Are You Headed for Burnout Without Realizing It? | @HighPerformance_Health

One of the things I see with a lot of high achievers is they are on the edge of burnout and they don't know it. And one of the things I've been emphasizing is once you fall off the cliff of burnout or overwhelm, your body is so broken down and so much harder to recover than it is to prevent. Angela, I'm so excited to connect with you today because I really resonate with your your journey of burnout, your journey of transformation from high-powered corporate attorney to, uh, one of the top performance coaches in England around helping women just really get at an optimal physical level. And I'm curious, you know, when you think about your journey, how did, how did you know that you needed to make a change? When did that begin, that you're like, hey, I got to make a massive change in my life if I'm going to survive?

Sadly, not early enough. Do you know, when you hear about people saying they got taken to the razor's edge, that I think unfortunately was my experience. So I, I mean, I, I had the kind of background of burnout. I don't think I was aware at the time it was burnout. I was sort of surviving in corporate law, pulling off all-nighters, working ridiculous hours, you know, made partnership when I was 8 months pregnant with my first child and then had, you know, postpartum depression, C-section, reflux baby, all these things going on. And then I had— by the time I was due to go back to work, I was pregnant, 3 months pregnant with my second child. So I mean, it was all just very, very quick. But what happened to me was I experienced postpartum depression, which really surprised me. I wasn't expecting it. And then after my third child, so I had sort of successive bouts. That's when I got diagnosed with major depressive disorder. So I found myself in this— I'd given up law by this point. I was taking a break, but I found myself in this really hard place where I didn't know how to carry on. But I had these 3 beautiful children and a lovely, loving husband. And I felt in many respects, you know, I've got it all. Like, what's going on and why do I feel this way? But I kind of created a prison in my own mind, if you like. And I was having, you know, medication, therapy, all different things at the time. And then, but these thoughts in my head, these pervasive thoughts at that point of just how do I turn them off? And the only way out, right? We all know the one way out, but I didn't want to leave my kids without a mother. I didn't wanna leave my husband without a wife. And so then I was really struggling and the kids got flu and I picked it up and I ended up being hospitalised with pneumonia. But when I was called by the specialist after an X-ray, they were like, we need to see you urgently. They were originally treating me at home. I was sent for a CT scan because my lymph glands were so enlarged it looked potentially like lung cancer. And what I discovered was it was viral and bacterial pneumonia on both lungs. So I was hospitalised and at that point, we hit rock bottom. I realised things have gotta change.

Yeah. How, how old were you then? What was—

I was 38. So this is now 10 years ago.

Okay. And how old were your kids at that time?

So at that stage, the kids were 2, uh, 5 and 6.

Wow, dude. That must have been an intense, scary moment for your family.

Yeah.

Um, when you realized you were at rock bottom and you're just battling that, you know, multiple health issues that are pretty complicated. Um, what did you start doing? Did you immediately start like reading books, listening to podcasts, researching, or were you just kind of accepting the doctor's diagnosis at that point?

That's a great question. So when I was in hospital and I was admitted, my first instinct was, you know, ever the corporate lawyer, right? Who just carried on, carried on, carried on, was like, okay, I'm gonna get the kids from school and then I'll come back and get, check myself into the hospital. And they were like, no, I don't think you understand. Like, we don't know how you're standing here breathing, but things are not going well.

Yeah, that's a typical high achiever. Oh, my arm's falling off, it's half broken. Let me finish my project. Let me get this thing done.

It's crazy, isn't it? So, so he was like, I don't think you understand, we're admitting you straight away. And then I was like, God, I can't even tell my kids mummy's not picking them up, you know, my eldest one. So, and then I was put on oxygen. I mean, they thought they were going to have to intubate me. I was really fortunate. But when I was lying there in the hospital bed, that's when I had this really— I guess you could call it like a transcendental moment, right? I was like, yeah, what am I doing? Because I suddenly felt this profound sense of peace. I was looking at photos of my children and I was like, they're so beautiful. And I felt so connected with them and this real feeling and sense of love that I just made a decision at that moment. I've got to get well for my family and I need to get out of here. And the crazy thing is, Mike, and I know this won't come as a surprise to you because of everything you coach, right? But when I was admitted, they took my bloods and they said, you're neutropenic. So you've got bacterial pneumonia. I'd had repeated course of antibiotics. We're gonna go heavy dose, but viral pneumonia, there's not much we can do about. We need your immune system, right, to really kick in. But your white blood cell count is so low, you're neutropenic. So I knew that I needed some other assistance, right, to help me. And that was such a defining moment. But the moment I made that decision, to get well for my kids, within 48 hours, my blood work changed. My white blood cell count started to rise. So it was extraordinary.

Yeah, divine. The consciousness expansion of our bodies, of how we can heal ourselves when we make that decision and the shift. And that sounds like a pretty memorable divine moment of where you're just connected with God, source, whatever, you know, Where something's happening, something mystical.

Yeah, major. It's like a major upgrade at that point. Yeah.

And then tell me about the recovery. How did you, because one of the things I see with a lot of high achievers is they are on the edge of burnout and they don't know it. And one of the things I've been emphasizing is once you fall off the cliff of burnout or overwhelm, your body is so broken down and so much harder to recover than it is to prevent. And I'm curious, how, how did the, how long did the recovery last? Give me the nitty gritty, you know, the unvarnished truth of how hard that recovery was for you.

I'm so glad that you said that and that you share that with people because burnout, it is such a hardship to turn around. And when your mental health is in that kind of state as well. So, you know, mentally, physically, spiritual broken. I mean, I reignited that connection on a spiritual level and that really is what prompted the healing. But before that I was detached. And so it took time. I mean, it took time. I fully— and I was told I would be on— I, if you imagine, I was on antidepressant and antipsychotic medication, so morning and night. And I'd kind of wash down the antipsychotics with a glass or two of wine just to sleep. It was, it was a bad place. And it took me— I was told you'll be on medication for the rest of your life.

So to clarify, were you on the antidepressants and antipsychotics before the breakdown or after?

It was, but interestingly, they were shifting the medication. So what they've been trying wasn't working. And it was like, you know, we're 2 years into this third episode, we can't really call this postpartum because your youngest is 2. So they had diagnosed me with major depressive disorder. And so when I was having bipolar episodes, and that for me was one of the hardest things, because when you get those extremes and you're like super mum for a bit and the whole family is going on this wild ride with you, right? Because suddenly you're like more than well But what we learned is it always preceded the biggest crash. And I think that's what felt so hard. So yeah, I think that's probably why I got pneumonia. I was in a bad place at that point.

Yeah. And when you're having the bipolar episodes and you're having the crash, could you feel it coming on and you're aware, your awareness is like, oh, I'm sliding down.

Yeah. Really sliding.

And I'm about to rock and lose it. Yeah.

And you want to, you want to pull yourself in, right? But you just don't. And it becomes, this is the thing with mental health is it's then so physical. Yeah. So yeah, it was just a struggle at that point.

And how did your husband navigate that with your children? Because that's, you know, I, as you know, I went through that 2.5-year battle with my wife on her mental health journey. And I'm curious, how did you guys cope navigating your recovery, call it?

So he has always been like really, really supportive. And I'm eternally grateful for that. Yeah. I think I'm super lucky to be married to him. I think that he, in the first place, when I got it, I don't think he understood it because, and I didn't understand it. I was a positive energy driven woman, right? Type A personality. I wasn't expecting it. I think the thing though, as well with depression is it's such an internal battle in your head. And I don't know about your wife, but like with friends and things, I didn't feel able to talk about it. I was putting on a game face. I still, we might be late, but I would still take the kids on the school run. Do you know what I mean? I would still show up because he was in London, a bank investment banker. So he wasn't, he wasn't around early in the morning. And so it was a struggle. But yeah, I think, I think the thing is the, the children would have had an impact on for sure. The extent of it, it's hard to say, isn't it? They were so young.

What are the things that you did? And you said it took about 2 years to get you to full, full recovery from the burnout.

When I— if I look at from— so I was told I would be on medication for life. I questioned that later. At that time, I was sort of like, really? I just wanted to be stable. It took me— so that was like May of 2014. It took me till October 2019 to transition off all medication. So it was a big journey. And that's why I think I would— when, you know, credit to you when you say it's really hard to turn around, it is when you get yourself into that spot. Physically, it was quicker, I would say. So my energy, you know, when I started to dial in all the healthy habits, my sleep, my circadian rhythm, as much as I could, eating better, I'd lost— obviously after all those antibiotics, I'd lost a lot of weight and I'd lost a lot of bacteria. I had to kind of, you know, work on my gut health. And it's always like, right, you fall again, don't you? Quite quickly. That's just classic in any kind of Disney movie, and that's what happened, because within 6 weeks I had another chest infection. But I had made that decision, and I was like, I am going to get well, I'm going to be in the best shape of my life. Um, and so that was a commitment. So then I was like looking outside of the therapy and things and reading Dr. Joe Dispenza, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. And I was like, oh my God, I've literally got to break the habit of being me. This is what I need to do and create a new self.

Yeah. And During the recovery side, um, did you notice, like, what did you— what gave you hope as you were making progress? And then what were like the most essential elements that you would say for someone going through a recovery? Like, if you had to design a formula for someone to recover from burnout, what would that be?

That's a great question. So whenever I talk about how do you have health for high performance, I use a protocol called SHIFT because it's like, how do you make the shift? And really that's an acronym for sleep, hormones. And by that, I don't just mean your sex hormones, but I mean also your stress hormones. And you and I spoke offline a little bit about HRV, the insights you're gathering. And insights can be anything from journaling to wearable data to blood work, so many different things. And then how are you going to fuel your body and mind? That, that's important. And we break that down into flow. So it's like food, light, light exposure makes a difference, oxygen and water. So hydration, minerals, um, breathing correctly. And then the last final part is T, how are you gonna train your body and mind? And training the mind is probably the underestimated component in it, right? So it's, it's last on the li— on there, but it's definitely not last on the list.

And, and then when you think about the mentality that you had to have to get through that recovery from burnout, because What I see sometimes with my clients is they'll, they'll make some progress and then they'll think they're good because they feel, they start and feel their energy is better. They're starting to feel good and they won't, like my concern with people that have a significant burnout stage is that they don't continue all the way to full recovery. And then if they go, then they backtrack, like they quit doing some of the things that got them to feeling like almost back to themselves. But it's not anchored in. How do you know you're complete in your recovery from burnout versus like just saying, I'm feeling better. Okay. So now I can go back to eating, doing the things I was doing before, working nonstop, whatever it may be. So do you know you're really all the way? Yeah.

I mean, I would say multiple things. So one is, like I was saying, I had to create this future self, this future me, and step into her. So I was leaving behind and I was working with a therapist to kind of leave behind old programming. I'm going to be honest, like, it still takes discipline. I'm still that person who pushes the envelope and is vulnerable to it, right? There's still vulnerabilities. I don't think we can— I always compare it like with anything that's mentally related. Yeah. If you think of like a cornfield and you know, when you go out for a walk or just a grassy field, there's a path that people have forged and gone down. And neurologically, that's what it's like. And my brain would just slip into this and slip into old habits. So I had to forge a new path. And first it takes work and it takes conscious effort, but over time that's getting worn down now and the grass is growing over the old one. And you just need to make sure that you keep forging that new path. Having something that is bigger than me was eternally helpful. So initially that was my children. Then I retrained and I started to understand, you know, in health, nutrition. Yeah, I started to understand what these things meant. And then when I started to get really amazing results for myself and I trained I was like, how can I use this now to help others? And that's obviously grown into a much bigger purpose to impact women.

Yeah, yeah, I love that.