The dark truth about the Mormon Church

When I was 14, I sat in my bishop's office listening to men I'd never met, church authorities in Utah, explain over a speakerphone what I was being accused of and the gravity of my sin. I was given a repent or sign a piece of paper stating that I was an apostate, the highest form of treason against the Mormon Church. By signing, I would be renouncing God and forfeiting any hope of reaching heaven, not just for myself, but for my future children as well. As the leaders made it clear I would be shunned, cut off from the community, exiled. At 14 years old, I faced the weight of eternal damnation, all because I dared to question and step outside the bounds of their control. The events leading up to this moment opened my eyes to some dark truths about the church. Today I'll share five of these dark truths and how they mirror the dynamics of cults and narcissistic relationships. I was a devout Mormon, born and raised in the church. I was blessed as a baby, baptized at 8 years old. I prayed. I read the scriptures. I was a believer. So how did a good little Mormon girl like that end up signing away her soul? The answer lies in the first dark truth about the Mormon Church. You must concede your power. The hierarchical power structures within the church not only create opportunities for narcissists to abuse their authority without being questioned, but the power structure of the church itself acts like a supreme narcissist, using its position to control and manipulate others. The Mormon Church is built on a strict hierarchy. At the top are men in power, the bishops, stake presidents, and the general authorities who are seen as representatives of God. Narcissists thrive in structures like this because they can use their position of authority to control others. And when no one dares to question them, that power becomes quite dangerous. For me, it started with my bishop, when he put me in an impossible situation. One day, he asked me to come over and babysit at his house. And when I arrived, there were no kids, no wife, just him. I knew something was clearly wrong. I wasn't there to babysit, and I managed to call my mom. She came and got me, screaming and cursing at the Bishop. Even though I was young and naive, I had some idea of what his intentions had been that day. My mom had explained it to me and told me that I needed to stop wearing makeup to church and to dress more plainly so that I wouldn't draw any more attention to myself. But it didn't end there. To cover his tracks, the following Sunday, the Bishop opened with a special announcement and asked me to come stand next to him at the pulpit. And with all the force of fire and brimstone, he announced that there was a Jezebel in the congregation. And he pointed to me and claimed I had used the power of Satan to seduce him. Then he asked everyone to bow their heads in prayer and ask for my deliverance from evil. I was young. I was innocent. I hadn't even held hands with a boy, let alone mastered the art of seduction. As I stood there shaking in front of the congregations, I scanned the pews, my friends, their families, my brother, my sister, my mom. They all had their heads bowed in prayer. All but one person. My dad. He was looking right at me, and he pointed at me. And then he pointed to the exit door, cueing me to walk out. The bishop kept on praying for my repentance, and I kept my head down and started walking. That long, humiliating walk out of the chapel. Later, in that teleconference with the bishop and the Quorum of twelve Apostles in Salt Lake City, I was given two Repent for my sin of seduction or face excommunication. Which brings me to the second dark truth behind the Mormon Obedience is mandatory. In that moment, the message was clear. I was not a human being with personal rights. I was a possession of the church, or I was nothing. The truth was irrelevant. The facts didn't matter. My age, my innocence, none of it meant anything. The only things that mattered were upholding the image of the Church, reinforcing the power of its leaders, and taking the blame for a grown man's sexual fantasies. You see this dynamic both in narcissistic abuse and cults. In these systems, the truth is often disregarded and the person's worth is reduced to how well they serve the needs or the image of the narcissist or the group. Just like in a cult, where the leader's authority is unquestionable and the group's reputation is paramount, narcissists demand total control. They twist reality to protect themselves, forcing their victims to take the blame and submit to their versions of events, no matter how distorted. My dad walked me out of church that day while my mom stayed behind to pray. And the difference between their responses haunted me for years. I couldn't make sense of it. My parents were both physically abusive, incredibly cruel people. Of course, I can't really diagnose them, but my best guess is that my mom had borderline personality disorder, along with being a grandiose narcissist, while my father was a sadistic, covert narcissist. These were people who were unwilling and unable to truly care about me. They lacked empathy. They were sick and disturbed. So why did my mom come and get me at the Bishop's house? And why did she scream at him when she picked me up? And then why did she ultimately stay at church to pray? And why did my dad point me to the exit door that day? Why did he walk out with me? For years, I clung to these two memories like a broken raft in a raging sea. I used them as proof that at least once my parents had loved me and protected me. And it wasn't until I understood the inner motivations of narcissism that I realized the dark truth behind these two events and how they related to the Mormon Church. Image, control is everything. While I had once thought that these moments symbolized protection, they weren't protecting me. They were protecting their image. My mom stayed to pray because she wanted to protect her image as a good Mormon wife. And my dad publicly protected me by walking me out because he wanted to control his image as the strong Mormon father. They ultimately were concerned about themselves, not about me. Just like my parents, the Church places obsessive focus on image. What happens behind closed doors, whether it's abuse, abuse, manipulation or control, is irrelevant as long as the facade remains intact. This is a hallmark of both cult and narcissistic relationships. It's not about what's real, it's about what looks good. And in both systems, the individual is sacrificed for the sake of maintaining a perfect image. And any threat to that image must be silenced or cast out. Years after my mom died, I was able to track down a church appointed therapist who over 20 years earlier had been assigned to my family. When we spoke on the phone, I asked if she remembered me, my mom, my family. And her response was immediate. Yes, I remember your mother. She was the most terrifying woman I ever met. Then she explained that she had known about the physical abuse we endured. She had notified the Church several times. She begged them to protect us, to intervene. But the church did nothing. Instead, they told her to keep quiet and reassigned her to another family. On the phone, 20 something years later, she expressed deep regret. She also had lost her faith and left the Church. Which brings me to the next dark truth behind the Mormon must surrender your ethics. The Church doesn't just guide your beliefs. It demands that you abandon your own moral compass when it contradicts its agenda. Just as a narcissist manipulates their victims values to fit their control, the church expects its members to sacrifice their own ethics in order to protect the institution, you're molded to fit the narrative they want. And any resistance is treated as a betrayal. Questioning the Church's decisions, especially those that go against your conscience, isn't just discouraged, it's condemned. Narcissistic abuse, like cult dynamics, thrives behind closed doors. It's insidious because it's never acknowledged. Before I had my exit interview, representatives from the church came into my home to inspect it for contraband. Alcohol, coffee, anything they could use as evidence against me. And of course, my parents let them. It's as if the Church acts like the FBI building a case, treating me, a 14 year old, like a criminal under investigation. They opened cupboards, they went through my dresser drawers, they looked under my mattress. Even though they found nothing, I was still found guilty. I signed that apostasy paper not because I feared their threats, not because I believed what they were telling me, but because by the time I was in that room on the teleconference with the men in Salt Lake City, everything I thought I knew about God, faith, Jesus had been eviscerated. I didn't know what the future held for me, whether it was damnation or something else, but I knew for sure that the church was not aligned with anything holy or good. And yes, I was shunned. I lost my church friends, but that was the least of it. I lost something more vital, more precious, more devastating. I lost faith. It took over 30 years to heal that wound. Because in that pivotal moment, they didn't just take away my church. They took away God, Jesus, the Bible, everything that I found holy. Which brings me to the fifth dark truth behind the Mormon Only the special get to belong. So what does special mean? The Church teaches that it is the one true church and that if you remain faithful, you become a God in your own world, making you special. This idea is deeply ingrained in their philosophy, and it attracts narcissists like flies. Being special means that you're willing to buy into the inflated image. You're willing to uphold the fantasy they've created about themselves. As long as you conform and as long as you validate their version of the truth, you're allowed to stay. The moment you question them, the moment you stop feeding their ego, you're cast out. This is exactly how narcissists operate. They treat you like you're special until you stop serving their needs. As long, long as you're willing to uphold their fantasy, they'll keep you close. But the second you challenge them or refuse to feed their inflated sense of self, they discard you. Cults work the same way. You're part of something exclusive, something special, but only if you're willing to accept the narrative that they've constructed. It's not about what's real. It's about maintaining the illusion of perfection. And anyone who threatens that is removed. If you were raised in the church and have experienced anything like what I've shared today, please know this. It's not your fault. It is a corrupt system and narcissistic by nature. You were conditioned to question yourself and to surrender your power. Which means there's a good chance you have more than your fair share of narcissists in other areas of your life. Family members, teachers, leaders or partners. Understanding narcissism can help you heal and protect you from further harm.