You will wish you had as much self-efficacy as this 10 year old has

I am, but I am, but, um, it's not a jiu-jitsu tournament. My brother and I are doing our first wrestling tournament, uh, just to practice for another one later on, um, because it's different than jiu-jitsu, so it'll be different. I don't really know anything, um, I don't know how to get any points, but I'm just gonna go because it's good practice.

Is it a form of martial arts or is it completely different from martial arts?

It's a form of martial arts. Uh, it's more grappling though. It's more like jiu-jitsu and not karate or something like that, striking.

Got it. Um, are you at all, uh, nervous or apprehensive or not at all?

I'm a little nervous, but I'm— I don't wrestle on a day-to-day basis. Yeah, so I'm just— I mean, I don't I don't know anybody there anyways. So not as much as I would be if I was doing a jiu-jitsu tournament.

Definitely. Well, I think we might have a relevant— I got a paragraph that might actually be a little bit relevant. Do you remember when we were talking about flow last time?

About flow?

Yeah.

Can you say that one more time?

The concept of being in a flow state.

Yes.

Okay. So the person who wrote about this, about the idea of flow, is a man who's now dead named Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. And I just posted— it's actually a longest paragraph, longer paragraph, but I don't think it's too difficult. Do you see it in the chat?

I do.

You read it?

Yes. We can choose neither parents nor time of birth. And it is not in your power to decide whether there will be a war or a depression. The instructions contained in our genes, the pull of gravity, the pollen in the air, the historical period into which we are born—these and innumerable other conditions determine what we see, how we feel, what we do. It is not surprising that we should believe that our fate is, is primarily ordained by outside agencies. Yet we have all experienced times when instead of being buffered by anonymous forces, we do feel in control of our actions, masters of our own fate. On the rare occasions that it happens, we feel a sense of exhilaration, a deep sense of enjoyment that is long cherished and that becomes a landmark in theory for what life should be like. This is what we mean by optimal experience. It is what the sailor holding a tight course feels when the wind whips through her hair, when the boat lunges through waves like a bolt, sails whole, wind and sea humming, a harmony that vibrates in the sailor's veins. It is what a painter feels when the colors on the canvas begin to set up a magnetic tension with each other, and a new thing, a living form, takes shape in front of the astonished creator. So, first, does this make sense? Um, I think so. I think it does.

How would you describe what he's saying in this passage?

Well, the first part, how I would describe it, is basically saying that you don't really have control over your setting or who you're around, or your parents is what I'm trying to say. Um, it literally says that we can choose neither parents nor time of birth. Um, and you don't— the average person does not have the power to decide whether there is a war or a depression. I mean, I mean, I guess if you were some kind of big powerful person of— yep, I mean, then maybe you could decide especially if it was, uh, or like just for example, uh, maybe, I mean, if you were fighting for territory and at the moment you had made peace, but if you wanted to, you could start another war by attacking or something like that.

Fair enough. So that's the first part, but then what does he go on to say?

Well, he goes on to describe, I mean, the rare occasions that you can control things in your life. It gives— or he gives the example of the sailor while sailing and then a painter while creating art.

And does that resonate? Well, first of all, do you think that— do you think of most of your life that you can control or most of your life you can't control or How do you think about what you can and cannot control in your life?

Well, I think I can control a lot of my life, especially the things that I do. I may not be able to control, like it says, uh, I mean, where I am, uh, just how my life is. Um, but I, I mean, I'm able to make choices, and I think that's a big part of everyone's life.

Fair enough. Why do you think he says, um, well, a couple of things. For one, he says on the rare occasions that it happens. Do you think he's just wrong about that? That, um, it sounds like he says that a lot of people can't control things, but you're saying that you think most people, or at least you can mostly control things.

Um, I, I don't exactly not agree, and I think that the author of this paragraph might just mean a few specific things, though I am not sure. Um, but I mean, I mean, I do think that there are more than just a few instances where you can control what you do. I mean, especially now than maybe earlier in history, just because we have more, more things available and we live in more luxury than we did— well, than humans did a few hundred years ago.

So maybe we are becoming more in control of things. When he says it happens, happens, exhilaration. A deep sense of enjoyment that is long cherished and becomes a landmark in memory for what life should be like. Does that sound accurate to you?

I think, I mean, I think I'm— well, what I make of that is that you make a good choice and you feel happy about that. So I do sort of agree with that. I don't exactly understand why you would all— every time you make your own decision, you'd feel enjoyment. I don't know if that's the right description, but that's what I think of.

Well, what's interesting is he seems to think it's rare. You seem to think it's more common than he does. And so maybe here's one possibility. Suppose if for whatever reason you thought it was rare that you could control your destiny, then maybe you'd be more excited by it. Maybe you will live a life where you are so much in control of your destiny, or you feel so much in control of your destiny, it's a positive but not quite as big a deal. Does that seem possible? Yes, it does. And it's— I actually think it's great that you feel largely in control of your destiny. What about his examples of the sailor and the painter? Do you like those? Do those help? You understand what he's talking about?

I think so. He's showing examples of feeling that exhilaration and enjoyment with the painter when the painter feels like his painting is finally coming together and the sailor when he is sailing. Maybe it's something that you might enjoy.

When you get involved in a creative process such as your books, for instance, and maybe other creative processes, maybe even just poems you write and so forth. Do you have a— is there some kind of sense when it's all working together, or would you say the creative process feels the same for you no matter what part of the creative process you're in?

I think that if I'm working on something and I feel happy with it and I'm enjoying doing it, I might feel more enjoyment than I would if I didn't like what I was doing. And I thought that my— let's say I had a project, was I like, I didn't want to do it and I wasn't proud of it.

And what determines— no, that makes sense. What determines whether or not the project is coming together for you?

I think it depends on what I like doing, or maybe if I'm working on it enough, or maybe if I know I chose the right thing to do. There it is again, choices. Yeah.

Um, would you say that, um, you have a good sense of when you can work on a creative project that will come together in a satisfying way?

Um, I think so. Like, what, maybe I'm working on a project and then I know that I'm at a certain point, and then I know that maybe if I keep working on it, and then maybe I don't know, in a few days I'll think like it'll be almost done and I'll feel good or something like that.

Do— are there ever projects where for some reason you realize it's just not going to come together and maybe you should quit working on that particular project?

Um, projects as in just my own projects or school projects? Any project? Any project. Um, I think that there certainly that there were instances where I realized that I wasn't really having much fun and I would rather have been doing something else. But I think most of the time I felt that in school, so I didn't really have a choice to break away from my project, so I just had to keep going.

Okay. I'm going to jump to a bigger picture. Do you think— so as a creator, when you're doing a project, you're the creator, you have control over it to a fairly substantial degree. Um, would you say that you have that same level of control over your life as a whole? Um, does it make sense to think of your life day by day, week by week, month by month as a creation that you are working on?

I think so. Um, I think that makes sense because you are I think you are controlling at least most of your life. Like the paragraph says, and I do agree with this, that you do not get to choose where you are born or when, but you can choose or you can choose, control your choices.

Would you say you are as intentional a creator in your life as you are when you are working on a project or a story or something like that?

Um, I think, um, well, what do you— can you give me an example of just in life?

Well, so with a story, you have a certain vision for where the story is going to go, and you know, you're working on the characters and the plot, and you know, you're— you as a creator are designing it with a very definite intention. And I guess I'm wondering, to what extent are you a creator of your own life? As much as you're a creator of a story when you're writing a story?

I think that, um, I— or just me in general, uh, just the things that you choose to do, um, especially if you already have something planned out that you'd like to do, maybe it's just like a future job, um, that in that sense you could be as much of a creator as you are, um, if you're writing a story.

Would you say that being a successful creator leads to happiness in general? That there is a sense in which he says even exhilaration, that successful acts of creation lead to exhilaration.

I think that if you like what you're creating and if you enjoy doing it, then you might have that exhilaration and feeling of enjoyment. But probably not if you don't like what you're doing or you think that you shouldn't be doing it, but you have to for some reason, then you wouldn't get that enjoyment.

To what extent do you feel a sense of exhilaration at creating your own life day by day, week by week?

Um, I think I feel a lot of exhilaration and enjoyment in my life, um, and I enjoy having that feeling, especially if I've accomplished something.

Well, I think that's a beautiful place to end. So congratulations on having such a sense of your own life. And with that, I'm going to wish you good luck as you courageously go into this unknown world of wrestling. Okay, thank you. You're welcome. Have a wonderful day, Alana. Bye-bye.

See you next week. Bye.