Educator Michael Strong talks with five-year-old Alana about winning and losing in sports tournaments. She says a good attitude means trying again after a loss and not giving up, even though she cries sometimes. They also discuss her two-year-old brother Logan, sibling conflicts over sharing, and how she helps him use polite words.
What's up, Alana?
I'm doing great. How are you?
I'm well, thank you. I think you've been in a bunch of competitions. Is that true? Yes. How have those been going?
It's been going good.
Did you do as well as you wanted to do?
Yeah. Yes, I did.
Well, not really, but Your last tournament, how did it go?
It did— I did great, but I lost both my matches. Those boys were strong too.
Is it hard to lose matches?
Yep, it is.
Does it make you sad?
Yes, a little, but I know I have another match, so maybe.
That's a good attitude. Do you know what it means to have a good attitude?
Um, yeah, I think so.
Tell me what you think it means to have a good attitude.
A good attitude means when you lost like something, you want to try it again, so, and you wouldn't give up or something.
That's really, really well done, Alana. I think that's a great way to put it. So did somebody teach you how to have a good attitude, or you think you just naturally have a good attitude?
I think I just naturally have it.
You are one lucky human being. Have you ever met anybody who did not have a good attitude about losing?
Um, I don't know.
Do you think that there are some kids who when they lose they get really angry or unhappy?
Yes. One of the kids that my dad told me, he didn't get out there in one of my tournaments because he was too scared. I don't think that's a great attitude.
You're right, that's not a great attitude. Have you ever seen a kid get really angry after losing?
No. Well, yeah, I've seen someone cry.
You think that they— do you know if they recovered, or you don't know what happened after that?
I think they recovered.
I think it's probably okay to cry. Do you think it's okay to cry?
Um, a little.
A little? Okay.
Because like, if you get slammed very hard, that's really okay. But like, if you just lost—
yeah.
Got some points, that's— I don't think a reason to cry.
Okay, would you say that— how long do you kind of feel unhappy after you lose? Is it just like a second or a minute or a day or how long?
Like the tournament?
Yeah.
Well, it's just in the morning.
Okay.
I have to wake up really early.
Got it. Got it. Well, I'm glad you have a good attitude. Would you say that you have a good attitude about just about everything?
Not everything.
What's something you don't have a good attitude about?
Um, I don't know, but I have some things.
Are there some things you think maybe you get either more sad or more angry then maybe you should.
Um, I don't know.
Okay, it's hard to know.
I'm like, maybe I could like have a bad attitude. Maybe if my brother hits me and I'm Like frustrated at him.
Do you get really, really angry at him when he hits you?
Yeah, and I try to stop him, but he keeps doing it and do it again.
I could see why that would make somebody pretty darn frustrated.
Yeah.
Um, so what happens in that situation?
Like they hit you and they— and you try to stop it, but they keep doing it so you get even more frustrated, and maybe you cry because they maybe are being like so hard or something.
Your brother is that strong, huh?
Well, I'm not talking about my life, other people's life.
Okay, great. Okay, that's helpful. I'm glad to know that Logan isn't that rough on you.
He's not that strong.
Oh good, oh good. Would you say that you and he can mostly work things out between the two of you?
Yeah. Sometimes he even stands up to me when people are angry at me.
Oh, that's nice.
Just like he did today. Tommy was talking angry at me because I was asking something like that he, they already knew, but I didn't know if I could like drink the whole glass, like if my parents wanted me to.
And so what did he do?
So my brother was like, "Hey, don't talk to my sister like that," but in baby language.
You know, last time I talked to you, I don't think he was speaking. Is he speaking really well now?
Yeah, he has some words.
It's funny to me and great in a way that his first words are to defend you.
Well, when he defends, it's only baby language, but when he speaks other things, he uses some of his words.
Okay. Do you ever need your parents to resolve conflicts between you and Heath?
Yeah, when he like being mean to me or we have like a little like when he takes something away from me and I was like, "Hey Logan, say please first." And he was like, "No." Do you think that gradually he will become more polite and respectful towards you? Yeah, I think so.
Is he usually pretty, pretty good with you?
Yes, he is. He's usually pretty good.
Do you think that maybe some of the reason he's sometimes not so good is he's still kind of a baby?
Yeah, he's 2, but, and maybe like, I know, 3 months or something.
So toddlers. I think sometimes we call 2-year-olds toddlers.
Oh yeah, yeah, toddlers. He's toddler.
So do you think that as he becomes more grown up like you are, that he will generally treat you better?
Yeah, and I'll treat him better and my parents will too.
Do you think sometimes you don't treat him well?
Mm, no, I'm just asking him to like say polite words.
Got it. So you try to train him to be more polite and it sounds like maybe he's not always. Does he sometimes get it? Does he sometimes use polite words?
Yes, sometimes when my parents order me. Um, say him to say please or may I have or thank you.
What do you think is going on when he fails to use polite words?
Um, maybe he just doesn't want to say it and he doesn't want to share.
Got it. So are a lot of these issues around sharing?
Or maybe like He wants something and we need him to use polite words and he's like, he hides himself by just laying down next to us on the ground.
He just lies down?
Yeah, he just lays down. That's his hiding spot.
That sounds funny.
Everywhere on the ground.
You think it's funny?
Uh, yes.
Does it help him get his way or not?
No, it doesn't.
So then does he get back up at some point?
Yes, he does.
Well, he sounds like quite a character. So do you think Logan is similar to you or different from you?
A little similar and a little bit, um, different.
In what ways is he similar?
And similar, he sometimes is polite, and not similar He's not polite usually. I'm always polite and I'm never like not polite, but I am sometimes. I don't know.
Tell me what you were thinking when you said, I don't know, you were sometimes.
I was sometimes like frustrated that he did something and didn't have like a great emotion.
Yeah, yeah, it's— I think it's totally okay to be frustrated.
I mean, I lost my temper.
Ah, sometimes you lose your temper.
Yeah.
And what do you do when you lose your temper?
I try to calm down, but I can't help it.
Well, again, we all have emotions. That's okay, it's okay. Um, it sounds like sometimes he's a little bit frustrating.
Yeah, he is.
Well, I really like reconnecting and seeing what's going on in your world. I like the fact that you have such a good attitude about your competitions. When's your next competition?
I don't know. I needed to probably take a long break because like Every tournament I do it in 2 weeks and I've been doing it like in a row and 2 weeks, so I could have been like doing a little long break or something.
Okay, got it. Well, I hope you have a good week and we will check back in. Actually, next week I know I can't, so I'll probably check back in in 2 weeks and see what's going on with you in your life, okay?
Okay.
Okay. Bye-bye, Alana.
Bye, Michael Stone.
