The 5 Things I Had To Heal To Manifest My Child #twinflames #twinsouls #soulfamily #twinsouljourney

Hey there, sovereigns! Monica Grace from cardreadingqueen.com here. Today I wanted to do two videos actually. Um, one is going to be called The Five Things I Had to Heal to Manifest My Child into the World, and the second one is going to be called I Had the Physical Proof of My Child but Didn't Believe It Until I Surrendered This. So a little bit of excitement there. Um, So the reason I wanted to do these videos is because a lot of people on the twin soul journey are wondering, how can I manifest, or how can I bring in my twin soul faster? Why is my twin soul not coming in faster? And for me, this experience, um, basically I was trying to get pregnant for about 3 years, maybe 4 years, before I finally did. And now as I'm recording this, it's 2020. My journey started, um, in 2016, so it was a while ago. And I have— I currently have a 6-month-old, so it's, it's been a long journey. But, um, I wanted to talk about like how I manifested my child eventually. And I think that the things I'm going to talk about are going to be very relevant and helpful to you on your twin soul journey. So I will explain that as I go. So this video is going to be the 5 things I had to heal to manifest my child into the world. And then if you want the second one, you can, uh, go to, you know, go to my YouTube channel. It's cardreadingqueen.com/youtube. Or you can go to my podcast, which is called Your Twin Soul Journey, and it's kind of available everywhere. Also, also on my blog, there's, you know, I post my transcripts of my videos and my podcasts and everything, so definitely check it out there. But yeah, this is, this is a two-parter, and hopefully it'll be very enlightening to you. So the first thing is, um, I The first thing I had to do to manifest my child into the world, um, this was back in 2016, and it was that I had to heal my workaholism and had to create a work-life balance. So that's very specific to my child. The broader picture is that I had to create space for the thing and the person that I wanted to manifest. So what was happening here is that I was working pretty much obsessively for years and years, uh, from about, I think, like 2010, maybe even earlier, to like 2014, 2015, um, into 2016. And I was like— when I say obsessively, it was like I worked, you know, probably 14 to 16 hours a day every single day. Like, every moment I was awake, I was thinking about my work. Um, and my work was online primarily, so I, I did have jobs during that time. I did have freelance work during that time, and then I eventually went full-time with my writing business. And, um, yeah, so I, I was a workaholic. So what happened is I— and I knew I needed to heal it because I was having all sorts of— this was bringing up all sorts of stuff, all sorts of triggers for me around motherhood, because I thought, well, I don't really have time for this. I'm gonna have a child and I'm not gonna have time to, to run my business anymore. And that's like the end of my life. Like, I was very dramatic about it. Um, obviously now I am still running a business, actually multiple businesses, and I have a 6-month-old who I am breastfeeding and with like all the time. Um, so yeah, obviously it's possible to do this, but I had a lot of blocks of against this at first. So what happened with that was, um, in order to heal that workaholism, I worked with a coach named Nisha Moodley, who's amazing. And I was in a, you know, a year-long program with her. But, um, she said something to me that was really helpful to me. And it was, you know, I was talking to her about like my team that I had at the time, which I don't have a team anymore. But I was talking to her about this and saying like how anxious I was, like, are they gonna do what I need done? And like, is this gonna work? I'm going on a trip for like 2 weeks. And she was like, you know, Monica, like, you seem to have support, but you don't seem to feel supported. There's a big difference. And I was like, oh yeah, that's true. And I realized that I was trying to, um, it's like I was trying to use my business to fill a need for myself, which was that I didn't think I could support myself, um, not only financially, uh, which I was supporting myself financially at that point, but, um, I— it was like, um, it was a realization that support doesn't come from me, you know, breaking out the cash and like at getting like all these people to help me with my work. Support comes from within. And so that's something, um, as it relates to the twin soul journey, I think it's pretty much the same thing. Like, if you are feeling, um, especially feeling unsupported by your twin soul or feeling like unsupported on your journey, you have to know that that support comes from within. Um, so you know, clearing. So the two lessons here, in my opinion, clearing the space for the thing you want and then, um, doing that in order to support yourself. So the second thing that happened that I had to fix, or heal I guess is the better word, um, was that I had a lot of karmic relationship issues with my, uh, spouse. And so I've been with my spouse since about 2011, like toward the end of 2011. Um, and he— this is my second marriage, so I was married before, um, to basically a karmic twin, if you are familiar with that term. If not, I'll kind of explain it. Um, so, you know, I— so what happened was I was married to my karmic twin. It didn't work out. It was a very toxic relationship. I, you know, I was unhappy and I wasn't able to leave it still because I had a lot of like guilt about leaving it. Cause I was like, oh, like I was raised to like, you know, we didn't believe in divorce in my family. And, um, I was just raised to think like, wow, like the very worst thing that can happen to you is that you get divorced. Like that was my belief. So I was really hesitant to divorce this person even though it was not a good relationship and it was, it was very toxic and abusive. Um, You know, probably on both ends, like definitely on his end. I think he's a little bit, you know, kind of an abusive person. I wasn't, I wasn't experiencing abuse in my relationship before him. Um, so I don't know. I, I also had some abusive patterns though. Um, so I wanna, I wanna admit that and be like honest about that. Um, so it was, it was an abusive relationship. And, um, though I wasn't able to leave it for myself, but then, you know, we're, we're in like, we're like 4 or 5 years into the marriage, and I realized, like, he started talking about kids, and I realized, like, okay, this is my boundary on this. Because I, like, it's one thing for me to put up with, um, like, kind of this toxic environment and this physical abuse and, like, name-calling and all this stuff, but I'm not going to bring my children into that, my, my unborn children into that. So I decided that I needed to get out of the relationship before I had kids. So that's what I did. And then in my next relationship, I was very cautious, um, to know that I did not want to repeat that. So my husband now, he also had a karmic twin that was— it was like a very similar situation. Um, and that person, you know, he also ended that relationship. And then, you know, he had a couple years, um, before he and I met. Um, but we still both had the wounding from those past relationships. So we had healed a lot of the wounding those relationships by leaving those relationships. And then when we came together though, we still had some of those patterns that we would fall into. So I talk a lot about how, um, just in general how toxicity is a pattern, not a person. Um, so we, you know, the situation for me with my ex-husband, I feel like he really like didn't genuinely have any of my interests at heart. With my current husband, I feel like we were both good people, but we had just learned these bad behaviors and patterns, and we got sucked into them every once in a while. So it was just— it was a very different energy where— and I think it's really important to be able to discern, like, is this a toxic person, or this— is this a toxic pattern between the two of you? Um, so for me I felt that the first relationship was a toxic person. The second relationship was— it was a toxic pattern of us triggering each other. So anyway, I, after my first experience, I just— I decided like, I am not gonna have kids with somebody that I cannot fully 100% trust, um, that we are going to create a very safe environment for this child or for these children that come in. Like, we're not going to have, um, like, we'll definitely definitely not any violence, obviously, no physical violence, but also, you know, no like stomping around, no slamming doors, no like hitting things. So that's all kind of the physical side as well. Um, but then also like no name-calling, no like yelling at each other. Um, and so I had like this long list of things because I was like, I need to have a safe environment for these children if we're gonna have them. And, uh, we didn't have that. So we, you know, we had kind of continued some of our patterns from these past, um, relationships. And I was really putting my foot down, like, I can't have kids until this is resolved. And my husband didn't really understand that. He was like, oh, we'll totally change when the kids come. And I was like, no, like, it has to be resolved and then we can have kids. Um, because I was like, I cannot co-parent with someone where this is a situation. I did not want to co-parent with someone, um, where, you know, we end our relationship and now, you know, I'm having to co-parent with somebody that is, you know, has— that I have this toxic pattern with. I like, I just couldn't do it because I, I was thinking of like my ex-husband and like, I'm really glad I'm not a co-parent with him because that would not be good for that child. Um, so anyway, uh, this kind of culminated in, in a— there was, there was finally like a moment where we were able to fully heal this, and we have not really had any serious fighting since, um, because we were able to completely eradicate our toxic patterns from our relationship, which, um— and, and so what happened was my husband said something to me that was very hurtful and like really hit, like really pushed like every button, every trigger, um, and he, he was We had been in a fight and he said, you've been a failure for the last 10 years. And this just like, like, even though it's just a sentence, it really, really like triggered me. And so for months and months, I was like, I'm leaving this relationship. Like I was, I was like very sure that I was leaving. Um, and we, we kept talking about it and kept going and like, he was not really saying anything. Like he definitely apologized right away. And like, it wasn't that, um, he was not saying anything. About his intentions and beliefs that was making me comfortable, basically, because I was like, you can apologize for this, but you still meant it. And, you know, so then we, we kept having that conversation, and eventually, um, we were able to heal it. But it took, it took several months. But that, that one thing, after that point, um, after we had healed that one thing I realized like, we are really done with this toxicity. Because we had had to talk like so much, I can't even tell you. Um, and I had, you know, like I talk on here about the twin soul journey and doing like your, um, your core values list for your twin soul and for your life. And I had taken that list. And I, I'm like a, I'm a verbose person. So I, my, I mean, my list was like 10 pages long, like not even kidding. So it was like, um, it was a very long list. And I had taken that and spoken to him over and over about it. Like we had, you know, kind of talked that document into the ground. We had, I had gone through like a number of other, like almost every week or so I would sit down and write a letter to him. And like, then I would go into— go to his office at some point and read that letter out loud to him. And so we, we like really worked through everything. And, um, as we did that, we eradicated this pattern. So the thing here is to really— it's really to understand that, um, so that for me was for a child but you have to understand that, um, in your twin soul journey, you are co-parenting essentially a union. You're co-parenting a union. You're co-parenting like a divine purpose. And there may be some toxicity between the two of you that needs to resolve before you can have that union, if that makes sense. And it really comes down to figuring out how to communicate with each other, going back to some of the tools that we have around the twin soul journey, and healing your wounding. Because like, I, I would talk to my, my husband, but I also had to heal on my own, and he had to do the same. And he, you know, for me, my healing was I was just choosing not to accept certain behaviors anymore, um, and, and choosing to like work through my triggers around those behaviors. Like, why did those specific behaviors trigger me? Why did that specific set of words trigger me? And he also had to make those choices. He had to choose, um, how he was going to act in our relationship moving forward. And I, and I did too. So we, we both had to heal the patterns that we were having. Um, so we were able to heal that, and then that opened the door to this co-parenting conversation in a more real way. Like, before, we, you know, I knew I wanted to be a parent, but I, I wasn't like going to get pregnant, um, because of this thing that was still, you know, in, you know, in the back of my mind, um, around our patterns. And then once I cleared those patterns, I was able to like really start to envision that for us and for myself. The third thing that I did was I had to fully surrender to God's purpose for parents and children. And so I use God here. God is my higher power. If you have a different higher power, that's fine— the universe, Mother Nature, Spirit Source, your Creator— or even if you don't have that, even just yourself. Like, all that's fine. Um, this is just what I— the wording that I use, so don't let that stop you from absorbing the message. Um, So I had to learn, I had to learn that God has a specific purpose for parents and children. It's a very specific and special relationship. And the way I learned about this relationship is that I had a, um, it wasn't really a vision, it was like a claircognizance, um, or like some, some sort of, um, experience is kind of the best way to explain it. But this experience was that I met, um, two twin souls who are on the other side. And this is, this is kind of a pivotal— it was like a very pivotal experience for me on this journey. Um, so I met these two twin souls on the other side. I, um, I basically— what— so basically they had died here on Earth. Um, when, you know, when I was— I was very young when they died. I had never met them, but I knew who they were. Like, I— they're— they're like people who were here on Earth, and I knew exactly who they were, like, right when they kind of came into my presence or came into my mind. Um, and they, they had died on Earth, um, and they had basically chosen to die at the same time, but they had children from, you know, while they were here on Earth. Um, and I was kind of asking them like, why? Like, why did you choose to do this when you had these children that you were caregiving for? Like, why and how? And like, how is it okay? And like— and so what they explained to me, they basically explained to me this parent-child relationship So what it was is that at the soul level and at the 5D level, um, soul— there's no hierarchy of souls. So souls are all, you know, they're all peers effectively, um, and they all— so like, even, even if this is your child, at the 5D level, you and your child are on the same level basically. There's no, there's no like you're a higher soul and they're a lower soul, or like you're an older soul and they're a newer soul, like none of that. Um, so you're peers with your child at the soul level. Now here on Earth, you, um, in the 3D, you are charged with taking care of that child, keeping them safe, keeping them from harm, keeping them from danger, and so on, like, and providing security for them, providing love to them, and you are in charge of that at the 3D level. Um, so it's not to say like a baby can come into this world and be prepared for the world. So you're, you're fully in charge of that. You must be the adult in that case. But what they were saying was basically that this, this, um, these relationships that they had with their children and what they— what eventually happened, um, in this family, it was all chosen at the 5D level. And the children were like aware of it and kind of like co— you know, they had like kind of signed off on it basically. Um, and it, it was their choice as much as it was the parent's choice. And so, so they were, they were really explaining this to me. Um, they also explained that the whole situation had a divine purpose. Um, and that was something that I didn't really understand. Like, I, for a long time, I really thought like I, like, I want to be a mother. So, and, and I almost thought like, oh, I'm not becoming a mother, so God is like keeping this from me or punishing me over this. Um, like, I really, I really was like having this toxic relationship with the idea of having this child. And it was like I was coming from like this very selfish perspective, or like at least like self-focused perspective of like, well, I want to be a mother. And like, not thinking of like the child, not thinking of God, not, not understanding like the whole, the whole trinity of that, which is that, you know, I'm, I'm a parent, this is the child, we've both chosen this, and we've both chosen each other at the 5D level. And then, um, this is our higher power who has a larger purpose for this union, basically. So it's pretty much the same thing with your twin soul. Um, it's, you know, and I'm, I'm talking about a child here, but it's really that you and your twin soul chose all of this. You guys figured it all out at the 5D, and in the 3D there's a lot of illusion there, just like there was with me, you know. I mean, I have a child now. Um, we have a really strong relationship, and I— but like, his soul and my soul, like, we've been communicating for much longer than he's been on this earth. Um, and that was something that I had to understand, that it wasn't like, oh, like, I've decided that I want to have a kid and now I'm going to have a kid. It was like, no, I have always been a mother. Like, before I had a child, I was a mother because that's how I was designed to be. Like, I was designed and preparing for this relationship with this child for my whole life, um, because we had already decided it at the soul level and because it's God's divine purpose for us. Um, so I really had to take that like more global perspective and really see the other actor actors in this to kind of help broaden my understanding of it. Um, and it was kind of at that point too that I realized like, I'm, I'm a mother already. Um, because I think a lot of— I, I really realized at least that I had to be— I had to have a baby to be a mother. And that was when I kind of knew like, I'm already a mother, I'm just separated from my child right now. Um, and I think it's the same on the twin soul journey. It's like you have to understand, like, you are already in— you are already like a wife or a husband to your twin. You're just— it just hasn't happened yet. Like, you're just in a period of separation right now, but you have been that wife or husband for your whole life already. Like, you already chose it. Um, so it's, it's kind of a cool understanding of it. So the fourth thing for me was that I had to realize, um, and fully surrender to my baby's timeline and divine timing. And so what that— what really happened, um, the, the thing that shifted this for me was I was— I, I don't even know where I got this from, but I would say this to my husband if we already knew our baby and if our baby was telling us, hey guys, I need— I just need more time before I can come into the world. Like, I've got to go take care of, you know, whatever it was, but I need more time. Would we happily grant that time to our baby? And for me, it was just like a very obvious yes. Like, of course. Like, if I, you know, like— if I knew that my son needed more time to come into the world, like, of course, like, he can have as much time as he needs. I'm not gonna rush him. I'm not gonna pressure him, you know. And, um, I realized that my baby was already there, right? Like, he, he was already— he was already with me, um, even though he wasn't physically with me yet. Um, but I realized, like, man, he's like asking me this right now. And this is before I'm pregnant, before anything. It's like he's already— he's like, he's communicating with me not through words, but through, you know, kind of like his actions or his like lack of appearance basically. But he's saying like, hey mom, I need more time. Like I'm not— it's not time for me to come yet.— and I realized like, wow, this is really cool. Like he's already like communicating with me that— and like already like kind of asking me for something that is really like easy for me to grant him, you know. I didn't know it was a him at that time. I had no idea what gender— I guess I still don't because my baby's only 6 months. I didn't know what gender he is yet. Um, but I realized like, wow, he, you know, he's like, he needs more preparation time and he is very sweetly asking me for this, um, by not coming into the world. And like, man, I'm like really like genuinely happy to grant him that because I love him already. Um, so, and I'm getting a little emotional. Um, but yeah, it was like, it was just this really like profound revelation for me. And the same is true for your twin soul. I know you're gonna like— you already know the same is true for your twin soul because that's the point of this. But, um, some of you might not like to hear that, but the same is true for your twin soul. It's really, um, if they're not there in your physical right now, it's because at the soul level they're really communicating with you and telling you, um, kind of through the lack of presence that, hey, you know, hey love, I really need more time before I come into the physical union with you. Um, you know, would you grant me that? And you know, that, that, that is really, of course, the crux of unconditional love, which is that like, if you, if you truly love them, you would give them that time. Um, and a lot of people I know are going to say like, I wish that they would say that in person. Um, but just like my baby— my baby couldn't communicate with us before he was on the planet. It's actually the same thing. It's like your twin soul, for whatever reason, cannot communicate that to you in words. They are communicating it to you at, like, in just in a different format. So like, they're just not present, like, whatever, whatever the situation is. They blocked you on Facebook, like, who knows. Um, doesn't matter what the situation is. That they cannot— you, your job is to see through that illusion. They cannot communicate that to you in the way you want, but they are still communicating it to you, and they're communicating it to you at a 5D soul level. So the fifth and last thing, um, I had to fully surrender to the process of having a child in the 3D. Um, so this was October 2018. Um, my baby was born basically a year later, um, roundabout. And what was happening there is that, um, and I didn't realize this until I had to confront it, but I was like very physically— I was like very fearful in the physical of having a baby or even like starting the process of that. Like, I, I didn't really go to doctors. I didn't want to go to the doctor. I was afraid of what they were gonna tell me. Um, I didn't want to do like, you know, so you can do like what, what's called like a prenatal care package where they like, they help you, you know, they do like tests and see like what's really going on there. They help you, um, get, you know, they do like this tube clearing thing to make sure there's nothing blocking your eggs. And like there's like this whole thing and it's, it's not, it's like a very like minor minor tests, minor procedures. But for me, I hadn't even had my blood drawn before, um, really, or like not in a very long time. And I just, I was like very afraid of this physically, um, kind of. And like part of it was just afraid of the unknown, um, and then part of it is just like nobody is really— like most people are not that comfortable with getting their blood drawn. And so I was uncomfortable with getting my blood drawn or uncomfortable with like you know, having an exam down there, like whatever it was, I was, I was just like not— I was just like afraid. Um, and so I had this very like physical 3D fear of what I wanted, and I had to clear all of that. Um, and it really came down to like, like, so I didn't— so even though I had been trying to get pregnant for like 2 or 3 years already, I had never gone to a doctor and done fertility treatment. And I had been like I don't— I've been for a long time like, I want to get pregnant naturally. Like, I don't want to mess with any of this. Um, and then my husband just like— he's, he's like a very passionate and like sometimes can be a little aggressive, but he was like, we're gonna— he was like, we need to go to the doctor. Like, he was like, I'm gonna book you an appointment, um, if you won't book it yourself. Like, he was, he was very like 'Do you want to do this or not? Like, get all in or get out.' Like, he's, he's got like kind of that, um, just like a big energy, like a passionate energy. But he really gave me the push I needed, um, and he, you know, he held my hand the whole, the whole entire time. Like, literally held my hand the whole entire time because I was very squeamish about many aspects of it. Um, so yeah, I had to, I had to um, take action in the 3D is really what it comes down to. I had to clear my fears around the action I needed to take in the 3D. And so that, you know, a lot of my fears were like, um, doing the, you know, going to the appointments to begin with and getting like the testing done. What were they gonna say? Like, what if I can't have children? And like, um, what, you know, like I was kind of— I didn't want to hear the bad news. I wanted everything to be good. Um, then like, what if I have to do fertility treatment? Like, what, you know, it was like this whole, like, it was almost like I was looking at the problem or like not even the problem, but I was looking at the beginning and thinking through all the way to the end to the worst case scenarios. Like, what if I'm on IVF and what if it doesn't work and what if I get sick and blah, you know, like just this whole long line of what-ifs. Um, I had to really reel it back and be like, okay, what's the first step here? And that's what I need to, you know, I just need to take this kind of one step at a time and work through my fears as I go. So I did that and as I said, my baby was— from the time that I finished that last step, my baby was born less than a year later. Um, so pretty awesome. Um, that, you know, this is— this was my journey. Um, and I think, I think the biggest thing I learned was that, um, was really that if, if this is— if this is something that you want, you just need to keep clearing the separation that you are experiencing from it. Um, and, and that was, that was how I kind of shifted my thinking around my baby too. It was like, wow, this baby is already here. We are already connected. We're already destined for each other. All I have to do is clear the separation that is keeping us from coming into union. Um, in the sense of like, I'm pregnant, which is what, you know, I was considering the union, like the pregnancy and the birth. Um, and it worked. So now I'm in union with my child, which is really cool. Um, really like one of the greatest blessings of my life. Um, and I'm really proud of myself. And I, I think, I think there's a lot of similarity to getting into union with your twin soul. So I hope that was helpful to you. Um, again, I have a second video that I'm doing that's called I Had Physical Proof of My Child But Didn't Believe It Until I Surrendered This. And so I'm gonna kind of continue, um, kind of continue my pregnancy story. Uh, definitely more lessons. So if you want to get that, you know, kind of part 2 of this video, um, it's, you know, it's of course going to be available on podcast and everything too. Um, but definitely give that, you know, go look for that out there. Hopefully it's kind of linked, um, somewhere on this content. Uh, so I hope that was helpful to you. Thank you so much for spending your time with this. I know it's a long piece of content. I really appreciate you being in my community. Thank you so much, and I hope you have a beautiful and blessed day.