Michael Strong asks five-year-old Alana what it means to be confident, mature, and embarrassed. She says confidence is knowing you can do something, like make a sandwich or play monkey bars, while focus is paying attention. Adults work and take care of people instead of playing as much.
Morning, Alana Garcia. How are you doing?
Good, how are you doing?
I'm well. You seem so mature and confident. Do you feel mature and confident?
Yes.
What do those words mean? What does the word mature mean?
Uh, I do not know.
What does the word confident mean?
Like confidence when you're like focusing.
So you are sometimes confident and focusing?
Yes.
Give me an example of when you're confident and focused.
When I make sandwiches, I'm confident and focused.
When you make sandwiches?
Excuse me?
Did you say when you make sandwiches you're confident? No, no, I misunderstood. So what did you say?
When are you confident? Like when I'm talking to you, like right now, I'm confident.
Okay, what are some other cases where you are confident?
Like when I'm doing some hard stuff, I try to be focused.
I see. And do you know what it means not to be confident?
Yeah, like not being focused. And I think paying attention.
Okay. I'm wondering, do you think focus and confident are exactly the same, or might they be a little bit different?
Might be a little bit different, I think.
What do you think might be the difference between focus and confidence?
That focus is like when you focus really and you stay like put where— when you're Focus, like, confident is when you're like, focus, but a little bit different. You kind of move around a little, but you focus.
I see. Well, the way I would use the words are sometimes people are a little bit afraid. Have you ever known somebody who's afraid or insecure?
No. Only people that believe ghosts are here.
Okay. Do you ever see— you go to school, right?
Yeah.
Are there some kids that don't know how to do some things?
Yes. A lot of the kids do not know how to read.
Are they always happy to try, or are some of them afraid that they can't read?
Some of them are like afraid that they can like never read, but they actually can.
So I think that's how I would describe the word. You are confident because you know that you can read, right? I would say those kids may lack confidence because they are afraid they might not be able to read, and it might, it might be embarrassing. You know what it means to be embarrassed? No. Okay. Um, So I'm trying to think of a situation where somebody might be embarrassed. Would it be embarrassing if you were the only person who couldn't read? Suppose you were at a school and everybody— let's say, I'm trying to think of something. What's something that you can do a little bit but you can't do really well?
Sometimes when I'm doing the monkey bars sometimes.
So there's some kids that are better at monkey bars than you are?
Well, sometimes, but I'm pretty good.
Okay, you are wonderfully confident. Um, what I was thinking of is that sometimes if other kids are better at monkey bars, some kids might not feel very good about themselves if they're not as good as other kids. Does that make sense or does that seem strange?
That seems like strange.
It could be that you are so confident you can't even imagine not being confident, and that's a wonderful thing. And I want you to stay confident, so congratulations on your wonderful confidence. I want to go to mature. We started— I told you you were mature and confident. You have no idea what mature means?
Yes, I have no idea.
It's related to being older. Usually we think that older people are more mature. But do you know what it means to act like a child?
Nope.
So would you say that Logan is as well-behaved as you are?
No.
Does Logan know how to clean up? Do you clean up after yourself after meals? Nope.
Of course he doesn't.
Of course he doesn't. But you don't either.
Well, only Logan doesn't, but I do.
There you go, that's what I thought. I thought you probably sometimes clean up a little bit, but Logan probably doesn't, right?
Yeah, he never does actually.
Okay, that's one way that you are more mature than Logan is that you are better at cleaning up after yourself. Is that true? Yes. Okay, um, And so that's one of the reasons we talk about maturity, is there's certain things that adults do that sometimes kids don't do, and little kids really don't do. Um, I bet that you don't interrupt people as much as Logan does. I don't. There, that's enough.
And I cuddle more than Logan because Logan's— Logan hates cuddling.
Well, that's— that may be a difference of personality, um, but would you say that you act a little bit more like a grown-up than Logan does?
Yeah, I think so, because Logan's only like 21 months and he doesn't know anything.
Well, that's why— that's why we would describe you as mature. You are more like an adult. Sure, in one sense, it's be more like an adult. Um, do you know of kids older than you that, um, yes, that act less— I know, or do some of them act less?
No, no, I don't think so.
Is there any way in which you do not yet act like an adult? You are completely 100% just like an adult right now? Yes.
Okay. My dad always says to other people I'm 100% a child. I wonder why.
Your bed says that?
Yeah, to all the other people.
How does your bed talk? Or do you mean it's written on your bed?
What?
How does your bed say that you're 100% child?
My dad. My dad, not my bed.
Okay, sorry. There's noise in the background. So your dad says—
it's okay, it's because I'm like in a restaurant right now. Okay, and there's music.
That, that explains it. So you probably at the playground, I bet you play on things more than your dad plays on things, like playground equipment.
He's a grown-up.
Exactly. So I asked, are there any ways in which you're not like a grown-up? And I bet you love playing more than grown-ups do.
Yep, I love playing more than grown-ups do.
Okay, so that's one way in which you are more like a child. Is that fair? Yes. So why do you think grown-ups don't like to play as much as kids?
Because like they have to watch all their babies and they have to take care of them.
That's certainly true. That's a really good observation. Um, when you're a grown-up, you have to take care of everybody. You have to watch everybody. Yeah. What do you think Do you think if the grown-ups do not have kids around, that then they play, then they play just like kids?
I think so. I don't know.
So you think maybe if your mom and dad were to go to the park and somebody else was watching you? You ever have a babysitter or grandparents watching?
Well, not at playground, somewhere else.
Okay, but somewhere else. But if your mom and dad are free, do you think they go to the park and play on the playground just like you guys do?
No, they'll work.
Why not?
It's 'cause they need to make money, right?
Okay, so, so when, when we grown-ups are not watching kids and taking care of kids, then we have to make money. So is that why we grown-ups don't play as much as you do?
Yes, I think so.
Okay, are there any other ways in which grown-ups and kids are different?
Yes, because like their grown-ups are taller and kids are smaller.
Okay, absolutely true. Um, how about— although some at some points they're going to be short grown-ups and tall kids, so when you get to be 10 or 11 or 12, at some point you'll be taller than some grown-ups. With respect to behavior, is there any other way in which grown-ups behave differently than adults? I mean, then kids?
I do not know.
Okay, well, what are you gonna do the rest of the day?
I do not know yet, but after breakfast I'm gonna like go to the playground and hang with my friends again.
All right, I thought that you loved to play in the playground, so I'm gonna say— and I am. Go ahead.
And I am.
Okay, well, I'm going to thank you for another interesting conversation. On maturity and focus and confidence. And I want you to have a good week, okay?
Okay.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
