The Surprising Secret to Boosting Your Confidence Before a Big Date...

Hey there. This is Meadow Devore, author of the Worthy Project, and I teach tools to help you build self worth. All right, today's date day with my husband and I was thinking about what I should do next week for a podcast. But then I caught myself as I was getting ready for this date, pretty leaning pretty far into the worthless cycle. So I thought maybe I should just do a real quick one here in real time and show you how it looks when you're not feeling so great about yourself, how to get you into a better space. So the worthless cycle, I outlined this in the Worthy Project, it's on page 30, is a really cute little graphic. It starts with a worthless story. So the worthless story is a story that overemphasizes the ideal image, like what you think you're supposed to be, look like, feel like, behave like, whatever. It's, it's, it's who you are not actually in real life. It's really the ideal, the better version of you, the prettier version of you, the younger version of you, whatever that looks like. So worthless story leads to worthless behavior. This is the cycle. Worthless behavior leads to results that reinforce the worthless story. The worthless results make more worthless stories. So you just go round and round and round from a worthless story to worthless behavior to results that reinforce that to another story. So by focusing on small and unexpected corners of your life, you can actually flip the switch. So maybe today is not the day that I'm going to look in a full length mirror and go, wow, you're amazing. Maybe that's not today, but I can focus on something to move into the worthy cycle. And actually the best way to move yourself into the worthy cycle is to take a deliberate action that reinforces the idea that you, who you actually are, not your ideal image, are worth your time, attention and energy. Okay, so here I am right now, gonna do this work right in front of you. So the worthy cycle works just like the worthless cycle, but it goes in the opposite direction rather than spiraling downward toward worthlessness. The worthy cycle is a circle composed of three points, the story again, the behavior, and the resulting reinforcement of the story. But it build self worth. At the core of the worthy cycle is valuing true self over ideal image. It starts with a worthy story, any story that demonstrates that your true self is worth your own time, energy and effort. You can find a worthy story by asking your true self, what do you love? What do you desire? And how would you be represented here? So right now, what do I love? I love my husband and I Love my daughter. What do I desire? I desire to have a really fun afternoon in town with my husband. How would you be represented here? Meaning, like, how would my true self be represented here? Well, my true self doesn't really care about how perfect things look. Doesn't really care about £5. Doesn't really care about whether or not my hair looks right or whether or not I have clothes that I'm tired of right. My true self just wants to have a good time and really get out of my own way. I'm already feeling better, honestly. So imagine what you'd say. It says, this is what I say, page 32. Now, if you're not clear on which category a story falls in, if it's a worthless or worthy story, a quick way to check is to think of the true self like an innocent child and imagine telling a child the same message. So if I was an innocent child, I would say something like, just wear. Like, really? This came on while getting dressed. Yay. I actually love clothes and I love fashion, but I'm just kind of tired of the weather. I feel like I'm tired of everything I own. It's like that weird season where I've been in winter clothes forever, and it's not quite warm enough to move into the new stuff. And then, you know, my ideal image wants to be all put together and cute. My ideal image also has an ideal weather pattern that's not happening. So really, my ideal image, my ideal image lives in fantasy land. So what has to happen is I have to come back to reality. Right now, it's kind of rainy. California is kind of cold. And I want to be comfortable. I want to feel good. And I also want to be comfortable in what I'm wearing. So I need to wear something that's going to be warm enough for the day. What would I say to an innocent child? I would say, pick something fun. Pick something fun. Like, don't try to be. So don't try to create this facade of perfection or this facade of, like, you've got it all together. Like, pick something that feels fun and also comfortable and warm. All right, I can get behind that. So it says the best way to move yourself into the worthy cycle is to take a deliberate action that reinforces the idea that you, not your ideal image, are worth time, attention, and energy. So action is the key point here. And so that's why I was thinking, okay, before I actually take this action, I'm going to jump on here real quick and give you this little tool. Because when you're feeling meh and you have this event in front of you and you want to feel not meh. You just have to change some sort of action that reinforces your true self, reinforces that you are worth time, attention and energy. So what I'm going to do is I have this button down shirt that I love and for whatever reason I always tell myself like, oh, that's my fancy shirt. I don't know why I think it's a fancy shirt. I have a, I live on a ranch, I don't have real fancy clothes. But you know, it's a button down, it's not a T shirt. So that goes into my fancy category. So you know, I'm going to wear that, I'm going to put that on because I always feel good in that. And then I'm going to put on my really funky green leather jacket because I just think it's cool, it's really unique, it's very warm. And so that's what I'm going to do by changing my behavior. Like right now I'm in a white T shirt and a very, very oversized jacket, cashmere long sweater that goes to my knees. But you know, five people could fit in this sweater with me. I'm going to change my outfit. That's my behavior change. To actually honor what I heard myself say to a young child. Have fun. Pick something fun. So that's what I'm going to do. So for you, the tip is if you're having this kind of worthless cycle where you're thinking worthless thoughts, your behavior is creating results that reinforce that worthlessness. The place to change it is at the behavior. Choose something that shows, reinforces this idea that who you really are like that innocent, beautiful, infinitely valuable being at the heart of you is worth caring for. And then make a tiny change. It doesn't have to be huge. Just make some sort of step and take that action. And it's really interesting because it's not only just in that moment. It's like every time, like tonight, every time I see myself in the mirror, every time I look at that green jacket, every time I feel put together or realize like, oh, I made a different choice for myself here that reinforces, oh, you're worth your own time and energy. You're worth this. You're worth this. So it's not just a one off. It actually puts you into an entirely different cycle that starts to build self worth. Thanks for listening you guys. If you find this helpful, please share with your friends. And if you'd like to know more about me, my courses, my books, or about privately coaching with me, please go to my website, meadowdivore. Com.