What No One Tells New Grads About Crisis Communication (And Life)

Last week, my daughter Kathleen graduated from Loyola University Chicago. I found out on campus with many a student I encountered. They would give me that look and say, are you? I knew what was coming next. Kate's mom so like a lot of proud parents out there, I've been thinking a lot about what it means to step into the world right now. Especially if you're a student heading into journalism, pr, advertising, or communication or not. It could be any profession. But Kate, she's not just walking into the workforce. She's walking into the real world. She needs her eyes open. And like so many of her fellow graduates, they don't quite know what they're going to end up seeing. In this episode, I'm sharing a life list of sorts. The things that no one tells new grads about when it comes to managing life and managing crisis. Psst. Hint it's preventing them in the first place. Kate, this list is for you, but it's also for every recent graduate stepping into life or anything that involves managing your reputation in the post grad world. These are the things I tell my clients in crisis. And these are also the same things I've told Kate's siblings, Rory, Connor and Quinn. Time and time again, this list has been dubbed in my household Mom's life list. Here it comes. And there's always rolled eyes for a fact. But I'm not wrong. And now I'm putting list out there because I believe that this list will help someone else's new graduate. I'm going to share the top three questions I get from students or their parents when I'm on the road speaking, particularly when I'm exiting the stage. The list I gave Kate and her siblings on repeat. The list they never asked for, but a list that I believe every young person should hear and what to say when you feel unprepared or overwhelmed in your first real world moment of crisis. Parent Send this list to your grads grads. Save it for when you need it, because you will need it if you're hearing this list for the first time. Welcome. Yes, I am that PR lady you may happen to see on social media, commenting on trending news stories that feel more like PR car crashes. But I'm also a full time crisis manager as well as a keynote speaker at every event. As soon as I exit the stage, people ask me questions and I'm going to share with you the top three questions I get from students or their parents at practically every event. The number one question how do you get into crisis management? When I hear this question I often suspect people feel this way because it looks like fun and you know what it is. Anyone could be a content creator. You want to talk about PR crisis online? Go ahead, have at it. Enjoy it. It is fun. But to do it as a profession is not necessarily a linear path. So my answer no one applies for work in crisis management. You get pulled in when it hits. It's a skill set within the communication industry in any sector. When I started labeling myself as a crisis manager, it was an industry made up of older white males. Those were my contemporaries. It was more commonplace for a male to be in a trusted position during some crisis event because men see other men as trusted advisors. As a female Gen Xer, I had to gain credibility in my work as someone known to be able to handle crisis under pressure. I didn't wait for the validation for people to hire me at a company as a crisis manager. I did it by way of being a director of communication. I worked in the cruise line industry. I didn't work in the hey, do you want to come party poolside on this cruise ship? That wasn't my job. My job was to draft an answer when there was a crisis, typically at sea. Not when we ran out of daiquiri mix, but more the phone call that says, hey, we have people in our buffet lines who are throwing up and then they're going back for food. Now that problem became my problem because I knew that the norovirus was sweeping the country and it wasn't just affecting the cruise line industry, but the crisis was only impacting the cruise line industry. It was my job to strategically find a way for reporters to connect the dots that passengers were boarding airplanes sick and the symptoms would happen when they were on the cruise ship. It's understanding how to manage the message around a growing cris or one in full swing. If you want to work in crisis pr, then be the trusted person when things go sideways. If you're a new grad, tell someone my age how to read the room on the Internet. Your generation knows online culture. My generation doesn't. I've had to work very, very hard at it. Be the trusted person in the room. 2. What's the worst crisis response you've ever seen? My answer? Open the newspaper. There's one Happening every day in every sector, which is why anyone can get a job in crisis management. Read the news every day. Social media is not a primary news source. It is a selectively curated technology that delivers news through an app that it thinks you might be interested in. It's serving as your secondary news source. And three, what's the best major or degree for this line of work? My answer? It's not the degree, it's how well you can read the room and write under pressure that can fall under any major, from philosophy to business. The key skills? Learn to read the words, the room, people and know how to write. Next, the list that no one asked for. At least not my kids. But this is the list that they've heard the dozens of time because it's a list that matters. Number one, don't let emotion drive the car. Defensiveness ruins good decisions. The calmer person wins every time. The clients who struggle in a crisis are the ones who are the most defensive. As soon as I spot it with a client, I triage the emotion. Same for life. When my kids come to me with an issue, whether it's their own or for a friend, I'm always dissecting how people act under pressure. When I hear a story, whether it's from a client, my kids, friends or my friends telling me a story about people who they're interacting with, it could be their spouse, someone they're dating, someone in their life. Whatever it is, when I hear defensiveness or when I hear them say but they did this and then it makes me feel, I say stop. Do not let anyone else hold you emotionally hostage because they are insecure, because they are defensive. That's their baggage to carry, not yours. 2. Keep your hands clean. The honest, ethical person wins every time. Work hard. Shortcuts backfire. Always breaking rules for speed or ego will always cost you more later. The Internet has receipts. People who cut corners in work and in life always pay at some point. 3. Know what makes you magnetic. If you're a grad trying to figure out what you want to do in life, or if you're mid career and you don't like your job and you want to change, the first place to look is inward. Figure out why people are drawn to you, then build from there. Don't define your future by what job. Define it by what makes you light up, what makes you special. Listen, when people tell you what they see in you, when they compliment you, that's your leverage. People in life don't comment on your work skills when they meet you like, huh, you look like you'd be very good at Excel. You look like you would be good at doing my taxes. No, they notice your soft skills, the ones that you're just naturally good at. When Kate was at a career crossroads, she needed to pick an internship she didn't know where to turn for work, because she was looking at it as a career. I can tell you this was one tense phone call because I could feel the panic set in. She felt like she had to decide her fate, but by picking one internship, and I understand that because a lot of internships in junior year set you up for a job down the road. But it's not locked in stone that you have to do that. It's just an option for you. For Kate, the first question I asked her was this. Is it fair to say that you eventually want a career where you're, quote, in the mix? I knew Kate was not bound for a cubicle. She's drawn to people, to activity. She's highly social. She just likes people and connecting with people. She is an extrovert. She gets energy from people. Also, if it's a no, it's a no. I found this out the hard way when we were on a recruiting visit to a college for soccer. Kate, she was an all star soccer player her junior year of high school. She was the leading scorer on her team and in the state championship, which they won. But when we were on recruiting trips for soccer, a soccer coach said to me on the tour, hey, I'll find more money for Kate if she plays for us. I was, oh, thank goodness. I'm like, yes. But then when it was time to walk back to the car, I said, kate, what did you think? And Rory, her sister, who played college soccer, said to her, oh, my gosh, Kate, wouldn't this school be great? And Kate said, no, I don't want to play soccer anymore. Not only did she say no to the school, she was saying no to playing soccer. I died inside because all I could think about was the money and the time and the miles I put on my car. Going to soccer tournaments, soccer games. I was her travel soccer coach for years. So of course, I was only thinking about myself, because that's what parents do. But I stopped and I said, I have to respect her answer, and I'm glad that I did. I'm not gonna say it was easy, but I did it, and I did it. At the moment, she was also a pandemic kid. She lost her senior year. She lost her senior year of school and friends and soccer. She lost all of that. So I think that had something to do with it. She just wanted to start life. I wasn't surprised that she picked Loyola Chicago at all. She made the decision when we were watching the Final Four, as a matter of fact, and I was telling my kids about applying to Catholic schools, particularly Jesuit schools. And I was thrilled with the choice. She played club soccer. She played club hockey. She was huge into intramurals. As a matter of fact, her intramural soccer team won the championship. Loyola intramurals posted it on their Instagram page. She was also an orientation leader. She was the arena host at games at Jefferson Gentile. She was at the center core announcing things on the jumbotron. She was also the camera person for the Jumbotron. If I were to watch Loyola men's basketball, I could see her on the sidelines. In fact, when she came home from Christmas, we were watching a replay of the game and there she was courtside with her camera, talking to Sister Jean. There were so many clues there to Kate's future. So knowing this, when it came to figuring out her path, we just looked at the clues that were there that told us what she she liked to do. She liked being in the mix. She liked interacting with people. She liked events. I asked her, how about event planning? How about working in sports? How about sales? So she got a paid internship in sales and she did great. She really liked it and she made a lot of money. That internship led to job interviews. And I can proudly say that Kate landed a highly coveted position in the sales development program with mlb. She is going to learn all about sports, sales and service. And hint, she's going to be doing this in Wrigleyville. And I am thrilled. Not just because I'm a baseball fan, but more importantly because I know she's going to crush it because it's where she shines. 4. Be seen, but stay real. There's nothing wrong with attention. Gen Z, you're the social media generation. The millennials, they ushered it in. But you, Gen Z, you are this generation. Go ahead, be online. Soak in the attention. But just don't fake it. Audiences can smell it. Colleagues can smell it. Be you. And if that means being online, great. Do it. Knock yourself out. But don't feel pressured to have an online presence that actually makes you unique. And that's one of the other things I admire about Kate. She doesn't post Instagram. Look at me, her Gen X mother, posting on social media. But Kate, she doesn't have time for it. And honestly, I respect it. 5. Discretion is power. If you can keep a secret, people will trust you. If you're going to gossip, gossip selectively. Gossip is a venting tool. Find a friend. Who's going to be your gossip friend. It is a mutual, beneficial relationship where you both dump each other's. Gossip onto each other and you get it out of your system. And you may have multiple friends for multiple categories, but just keep it between the two of you. Don't be a gossip spreader. Don't look at gossip as an act of malice with this friend, just look at it as an act of friendship. It's something that the two of you share. And don't select your partner as your gossip partner, whether dating or in marriage, because deep down they're judging you. And in the end, if the relationship doesn't work out, it may come back to bite you. 6. Ask for help Strategically, people like to help people, but people really like to help people. When it helps them. Give credit publicly where you can. That's currency. Again, it's that mutually beneficial relationship. But don't ask for help and make it a one way relationship because eventually someone is going to resent it. There are a lot of people out there. I'm one of them. I used to be the pleaser of pleasers. Now I'm much better at saying no. Side note, one of the areas where I did it is when students would reach out to me asking for help. I know at the end of every fall semester and at the end of every spring semester, I get requests from students asking for interviews because there's a lot of professors out there who have an assignment in their PR class that says find someone who works in PR and ask them 1 million questions about their jobs. You can imagine as someone who's on TikTok, how many requests I get. When I first started online, I would sit down and do these interviews, but I recognized it was chewing up a lot of my day. I could not help my paid clients, the people who are in crisis. Because I was working with so many people, I wanted to do it. The police are in me, but I learned that I needed to say no. By the way, if you are a student who needs this type of help, you don't need to get it from me one on one. Just go to my content. You can find answers to your questions just by looking at it and I'm happy to help you. Or if we're at a conference and you see me there, stop me. I always love talking to students. 7. Help others, but not at your own expense. Give generously, but protect your energy. Mutual benefit isn't selfish, it's just sustainable. Be okay with saying no. Explain why and let them know in the future. If you can help, you will, and then if you can do it. But if it's taking too much from you then feel comfortable saying no. 8. Outsmart. Don't outrage. Revenge feels good. But it only feels good in the short term. The long game wins every time. Trust me, toxic people will show you who they are. Whether you are dating someone, you are roommates with someone, you married someone, and now you want to divorce someone. Someone out there has hurt you, the instinct is to hurt them back. It's reflexive, it's very normal. But you need to outsmart that feeling. Revenge, whether it's calling someone out online, sending a text online to friends, whatever it is, putting people on full blast only feels good momentarily. The long game wins every single time. Wait it out. Because trust me, toxic people eventually end up poisoning themselves. Take it from someone who's been there. It happens. 9. Look for accountability, but offer it too. People who admit mistakes are strong people. People who deflect are weak. Accountability is my ethos, my indestructible PR framework. Own it, explain it, promise it. I use with all my clients that I use in all my strategic communication plans, that I use in all my strategic crisis plans that I use in all my strategic messaging. My ethos of accountability was built from life, not from career. I learned it in life. People who do not take accountability are weak. People who do are strong. People who recognize strength are less likely to go after that person. Trust me on this. I know what I'm talking about. 10. Fear is the root of every bad decision. Behind arrogance, cruelty, ghosting mean widespread gossip is fear. Spot it, name it, sidestep it. 11. Your brain runs in sprints. Do your work in 90 minute spurts. Your brain is no longer effective at 91 minutes. Block your time, block your studying, block your life. That's how long you can truly focus. Use it, then rest it. You're not lazy. You're human. 12. Don't settle anywhere. Not in love, not in work, not in how you're treated. Boundaries are not prickly barriers, they're guardrails for your worth. If you tell someone that you do not like how they are treating you, that is a boundary and you have every right to that boundary. If a person punishes you because you set a boundary, they are holding you emotionally hostage. Don't let anyone do that. Everyone has a right to set a boundary and everybody should respect that boundary. And if they don't, call them on it. 13. Lucky 13. This is for the new grads. Remember, you are the pandemic generation and that makes you resilient. You lost the payoff years, the joy, the celebration. Don't let older People label you as weak, it makes you undercredited. I know this because I've been in conversations. I've been in the rooms where people, my generation, elder, millennials, baby boomers, they are putting Gen Z on full blast. I cannot believe that they're demanding to work remote. I cannot believe the demands that they're making. Watch what is labeled because of the pandemic compared to you actually being lazy. There is a difference. Now, if a job has an in office policy, then follow it. If you don't want to work in an office, then don't. If they are demanding that you come in, well, then you have to fulfill that demand. Just find a job where you can work remote. But maybe give the office a try because your generation is struggling with dating, finding people to settle down with, finding people to get married. A big reason why so many of you don't work in an office. You're not meeting anyone. So many bars and restaurants went out of business. All these opportunities to mingle with people are gone. So if you can find a way to mingle with people, I encourage you to do so. But don't take the label of the lazy generation. You have energy, but show them where you have energy. But also don't be lazy and don't be entitled, because this is where my generation has it, right? Because sometimes you can be. And as a mom who's done multiple dorm moves, it's not okay to leave food in the refrigerator. It's not okay to leave garbage or stuff in your dorm for someone else to move. Don't be that person, but lean into your culture. Tell people of other generations that you understand it. You want to move up the ranks, Then understand Internet culture. You grew up in the call out culture, the cancel culture. You speak reputation fluently. That's not just valuable, it's rare and very specific to your generation and your generation alone. So let's bring this home. One, crisis work isn't about having all the answers. It's about knowing how to respond when no one else does. Two, the most powerful skills in this field are calm, clarity and control. Not necessarily charisma, but if you have it, use it. And three, the smartest people in the room are always still learning. Don't be the person who always has the answers, because not everyone has the answers. People are drawn to people who are learning and who share what they learn. It's a natural energy that people are drawn to. Just keep your head up, keep your ears open, Read, look to learn. You've graduated from textbooks, but don't stop learning. If you're a recent graduate, welcome to the world. You are exactly where you need to be. And if you're a parent, pass this along because I know some parents. Your kids don't want to listen to you. And this great list that I put out there. Do not think for a moment that my kids are sitting there wrapped, saying, mom, tell me another life lesson. No, sometimes I'm shoving it down their throats, but eventually they will come to you, like one of my kids did yesterday and said, mom, I need your advice. I pulled the car over and I listened. You can find this list in a blog post on my substack. Find me Molly McPherson. I also have a publication, the PR Breakdown that you can find at PR Breakdown. Feel free to send questions my way. I read every one. Even if I don't have the mental shelf space to answer them all. Know that I read them all. If you don't mind, go ahead and rate my podcast or share this episode with someone that you think might be helped by it To Kate, My Kathleen. Well, really, my Kitty. But I'm no longer allowed to call her that. I called her that when she was little. If you're listening, I know you're not. But I'm proud of you for how hard you worked, for how much you've grown, and for how clearly you see the world already. My middle yes, I'm crying and yes, I'm embarrassing you right now. I know I am. But I am so proud of you. You crushed college. I loved walking around that campus and having so many people know you, particularly Joe, who picked us up in the golf cart when it was freezing on the quad. But I loved meeting everyone who knew you. And I'm so proud to be your mom. You're going to have a great life because you've got everything you need. And if you ever forget that, you just come back to this episode. And for everyone, until next time, stay calm, stay clear, and just carry on. Bye for now.