Why the Twin Soul Runner Runs

Hey there, sovereigns! Monica Grace from cardreadingqueen.com here. Today's content is a super popular question in all the forums and all the twin soul YouTube channels, and the question is why the twin soul runner runs. So we're gonna get into it, and so, uh, I'm going to speak specifically from my perspective and In truth, so I'm not a runner or a chaser. In truth, the runner-chaser dynamic doesn't necessarily exist. It's really just, uh, the two of you are either rejecting each other or abandoning each other, betraying each other, whatever you want to call it. But it's really that, um, and, and sorry, you're not rejecting each other. It's really that— I mean, you are in the physical but it's really that you are rejecting yourself somewhere in there. So really, if one of— if one person in the relationship is running, it's because both people are running, because the two of you make the same core choice. So I have some insight into this topic based on really two things. One is It's what, you know, I wanted at one point. I wanted to leave my current marriage, and it was because of this thing that my husband said. And then a very similar situation with an ex, and in that situation, I actually left the relationship. Like, I, you know, we broke up. And so if you want to kind of get the backstory on that, you can listen to my episode called 'Affraid Your Twin Soul Might Die on You? Here's What's Really Happening.' And so there I go into like a long story time about those situations and what they meant. But for this piece of content, I really just want to talk about why the twin soul runner runs from my perspective and from my experiences of why I wanted to run or did run from these relationships and situations. And I think the question that is truly at the root of this question of why does the, why does the runner run, um, the— what people are really trying to get at and what people are really trying to ask is, if this person loves me still because they're my twin soul and they still have love for me, so if they love me still, why did they leave me? So that's what I'm going to talk about, um, because in both of these situations I still had, you know, I still love the person, but I felt like the relationship had to end. Um, so why would you leave someone that you still love? Uh, for me it was a couple things. So one was shock. And basically, I was like, in both of these situations, I felt like I was in a relationship with a stranger, even though I still love them. It was just that what they had said to me, um, in both situations, it really— it basically just shook the foundation of my understanding of the relationship. So, um, Because of that, I felt like the relationship didn't have a foundation, so therefore it wasn't real, so therefore I couldn't trust it. And there was just a spiral going down. Um, and some of the things that I personally thought in both of these situations was, if this is how little you think of me that, you know, you did or said this thing, um, why am I still here? So like, why am I investing in this relationship when It's clear that you don't understand me. You don't— like, it's like the person missteps so far, um, in my mind. Of course, they didn't actually— like, they didn't actually do it on purpose. They just, they just like accidentally stepped on the landmine of my, my, my wounding, basically. Uh, but it was, it was very much like, um, yeah, if you think so little of me, why am I here? Um, everything I had invested and sacrificed in the relationship relationship, it felt like it was wasted because the person didn't— I felt that the person didn't know me. Then the relationship had no foundation, so I felt like it wasn't real. So that was the first thing, was just like, I am in a relationship with a stranger. The second thing was that I was very immature in dealing with my pain. And so these situations in both cases caused me tremendous pain. And in the first one, I just, I had like no tools to work through it, and so I was just looking for any way to end the pain that I was feeling. And, um, as I often do, I kind of just like try something on. Um, it's like, well, this is, this is tremendously painful, so let me try something to try to stop that pain. And so I tried a couple things, and then the thing that I thought was working was just to have a breakup. And it's like right when the— right when we broke up, I felt relief. And the reason I felt relief is because the pain was coming from— I believe that my dreams were wrapped up in this person. So I believe that like all my future and all my dreams were wrapped up in this person. And so then when we broke up I didn't have to face that anymore. I still ultimately believed it, and I did eventually heal that, but I, at the time, it was like, well, I don't have to, I don't have to face this anymore because I broke up with him, so now my dreams are not wrapped up in him. Um, so, uh, yeah, I didn't have the tools then. In the more recent situation, I did have some tools. I did not have an understanding of the twin soul journey, like I do now, but I did have some understanding of the twin soul journey, and that was enough. And so I, I used those tools and worked hard to heal myself around that, and we were eventually able to get through it because I had an understanding that— and actually, we didn't. So I'll be honest, we actually were not able to work through it for months and months. Um, but it was only when I realized that— when I saw the pattern of me doing this a second time, like wanting to leave a second relationship over basically the same thing that I left the first relationship over— it was only when I saw that that I realized that it was a pattern within myself. And then once I realized it was a pattern within myself, I was able to use the twin soul tools to heal it. So now that I'm more versed in the twin soul tools or in the twin soul teachings, I would know immediately that it was mine to heal. But at the time, I was feeling like they did this to me, like I am the victim, it's their fault. And like there was this whole, this whole like blame game still happening at the time. So I had an immaturity around dealing with my pain. I believed that the pain would end if I wasn't in the relationship anymore. So it was just a way to like cut off the pain kind of cold turkey. Of course, this is not true, and I, I know this now. So before, I believed that it would end just because we broke up. Now I understand that there's no point in breaking up. It's not you know, in order to heal the pain. Like, you can break up, but not to escape pain. And that if you do that, it's really just gonna come back to you someday. So now every time I feel pain, I just, I choose to work through it right then and there because I've had so many situations where pain from like 15 years ago comes back almost like with a vengeance and forces you to heal it later on. So I'm personally done with that. When I see pain, I'm like, okay, let's just heal this now because I don't, I don't want to deal with it later. And I don't, um, I don't want to leave that box open. I want to have my peace now. So it's really just this idea of like choosing peace now, choosing compassion for yourself now, choosing love for yourself now. Another thing that comes with that immaturity around dealing with the pain is, um, there were, there were a couple like false beliefs I had. So one of them was like, time heals all wounds. Um, I seriously just want to slap the person who came up with this across the face. Time does not heal all wounds. That's why most of your wounding is actually childhood wounding, because time does not heal the wounds. The only thing that heals wounds is healing. So you have to do your healing work. I have, I really like never had an experience where time healed the wounds. Um, and basically time, it was like time passed and I did healing work during that time. And then that's, that's why the wounds healed over time, um, has been my experience at least. So I believed, you know, okay, I can break up with this person and eventually I will feel better. Like even though I love them, that will fade. And, you know, time is going to heal that wound. And time never healed that wound. I had to face my fears and heal the wound myself, basically. So another thing people say is like rip off the Band-Aid. So like go cold turkey. Yeah, that, that is not a good idea. That doesn't work either. If you love them, let them go. And if they come back, they're meant for you. I don't believe this, you know, aside from— I do believe that twin souls will come back for you, but, um, it's, it's like, uh, you're kind of like saying like, ah, like randomness is real if you say, you know, if you love them, let them go, it'll be random if they come back. Um, and, and it's really like they're gonna come back to you if they are your true twin soul, and if you do your healing work. Um, otherwise they're going to not come back to you. They're not going to like magically come back to you or randomly come back to you, I guess. It's like there's a process through which people come back into your life. Um, yeah, so, uh, I say I had some of these false beliefs, and then, um, the last thing around the immaturity in dealing with my pain was having this 3D approach to dealing with pain. And the 3D approach to dealing with pain is basically like out of sight, out of mind. So it's this belief that if you just ignore your pain long enough, then you will never have to deal with it, and that you will find a way to make yourself whole again. So like a lot of stuff is like, um, it's like go no contact, delete them from your phone, block them on social media. Um, it's like all these things that are basically like Ignore them, ignore them, ignore them, ignore them, cut them out, ignore them, ignore them, delete them. And none of that is helpful. And I basically like, I don't block people now. I don't unfriend people really. And the reason is because it doesn't work. Like it never works. And if you choose to do that, that's fine. And you know, that that may just be where you're at. So have compassion for yourself there. But it doesn't work, like it doesn't get rid of the pain. The only thing that gets rid of the pain is doing your healing work, and that's how you find your peace. Like, um, you know, your pain is really the absence of peace there in that space. So there was, there was a lot of immaturity around that, and I have compassion for myself because I was you know, I was like 20 years old and I just, I didn't know about this stuff. And then in the second scenario, um, I, you know, I had like bumper cars around that, or was that not bumper cars? Bumpers, um, bumpers around that, like at the bowling alley you have the bumper lanes is what I was trying to say. Um, I have, I had those bumper lanes around me because I was married, so I felt like I had to work it out, um, even though I really didn't want to. I really just wanted to like break up so I could end the pain again. Like, it was the same pattern, um, but in this case I was really forced to heal it. So that was good, and God was on my— he had my back there. Um, okay, so then the third reason that I wanted to leave these relationships, or that I left these relationships, um, it was fear of speaking my truth. And this was a big one. I remember with the previous relationship, I, I feel like I tried to talk to him a little bit and explain like why what he had said had really like upset me and hurt my feelings. And it was like the conversation didn't really create peace for me. And it was the same with my husband as well. Like I was trying to tell him like how I felt, and it was like there was nothing he could really say to make me feel better. And I realized like in both cases I was looking outside of myself to make me— to like— and being like basically to make me feel better. And it's essential, it's just like a victim mentality. It's saying like, you are the one who wronged me, so you are the one who has to fix it. When in both cases that was not the case, like neither of them really wronged me, they just, like both of them, just like stepped in like my deepest fear and my deepest wound and just like triggered it like just right to where, you know, it's like you can drop like a glass, you know, 100 times or knock the glass over 100 times and it's fine. And then you can like flick that same glass and it shatters because you just hit it in the right spot. That's all they did is they like flicked the glass in the wrong spot basically, and it just like shattered my heart, shattered my reality both times. And that was because those woundings were so strong within me, um, so I was looking outside of myself for that, um, and in truth I had to heal it within. So I had this fear of speaking my truth because I did try to have conversations in both cases, and they just did not work. Um, and so what happened was I went to Alaska and I climbed up this glacier and crawled, you know, climbed in, climbed down a crevasse, and it was, it was hard and it was terrible and it was not my thing at all, but I stuck with it and I did it and um, you know, I risked dying because you can die. Like, like, as I mean, they didn't have anybody who had died, um, for their particular company, but people die all the time doing this. Um, so, you know, I went and did it anyway, and it was, it was like there was a period of like 3 or 4 months after that where I really had no fear because I was like I literally just did this very, very scary thing and faced my fears, and so like now I can do all these other things. Like, I was like, I can speak my truth to people because I'm not afraid anymore because I just risked my life doing this thing, so now I can just say what I need to say. So I remember writing a letter about this to my ex, mostly to process it myself. And then with my husband, I also wrote a ton of stuff. Like, I wrote like just long lists of like everything that— everything I need to say about our relationship. And like multiple, like probably like once a week for like months, like it felt like months, I don't know if it was, um, but like once a week I would go into his office and like we weren't really talking at this time, but, um, we would talk for this. I would go into his office and I would just read my list out loud to him and say like everything I was feeling about our relationship. And he would— we'd go through it point by point and he would respond to each one. Um, and so then we were, you know, it was like, um, it was a fear of like just saying what I needed to say, like getting it off my chest., and I had been holding back so much just to like, just to like avoid conflict and like people-please and all this stuff. Um, and to keep myself small, you know, those things. Um, yeah, so I was— it was like after that Alaska trip, I was willing to just say my piece, say everything that I need to say, and just let the chips fall where they may. So I was like, I don't even care if this tears, tears things apart or like whatever. I'm just gonna like fully express myself and then let, let my world shift around me. Um, another reason why I left was just anger. Uh, and anger was a very powerful force for me. I was so mired in my own wounding and I projected all my wounds onto the other person., and what they had done to me. So I really couldn't see through my own wounding, and, um, a lot of that was just due to resentment. So resentment for, you know, all these other things that had happened in the relationship, and it was like this was the last straw for me. Um, and it was like my wounding had been so triggered at that point that like every little resentment was coming to the surface. And I think it's like, um, it was almost like because the foundation had been so shaken, um, like, you know, it's like this thing had shaken my— the foundation of these relationships for me. And it was almost like an earthquake, like everything was shaken. So then like everything started coming up, like the ground started coming up. And so every little grievance I had like came up all of a sudden, like almost all at once. And I was just like deeply angry at these people because it was all my own wounding, but I was projecting it onto them. Um, and then, okay, so let me explain the resentment more because I have some notes on it. Um, my resentment was really around like not being known. So I felt like very misunderstood in both cases, very unworthy, very unloved, and very unaccepted for who I was.— and my resentment was that I had given this person so many chances to show me that I mattered, and they were basically showing me that I didn't. I had spoken about things related to these incidents so many times. They had not been listening to me. I had tried to tell them my dreams and what I wanted. So many times, and they did not seem to know those dreams, um, based on what they said. I tried to love them, uh, you know, I tried to love them so deeply. I'd given, like, I'd given so— I felt I had given so much to them and had tried to love them, and they had returned only control and ego in my mind, um, and I, I really felt worthless. And so for— and this is a very common one for me specifically, like it always comes back to like, I felt worthless, so I don't know what to do with that. Um, I do feel worthy now, but like when I, when I really, when I really go there, it's always like, am I not worth it to this person? Like that's always my question. Do I not deserve more? Do they not see my worth? Am I not worth— worthy of what I dream? Or, you know, it always comes back to version of like worth for me. And it could be different for you, but it was really like, um, I mean, the gist of it though is that I— it was like, um, it was really that the things they had done triggered my deepest, deepest wounding, um, around worthiness. And so your deepest wounding could be something else, um. So then another piece of this anger was that I felt like there was something major about myself that was in deep conflict with the relationship. And so in the case with my husband, it was, um, it was like about my life purpose. So I, I felt like, you know, I felt like he was rejecting my life purpose basically. And that I felt like the thing that he— it was like, um, it was like this thing that was so like inherent to who I was, um, was in conflict with me staying in the relationship. And then really it was the same thing with the previous one. That one was not about like purpose, it was about like romance and, and love and dreams. And like, um, like I, I felt like he was the one for me and he really never— like, he never returned that, like, notion in a way that I could recognize. Um, and like, probably if, you know, maybe he would— in both these cases, like, with my husband, he would, he would say, like, he supported my life purpose, like, above and beyond. And I feel like this person um, from my past would also say like, I loved her from like above and beyond. Like, I feel like that would be their stories, but it was like I felt the opposite. So, um, and that was, that was because of my wounding, I'll admit that. But it was like that communication wasn't happening, um, and I wasn't recognizing all the ways that they did love me or they did support me because I couldn't— like, I was just too blinded by my own wounding. So, um, so yeah, um, it was like, like, the way I was feeling was like, I do love this person, I do wish we could be in a relationship, but I can't do that at the expense of myself and of this piece of me that is so core to me that I feel is in deep conflict with staying in this relationship. And then I also felt like angry with myself, um, because I felt like in both cases I felt like I had been compromising myself and what I wanted to make the relationship work for like too long. And it was like I had just hit a breaking point on it. So these are all the reasons that I wanted to run from my twin soul, um, And I'm saying twin soul like it's really like, um, I mean, it's really like life, I guess. Um, you know, I don't— I'm not— I'm not making a statement about either, really either of the people that I talk about, or either of these examples being my twin soul. It's really that, you know, at, at those times, um, that was that was the relationship I was working with, um, or doing this work with, if that makes sense. So, you know, yeah, I think, I think that's clear. Um, okay, so what— so this is why I ran from, or I, I either ran or wanted to run from those relationships. Um, so What if you are on the receiving end of this? And what if you feel like your twin soul is running from you? Um, and what, what, what can you do to handle that situation? So the first thing is that you need to love yourself. And this, this whole list is going to be like, it's like stuff you probably already know and stuff that's going to be hard to do because what you're probably feeling is a ton of pain around this. So you have to approach this list from a place of being able to move forward. You can't approach this list from a place of pain because it's just going to sound very empty otherwise. So the first thing is that you really have to love yourself, and the healing here is knowing that you can have every dream you want without this specific person, even if they're your twin soul. Even, even if you're very— your twin soul, you can still have your dreams, you can still have peace, you can still have love, you can experience all of those things without them being in your life physically. Um, the— and so they could be your twin soul, they may be a false twin, um they're— you're gonna find out eventually, um, and you're gonna find out through loving yourself. Like, you, you can't find out if they're your twin soul until you fully love yourself, um, and until you go on the journey that your higher power has set out for you. Uh, so the second thing you can do is to just step deeper into yourself and reveal that to the, the twin soul that you think is running from you. Um, and it doesn't have to be like, oh, I'm gonna text them, like, here, here I am stepping deeper into myself, like, in this yoga pose, because I started doing yoga, and now I'm gonna text them and tell them about it. It doesn't have to be like that. It can just be, um, it can really just be like, step deeper into yourself and know that by doing that, you're putting a message out into the universe, and that, that message will always reach your twin soul. Like, you don't need to do anything. The universe is very efficient at getting messages between you and your twin soul, um, in the physical, and then of course energetically as well. And you don't— like, all you have to do is be more and more of yourself. So step more deeply into who you are and be authentic to who you are, and your twin soul is going to be attracted to you, and the universe is going to be a supporting force in that. Uh, the third thing you can do is demand your space from a place of sovereignty. So I've been talking about this on my channel a little bit as well, and it's just this idea of like, it's totally safe for you to take up space It's totally safe for you to be visible. You don't need to cower away because your twin soul is running from you. You can actually just claim your right to take up space. Um, release attachment to the situation. Do what you can control, and the only thing that matters— that's really all you can do is heal your side of the pattern. And my side of the pattern was really just I had wounding around worthiness. I had, um, and like, I just, you know, I had to heal. I had to heal my own wounding. Uh, now these other people— so I can't speak for the first one, but you know, with my husband, what I saw from him is that he had to do his own healing. I mean, he had to heal his side of things, and it wasn't, you know, the thing that he healed was really that um, he was going to be— I mean, it was a lot of things, but it was really like he had to decide to quit some behavior that he had that was very toxic. Um, and he, he, you know, I watched him make this choice. Like, he, he said even like, I am going to choose to do this, you know, whether you stay or go. And he was like, I want to do this for myself. And so he had to choose that for himself and had to heal all of those parts within him that previously had felt justified in his behavior. Um, so, you know, the only thing you can do is heal your side of things. And what I've seen is that if you do your own healing, you will see it reflected in your twin soul. And I see that with my husband all the time. Um, and it can be frustrating. Sometimes I have to wait a little bit, or sometimes it feels initially like he's not reflecting my core choice. Um, but I see that with him just so frequently. Like, I, I choose to heal, and then he chooses to heal, and then we go deeper. Um, and so any time that there's like these conflicts it really— there's really only two outcomes. It can either tear you apart or it can bring you closer together. And so, you know, on the twin soul journey, the whole point of having the conflict with your twin soul is just to bring the two of you deeper with each other. Um, the next thing you can do, um, it's really that you can receive your peace through doing your healing work. And so just know, like, even if this twin soul is running from you for whatever reason— you don't even need to know the reason, really— um, you can just do your own healing and receive your peace now. Like, you don't have to wait for your twin soul to come back or wait for your twin soul to explain themselves to you in order to receive your peace. So choose peace now., and you do that by choosing your healing work. Um, yeah, and then I said this last one: realize that conflict is either going to break you up or take you deeper. So, you know, just know that conflict is— it's safe. Conflict is actually just, um, it's really just helping you get into alignment with your true self. And so you never need to be afraid of conflict. It's just bringing the truth to the surface in most cases. And, you know, as you bring that truth to the surface, yes, things will come together and things will fall apart as well. And that, yeah, that's really, you know, that's really everything that you can do to deal with your twin soul runner running. Um, I guess I'll add one more thing, which is— I think it's kind of stated in some of these other ones, but it's really like, don't take it personally. I think we, um, over-personalize what other people are doing, uh, to, to us, I guess. Like, we, we play the victim and we make things all about us. Um, I've found that it's much more helpful to make it all about them. And to only focus on the things, the areas where you are not feeling peace. That's the areas that you need to heal. But their healing is like, like, you don't even have to worry about that. Um, if they are your twin soul, they are doing their healing, and it will bring you closer together. And if they're not your twin soul, then who cares? Like, you don't have to worry about their healing. You can actually just choose your own peace and you can release them. So like, why would you— like, like, the only, the only reason to take— to care about someone else's healing is either, um, control or codependency. Like, you're either trying to control the situation, which is very— it's like an egoic control, or you're trying to, um, just be codependent with that person so you never have to worry about someone else's healing. And then not even your twin soul's healing. And your twin soul, if you, if you receive peace, your twin soul is also going to receive peace. So that's very important as well. So that's all for this content. I hope it was helpful to you, and thank you so much for watching and listening. I hope you have a beautiful and blessed day.