Nurturing Your Child to Bring Out Her Genius

Yourself?

I'm well. You've been traveling a lot.

Yeah, well, we were in Hawaii for like 10 days, and then we were just sick. We got sick there, we came back, we got sick here. Been sick for like a month.

Was the Hawaii more of a family visit than a vacation?

Yeah, it was Logan's first birthday party.

Oh wow.

So that was the express reason for going. But we have family there, so it was nice to just spend time with them.

And is your family like in Honolulu or on a beach or?

Well, Honolulu, the city is also on the beach, but my wife's parents live on Kauai, but they have a home on Oahu in Kailua. So we stay there because the rest of Marlo's family is on Oahu as well. And we like Oahu. We went to college there, we met there. We have a lot of good memories there. I think it's an underrated island.

Yeah, I assume Alana loves it over there.

Oh yeah, she says, "Why don't we just live here?" You know, we're working on it, but yeah, we love it. She has a blast. Her cousins are there, or the cousins that are her age. We like the weather, you know, we can walk to the beach in Kailua. It's awesome.

Great, great. So it sounds like Alana— well, there's the school thing, but I'm sure she's been growing by leaps and bounds, so What's the kind of growth update?

Um, well, she's about this tall, it seems. Um, we were just— we've been remarking on how big she is. But, um, I'd say Alana, uh, her reading is— so one of her— one of her— one of her— one of Marlo's cousins is a third grade teacher, and says that Alana is basically reading at a second or third grade level. Um, she picks up a new book and just reads it out loud, like She's fully reading and comprehending it. Like, I know I always say this, that her reading is getting incredible, but it really is. So that's one thing. Another is that she's so sensitive. You know, if anyone gets a little upset at her, whether it's me or Marlow or even at a playground, like a friend doesn't want to play with her, she kind of just starts crying. It's the only time she cries. She doesn't throw temper tantrums or anything, but she's very sensitive. She's got it. I don't know.

I mean, can you have conversations with her to kind of unpack her experience and kind of what's going on about those situations?

Yeah, we've started doing, you know, I mean, we used to just be like, oh, come on, suck it up. And we— but now we try and dive in and understand. And she just, she just doesn't understand why people aren't happy all the time. She's very sweet. She's, I guess, a little sheltered, um, in a good way. You know, we do the peaceful parenting thing and don't hit. And so when she— when things don't work out that way, she seems to kind of take it on the chin.

Yeah, yeah, no, I could see that. And one of the sad things is, from a parent's perspective, as a child gets older, all of the horrible things about the world, they're going to learn willy-nilly, you know, bit by bit, one at a time. And you, you know, you want them to still have this incredible sense of the right, healthy way that everybody should have an opportunity to live. But it can be rough. How about media? Does she respond to cruelty on TV shows and movies?

Yeah, she doesn't like it. She used to leave the room when the bad guy came out on any show. I'm talking anything. I mean, even little kiddie shows. She just never liked it. She likes to watch the movie Moana, but she'll preface that statement by saying that she doesn't like the lava monster.

So does she either skip the parts with bad people in them or—

She used to leave the room. It was like the lamest part about watching a movie with Alana was that you'd sit down to watch a kid's movie with her because she wants you there, and then when the good part starts, she leaves. Or the bad part to her. But she is getting better on that. It's just that she is very sensitive. Like, you know, she tries so hard to please us. She's such a great kid. And when she doesn't please us, rather than being angry, she's just very sensitive and hurt.

So how do you explain the existence of all the bad things in the world? Or do you explain it?

Oh, we explain it. We try. You know, like, she understands what death is now. A while ago, she was asking about that, so we explained. Like, we're all animals, we're hairless apes with car keys, and then we live and then we die, and this is what die means, and it's sad. And she goes, is my grandmother gonna die one day? Yes. You know, and took her a couple of weeks to kind of grasp that. Yeah, but, uh, you know, we don't hide anything from her. Actually, I would say the one thing that we don't expose her to or try and explain is like sexual stuff. Whether it's innuendos or stuff on TV, we just don't expose her to it.

No need, no need at all at this age. But, you know, ideally you want to keep her optimism and positivity and love and so forth going while gradually— and this is where it's nice to be able to control the pace at which she's exposed to things, because you could see that, yeah, there's something really beautiful about her her idealism and happiness and innocence.

Indeed. Also makes me consider how important it is for her to be in a positive school environment or positive environment in general. Alana would get crushed by the punks that I grew up with.

Yeah. Yeah.

They would crush her soul. So that's definitely a huge factor. And we'll be watching that. I'll yank her out of a school in a heartbeat if I think that it's not a positive experience for her.

Big time, big time. So you said you had good news, she'd gotten into the charter school you want?

She got into Innovations Academy, which is the one that started by Danielle Strockmann. She got into a couple of other schools as well, one called the Albert Einstein Academy that has a German program. So they teach German as a second language. They try and get 25% of the student body to be a native speaker of German, i.e., pulled from the little German community here.

Yep.

But it's full-time, they test for, or they teach towards tests, and it's very convenient, it's very close for us, but we're not gonna do that, we declined. She got waitlisted at this other cool school, but again, a full-time program that, I don't know, we weren't that into. We like the project-based learning at Innovations Academy and the emphasis there. Marlo, for one, was really, really impressed by the school and the teachers when she met them. So we accepted there. She's gonna start in their 5-day-a-week program, and she has the option of switching to the 3-day program anytime in the first month. So, and that's where I'm leaning towards, 'cause not only do I wanna spend more time with her and not have her be gone immediately, but I think it'd be good for her brother to be around her 2 full, or at least part of 2 full weekdays, and not just nights and weekends.

Big time, big time. And so how— is the 3-day-a-week program only for kindergarten or first grade, or what levels can you do the 3-day off?

I think it's K through second grade, but I have to go and check. I've only really looked into it from the kindergarten level.

Yeah.

And there are some differences, I guess, and it's a different teacher, and the parents are more involved naturally. And I like that program. It's Alana who wants to be there all the time. She wants the 5-day.

And so maybe it is the 5-day program, you know, maybe in the first semester, maybe the first year, but it's really, really great to have the option of a 3-day program.

So yeah, give it a try. I love it.

The teachers, you like the program, you like everything else about it, I could see that being the sort of deciding factor, just to have that option.

Yeah, and it's a long— well, it's a long commute. It's about a 20-minute commute, so it's not, you know, terrible, but it's not It's not right down the street either, you know? So that's a factor, and you know, we'll see. Like, if she's having a great time and she's growing a ton, then I'm fine with it. If she's not, I can easily see her doing something else 2 days a week, such as martial arts, gymnastics, zoo, downtime, just let's go to the beach, you know?

Yeah, yeah, and of course, I think most people, 20 minutes is not a terribly long commute, but.

No, but we're from Hawaii, so that seems far.

Right, right, right. When do you have to commit?

We already did.

Oh, excellent.

Yeah, so all the other schools were just declining them. We're actually surprised that she got into the Albert Einstein Academy. That's the second or third most competitive charter school in the downtown area.

Is it lottery-based?

They're all lottery-based. Yeah, so we applied to like 8 or 10 schools or something, um, and, uh, I don't think— and she didn't get into several others, so just luck of the draw.

Yeah, yeah, well, I'm really glad she got in. I'm really glad that's all set. I assume she's excited.

Yeah, she's pumped. Um, she can't wait for it to come around.

Um, can she do a shadow day this spring, or she's already done all the shadowing she can do?

I don't know if they have a shadow day. I don't think they do. At least I haven't read about it. They had a pretty thorough orientation where children were asked to come, whereas most schools don't want children to come to the orientation. It's just for parents. And then the parents who have to bring their children are, you know, people look down their noses at them, like, as if children shouldn't be there learning about the school that they might be going to. So crazy.

But the other thing is, it does sound like this, and especially the 3-day program, attract really the kind of parents and families you want, you know, people who really care about this kind of education.

Yeah, hopefully. At the orientation, there were a lot of parents who were there just because they're applying to all the charter schools in their area, and they were— and they just show up because they have to go to this meeting. And Marla said that there was one parent who was just shocked and horrified, got up and walked out when they found out there's no homework and they're not teaching towards the tests and They're not doing— they don't have behavioral modification aspects of their curricula. She just got up and left. Wasn't the authoritarian look she was trying to find.

No, no, and that's actually fantastic. That's one of the great things about school choices. Parents who want that can go and get it. You get parents who are aligned with what you want. It's beautiful.

No, absolutely. But we're looking forward to it. And I think Alana's going to do well with the project-based learning like she— when she has an interest in something, she does very well at learning more about it and reading more books about it, you know.

Yeah, well, and hopefully this is something to check up, you know, and I was going to take it for granted, but I've seen kids who say, "We're read at a 3rd grade level, and maybe by September she'll be reading a 4th grade level," go to schools and be bored out of their skulls if they have to kind of do step by step. So I would hope one of the things that the school can do is let her read where she is and not slow her down.

Yeah, that'll be critical. I mean, I will, I mean, I'll yank her out of the school for that. There's no way she's going to be held back in her reading. Whether or not it's due to the second verse to the ABCs or just Alana's natural gifts for reading, she, you know, when I was her age, actually, I started reading at about 3 and a half, and by the time I was her age, I could read at least as well as she is reading now. You know, my parents have stories when I'm in kindergarten, I'm reading the newspaper to them at the kitchen table.

Yeah, yeah. I would also say you modeling, you and Marlo modeling reading and being a reading household, you can't underestimate the value of modeling.

And I always tell her what I'm reading. She asks, "What are you reading?" "Well, I'm reading a blog." "What's a blog?" You know?

Yeah. You know, my kids both, My wife and I were readers. My kids naturally read. It's just, it becomes, again, ritual. People think it's school. No, it's ritual. This is what the family does.

Right. But I went to a quirky school from 2nd through 8th grade. It was 8 grades, 2 teachers, 2 classrooms, Little House on the Prairie and Haví K'olhala. And naturally the teacher, you know, she has to subdivide math time for 4 grades. So you have like 8 or 10 minutes with the teacher So the rest of the time I would just bring bags of books and read and read and read and read, and I just devoured everything in the state library system. Again, this is pre-internet, uh, plantation era Hawaii. Seems so quaint and far away now.

Yeah, yeah, no, but that was a fabulous education for you.

It was, but it didn't work out so well for my brother. I think he wasn't, you know, he didn't love to read. He wanted to know what the task was, finish the task, and go do something else that didn't involve him reading or learning. So that school wasn't so good for him. It would have been nice to have more choice for him. He would have benefited from probably a good old-fashioned Catholic education.

There you go. No, I'm a great believer every kid needs a different sort of thing. So it really, you know, that's why we need lots of options. Right. But it sounds like, you know, I'm really glad that Alana got in. And the sensitivity thing is really interesting. I think we'll probably have a lot more conversations about that over time. It's heartbreaking as your child learns about the world. And I'm a believer, you know, just like in learning, there's a zone of proximal development. What's the most challenging thing they could learn? I would also say in terms of sort of moral exposure, you know, you can imagine, we don't need to go there, but horrible things you really, really don't want to know about right now. And on the other hand, better to have her I would say better to have her learn about all sorts of things from you and Marlo rather than from some mean kid on the playground.

Absolutely. Absolutely. And fortunately, we seem to have a real good open channel. Alana is very open with us. She's actually terrible at keeping secrets, so she can't help herself. She'll tell us stuff. She'll also tell everyone else that she meets random things that she probably shouldn't, so we're trying to work on her filter. Yeah, like, hey, let's not talk about this, you know, um, to other people, you know. I mean, this is our family stuff and she doesn't really get it, but we're working on it bit by bit.

Um, well, again, keeping these short, um, how about we wrap up for today and, uh, hopefully next weekend we can be back on.

Sounds good, Michael. Thank you for your time.

Thank you, Ryan. Bye-bye.

Take care. Bye.