2/15/21 - Embracing Yourself with Guest: Blessed Sheriff

You're tuned into Made for Mondays with Justin Lester. Justin Lester is an average guy who refuses to let Mondays control him. Justin is a husband, dad, pastor, student, and Jesus follower. He's done a lot, he's learned a lot, and he wants to see you at your best. Let's win Mondays. Hey, Justin. What's up today?

Well, hey everyone. Welcome to Made for Mondays. This is Justin. I'm so grateful that of all the places you can go on Monday, you came and you're joining in with us. We're continuing our series. Well, actually, sorry, we're starting our series today with three amazing women. We're going to be our guest speakers for us the next three weeks. I'm really excited to start with Sister Blessed now, Blessed, I've known for. Oh my God. It makes me feel old when I say this. I've been Blessed for four years now. No, five years now. Yeah, yeah, I know. Blessed for five years. Blessed was one of the first people that we met that was in college when I first moved to Providence. And so it's just been, I've seen Blessed go from a youngin coming into Brown University to now a medical student at Brown University doing amazing work in her community and amazing work at Brown. And so I'm happy to have her on the podcast as we engage with the future and what leadership looks like. Engaging with that. So help me. Welcome to Made for Mondays and welcome to Made for Mondays. Sister Blessed, how are you?

Hey, thanks, Pastor Justin. I'm doing okay. I'm doing well. It's good to be here. Thanks for having me on.

Totally, totally. I'm happy you're here. Blessed. We were joking beforehand. It's been a long time coming and I'm happy to have Blessed on here with us today. Blessed, tell us a little bit about you. Just who are you? What do you do now? Like, how did you get to where you are? I know it's a loaded. It's a big question, but kind of just who is Blessed?

That's a big. Yeah, that is a big question. How did I get here? Well, so I'm, I'm a second year medical student at Brown. I was originally from Maryland. I was raised by my mom, who is, you know, incredible as most black moms are. She's like my best friend. She's very strong in the faith. If you can't tell by my name, by the way. And you know, I wouldn't say that I was deprived of anything, you know, growing up, but I definitely came from my low income household, you know, I was the first person in my family to go to a four year college, first person in my family to go to medical school. And, you know, that journey, I think was definitely a miracle in a lot of ways. I had a lot of help, a lot of mentorship. So grateful for, you know, again, my mom, but also, you know, the black women that I've met along the way that have supported me when I just had no idea what I was doing. Shout out to Harriet Sanford, my first boss. She definitely changed my life and showed me what I was capable of. I definitely would not be at Brown without her encouragement and support. But yeah, it's like I was saying, this journey to get to medical school has definitely been, definitely been a miracle in a lot of ways. I always think about my family and where we were two generations ago. My family's from West Africa. My mom immigrated here when she was around 23. So my age now. And, you know, we come from, you know, we come from, you know, not the, not the most glamorous background. My grandmother, you know, God bless her soul, she was widowed early on. She was a illiterate. You know, my, my mother, she could only really dream of going to college. And now, like two generations have passed and here I am, you know, not only like a graduate of college, but also now, you know, in medical school school, you know, studying how to save people's lives. And my grandmother couldn't even read, so I was not supposed to be here. You know, that was, that was not the trajectory that I was supposed to be on. But, you know, talk about breaking generational curses, you know, talk about starting a new bloodline. Like, talk about, like, God has been just extremely faithful to me and my family. And, you know, because of my background, I, My heart has always been with the communities that raised me. My heart has always been, you know, really invested in immigrant communities and black communities, in global health in general. And that's where I've been professionally, spiritually, mentally, artistically for like my whole life. And, you know, that's what I'm excited to do for the rest of my life. I'm really proud of the opportunities that I've had to serve the communities that have, you know, raised me and given me a voice and poured into me. And, you know, that's been sort of my dream. And like, little by little, I've been living into that dream. So thank you for that.

Yeah, no, that's awesome. How do you, how do you balance the weight of that story with. With the weight of your own future as you Envision where you're headed. Like the things you mentioned, like global health and also, then just the weight of also being a first gen. How have you worked to stay healthy and stay sane and balance all of that weight as you're going forward?

Yeah, it's a lot of weight, definitely, for sure. I think. It's hard for me to think about my future without thinking about my past. The past kind of is my future because it's a lot of motivation for why I do a lot of the things that I do, like I mentioned before and a lot of the reason why I'm here today. And I think that, you know, carrying that weight for me has been an interesting experience because it's definitely. The weight has definitely changed and shifted as, as, as I get older. I think as a younger child, that weight was definitely a burden. It was definitely something that, you know, I viewed as a disadvantage. I used to cry about being black. I used to cry about being, you know, a first generation person. I used to cry about, you know, just my positionality in the world and the burden of. Burden of the identities that I hold. But in recent years, though, that weight has sort of shifted to become like something that pushes rather than something that weighs down. And that's been extremely helpful for me, I think, to propel me into the kind of person that I want to be. You know, I do come from, you know, a background that's not conventional for people that are in med school. Most of my classmates do not look like me, do not come from generational wealth. You know what I mean? They. They come from generational wealth and they don't have the kind of background that I do because that's how, that's how our systems are set up. We're set up to propagate white supremacy. We're set up to propagate. We're set up to propagate generational wealth. And so not, you know, easy for me to look around and see that. But also I think that, you know, rather than viewing it as like a burden, I think of it. It's like that's, that's my testimony. You know what I mean? That's yay. And that's my hallelujah in the middle of the street. You know what I mean? That's something that I'm extremely proud of and something that I look at with joy, I think, rather than shame.

Wow. What would you tell. I want to get to two groups of people, but when you said that, it made me think about this. What would you tell to a young Girl like yourself in high school or someone who's an undergraduate at Brown or any other school who is looking to go into med school with a knowledge of the systems at play in med school, the systems at play, really in going ahead and owning their full selves. What would you tell them in order to make sure they don't give up on that, regardless of the circumstances they come from?

Mm, yeah, I think. I think what I would tell myself or tell any, I guess, young person that, you know, looks like me and comes from the same background that I do or similar background that I do and wants to pursue your dream, I will tell them to work on their work on shame. That's what I would think is the most important thing to do. Because especially coming from, you know, an immigrant background or having immigrant parents, I think a lot of times a lot of the things that we do as children of immigrants are fueled by shame, motivated by shame, and motivated by this sense of, you know, responsibility or failed responsibility to family or to friends or to yourself. But shame is not productive in any sense of the word. And it's something that will keep you from living into the full. The full scope of who you can be. So I would tell younger people, you know, where now that you are young, you have the time, you have the space. Notice when you're shaming yourself and make it a habit to stop that, like now. It definitely doesn't get any easier as you get older. I think the habit, living a shameless life is something that is easier done as a young person and will benefit you for the rest of your life.

Wow, that's very wise. That's something Blessed that I know I've counseled people and that's something that some people haven't learned. And we're talking well into 60s and 70s. That is very wise. I hope everyone listening to this takes heed to that and holds onto that. That's a very, very wise statement to hold onto, to confront and to attack shame. That's powerful. In the same manner. Blessed. So I remember when I was 12, I used to play a lot of video games. I used to do a lot of creative stuff. And then I also remember it was a couple of years after, as I got older, from 12, going into high school and stuff like that, a lot of things happened. And it makes me. The question I've been asking everyone coming on the podcast this year is if you could go, I don't know if you're having coffee with. Because I think that's the first time I tried decaf coffee at 12. But if you could have a conversation maybe over tea or coffee or I don't know, some McDonald's french fries or something, or Chick fil a french fries because they're of God. If you were to sit down, have a conversation with your 12 year old self, what would you tell her?

12 year old me. 12 year old me. First of all, I would tell 12 year old me to chill, chill out. Seriously, like life is going to be life no matter how stressed you are. So you might as well just relax, relax. It's the first piece of advice I'd give myself. I would also, I would also tell 12 year old me that, that she's beautiful because Lord knows that little black girls do not hear that enough, do not hear that enough, and especially do not hear that with sincerity as well. I also think I would tell 12 year old me to risk myself a lot more also too because I think we live in a world where it's like, it's so scary to put yourself out there. It's so scary to like be authentic. It's so scary to take risks. But the rewards are, the rewards are insane. You know, if you're incapable of risking yourself, risking what you think about yourself, risking what you know about the world and other people, you will mismanage the gifts and opportunities that God has given you every time. Every time.

You know, it's interesting you mentioned risk because a lot of times when I hear risk, it's one, it's a very white thing. Like, oh yeah, go take risk. Because like you come from wealth, right? Or like it's okay to fail as a white person because people don't tell you no, right? I think I hear the same thing a lot of times. I hear that in our community, namely when it comes to relationships. So it's like take risks in relationships, but play safe in the workplace. Take risks and throw yourself out there in relationships, but not so much like in professional spaces. And I think it's so important to hold on to risk taking. But I think the root of it, and I want to really build on what you said there, the root of it is authenticity. I agree 100%. I think the root of it that if I can't take risks from a place I don't have a solid foundation and so that's really powerful. I just always wonder about that, like what it would be to sit down and play a video game with my 12 year old self and what the heck I would tell them. And I agree 100%. Chill out. There is nothing Like, I don't know about you, but the problems we had in middle school seem like so major.

It's not a big deal. I mean, literally, okay, so she, you know what, someone pushed you in the hallway. You know, someone called you a name in the hallway. Like, you know what I mean? All these things that seem so massive. But it's like in the future, you know, in the future you gotta pay bills.

That's what I'm saying. Let me ask you this, too blessed. You mentioned someone telling that your 12 year old self you're too beautiful, right? What are ways that we can affirm the beauty of young black girls and black girls in general without hypersexualization? Like, that's the part, I think it gets kind of weird. So how can I affirm and like those of us listening, men out there as well as women out there, how can we affirm beauty without getting to that place where it's hypersexual?

Thank you so much for asking that question. Because I've been thinking about this for such a long time. I have. I don't have any young girls in my family. I was like the only girl and. But I do, I have, I have two cousins, two little cousins. One was just born like a year ago, thank God, both girls. And they are like part of the, like, they are part of the joy of my life. And I often think about, you know, how I, how I should bring them up in a way that, you know, they know how beautiful they are without hypersexualizing them. Because like you mentioned, there's two sides to that coin. And I think, you know, one of the favorite ways I've discovered in doing that is to compliment them. Compliment them based on, you know, the fruits that they're bringing into the world. I have a niece that has just a beautiful spirit. She's extremely generous with her time with her, you know, just everything she is, is just an extremely loving person. And I tell her all the time, you have such a kind face. Every time you smile, I see how kind you are. Every time, every time I see you laugh, I feel how, you know, how generous you are in your laugh, how willing you are to give happiness to others. And I think that that has, I think that that serves the purpose of, you know, obviously they, they know how beautiful they are when you say that, but they also understand what they have to offer to the world and that it's not, you know, just the way that they look, but it's, it's, it's, it's coming through in the way, you know, that they treat others in the way that they. That they live their lives.

So that is powerful. And I really hope everybody listening grabs a hold of that. That is. That is powerful. And I hope that we can take that and apply that to our lives, because that's a. It's a wonderful way to build people up. Blessed. That's. And to honor the gifts of people in the world. That is. I'm gonna steal that. That's powerful. That is. That is powerful. Last thing I would ask you. Blessed is, so what would be. And one of the ways I like to end our podcast is, like, points of power. So to me, this is it. Like, what would. If you knew that someone would listen to the advice you gave them and then apply it. Because I think it's one thing to give advice, it's another thing when someone actually listens to it and, like, you see it. So if you could give, what's the best advice you would give someone if you knew they would listen and apply it in their lives?

Yeah, I think this kind of goes back to what I was talking about earlier with, like, the importance of. Of being authentic, essentially. And I keep. I read a lot of books. Well, not as of recently, because, you know, the whole medical school thing, but I try to read as much as I can, and I try to. Whenever I read, like, a really good book, I keep, like, quotes of things that, like, really struck me, and I keep them, like, all around, like, my working space and working area. And one of the quotes that I have written down, newly added to my collection from this past year, is a quote from your book, Necessary Endings. I have it right here.

Oh, my God.

I keep it where I do my studying every day. And it says, beware of what you become in pursuit of what you think you want. That quote has been something I meditate on, like, all the time, as a way to check whether or not. Whether or not I am being authentic and living into my authentic self. Because in a world where, especially when you're surrounded by people that don't look like you, there's always this temptation to emulate other people, just to feel comfortable, just to feel accepted or feel like you're part of the group. But one of the things I've, you know, I've had to learn and that I think has served me well is like, trying not to live other people's lives and then also being authentic in the sense that you're not living in the shadow of who you were meant to be. Right. Like, always. Always looking up at yourself. Like, this is who I could be. You know, I feel like it's important to make the choice to stop looking up at, you know, who you can be and start making the decision to come, like, face to face, eye to eye with that vision of yourself that you love the most and try really hard to embrace that vision and be that. So that's the advice I would give.

Wow, that's powerful. That's awesome. Blessed. Thank you. That's awesome. And thanks for reading Necessary endings too. Shout out.

By the way, get yourself a copy if you haven't already.

Amazing. Oh, thank you. Awesome. Blessed, thank you so much for your time. If there's someone out there that wanted to get in contact with you, what's the best way to find Blessed on the socials?

Yeah, so I really bad at socials, but I do have a Twitter. The tag is backtoblessed so you can find me on Twitter. I also, from time to time am in public spaces doing presentations and things like that. My next presentation is I'm going to be showcasing at the the ACUI Conference, which is a. It's a. It's a conference, you know, for artists and people across different colleges and things like that. And I'll be doing a poetry showcase there.

See things that Blessed be all around the world and doesn't tell anyone that she is all around the world. I just looked up the ACUI conference for those of you interested. It's March 3rd through the 5th.

Yes.

And it's virtual, so it seems like anyone and everyone can become part of it because Blessed won't tell anyone. You can go to the website. You can register right now@acui.org and register now to support Blessed. Her work is amazing. She didn't tell anybody about it.

I'll be there. I'll be there. March 4th, 8pm I'm gonna register actually.

And so I can grab a hold of this. Blessed, thank you so much for your time.

Thank you. Thank you.

Hey everyone. Thank you guys for joining in today to Made for Monday. Make sure as you go into this week, you make the decision to live. You make the choice to live. Because your life definitely does matter. You are needed in the world. You own Mondays. Mondays don't own you. Now go have a wonderful, wonderful rest of the day. Thank you, guys. Foreign.

This has been Made for Mondays with Justin Lester. Be sure to follow Justin online at MrJlester and online at www.jlester.com time. See you next week. Go win. You were made for this.