Group Dynamics and Belonging

Um, I don't know if we have any particular plans for today besides just probably going to the park.

Uh, yeah, park is good. The park is good. Um, do you remember talking about group dynamics last week?

I do.

Great. I thought we'd continue on that topic. What do you remember about group dynamics?

Group dynamics, as in how the whole group thinks, and you have to consider everyone's thoughts and not just an individual.

Got it. And would you say that— that's a pretty good place to start. Would you say that your Socratic Humanities group has pretty good group dynamics from that sense?

Um, I think that we could probably work on having better group dynamics, but I think it's pretty good overall.

So I always like to get a more detailed understanding. So, um, given that you know that it's maybe not ideal, can you specify in what ways is your group currently fairly strong and in what ways could it use improvement? What kind of behaviors is it doing well? And what— where could it use improvement?

I think that in some ways that we could use improvement, and I guess this accounts for all people, um, especially those who don't contribute much. And I don't know why, maybe they just don't want to talk, but, um, you know, those people who don't who kind of just listen, if they spread their thoughts and talked more, by talking I mean contributing to the conversation, then we might have better group dynamics. But I think the strength we do have is that a select few people do contribute a lot. And usually those few people try and give a turn to other people even if they don't want it.

Got it. And that's— these are pretty common patterns. A lot of groups become a little bit lopsided maybe, and there are lots and lots of different reasons for that. So what percentage of the class would you say talks pretty regularly? So like 90%, 10%, 50%? What percentage talks regularly?

Uh, that's talking or that's—

that's participating in some sense.

I mean, I don't— I mean, probably just 10 or 10 to 30% of the class because we really only have like 15 people. Um, there's usually like 2 or 3 or 4 who talk every day.

Got it. And are you one of those 3 or 4?

I try to be. I hope people see me like that.

Good, good. So I was reading an article and here it has various principles of group dynamics. And there are a whole bunch of them, so I don't know if we'll get all to all of them. But first is the principle of belongingness. Could you read that one?

Yeah. People in a group should have a strong sense of belonging if they want to communicate and collaborate for effective teamwork. Those who exert influence and those who are influenced need to engage with each other to understand each other better. When you develop a sense of belonging, you feel encouraged to give your best and support others as well. If everyone performs well, your group gets a morale boost.

So would you say, um, most students feel a sense of belonging in the group?

Um, I think, uh, the kids— or yeah, the kids who talk and the kids who try to listen in a way could feel a sense of belonging, but those who don't really pay attention might not.

Mm-hmm. And, well, first, do you— would you say you feel a sense of belonging?

I think I do. I would like to, so I think I try to get that.

Got it. How does a sense of belonging happen, and why do we feel like we belong? Well, first of all, does it make sense to talk about a sense of belonging? Does that make sense to you?

Well, I mean, I don't understand why it wouldn't make sense to not talk about it. It's a— I mean, I think it makes sense to talk about it.

I thought so too, but I never take anything for granted. You know, sometimes things make sense in my head and I always like to check, hey, am I making sense here? Because you never know. Do you think that, uh, well, what do you think causes a sense of belonging? Why do we sometimes feel like we belong somewhere? And then actually, have you ever felt, uh, have you ever been in a group or a situation where you did not feel a sense of belonging?

Um, I mean, uh, not that I can think of right now. Usually the groups or the communities I've been in, I loved it and I thought that I felt a sense of belonging there. There probably will have been maybe one or two that I didn't and I didn't really care about much.

My sense of whenever we understand something, we have to both— in order to understand something, we have to understand what it is and what it also is not. And so I guess my hypothesis is in order to understand what it means to belong, we would also at least have to be able to imagine what it would be like not to belong. So is it fair to say that you can at least imagine what it would feel like not to belong?

Can you say that again? You cut out.

Sure. Sorry.

Thank you.

I was saying that in order to understand something, we need to understand the opposite or not having it. So he was saying in order to understand a sense of belonging, we would at least have to imagine what it felt like not to belong. And I was asking, can you imagine what it would feel like not to belong?

Um, I mean, I think so, uh, that just the opposite of when I feel, uh, belongingness. I think I could.

Yeah, that makes sense. Why do you think some kids in your group feel a sense of belonging and others don't? Do you have any idea?

Um, well, I think it's just the sense— I mean, I, I'm not totally sure, but off my first thought would be they actually are contributing and they want to be there, and then they have a sense of belongingness. They go every day. Except for the weekends, but they go every day and they commune for 2 hours. I mean, those who have a sense of belonging, they contribute and things like that, but maybe those who don't, don't, like I said, don't really care much and don't contribute and don't think about it hard and don't write.

And I want to dig more deeply into that, but did you use the verb to commune? You commune every day?

Yeah, so yeah, I did. I don't know if that was the right word to use, it just came to my mind.

It's a fabulous verb. What does it mean to commune?

Well, initially I did think that commune was like to communicate, just because it sounded similar. Um, I do think commune means like coming together and sharing things. Um, yeah, which is part of why I use that.

But yeah, yeah, I think it's— I think it's a great word for you to have in your active vocabulary. Um, do you know the difference between passive vocabulary and active vocabulary?

Um, no, I don't.

Active vocabulary was when you use a word, and passive is when you understand it but don't use it. And so typically, as we grow our vocabulary, there are a lot of words we understand but we're not yet using actively. Does that make sense?

Yes, it does.

So I was impressed you're using "commune" as part of your active vocabulary and using it appropriately. It's also related to the word "community," of course. So, you know, coming together like that. Commune for 2 hours a day. It's a beautiful description of what we do. But going back to why some people may not feel it first, just because somebody is quiet, I could imagine that they are— they do feel a sense of belonging. Some of them may feel a sense of belonging even if they're quiet. Would you agree?

Could you say that again? You cut out. I don't know if you asked me a question or not.

Yeah, I did. I did. Sorry about that. What I was asking is that if somebody is quiet, is it possible they have a sense of belonging even though they're quiet?

I think it's possible even though they might not contribute as much. I mean, if they are there every day and they care, they just don't have anything to say. I think, I guess that's understandable, but who knows.

Is there a way to determine if somebody, if somebody, well, how do you determine, how do you decide or evaluate whether somebody has a sense of belonging or not? How can you as an outsider tell if someone else has a sense of belonging?

If they're not contributing or talking much, I think it's important to know if they're actually thinking. And considering everything you're saying, even though they're not putting anything on the table. Let's say maybe they're writing really hard, because in our class we also write as well, reflecting, things like that. That's one way you could tell.

So if they are— so if they're responding to your thoughts, if they're considering your thoughts, then you would say they, they have a sense of belonging. Is that what you're saying?

Yes, I think that's part of it, but I also think that you think that you belong there, as I think I've said before, um, and the class would be different without you.

Even if you're completely silent?

I mean, if you were completely silent, I guess if you left, then the class wouldn't really change besides the fact that you are— you were there and you weren't. Um, but even if you're completely silent, I mean, I'm not so sure about that because I haven't met anybody who doesn't— or who cares but isn't silent. Or that I could deduce anyways, that I could figure out. So that is hard to say, but I do think that it's possible.

So suppose somebody— you mentioned writing— suppose somebody was writing really long, interesting responses to your conversation, but he or she was too shy to say them. Do you think that if they are writing really thoughtful responses to the conversation, then they are belonging to the conversation? Even if they say nothing?

I mean, if they're not actually talking in the conversation and they're just kind of on the side listening, then I wouldn't say they're part of the conversation. They may be part of the class and they may be listening, but since they're not contributing, then they wouldn't really be talking and not part of the conversation. Though they might be listening very intently and actually thinking.

But you would say they, you would say they don't feel a sense of belonging unless they're talking? Is that what you're claiming?

Um, no, I think, I mean, I guess you, you, I think you could feel a sense of belonging if you weren't talking. Um, I think there's I mean, if you weren't talking but you still, like, maybe you got comfortable with the class or you thought that your class was really good and, you know, you didn't want to not be there, like belonging, you need to be there. Um, yes, sometimes with some of my friends I have, or I don't want to leave, or maybe at my gym I don't want to leave and I feel like I'm needed there.

Even if you're just watching and not participating?

Um, yeah, sure. Even when I'm not participating because I got injured or sick or something, I feel like I still want to be there.

It sounds like the feeling of belonging is very subjective and internal. Would you say the person on the inside is the only person who can tell whether or not they feel a sense of belonging?

Um, I think that's part of it. I personally can't tell if somebody wants to be there. You could probably tell if they don't, they show it.

How would you tell if they don't? What are— when you say they show it, what are some signs that they don't want to belong there?

Um, some signs are they, you know, you know, they're not paying attention. Let's just say you're in Zoom, they're not in the camera.

Mm-hmm.

Um, sometimes people don't really put their faces in the camera, and I guess if you have something you don't want to show, I guess that's fine. But usually people every day don't show their faces, or they don't, uh, present themselves in a good way. Uh, you can tell their eyes aren't on the camera. Maybe they're playing with their pet or something. You know that they're distracted and maybe they think they have other things to do. They don't want to be there.

Would you say you enjoy it better when everybody in the group is, to use your word, communing together?

I think so. I like it when people are contributing. I can listen to other people's thoughts. But usually that's not the case.

To introduce another word, and I don't know if you've heard this word before, but I like to talk about being present. That in a conversation, I want the other person to be present. You know, it's— I really don't like to be talking to somebody if they're looking away or if they seem distracted or if they're even not making eye contact. Does it make sense that what it means to say somebody is present?

Yes, I think so. And present as in not only being there, but actually in the mental state of, you know, thinking and not thinking about, right? Or not being there mentally.

Beautifully said. Beautifully said. Yeah. So I think all conversations are better when everybody there is present. Do you guys as a group ever talk about any of these issues in your group?

Um, we haven't talked about it. Um, you're usually— it's our teacher. If you want to, here's your chance. But usually we don't actually sit down and talk about why you should contribute. Because you— and if we did that, I'm— I, I think that, um, some of the people who don't— who aren't present might not become present after, uh, after an explanation. Um, some of them might just don't care enough.

You're thinking that putting people on the spot— well, actually, that—

yeah, you're thinking it would not help anyway to talk about this, or it might help It might help for some people, but others, I mean, who knows, they might have their mindset on not contributing, and even, and they might persist not paying attention and being present after.

Got it. So this is a really interesting, um, here looks like you froze a moment. It's a really interesting aspect of group dynamics. Pause. Are you back, Alana?

Can you hear me?

Yeah, yeah, you froze for a minute. What I was saying is that I think these are really interesting aspects of group dynamics, and I see thinking about the— how a group— what makes a group better, um, is helpful. And I think it might be good at some point for your group to begin to talk about this, because sometimes people are not aware that they're— I would say people who are not, um, helping are draining energy from the group. Does that make sense?

I think it does. Draining energy is wasting time, or wasting their time. Is that what you mean?

Yeah, or always— I mean, I don't want to be talking to somebody if they're not present and talking to me. It just— it's not fun. You know what I mean? So I think these are really useful tools. And, you know, I'll let Karen know that we've had this conversation and she can think about it. And bit by bit, everything's slow. Everything takes time. It's never magic overnight. But I like to— I love your vision of we should be communing together and let's increase the extent to which we are communing together. Makes sense?

It does.

All right, in which case, I hope you and Balboa Park— is it Balboa Park you're going to?

Yes, most likely.

I hope you and Balboa Park and your family have a fabulous day today.

Okay, thank you. You're welcome.

Thank you.