Why Modern Men Are Failing Themselves? with @BrandonEpstein_

We live in a society now where a lot of men are afraid to be men, where they're just becoming weak and settling into the victim state. Especially these guys, some of these guys who achieve so much just on talent and just these gifts alone, and they're like, well, I want this, and it's like, well, you're fucking weak, so that's why you're not getting it.

What about, where do you feel like the high performers that you work with, the pro athletes, the executives, leaders, etc., where do they most typically sabotage their potential for their best? How do they handcuff themselves unknowingly even though they're a peak performer? Yeah, but they have another level that they could hit on and you're like, dude, let's like, look like you work with, you know, first round draft picks. Well, they already achieved pretty high tier status. You take them to another level. What— where do they commonly sabotage?

I saw this a lot in this past NFL Draft. These guys were just drafted. It's like a lot of guys, especially from lower-income neighborhoods, who have families who are maybe already starting to creep in, and they want to start taking before they even have— they have this like belief that everyone's out to get them. But you need coaches, you need mentors, you need people to support you on your journey. So if you're operating with that programming, then you're going to shut people out and it's going to make it harder for you to get to where you want to go. Because if this is your first time entering the league, like, you don't know, you need experience. Like, you need to believe everyone's out to help you. That's what you need to believe. And so that's a big one, man. It's just like, yeah. And also, they kind of program guys like this when they go into A lot of the professional sports leagues, they tell them literally when they are in these rookie camps, like, hey, these are all things you need to watch out for. People are going to try to get your money. People are going to try to like take advantage of you, blah, blah, blah. So it drives this programming even deeper. And like, it's good to have discernment around the choices you make and who you associate with, but you need to believe that people are there to help you. So that's a big one.

Where else?

I would say This is any high achiever. I think— did you watch the Tom Brady roast? Have you seen that?

I've watched everything Tom Brady, but not the roast yet. I was just talking with a buddy that told me I got to watch it, so I can't wait to watch it.

Actually, it might have been a podcast where he just talks about how much he regrets not enjoying the process. It's like you see someone who achieves so much, and that's a big thing, is that You know, some guys, they come to me and like, like you said, I work with the Cy Young Award winner. You can't get any better than that. So what can I do for you? I can help you enjoy the process because there's guys like Tom Brady who finished their career and everyone's like, wow, you're the best. And like, the dude just suffered, you know, sounds like a lot throughout his career. Like, he didn't really enjoy the moment. And so you can have your cake and eat it too. And there's a lot of like raw, raw motivational content out there that makes you feel like, hey, get up at 5:00 AM, suffer through everything. It's like, well, the difference here is you could do the same work but just be present for it. And so I think that's where a lot of people get lost is like they're living in this perpetual, I'm not there yet. When I get there, if I get there, will I get there? This future pacing, which is just an illusion because we never get there. You're already there. So you can't get there. You're already there. And so I'd say it's a big one is any high achiever who lives in this perpetual state of I'm not there yet, you're going to always want to achieve something else. Doesn't matter what field or how high you get. So understanding that you are there right now and understanding that you are in a mental construct, you are living in mental slavery as long as you're giving away your present moment and you're saying that the next moment is more important than this one. No, it's here right now. God lives inside of you right now. Connect to the source. Feel it. It's expansive. It's Incredible. And we talked about a little bit before we got online here, like, you really experience these when you have these psychedelic experiences. Like, wow, it's all here right now. Oh my God, it's so self-evident. There's nothing to say, there's nothing to think about. It's all here right now. But the truth is, it's always right here. We just have to allow ourselves to experience it.

Love it. So good, man. What about, um, with the high performers, what traits do you normally when you are working with an elite athlete, like the top of the tier, right? Not just the guy that's barely in the league, but the guy that is at the championship level, winning the awards, first-round draft picks, etc. What traits do you typically see for the ones that consistently show up in, you know, like, you know, you and I, we've probably studied Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan and those guys or, or Albert Pujols or whoever, right? But what are the traits that you consistently see mentally, but they're the best of the best have.

Yeah. A matter-of-fact attitude. A matter-of-fact attitude. Like this ability to just show up and just handle your business like a matter-of-fact attitude, but like also like that fire in your belly. But a matter-of-fact attitude. Like it's like you're not falling for the fantasy of like, oh my God, oh my God, it's going to be so good, right? You're not falling on that side. You're not falling for like the worst-case scenario. Like, oh my God, what's going to happen? You're more matter-of-fact about it. And it's funny, too, because I won't name this guy, but there is another Cy Young Award winner out there that doesn't do any of the physical training, eats tons of candy, just plays video games, doesn't do any of the mental training, and he wins a Cy Young as well. So I have to say that, that like there are some guys who just show up, throw the glove on the mound, and they're that guy as well. Like, of course, they have tons of experience. They're putting in a lot of work. More work than the average person, but they're not dialed like you think they would be. Now, you know, I imagine like you got into this stuff and so did I was because we couldn't afford to do that. There's a lot of us out there that like we need that edge. Like we're not getting our foot in the door unless we have these tools. And so I'd say that like you, like this guy, if he used any of these tools, he would get go from like whatever, world class to legendary, right? But a lot of us, we just need these tools to make sure that we can consistently show up and perform and be our best. Because most people don't have that 0.0001% gift. They have to dial in everything. Physical, emotional, physical, emotional, mental, spiritual.

Yeah. Have you seen The Last Dance?

I have. Yeah. Yeah.

And I just watched it for the third time a couple of weeks ago. And I just remember Jordan was talking about on the Dream Team, he was astonished at how little effort some of the guys put into practice. Yeah. And he's like, these guys are just relying on their physical abilities and their talents and they're the best of the best perennial all-stars.

But crazy, Jordan's the greatest.

Yes. Yes.

Yeah.

And, and so, yeah, what you're talking about, I mean, like that Cy Young winner, I mean, maybe he could have 3 or 4 or 5 Cy Young Award wins, you know, like Roger Clemens did or Randy Johnson, if he really, if they devoted themselves to the craft, because, you know, The Bradys and the LeBrons, you know, and or Albert Pujols, they were so dedicated to their craft and that's why they played 20 years.

Yeah.

You know, at the top of their game. Absolutely.

Yeah. And I would say this work of all we're talking about, it's really about optimal fulfillment through the process as well. You know, we want our cake and eat it too. We want to be the best at our craft and we want to enjoy the hell of the process. We want to feel like you know, a kid in a candy store every time we walk out onto whether it's a business meeting or a field or court or wherever it might be.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm with you on that. Where do you— how do you help, like, someone get motivated to take this stuff seriously? Like, let's say, do you ever have some athletes come to you that are, hey, they're, they're doing good, but there's a whole nother level that they could attain, but they don't they don't even connect the dots on subconscious reprogramming, like, and getting their mindset and their commitment levels all the way up. How do you create that leverage? Like, do you, do you have that scenario where you referred some people that are not sold on it yet?

Yeah, I'm trying not to use derogatory words. I don't know if we're allowed to swear on this podcast, but there's some words that I would call them.

Yeah, that's all good. Yeah.

And I do call them because we live in a society now where A lot of men are afraid to be men where they're just becoming weak and look, settling into the victim state, especially these guys. Some of these guys who achieve so much just on talent and, you know, and just these gifts alone. And they're like, well, I want this. And it's like, well, you're fucking pussy. So that's why you're not getting it. Right. And that's what I straight up, I come to them with this energy. And it's because they haven't taken this step from boyhood to manhood. It's like, okay, you may be making a lot of money, you may be a man in age, but they're still a boy in the way that they operate. And what I mean by that is that they're still living more in like the victim, like somebody save me energy, like blame other people, living in fear, living in caring about other people's opinion. Like for me, that's still living in the boy energy versus like when you become a man, you're spending most of your time in your heart, present, leading in the present moment.

Boom.

Just tunnel vision. Let's go right now. And so it's an energetic experience I'm taking these guys through where I'm lifting them up into that feeling of you're a man now. This is an initiation because we don't have these things in our culture. Like many of us did in the past. Usually there's like something that happens, you know, you go on some kind of quest and you're a man now, right? Spirit quest or whatever it may be. We don't really have those.

Yeah, some ritual.

And these guys are getting waited on hand and foot since they're, you know, high school, college athletes. It's like, dude, stop being a fucking pussy. Let's go. Like, you need to step up into it. And that means kind of taking their throne on the top of the hierarchy of their family as well, because a lot of them are still asking for mom and dad to save them emotionally and energetically. It's like, it's fine to take advice from people you care about, but you need to be the leader now. So that's a really, really big one that I see from guys who are like, hey, I've made it pretty far, but I want that next level. Like, this is what's required. Let's go.

Yeah. Wow. I love that. So when you're challenging a pro athlete, hey, dude, it's time to step up from being a pansy or a little boy.

Yeah.

And be a man. Own it. How do they respond when you, when you do that?

What have you— Shocked.

What's, what's been the range of response?

Shocked.

Because, like, you know, they're like, who the hell is this guy calling me out?

Yeah. Their team-appointed sports psychologist would never go there with them. right? And nobody else in their life, everyone's a yes man, so they would never say that to them. And so it starts to shock and some resistance, no, ultimately acceptance. And then they want what I have. And so I'm lighting their torch in that session. They're like, you know what, I want that though. And I didn't like the initial jolt of like being humbled in that way, but there's a grain of truth there. And every time I've taken someone through it, like when they've bought into it, because obviously I'm not just going to go there with anyone, but they bought into this experience with me. Like, this is what you're paying me for. Let's go. And it's funny to hear them talk about it in hindsight because they're like, when they always say, like, when I initially, like, meet them there with that intensity, they're like, the energy for them is like, you, like, who do you think you are? But I hold that space long enough for them to be like, you know what? Okay, fine. It's true. And I want to step up now. Because a lot of these guys, they are ultimately trying to be their best. Like, that's why they come to me. Many people don't seek out this work, right? So the people that do, they're— yeah, they're looking for solutions or looking for ways to get better.