Rather, you accept that the past is unchangeable and that it already happened and that it doesn't define you. You can journal about this, you can meditate on this, you can use mantras and affirmations, or you can reach out to a skilled coach or therapist. The key to this step is that you are responsible for neutralizing your past for your own well being. So speaking of journaling, I just created a self Worth workbook, A daily guide to building self esteem. It's my gift to you for being part of my community. I've linked it in the description and I hope you find it valuable. The second step to loving yourself if you is to learn how to love who you are today. So first you need to know that this isn't unconditional love. I don't know that unconditional self love is even possible, let alone beneficial. Loving yourself isn't about kicking back and being like oh amazing. No, loving yourself requires effort. It requires attention, it requires action. Self love isn't a switch you can just flip. It's a process, it's a practice. It's something you do, not something you get. So if we're defining self love as care and generous concern for your own well being, then self love isn't something that just happens to you. It's something that you make happen through care, generosity, concern and progress. So care means to take responsibility for or to give attention to your present self. Generosity in this case means that you give your present day self what you need without holding back. Concern means that you engage with yourself. You're not on autopilot, you're intentional. And then progress means that you want good for yourself, that you're working towards your own well being to do this. Ask yourself this question. If I cared about myself, what would I do? What's amazing about this question is that there's always an answer. I find it pretty fascinating that some part of your mind will always be able to tell you exactly what you need to do to care for yourself. You might not want to do that, but it always knows what it needs to do. So then you have to actually do that thing. Whether it's go for a walk or drink a glass of water or stop mindless scrolling or cook a healthy meal, there's always something you can do to participate in self love. The last step to loving yourself is to love who you will become. Your future self. So this doesn't mean fantasizing about some idealized version of yourself. It doesn't mean that you're daydreaming about the better, smarter, thinner, more successful image that you hope to become. It means actually caring for who you will be in five minutes, five, five days, or five years. It means understanding that who you are now and the actions you take will not only affect the future you, but it could actually harm or benefit that future you. I'll tell you where this really clicked for me. I had been divorced for a few months, a newly single mom and my daughter and I had just moved to this new house and it had a really elaborate garden. It was really beautiful. So I haul my green bin out and I'm working in the garden. I'm raking up all these leaves, so scooping the leaves, putting it in the trash can. And then, yeah, it looks good. I left the trash can there. It's big green bin. It's pretty heavy. I wasn't even aware of what I did. I walked away from that trash can. And then, I'm not even joking, for three days straight, I passed that trash can. It was in the middle of my backyard. And I just kept kind of thinking to myself, like, who's going to take care of that? Who's going to move that? Who's going to put it away? As if somebody was going to come and save me, some trash can fairy was going to really like come in and save the day from me. And then all of a sudden just clicked and realized, oh, it's me, it's just me. And I know that sounds kind of silly, but it was the moment that I just realized I'm actually responsible to my future self. So instead of thinking someone else is going to save me or someone else is going to do this for me or I shouldn't have to do xyz, I now tell myself, no one is coming. And this means that I'm in charge of caring for my future self and so are you. So if you have something that needs to be done, or a dream you're trying to achieve or a goal that you want to attain, it means that somewhere out there, there's a future self relying on you to do the work. No one else is coming to save you. No one else is going to do that work for you. So then love for your future self isn't something that anyone else can do for you. It's something that you make happen through care, generosity, concern and progress. Care in this case means to take responsibility for or give attention to what will make life easier and better for your future self. Generosity means that you give freely of your time and energy to activities that will create a better life for your future self. Concern means that you engage with your future self. You're not going to accidentally end up in an amazing future self life. You'll only get there with intentional effort. Progress means that you want good for your future self, that you're willing to work today so that your future self reaps the reward of well being. So remind yourself, no one is coming to save me. Then you have to do something that shows care, generosity and concern for your future self. Something that promotes well being for who you will be in five minutes, five days, five years from now. So do the dishes so that future you doesn't have to deal with them or go to bed earlier so that future you isn't so dang tired. Make a shopping list so that future you isn't stressed out at the grocery store. And practice yoga so that future you has more strength and flexibility. So to recap, self love is based on the idea of care for yourself, generosity to yourself and being responsible for the well being of yourself. That means that confidence is built through care, generosity, responsibility and well being. So to really love yourself, you have to follow these three steps. 1. You need to love your past self by taking responsibility to give generous attention for your own well being. The only way to freedom and peace is to stop stop wishing for a time machine and to do what it takes to let go of your past. 2. Love who you are right now. Present tense self love isn't something that happens to you. It's something that you make happen through actions that display care, generosity, concern and Progress. And then 3. Love your future self. Remember, there's a future self relying on you to do the work. So no one else is coming to save you and no one else is going to do it for you. Sam.