https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6J9L0pKDBEo

Yes. Should I tuck this somewhere so everybody can. People can see me.

Are we on? You just put it on the. On your chair. Even so next to your seat.

Phones. Distract your brain just looking at them.

Yes. Right off the table. Okay, we're good. We're live. Hey, everyone who can join us live today. Good to see you. Today's a really special day. We finally made it happen.

Yes. It's been a. It's been a minute.

It's been a minute. But I got everything lined up so that I could do this with you today. Shawn Stevenson, welcome to the Rooted in Wellness podcast.

So good to be here.

Before we dive in. This podcast is all about ancient wisdom in our modern world and really how we can help our listeners become more rooted, rooted in the sense of who they are, but also their health, their happiness, and maybe even the inner wisdom that everyone has that they can heal. So to start off, what are three things that help you feel rooted in your health and who you are? Your happiness.

Number one, family. You know, just being around my tribe and you know, you know what it's like when you make people, you know, to be a part of your tribe as well, and just being able to glean insights and energy from both sides, you know, of the generations, you know, my mom, my mother in law and, and my kids. So that's number one. We'll talk a lot about that today.

That is a big part of who you are and what you share. So I love that you said that first.

Yeah, it's a big leverage. You know, it's an epigenetic influence. And again, we'll talk more about that. But that's, that's number one. Number two is a lot to movement. You know, it's something that our genes expect from us is to move. And there's still cultures today that it is a unwritten mandate within the kind of code of the culture. If you don't move, you die. You know, we required movement in order for us to survive. And now the game has changed a lot. You know, there's. Everything is basically accessible with your phone. We could sit here right now and have this interview and have DoorDash deliver right to us, you know. Right. We got all the entertainment we could ever imagine. You know, people can even find a mate without going somewhere today, you know, which is. It's. It's interesting. It's interesting. So that would be, number two, lots and lots of movement. And number three, play. You know, play can be kind of incorporated with the movement. You know, it's. It could be Parallel to that, or even perpendicular, but play. You know, I love that sentiment that we don't. We. We. We get old because we stop playing. Well, I'm gonna say it again. I'm gonna say it again. We don't get old. Wait. We. We. We stop playing. Wait. We don't get old because we stop playing. We stop playing because we get old. So it's the reverse of that. That I just said it.

No, I get it. Play has to be involved. Right. And it's even a stat with, like, blue zones and stuff like that. They play, they move, they. They watch youth playing. Right. It's such a big part.

Yeah. I'm gonna say it again.

Yeah.

We don't get. We don't stop playing because we get old. We get old because we stop playing. Sorry about that. I'm usually very great at quotes, but I got so excited to say it, and then I thought, this is what my chain of thought was this. There's a Jeremy Renner movie.

Yeah.

Which he went through a little tragic. Tragic accident. Big, tragic accident. But he's a star of this movie. And these old friends are playing this continuous game of tack. Right. And so they started his childhood, and they're playing it. Yeah.

They meet up as adults.

Right.

And it's a massive game. Yeah.

And I love that quote already. But then it was, like, kind of the hallmark of that movie, and. And so my brain went into that. That tunnel for whatever reason, but I was able to grab it out.

That's a good one. So I own in on those questions because I think that, you know, I have such incredible speakers and guests and experts sitting in that chair. And I think that when people look to us as practitioners in wellness, they think that healing is complicated, that the things that matter most to us are going to come with a lengthy checklist. And I would say nine times out of 10, everyone that sits there is something that's free. It's something that's free, and it's something that comes to their heart. So thank you for owning in on that. The other part of that, too, is I also don't think it's a coincidence that a lot of the people that you and I meet with, they ended up hitting rock bottom through some sort of a health diagnosis. You are not. You are unique to this story, but you're not unique to this story. Right. So you were diagnosed with degeneration of your spine. Right. In your 20s?

At 20. At 20. Yeah.

At 20. So. So you've been on this healing journey. And I'm Curious. Do you notice when you drift, like when you go back to old ways that used to be part of you and what are the things that cause you to feel uprooted when that happens?

That's such a great question. You know, this, even this, this conversation itself, the umbrella that kind of covers all of this is about culture. And to define culture, you know, really quickly, it's the attitudes, values, beliefs and behaviors shared by a group of people and then passed from one generation to the next. And so the culture that I've intentionally created makes it really easy to not fall back into these old habits and ways of being that led to the conditions that I was in. Now, of course, this is not perfect, but I think it can manifest its head in different ways. And that's what's so interesting. So at 20, I was diagnosed with the so called incurable condition. And even for this to show up on the MRI where my L4 L5S1 disc were just like showing up black on the MRI because they were so degenerated. I was a child, 20 years old. That took years of really devolution and degeneration of my spine for it to show up like that and for me to have these very noticeable symptoms. But prior to that, When I was 15, I was at track practice. And at the time I just had all these incredible aspirations and opportunities to play football at the next level, run track. I ran a 4, 5, 40 already as a kid, and at track practice, I was coming off the curve into the straightaway, doing a 200 meter time trial and my hip broke, right? And it's just like, how on earth would that happen to a child? There was no fall, nothing like that. But my bone density was so brittle and, and it just led to a string of additional injuries that kept me off the football field, off the track, and ultimately I get that diagnosis. Now here's the rub. At the time, and I've been really trying to champion this message because this is very like pertinent right now. At the time I was eating, and this is no exaggeration, and I'm going to back this up with some science, I was eating about 90% ultra processed foods, okay? And right now, and this was just published in jama, the Journal of the American Medical association, just a couple of years ago, they looked at ultra processed food consumption by U.S. children from 1999 to 2018. So it's about 20 years. In 1999, the average U.S. child was eating 62, about 62% ultra processed foods already. All right. By 2018, that number reached almost 70%. It's like 68% of the average child's died in the United States. As you know, there are kids at both ends of the spectrum as well. So that's the mean, that's the average. I was definitely on the other end of eating mostly predominantly ultra processed foods. And so an average day of eating, you know, going. I was in the desec program, desegregation program, getting bused from the city to the quote, good schools. And so I wouldn't, I wouldn't eat breakfast at home. You know, I was leaving the house at like 5:30 in the morning and taking an hour bus ride. When I get to school, I get the free lunch. I mean free breakfast and free lunch. And so I'd get, you know, some donuts or you know, little. So single serving, little bowls of cereal and some juice and, you know, so starting my day with ultra processed foods. Yeah, and only ultra processed foods for lunch. And I just shared this with my son the other day. I get a personal pizza and a pretzel with cheese.

I remember those.

And so I dipped the pizza into the cheese and that was my lunch. And then, you know, we get something out the vending machine before football practice and then after school, long bus ride home. And it was ultra Processed Foods nine times out of 10 at the house, you know, and I was making my body out of some of the worst possible things. And that was the disconnection because people don't realize this. And you know, when I graduated from high school, I want to go to. And this was just aspirational because I didn't know anybody who went to college. Like I was the first person in my family to go to college, let alone graduate. But I wanted to do a pre med program. And so I went to this university and in my biology class, which I hated, I, I detested science. So why on earth would I want to go to a pre med program with aspirations of becoming a doctor? And it was because of the way that I was taught. It was so disconnected from me as a human in the real world because I didn't realize as we were learning about the cell, when we're looking and studying the cell membrane, we're looking at the meals that we've eaten, we're looking at the nucleus of the cell. It's the nutrients that person has eaten. We can go on and on. The mitochondria is made from your menu. And so all these cell parts we're studying in this kind of abstract way, looking at food. If we're talking about it in the real world. And so I was making my cells out of just garbage, right? Newly invented fake foods, fake ingredients. And so my body was falling apart. And we could talk about some of the things I did to change that, of course. But I went from being radically unhealthy to being one of the healthiest people on the planet, you know, and. And just having this incredible transformation was inspiring to people around me. That's really was the birthing of my career. And so I put all my chips into that healthy environment creation, and it just went kind of a long step wise. And again, being able to make people and, you know, and to. And to attract other people who complement that lifestyle, it makes it a lot easier. But like I said, it can manifest in different ways because of the things we carry from that, you know, and so I carried a lot of dysfunction from the environment that I come from, a lot of violence in my environment, outside my home, inside my home, and having that show up in dysfunctional things. Maybe I'm challenging myself too much, for example, and not really honoring my body and resting enough. Right. So I went through a phase of that and just like, you know, kind of teetering into dysfunction and another manifestation of an injury or a back problem or sciatic pain or whatever because of something else. Right. And so it's addressing all of these, and I'm going to say this, all of these gifts that I was presenting with, they looked like challenges and devastating things at the time, but they were blessings because they helped me to continue to grow and evolve and stack conditions in my favor.

You're pulling in my heart, and I hope listeners too. I want. I really want people to share their story because when you lose your health, nothing matters. Everything stops. And fortunately for people who are listening, who just have curiosity around health and wellness, I think these stories really matter when it comes down to community. I think like you, when you made the transition, who you surrounded yourself with was probably such a great contributor because you digest everything, right, including the conversations and the friendships and everything that you have. And for listeners on the table here, we've got Sean's incredible book. It's called Eat Smarter. Before the show, we're talking about, like, every doctor needs to be gifted this book. And one of the first ways that you start it that I love is we were never taught that the content of our cells would be determined by the food that we eat. There was a disconnect from understanding that our mitochondria were made from our meals. Our nuclei were made from Nutrients and our membranes were made from our menu. It's like, yes, that just got me instantly. Because people understand this concept of food is medicine, but because we are so disconnected from where food comes from, how it's grown, what goes into it, the process, from getting it from the farm to our table, there's a big disconnect in understanding that what I eat is going to fuel the mitochondria in my body. Right. So I love that you speak to this research shows that who we eat with is just as important as what we eat. Going back to community. So when we eat in communities, you share about the concept of how it releases oxytocin, lowers our cortisol, it can improve our digestion, improve our nutrient absorption. Growing up at the ashram, we always ate in community. We always ate with people in nature. No distractions, no phones, no screens, no anything. And it doesn't surprise me that the environment that I was in there was also such a great part of my healing journey. But can you talk a little bit more about that? Let's start with that big picture. What does the science say between the connection of who we eat with and how our bodies respond to what we're eating? Based on that.

Yes, yes, yes. So obviously, just to set the tone for that, we evolved for thousands upon thousands upon thousands of years, eating together as community or having input and responsibility in the procurement of food, the preparation of the food and eating together. And also celebration. Like this was a hallmark time of sharing tradition and also sharing history. Right. Passing down information to the next generation. And I think a great example of this is like a luau, you know, because it's like, it's kind of the show, you know, for, for modern day people. But you're releasing a representation of how things were across the globe. Right. And so there was obviously the. The procurement of the food itself, the preparation, sharing, sitting together. But there's song, there's dance, there's exploration, there's experience, and everybody's involved. Today, we're no longer. We're more and more devolved or are pulled away from that and we're eating more in isolation and most of the time in front of a screen. And my question was, is this having an impact on our health? And even just as posing that question, you already know the answer, but to what degree? And so I dove into the research and it changed everything for me because my obsession was food. Because I'm a nutritionist, my obsession was food. And I built my career on that. But I found that, whoa, this is not Just more important. This is far more important. Food matters. Of course it matters. Absolutely. Exercise matters. I wrote the book on sleep wellness. It was the first sleep related book to become an international bestseller about 10 years ago. Sleep Smarter. But all of those things pale in comparison to our relationships and how they impact everything else. And so I'm going to just stack some things here and just rattle off some things. So number one, I shared in the book one of the biggest meta analyses ever conducted by researchers at Brigham Young University and North Carolina University of North Carolina. And this was 148 studies, over 300,000 study participants. And they were looking at like what are the. They looked at everything. Diet, exercise, smoking habits, you name it. And they found that people who had strong social bonds had a 50% boost in longevity versus those who did not. Said another way, people who had strong or healthy relationships had a 50% reduction in all cause mortality.

Right.

All right, so we're talking about 50% reduction in dying prematurely from everything. More so than beating obesity, beating smoking, diet, exercise, those things matter again. But there's something about our relationships. So that's number one. Number two, conversations with Dr. Robert Waldinger, who's the director, he's the fourth director of the longest running longitudinal study for humans on longevity. Same outcome. He's at Harvard. Same outcome. As he shared with me, healthy social bonds are far and away the most impactful thing on how long we're going to live. And now to take this to the level of how does food interact with this other researchers at Harvard, because I was looking at this intimate act of eating together and these health outcomes and they found that when people eat together on a consistent basis, they seem to naturally consume higher amounts of essential vitamins and minerals and all these different nutrients that help to prevent chronic diseases in those family members. When they ate together less often, they were consuming more ultra processed foods and more things that were considered to be problematic for human health and thus higher rates of chronic diseases. I was like, okay, this is getting crazy. Dive deeper. And I come across this study that was published in Pediatrics on children. And they found that when kids eat with their parents and or caregivers, and I'm a big minimum effective dose person, like what is the on ramp for everybody? They found that three meals per week was a minimum effective dose. If kids were able to do that three times a week or more, they had dramatically reduced risk of developing obesity and disordered eating. All right, stack it again. What about the parents? Researchers conducted a study on some tech workers at IBM. They Were looking at the impact of, quote, getting home in time for dinner, like, which was a tradition, you know, even decade, you know, a few decades back. And what they found was that if parents were able to get home in time and have dinner with their families on a regular basis, their work morale stayed high. Their job, you know, their job satisfaction, productivity, all those things stayed high. But as soon as responsibilities cut into their ability to eat with their families on a regular basis, stress skyrockets, work morale plummets, productivity plummets, job satisfaction plummets. And to tie all this together and answer the question why? In my conversation with Dr. Waldinger at Harvard, he shared that it's because our relationships are the most powerful means of processing stress ever discovered. Like, there's nothing else remotely close. There isn't a supplement. There isn't. There isn't a mental hack being with other people who you trust, who you love, and you know that they've got your back. It helps us to metabolize stress. And as you know, stress is literally killing us. Stress caveat is not all bad. We need stress. We need the stress part of life. It helps us to grow and to adapt. A healing. Part of the healing process is stress. But when it becomes chronic, where we're not processing stress, when we're just carrying all these things, and this doesn't mean you got a vent, per se, but just being around people that you love helps your body to process stress, and it's unconscious. And so we're talking about a change in your chemistry, right? So we know that there's a shift from this sympathetic fight or flight that we're pretty much habitually in today over to that parasympathetic rest and digest. If we're tying this into the food conversation and it happens automatically, a huge increase in oxytocin when we're around people that we care about. And oxytocin is having a moment right now, right? It's nicknames. Is the love hormone cuddle hormone. Now, I wouldn't say it's just specifically that there's a lot of chemistry that takes place when it comes to love. But what we do know, and I share this in sleep smarter 10 years ago, is that oxytocin is one of the most powerful hormones in relationship to reducing the impact of cortisol in your body. And so it just is like, it's that thing that naturally helps to buffer stress. And so as we go deeper into this conversation, we can unpack. Like, what are those specific things? Yes, it metabolizes stress That's a very big idea. But how it all happens is really miraculous as well.

It's such a beautiful and simple concept again, right? Craig and I talk about this all the time. I think we've had more dinners with our kids than we ever saw our parents at dinner. Like my dad worked at IBM funny enough.

Come on, it's not an accident that is this synchronicity.

He made it home really late, but he was never available to just sit down with us at dinner. And what I'm thinking is like, gosh, I think for children especially, it's like, it creates a sense of safety, right? You're with the people who have your back, you know, you're protected during that time. And people 10 years ago I would use energy and vibration and all those words and now it's backed by science, right? But there's an energy when you're with the people who, you know, love you. It emanates from their body. And in Ayurveda we talk about the concept of like when you eat, when you're stressed, your digestion, it shunts, it stops down completely. You cannot digest your food when you're in that state of stress. And like you, I don't know about you, but every single client that I worked with this year has said that they spend more time, with the exception of one spends more time in a state of stress than not. But also not recognizing it. It's almost like it's become their blueprint. Because we live in a world that reflects that stress. It's good to be busy, good to be doing more all the time, to be available, right? Not to mention what we're watching on our screens instantly makes us feel a sense of stress and God knows the hormonal cascade that that's doing. But I wonder, listening to you, how many of our listener have adopted to living to a higher level of stress? Like if I could step in their body, what would I feel? Right.

Oh my gosh. Yeah, yeah, we went out of there quick.

We went out of there quick. So let's break that down and understand then what are the long term implications? People, they might be listening. Yeah, I get it. But I can't necessarily change my lifestyle right now. Or maybe they don't live with their family members or maybe they didn't even have that experience growing up. Right. What are some of the long term implications then of this isolation?

Yeah. Oh, funny enough, this was just published about a year, year and a half ago and this was another one of the biggest studies ever conducted on human Health and longevity. And this looked at over 2 million people longitudinal and this could be tracking them up to about, you know, 25 years plus. And what they found was that the most dangerous thing right now for human health is social, social isolation and loneliness. So individuals that had chronic states of loneliness over the study period had around a 15% higher incidence of death from all causes, but it was about twice as bad, around you know, over 30%. So this is around like 34, 35% increase in all cause mortality when people were socially isolated. Okay, wow. We need each other. And so when you're talking about energy, this is not a joke. Like even as we're here in this room and you know this thing, Heart Math Institute, for example, our bodies are emitting certain fields that we can't see with our, you know, our, I don't want to say dumb, but like we see a certain spectrum of reality. There's so much, we see way less than, than, than what's here. Right. There's way more stuff. And so there's a tube, Taurus is what they call it, that extends from the human heart up to about eight feet. And so literally when you're around other people, your energies are interacting and then if we take it to the level of the microbiome, which is having another moment right now.

Yeah.

And there's a lot of microbial file sharing that takes place, you know, when you're around other people. That trains your immune system. What happens when you're isolated, you just, you're, you're, it's not getting that exercise that it needs for your immune system to be function pro, functioning properly. I can go on and on and all these invisible things. We talked about the hormone change that takes place, we talked about the change in your nervous system. But what I want to make sure that I share today is something that very, that's very practical. And this is the fact that again as you mentioned, we're on our phones a lot. We're on our phones, we're staring at screens and we're not really being seen. Right. And so we can superficially look for that in likes and things like that. And you know, and people become obsessed with doing that stuff. But this is all that's new. What we need, what our genes expect and need from us, is to feel seen and valued in the real world. Right. And so giving this blessing and benefit to your children, especially today, where they don't feel seen more than ever, to sit there without your devices and to eat a meal together, it's just stacking conditions because you got to eat anyways. But it's that psychological human need of feeling like I matter. Like somebody sees me. I'm here, I'm here, and I'm. And my voice matters. And so, you know, just. That's a little bit more practical than some of the invisible stuff. We need that. We all need that. You know, we need that for ourselves as well. And what I feel like one of the benefits that's happened with me, with my. My kids, when I brought my son. My youngest son, Braden is here, is it's humanized me more, you know, because what tends to happen. And you probably had this with you, with your. With your father as well. It's like. It's kind of like Superman, you know, like, nothing phases him. He's doing his dad's working, you know, and to humanize me. And he. He has so much more empathy for me, and he's, like, looking out for me and making sure that I'm good, I'm taking care of myself, and these kind of things, you know, and it's beautiful. It's because of these touch points and sitting around together before we eat. Nine times out of ten, we go around. We do, like, a gratitude practice, right? So we'll go around and share, you know, three things that we're grateful for from that day. Or, you know, a while back, we did, like, what's something you failed at today? And we go around and talk about these things, and me talking about failing, me talking about failing Superman here. You know, it's just. Again, it really helps to create more rapport and connection with our family members. And, you know, I just want to share this because Father's Day just passed, and I. I like to control my schedule, as my family knows. I don't. I'm not that. I don't like the sporadic unless I choose it kind of thing. So they're like, okay, we're going to do this stuff, you know, Sunday. I'm like, okay, I guess. And so they took me to this really dope brunch, and it was awesome. And so we all get. We. We had that thing of us sitting together, we're not on our devices, and we're hanging out, we're chopping it up, we're eating good food, and we've had this tradition. And I actually want to share a couple of tips, if I can.

Please do. Yeah.

So how do we. Because this also leads into part of that question. How do we do this today when we're more fractured than we've ever been? Yeah.

Kids are exposed to so much through those screens.

Exactly, exactly. And it. It is like. It's so addictive. It's so savory. It's like. It's just so much. It's infinite. Right. And so we've got to first understand that we are addicted. Right. That's kind of the first step is understand that we have a problem.

Yeah.

And more often than I've had the opportunity to talk to so many different addiction specialists over the years and doing this work, and one of the most practical things is to, if you were wanting to change a habit, is to replace it with something of equal or greater value. Right. Because just going, quote, cold turkey is very difficult.

It's hard.

Right. So you got to replace, like, what's in your hand with something else. Right. And so we had to anchor in. In the society today. And I just ran into, at one of his basketball tournaments, a mother and her family sharing how this book is impacted or the Eat Smarter Family Cookbook and changing the dynamics of how our families eat, how our family is eating together. And so what do we do? What we have done for whatever reason, and every family is going to be different is kind of like having something to look forward to in that meal. Right. So food is awesome, but you got to be careful about rewarding with food, for sure. So. But after dinner, you know, back in St. Louis, before we moved to LA, we had this phenomenon where we end up having a dance competition or dancing together or it evolved into, like, having rap battles. All right? And so once we got to la, my son has an iPad, and, like, somebody would, like, make a beat, and we go around the table and freestyle. And it got to a point where we actually bought a microphone, and so we passed the microphone around, but we haven't done that in probably a year. We haven't done that practice, like, our family structure change. Like, my oldest son moved out for a bit. They moved back. And driving back from the brunch, we're freestyling in the car. You know what I mean? And it's just like this thing that adds unconsciously, like, I have something to look forward to. It's creativity, you know, it's challenge, it's fun, it's funny, it's, you know, empowering. You know, it's like it has all these ingredients that you look forward to. That family meal. This could be a game that you guys play. I've just talked to a family. They play a board game while they have dinner, which I never thought about, you know, which seemed kind of obvious this could be, you know, you guys doing some kind of, you know, maybe your family sings together, like playing instruments. Maybe it's just like telling funny stories.

Or choosing a playlist. Each person gets to choose a playlist. If you're not, you know, sets the tone for what's happening.

Endless possibilities.

Endless possibilities. Yeah. Those are amazing tips.

Yeah.

I think the no screen thing that you mentioned, Jay smiling in at us, you know, as we're talking about him, I think what's really cool is first acknowledging that maybe screens are like the new McDonald's. You know, when we were growing up, it's like we normalized eating at McDonald's. Now we know, like, the horror that plays played screens are the new McDonald's. And, you know, if we own in on what's going to happen in the future because it's being so normalized. You talk a little bit about this in your book also, but, like, the impact on children and the trajectory of the future. I want to point out, like, this is a conscious decision for you and Ann. You set the environment in your house for doing this with your kids because you're imprinting on them so that they carry that on out into the world. Right. Do you share with them, like, the stats. Do you share with them the dark side of what, you know, around all of this?

My son is right there.

Yeah.

And this is a part of it. He's around, like, even right now. And when we're leaving the house, my wife was like, it's take your. Take your kid to school. I mean, take your kid to work day. But this isn't really, like, work for him or for me. This is. It's our passion. It's what we do. And him being a part of these conversations and listening in on stuff has been obviously very powerful. He's been to tons of my speaking events and just involving him. I interviewed him on my show a couple years ago when he was a tiny little guy, you know, and just involving my fan, my family. My oldest son is a really incredible strength conditioning coach, personal trainer. I never told him to do that stuff.

Right.

He just decided that that's what he wants to do, and it's because he's around it, you know, and so the power of modeling is incredible. The power of creating an environment. As I said earlier, culture is the shared values, attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors shared by a group of people pass on from one generation to the next. The problem today with so many, like, we might want to change our habits, and we had to deal with this stuff Maybe there's certain things we want to stop doing, stop eating. It's so hard to get somebody to change their habits that's hurting them when they're in a culture that is feeding them those habits constantly. You can't escape. Takes so much more turbulence to try to change that. Well, what if you create a culture where it's just automatic? It's just what you do. And so for my kids, just being around it, obviously, but also, yes, having the conversations, talking about the things, but most importantly, asking questions and letting them share, like, share their voice, share their perspective and not making them wrong. Because we. We can easily. And I went through a phase of like, you can't eat this. You can't do that. You know, be the kid at the birthday party. Like, you know, you don't eat that. Whatever. Not just like, step back. And I just let these things happen because we have a healthy base.

Yeah.

And also, he knows how he feels if he has that. That chitty, I'm going to add a chitty cake. And he knows how he feels. Like he doesn't feel his best. And then he'll want to, like, you know what? And he'll tell me, like, dad, we should really eat a good dinner. Eat something healthy tonight. You know what I mean? And so again, it's just stacking conditions and understanding that, you know, our families, our children, our relationships, you know, our significant others, we need a lot less berating and we need more inclusion. We need more patience, and we need more. And this is another tip. We know our family better than anybody. We know what motivates our husband or our wife or our kids more than anybody. But because we're stressed out, we don't want to do it Right. We also know what demotivates them. And so what we tend to do as a reaction unconsciously is do the thing that demotivates them. Yeah, Right. And so we have to take care of ourselves so we have that space to have that patience in those moments. Right. Because I know it motivates my son. I know it motivates my wife. And my wife is, like I said, she is. She is crushing it right now. And this thing is going in our house even this morning, and my son told her, and she told me that. He said it yesterday. He told her, like, the secret to your happiness is just listen to your husband. Because she did what I said yesterday. And she was like, so happy. Like, she was tired. Like, we tried. We did a really tough strength training workout in the morning, and then we went for a pretty Long walk later in the day. And it was super hot as well. And so, you know, I went back to work, and then I saw her like an hour later. She's just in a chair, feet are kicked up, but she's just, like, half asleep. And I'm just like, baby, just take a nap. If you're tired, it's okay. Because she said, I'm so tired. Take a nap. It's okay. And she picked up her phone because what happens a lot of times when we're tired, Just start scrolling.

Exactly.

That's resting, right? Instead of. You're not. You're. You're. You're distracting yourself and not getting restored. And so she did it. She went, took a nap, then she took a shower, and she was, like, so pumped. She was like, I feel. So she got dressed up.

It was awesome.

She went to the grocery store. She, like, planned for the week. She made dinner. And then she was still, like, bouncing around, like, all happy. And these are things I might have told her before, but in a different way. Like, yeah, you know, it is just, like, creating that space and that encouragement. And also, you can recruit your people that you make into this as well. And so my youngest son and my. Both of my. My sons, they're so affirmative and supportive of. Of their mom, you know, and just letting her know when she looks beautiful, letting her know when, you know, she does something, you know, does something that, you know, a quote, good job. Just everything is just affirmative and loving. And let me not be clear, we do get on each other's nerves.

All right?

We talk a lot of shit.

All right?

But we love on each other so much. And even in the shit, talking like, there's still. It's imbued with love and compassion.

Well, the boys do that because that's modeled from you. Let's just call it as it is. So that's incredible. And I love that you're sharing stories, because I think a lot of people, when they get to that point of frustration where they want to give up, right? Oh, it's too hard. I can't make them do what I want to do, or vice versa. You're not giving every person in the house an opportunity. Right. And I love that you hovered on that, because I've worked with so many people where if they're not one person's into health and wellness, the other partner isn't, one of the partners is still buying the Cheetos and the cereals and stuff like that. The communication to kids, if you say, don't eat this it's bad for you versus eat. This, this is way better for you. It's going to get lost. All their friends are eating the junk food. It tastes way better to them because it's hyper palatable. So giving them other tools to understand how it makes them feel. My son looks at his bowel movements and he know when he's eating the shitty food, like, he just knows instantly, oh, okay, that was it. What did I eat today? But having open conversations about that, because it's not just about what's healthy and what's not. It's about how it makes you feel.

Right.

And when you feel better, you make better choices. When you feel better as a family, God, life just gets better.

That part, you know, really quickly with that. Working as a nutritionist for so many years. I also worked as a strength conditioning coach at the university that my wife and I went to. But working with people, that was the number one reason that people gave for why they can't get the results that they were wanting to get again. Whether it was losing weight, whether it was, you know, getting their blood sugar in check, hypertension, whatever they were dealing with, they blamed their family. It's the number one thing. My kids, it's my kids, like, they, you know, I want to do this, but my kids, right. I gotta. I'm not gonna make two different meals like my kids, they won't. They only eat pigs in a blanket or whatever, you know, Mac and cheese or whatever. Or it's my significant other, you know, it's my wife, it's my husband. Like, they just make it so much more difficult. And what really changed the game for me with helping individuals was helping families.

Yes.

Because as you know, you know, there's these sentiments which I don't necessarily like saying anymore, but, like, you can't be a prophet in your own land.

Yeah.

Right. To where, you know, if I'm trying to, you know, want to help my mom, for example, it's just like, my mom's not really listening to me because she's like, boy, I changed her diapers. Like, what think do you.