The Real Reason High Performers Burn Out (And How to Redefine Success)

The real reason high performers burn out. This is a big one for a lot of high achievers I know where they are just addicted to their work. They're addicted to the next rung, addicted to the next level up. And I've been guilty of that at times too. Why? Because I think at the end of the day, we are struggling with self-validation and we're looking for external validation and also the norms of our culture. You know, you think of me as a man, there's a lot of masculine norms of success and we're basically elevating throughout our life the Steve Jobs, the Elon Musk, the Joe Rogans, the whatever, whoever you could think of, whether it's an athlete, Michael Jordan, LeBron, all the work hard, succeed, get that next rung, overcome your challenges. And there's an addiction to that where you compromise all of compromise who you are in many regards and compromise your value set in submission to this overarching value of driven towards success. And we need to redefine success. What does success look like? At the end of the day, I believe success looks like winning at work and winning at home. And winning at home means that you have something left to give. And in fact, you're bringing great energy, great presence, great connection to to your home life. Sadly though, what I find is with many high achievers, they have trouble shutting off. They're playing with their kids and they're still thinking about their work. They're on a date night and they're still checking their iPhone, their work texts, their social media, whatever. Or they're working a deal on vacation, right? It's funny how many people I know that are pretty wealthy, doing quite well, but they don't ever shut off. And that's one of the sicknesses of our American culture. And over the long run, it's not as sustainable. All right, so here's, here's some of the challenges with our success-oriented culture and versus a redefinition of success. One of the challenges is, is A, we are looking and seeking external validation. And one of the stronger traits of narcissistic personality disorder is, uh, you know, many people, many people in the highly successful world can traits around narcissistic personality, including myself. That's something I've learned recently, all right, where I'm looking for external validation instead of internal self-validation. Doesn't mean you're a narcissist because you are looking for external validation. Most of us, it's a core human need to need external validation to some level. But when it goes to so such extremes, and if you really struggle with this and you're externally driven, doesn't mean you're a narcissist, but you can have some traits and you can fall on the spectrum in some levels, right? Which are— the traits are manageable and you can shift and you you can reprogram. But when we're navigating these challenges of external validation versus internal validation, it, it lends us to make compromises on the inside of who we are and what we actually really want, whether it's being a great dad or great mom or really present. Because now we're selling out to the next rung of success, to the big house, to the big expense budget, right? They lavish vacations instead of the presence and the connection. And then it's always like, I got to do this next deal, I got to— and there's some fear where we're really driven by fear lots of times. So that's one piece. How do we move to self-validation? It's complicated. It's not easy. That's where some of this deep work really comes into play. Self-validation looks like I'm acknowledging my own goodness and I'm acknowledging my own emotion and what's driving me. And I'm acknowledging to myself that I am enough and that I'm good and I am worthy. And it's not just getting into the cognitive side, but deeply feeling that. Okay. And that's where some of the work with psychedelics can also help. The next piece is we actually unconsciously have an addiction to work. Workaholism is a form of addiction, and many, many high achievers have some form of that. It's always the next thing. We're chasing the next, next rainbow or the next big challenge, next trophy. And yes, I like to be challenged and to grow, but when it is at the expense, we're compromising. It's kind of like when capitalism has no regulation, well, then it's exploitative and it's exploitative of yourself. And we don't want to be exploitative of ourselves and others, right? So we have to have some level of checks and balances. The next piece is we've already talked about the success norms or the success code. For guys, we especially have it. Um, of— it can be like the objectification of both men and women. Like, both men and women are objectified in our culture, where men— I remember in high school, uh, the objectification of like, hey, how, how fancy of a car do I have? How do I have six-pack? What are my Do I have a sports letter jacket, right? So there's some elements of status. We're seeking external status symbols versus internally trusting our true north and being in, in self-integrity instead of self-abandonment. Men and women do it. All of us do it. The next part is looking at things long-term versus short-term. So Cal Newport wrote a great book called Slow Productivity. And he talks about how, what if we measured our life instead of what, what's this giant accomplishment I accomplished this year, but instead slow it down and see what can I accomplish over a 10-year period. And these bigger objectives, bigger dreams and goals, and work steadily, consistently, determinedly towards those bigger goals. And when we are looking at a slow versus long term, when we're in the long-term perspective, then we're also looking at How do I have longevity? There's a reason LeBron James is playing in his 23rd year. That's a record. The reason Tom Brady won a Super Bowl at age 43, that's a record, right? They, they had— they basically designed their physical athletic accomplishments around longevity and sustainability instead of like trying to just jack it up and do the most in the short time, even though they were also very focused on how to, how to maximize this window and this year. They designed their health routines. They weren't eating like crap because that would compromise the mission. They weren't, um, not taking care of their body. They're spending— a lot of those top athletes spending roughly $1 million a year on their body to extend the good window. All right, and that's one of the advances of today's tools. And so if you start thinking about, is my pace sustainable? So you ask that core question: is the rhythm and the pace at which I'm running at Is it sustainable? Or if I'm running fast, could I, could I design my life so it's in a series of sprints? I run fast and hard and then I take a break. I run fast and hard, rejuvenate, exert, renew, exert, renew. That's the natural rhythm. That's why, you know, right now it's springtime in Austin. Trees are coming out with, you know, their leaves. The flowers are budding. All The life is coming back. Soon it's going to be summer. Then after summer, it is going to be fall and fall and then winter. So nature already has this built in. When we try and violate nature and we try and be above nature, we're acting in disintegrity with how we're wired. So day and night, right? The seasons. We got to look at life in these seasons as well, in our work, and have renewal built in. Most high achievers I find are under renewed. So where the renewal side can look like, what's my— there's 4 core energy quadrants: emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual. Spiritual is like purpose. So how do I renew myself? Starting with the physical. My energy is up. I'm not battling any disease. I'm properly nourished. I'm well hydrated. I'm getting enough rest. I'm getting enough exercise. So that's a baseline. Then you got the emotional. What's, what's my inspiration? What, how, how connected I am emotionally? Is my heart aligned and activated and in tune with my life, my work, who I'm showing up for? The third layer is the mental. Is my mental game engaged? Am I properly and appropriately challenged or under-challenged? The fourth is, of course, the spiritual. Does this mean— it doesn't mean anything. Like I was talking with a former cardiologist today. And she's in a stage of her career where she's basically retired from medicine, but she's looking for purpose. And without purpose, she doesn't have as deep of an inspiration to get up the next day to work towards something. So we gotta— one of my goals is to help her find the next layer of purpose in this, in her life. Next is, um, we've already talked about this, but the pattern— we got to really build this pattern of of energy exertion and energy renewal. Again, renew, renew, renew. If you have, you know, if you think about it, when you're in flow state, when you're in flow state, a lot of beautiful things happen. The people who achieve flow state the most are the happiest on the planet. How do you get in flow state? You have to have the appropriate level of challenge. You have to have proper energy. The work has to be meaningful. And if you're under-challenged or over-challenged, you're not going to get in flow state. And you also have to have dedicated, focused energy or time without distraction to be able to sink into it. So one of the things I do with a lot of high performers is how do I design their life for flow state? The, the next piece is also hustle culture. So when we look at the models and mentality, one of the sicknesses of our culture is we've got a lot of hustle culture where we sold out. That's one of the problems of American culture. We've got a lot of great things about America, but one of the problems is this sellout for hustle culture, which is a masculine, you know, you hear the Gary Vees work 80, 90 hours a week when you're in your 20s. Well, if you start establishing those patterns, what are you going to do in your 30s? You're establishing a blueprint that you're sold out to your work exclusively. Not, I like my work, I love my work. I'm sold out to it, but I'm not sold out to it to compromise everything else, right? Um, so I hope that makes sense, and I hope you guys see there's some, some patterns that you might have that are long-term going to hinder your productivity and your effectiveness, that are going to lead to burnout, because you're going to be walking in a path that is not aligned with your highest self, that is not aligned with your spiritual purpose, that is not aligned with energy renewal that is not aligned with your emotional inspiration or spiritual inspiration that is not aligned with creating impact and value in the world in a way that you mostly want to live aligned with. Okay, so I want to really encourage— burnout is a real thing. And if you get on that edge where you've walked so far away from who you really are, it gets harder to walk back. And there's more repair to be done. So the sooner you start coming back to yourself, the better. And hopefully this video has been helpful for you, and like and subscribe below if it has.