Our Secrets

Hey everyone, it's Justin and it's Courtney. And welcome to working from home. And today we are sitting outside as we work from home.

I guess that's the practice of being in sunny California. So we've been in California for two years.

Two years.

Yes. We're in our backyard. Don't look over here, look over, look over here.

That's our project for the summer.

That's our new summer project. We got to figure out what to do in this retaining wall. So when you buy a brand new build house, you have to do the whole outside. Did you know that you have to.

That might just be a California thing because they're green.

No, I think that's. I think that's everywhere. What I was reading, like new builds, they don't do your outside. They did do our front, but they didn't do our back.

Yeah. And I don't like the way they did the front. But anyway, so welcome to work from home. For those of you turning in for the first time, my name is Justin, this is Courtney.

Yep.

And we are. Our podcast today is all about how we work from home and how we engage with life from home. The way that I've struck. Well, actually some. Someday we probably need to talk about how you work from home and how I've structured my work week to have give my team time to work from home and all of that. Someday we should talk about the Swedish model and how I saw that years ago and how people in America are now starting to grab a hold of Svorjen. I don't know, I'm just making it up. But Ikea and going to these type of work weeks, four day work weeks.

Absolutely.

Shorter days, 30 hour days, 32 hour work weeks, part time versus full time.

If you're. I'm gonna tell you this. Right, Right. Meow. That's how I say now, if your job is not having a conversation or state, maybe you're in the wrong state or job because they should be having conversations about the 32 hour work week.

Absolutely.

Or flexibility. Having telehealth this 2024.

Yeah. Well, the thing is. Well, there's a lot of things to it, but. But yeah, so someday we should get to that conversation.

But I talk for days.

Yeah. That's not today's conversation. But before we jump into this, I do want to make everyone aware, if you haven't seen it already, put out a new book called the Church of AI.

Oh my gosh, you guys, it's so good if you are leary. We gotta get my mom on this podcast. Cause she's like, ah, too AI scared of that. And you got her together real quick.

Within the first 15 minutes of your day. Seven minutes, sorry. Of your day. You probably use AI 17 times. The entirety of the book is really to answer some questions. My wife is helping me with a lot of the ways. I'm a knowledge person, so I like acquiring knowledge. Courtney's over here. Like, this is how you sell stuff. And so I'm a big knowledge acquirer. So I wrote the book as a way to explain artificial intelligence how to implement in your church and not just your church, but your business. Called it the church of AI. I give a whole chapter, two chapters actually, on a theology of AI and is AI in scripture. And so if you want a copy jrlesser.com AI book for a signed copy or go on Amazon and just search Church of AI. You'll be able to get a copy of it along with our other books that are out there as well. But that's not all we're here today. We're here to talk about something else. So, Courtney, what's on your mind today?

I'm just saying. Well, you know, love a good hot topic conversation. Lots of you. I heard from a lots of our listeners. They enjoyed the conversation last time about your perspective on 80 and clay and Love is Blind. They really loved your perspective on like a man that's really not into it. What you thought. So I thought we could hear your perspective about other hot topics that have happened just over the weekend and over the past week. Let's start light. Let's start light. Right.

So.

So women's basketball just ended last week, which is sad. No more college basketball happening. We are huge women's college basketball fans. Women's basketball fans. Anyway, you really love the wnba. I'm there. I'm there. But not as much as I do.

Not love the wnba. I can watch the wnba. You do. I like college.

You don't like it like college basketball.

I'm not a big fan of the wnba.

You are. You too. Like, you know, like names.

I know them because they from college. I know they're from college.

Okay, so we're a big college.

I mean, I watch it. I watch it.

Like we like women's sports and women's college basketball because you worked in that. So you kind of know, like, intricately, like how things happen. Players, some of the players, like, we. We've had experience. So like, even before we even began dating, we've like gone to games together. It's just been pretty Cool. So we were actually able to go to the Stanford to see Crooks.

She's the future.

Yeah.

The girl is 6 4. Killing it. Iowa State.

These girls are so tall. Out there's a six eight girl from South Carolina. Like, yeah.

Camila Cardoso.

How can you get past that? Like, these girls are tall.

Now you get past it with the 68 girl from Stanford or the 64 girl from Iowa State. These players, they're only 6 4.

Like, I think the tallest is from South Carolina. Well, she was the tallest Stanford. They're both.

And the other girl was six.

Four, six.

Yeah.

So, I mean, amazing players. They are out here doing it.

And I'm glad. I'm happy for it. I remember the days of women's college basketball when I worked for it. And it was not this.

Like, it wasn't.

They were starting to. They're gonna think about giving revenue to women's college sports to see it on ABC and not just espn. To see it on a. On a Sunday prime time slot. They had. They got the football slot on Sundays, which was awesome. I didn't like that it was a midday game, but they got the football slot on a Sunday. Like the prime time four o' clock game. Yes.

And they have the most views so that more people.

Because it's a better game. The men's game is not good.

It's not.

It's not good.

I'm sorry. I was kind of disappointed with the tournament. Not because my bracket was like super duper busted, but I ended up winning at the end. But not winning our.

Our group.

But I did pick Yukon.

Who. Surprised, huh? So, ooh, surprise. 56% of the world. It's just crazy. Marquette got knocked out by NC State, who was just on a tail. I don't even think about it. But no, I'm excited for women's college sports and women's college basketball. It's exciting to see what's happening with the women's game. It's exciting to see how people are supporting the women's game. Juju Watkins and Audie Crooks.

And they're getting commercials, they're getting ads. I love seeing that in like, even now, Stanford's game. Like, I think it's so easy to follow. It's interesting. They. It's just. I don't know. It's a really good game.

There's a passion in it.

Definitely. I hope if your interests were sparked even last year from LSU and Iowa or even this year from Iowa and usc. I mean, well, University of South Carolina, South Carolina that you continue to watch. It's super fun. If you have a local game, absolutely. Go. There's so much fun. We like going. And they're less of a crowd, which I will say, but I hope now.

It starts real because even the Stanford game we sat in the seats behind us and then by the time Stanford came, we had to move to our seats. And it was a good thing to see because I remember just growing up, I mean, you've been at these games with me in till the tournament games. I mean you just go in and pick your seat and so it's awesome to see where you're able to go in. There's actually reserve seats, it's packed out, it's sold out, tickets prices are up. It's just awesome to see going. I mean, I've been at some college games. I remember when Marquette played Cincinnati and he only sat on one side of the stadium, you know. And so now to see that you have sellouts, you're seeing consistently four to seven thousand people at games. It's awesome to see. And so hopefully it trickles down from the top tier teams to the secondary teams and the big five conferences and the power five conferences and the rest of them. So it's exciting and I'm excited to see some of these players. They're playing their tails off and hopefully eventually they allow the women to go to WNBA earlier, but some of them are making more money in college than they are at WNBA that, you know, what's the point? But the college game is just such a good game and a great game. So that's exciting. What else is on your mind, Court.

What happened this week? Oh, I want to get your opinion because you're a pastor, you have like opinions on like church world and everything like that. Did you hear about. So this is near, dear. Because I used to live in Springfield, Missouri for a number of years. How long did I live there before I moved? I think like two or three, two years, two and a half years, I think. And one of the churches that I visited was James River.

Great church. Great, great church.

I used to go there for Bible studies. And just any afternoon they really take the word of God serious. They will stop at nothing to get the word out. And when I say like they pray over like their events, like they have whole prayer meetings, sessions, months, years to get to where they are today. And it's just beautiful to see like the evidence. Their church is literally the evidence of prayer. Like they have prayed for everything that they have.

And even when they've gotten to success. Success. They keep praying for more success because there's. There's always more. The. The gospel is always more. It's just good to see that.

Yeah, it's good to see. So news came out of Springfield that at their men's conference. So they started with the big women's conference called I think DD4L. I forgot what it stands for, but I'll look that up. Yeah. Design. Yeah, yeah. Does DS4L design sisterhood for Life? And it started within, like, their big campus, and then it's grown to, like, a whole arena now. And, you know, it's even grown from just a weekend to, like, a week now. It's huge. And so now it's amazing to see that they've moved to a men's conference.

Stronger.

Stronger.

Yeah.

So I saw Mark Driscoll. Pastor Mark Driscoll.

Yeah. Those of you don't know Mark Driscoll. Mark Driscoll passed with a great church, Mars Hill in Seattle. Did amazing work. I want be really clear. He did amazing work.

Where's Mars Hill at?

Mars Hill was in scripture, but in general, Mars Hill was in Seattle. So he did great work in Seattle. And then he had planted churches all across the west coast. He was doing amazing work. And then Mark Driscoll is just a conservative white evangelical wrapped up in skinny jeans.

And he now, I wouldn't even say skinny jeans. He's like the country boy, you know what I'm saying? Like the outdoors.

Mark, Mark. Mark grew Mars Hill and then got weird with his ego. And I don't know everything that happened. There's podcasts. You can go listen to him surviving Mars Hill and ChurchLeaders.com as like a bunch of. I don't know what happened. I'm not going to speak ill against the man of God, but, like, because obviously the hand of God is on this man's life. But Mark Driscoll grew this church. They put him out because of, like, he really, really got weird. He told, you can go look it up yourself. He got weird. So he started a church in Arizona.

Got it.

So he fell, right? He fell. And one of the supporters that brought him, I think the first person that brought him into a national stage after he was put out of Mars Hill was James River.

James River. John River. John Lindell.

This is what makes this story so interesting.

That's a good context. Thank you for sharing that, because we need the context. So anyway, a clip just came out. So he was one of the speakers for this men's conference, Stronger, and he took the Time and the opportunity before he started on his sermon or in his part, his segment and he started to rebuke the church and rebuke the past.

We'll just play the video for.

Yeah, we'll just play the video.

But let me do this. I've been up since 1 o' clock in the morning. The reason I'm hoarse is I have been praying for you and my heart is very burdened for you. And I want to be very careful with this and it's not what I want to say, but the Jezebel spirit has already been here. The Jezebel Spirit opened our event. This is a rebuke and a correction of no one. This is an observation. Before the Word of God was open, there was a platform, it was a high place on it was a pole, an astro. The same thing that's used in the strip club for women who have the Jezebel spirit to seduce men. In front of that was a man who ripped his shirt off like a woman does in front of a pole at a strip club. That man then ascended. See, our God is not arrogant. He doesn't us and our God is humble.

He descends.

And then he swallowed a sword and Jesus cried. Okay, Pastor John, I'll receive that. Thank you.

Should have said it to me first. He did. Matthew 18. Matthew 18. If your brother offends you, go to him privately. I talked to Mark for a half hour. There was not one word of that he sound line. If he wanted to say it, he could say it to me. You may not agree with me, you may not agree with him, but we are brothers.

So.

Yeah, what do you think about that?

They're friends. So the way I saw this, I don't know the full story. I don't know everything. It's like if I told you this morning, if one of my boys, one of my good friends, and really there's only like a couple people I can think of that I bring in on a regular basis were to get up and say something like that. And that's why John hit him the way he hit him. I hate that that's what this is going to be remembered for. Yeah, I hate that. I hate that the Stronger Men's Conference, which has had indelible impact on people, is going to be remembered for John rebuking Mark. And Mark is the victim. And Mark, people like Mark Driscoll love being the victim. Yeah, a couple weeks ago, he loves victim mentality. He had a sermon years ago, he preached in Mars Hill that he watched and did a breakdown of him preaching and couldn't understand. People got mad at the sermon. Now it was a decent sermon. I'm wrong. Like, there's some stuff in there. I'm like, dang, that was really, really good. It's just people like that will watch back themselves falling to be like, it's everybody else's fault that I fell. Right? So I guarantee he's gonna do that. And so Mark. And like, I'm not gonna lie, I've been there. Like, I've been the type of dude in my mind before where it's just like, it's always everybody else's fault. A lot of men like, this is not even like, like you church like to really see this. In my opinion, take it away from church, Take it away from pastoring. This is a men thing. Men love being the victim of their own circumstances.

Wow.

It's unfortunate. And so like, it's your fault. And so for Mark, so like John gets up and he's like, Matthew 18, if you wanted, you should have. And he was exactly right. If we're gonna do this stuff biblically, if you are mad at something, don't take the check.

Yeah, don't take the check. No, he's. He's exactly right. And I think too, because there's a history of friendship there, right? There's a history of year after year you've come, you're gonna cover me and you've seen here. And if it was a rebuke or if it's something that you had a problem with, you go to that person. Matthew 18 says that you go to that person with a witness. With a witness. And you directly say, this is what I have. But I guess from pastor to pastor, like you, you cover. I really like the scripture that says, like, we bear each other's burdens, right? We cover each other in those things, right? And I don't think we sometimes use like the Holy Spirit and God be like, well, I'm just calling it out because God me to say that God is very clear. When God has told you that, and it's because you're in direct disobedience to what God has said, right? So if a prophet or a man of God or a pastor calls something out publicly, trust me, he's dealt with it. And on privately guaranteed. And the pastor is probably like, please say it to my people because they don't listen because they're dis.

And I've been in those situations. I've been in situations where someone I've gone to preach for, hey, man, this was in my pews. I saw it. I saw it. I saw it.

When we put that clip up, I'm happy that I wanted to have the whole context. It looks like it was not a stripper. It was not anything like that.

It was a performer.

It was a performer. And they also had great. They had monster trucks, which was amazing. They had boxing. They had tons of different things that I don't think was out of character or context with what was happening. I don't think that it was stripper, but that's just like somebody else I know called the accuser who would just kind of make up something that's similar.

We're in a very interesting place for our churches right now. We're in another election season. We saw the same thing happen in 2020. We're another election season. We're in this election season. We have people on polar opposites harming each other.

Yeah.

And so whether it's Mark Driscoll, John Lindell, or any other pastor, whether you're gonna be accused of being a Trump supporter or a Biden supporter. And so it doesn't matter if you're black, white, indifferent, whatever it is, you're gonna be accused of being a Trump supporter or a Biden supporter and everything. So, like, you heard boos and cheers. So the people who were booing were the ones like, why'd you let Mark off the stage? Cause they probably support Mark. Yeah. You have people that were cheering for what John did, and you have people that support John.

Yeah.

And you have people on both sides of the fence in a very conservative Springfield, Missouri, a very red state. And Mark Driscoll was a man who called out gay men. John Lindell gets up and says that, why are you doing that? It's not your pulpit. And now he's probably. It's gonna be like, you know, he loves the gays, and it's just like. Or Mark Driscoll was out of line. Yeah, he was out of line. And you. If you have that, like. And don't get me wrong, I've been there. I've been in those positions where there's certain things you want to say and you don't say them because it's wrong. It is not your pulpit. And if you need to, you tell the pastor in private. And there have been many pulpits I have not been invited back to because I rebuke the pastor. In private, you're out of line for that.

But in private. In private.

In private. Now, if they don't, if the Lord tells you to do it in public. Like the Lord tells you to do it in public. There have been times where it's like, I've been like, really, really gray. Really. And the only person who knew the explicit stuff was you. But, like, I've been really gray. But it's still. I will rebuke that person in private.

In rebuke should never come as a surprise. No, it should never come as a surprise.

And vengeance is the Lord's. It's not yours. And so all these things about correction and rebuke, like, even, even if you go to the scripture on that, right? I think it's at first Timothy or second Timothy, I can't call it off my head. But it's like you rebuke and you restore. Like it's, it's. It's always together. You exhort. You rebuke and restore. So if you're rebuking someone, this exhortation, there's always exhortations. And so, you know, when it's fleshly or when it's biblical, I love you enough to call this out, because it's not look like Jesus.

Who was it in Acts? I really love this where it was like they weren't fighting or anything like that.

Was it John, Mark and Paul?

Yeah, John Mark and Paul. And they were like, you know, we're both doing great things for the gospel. We're both advancing the church, but we just have different ways of doing it and different understanding. So you go your way and I'm gonna go mine.

The interesting thing was John Mark's ego had gotten bigger than the gospel. This is the part of that story that I didn't know until I studied it. So I've always heard it like that where it's just like they just gotta disagreed and went separate. John Mark ego got big. And Paul called it out. John Mark was like, I ain't changing.

But he called it out. He didn't call it out in front of like, no thousands of people.

And online and on Twitter, he x. He, he. He rebuked Mark and they went separate directions.

That's interesting.

And there's. And there's preachers I've had that, that I still talk to occasionally, that we are not cool.

You know, you have more friends. You like to be like, hard. No, you're not. You are not. No, you do not. Enemies. You do not.

I don't have many enemies.

You don't. You really don't. You're loving teddy bears.

He's got a lot of enemies.

Get out of here.

Frenemies.

Anyway, I actually want to take a hard left. So we have a relationship conference coming up at our church called Relcon in Rel Remix. Right. And it takes place. We have two different conference. Rel Remix is June 8th through the 9th here in Vallejo, California, at our church, Friendship Vallejo. And then we also have our relationship con for married and dating couples. And that's June 21st to the 22nd here in Vallejo. So it's going to be an amazing time. We have great speakers.

Dr. Faison's coming. Justin and Trish are coming.

It doesn't matter where you are. There's a conference for you in your relationship from single, divorce, married, just starting out, want to be married, don't want to be married. Wherever there's a session or a place for you, we have, like, all types of things. Anyway, so speaking of relationships, I thought it'd be good to kind of talk about this because people loved your take on these other things.

It's funny. You. You are the other reason, but you're.

So good at it.

The only reason I'm even showing up at these conferences, I'm doing this for people. I don't. I hate talking about relationships. Like, it was funny when I wrote Necessary Endings. Somebody asked me a question at a book talk I had, and they said, what is something you feel is missing from this book that you don't talk about as a relationship? I never talk relationships. I hate talking about relationships. You're.

Because you're a good man. You're a good man.

I know.

And so you're helping no women today.

I'm a sinner saved by grace.

Amen. But you're helping people.

I'm not.

So I'm just trying to just, you know, call that out. Anyway, so there was a podcast that I was listening to, and they were talking about the Simone Biles in the Simone Biles husband situation. Oh, yeah, Right. So I think I told you a little bit about it, but if you don't know. So Simone Biles husband was on a podcast, right? And the podcast was like, the podcaster, the interviewer was like, wow, like, you're married to Simone Biles. Like, I think that's the coolest thing. You must be like, really just so happy that you get to be married to Simone Bows. Right? And I'm not sure, like, if I'm. If I was a man. I'm sure that's a little hit to the ego, cuz it's just like, yes, my wife is amazing. Yes, she's great. Yes, she's A gold medalist. She's, she's great. But like I, I do stuff too. Like I'm a value. I'm valuable too. Yeah. Like we're both in this together. And that's really what I kind of truly heard from him. It was an hour long interview, but this is the part that kind of got smashed out in everywhere. This happened like a few months ago. So he said, oh, honestly, I didn't even know who she was. I didn't even know who Simone Bowles was. Which could be true. Like if you're not, I know, living under rock, maybe you don't know. Okay. He didn't know who she was, but like, great that she's a gymnast. But he's like, I'm the catch. I'm, I'm the prize. Like, I'm the football player. I'm the prize. And a lot of people took offense to that on Simone Biles behalf. And you know, like, what do you mean you're the prize? Like, you're unknown. Nobody knew who you were until, you know, you married Simone Biles. And how could you say this? How could you act like you don't know her? How could you act like she chased you and you pursue that she pursued you with all this kind of stuff?

And.

But I actually kind of understand what the guy was saying. I don't think he was meaning to down his wife, but I think his ego was bruised a bit. And so he was saying like, she's great. But I want people to say that.

Stuff all the time though. And then people say it, they get all, we get all weird because we want people to say the type of stuff like, like, I'm a catch, I'm important, I'm valuable. But then like, but only when it gets to like certain levels. Right? Like even in like black, black community, Michelle is more important than Barack. Right? So Barack. Everybody would be like, oh yeah, like, you know, I went to Harvard too. I'm important too. No, but you married Michelle and it's just like, who gives a crap, right? That's, I guess my thing where it's just like, yeah, he was a top hundred ESPN football player. The dude played at a power five school and was drafted into the NFL and played for multiple NFL teams. He's a millionaire. He's quite a catch. Simone Biles is simultaneously a catch. Yeah, she's a world class world Olympian. Multiple time over Olympian. They both are important. They both are doing well for themselves. They both have great things in store for them. So is he a catch? Absolutely. Is she A catch. Absolutely. They probably were on one of these, like, secret dating websites. I only know there's, like, by the way, pause. As we're planning for Overmex and looking for sponsors if you want to sponsor. We're finding there's, like, hundreds of these dating sites out there that we're reaching out to to be sponsors, but there's some for wealthy athletes and wealthy leaders. Right. So, like, there's secret ones for people that, like, also, like, I'm sure it was like, anonymous. Her face or parts of her face or whatever that you probably met first because you. They're trying to secretly date.

Yeah.

So who knows how they, like, black people meet?

No.

And so there's so many ways to even think about, like, how do they meet, how do they get engaged? How do they get to know one another? How do they get to date? Who connected them, what publicist introduced them to each other, what friends, what mutual friends they have or did not. I mean, there's so many things. And then also, he was an ESPN Hundred Top Hundred player.

See, that's different because I think we're all. I think the. I will say, I think Simone Biles is more popular, so more people.

Great. What I'm saying is you have a.

Different view because you're in the football world.

Well, not just that. So let's think about it. Let's think about it. Right. So nobody knows who you are.

I'm not saying.

He's like, no, no, no, I'm not saying that. So you. Nobody knows what. Who you are or what you do. But because I'm on YouTube every Sunday, twice for two hours, he's like, oh, well, Justin's the catch. No, you don't know, Court.

That's the thing. That's a good point. And that's one thing that I was going to bring up lots of people. So lots of people. And I will say this, like, as being in a predominantly black church. Right. There's only two things that a quote unquote, first lady can do is what run the youth ministry. That's only two things, is to sing and run. But absolutely, you must be this perfection of beauty sitting in the front row and just being at the behest of your husband and doing things. But it's like the things that you don't see. Like, the things that you don't see. The things that. It's like my value and how I serve my church are in other ways.

I'm not even talking about serving the church.

But me professionally.

Yeah. So, like, people see like, you're an organizational leader. You've ran multimillion dollar budgets. You've led tons of people. You've made concrete decisions that affect thousands of people at a time. But it's like, we don't see that. Right? So it's just like. So then. Yeah. So it comes along and you're like, yeah, I'm the catch. Like, look at what I've done. I worked at multimillion dollar organizations. I ran a startup. I ran this. I closed this. I made decisions on this. I hired, I fired, I ran, I decided, I organized, I built, I colorized. And then. Then it's like. So then you say, like, I'm a. And then it's like, well, don't you know who Justin is? I do, and Justin knows who I am. And I think the same thing goes with Simone and him. There's nothing wrong with him saying that. Because the thing is, though, like, no, think about it. We'll get in this relationship conference guarantee. We're gonna leave it out of there. We're gonna have an affirmation wall. People gonna write the same crap that the man said down, but then he says it out loud, like, oh, no. Like, here's what we're trying to say to him. Demean yourself because you're with Simone and just be happy. No, I'm a catch, too. So now it's a whole Jeremiah. No, no, no, I know. I'm saying it's a whole Jeremiah thing. Like, I'm running with horses.

I'm running with horses.

And so it's like, I'm running with horses. So, yeah, she's great, and I love her. For who? And the thing about it, too, we have to realize that Mo, like, we get together with people in partnership for our businesses, but real love does not need a business. Listen, like, real love is, like. Because the thing about. Like, you hear me say this all the time. Like, I've said this. Well, I haven't said this out loud here. Love, to me, is the willingness to love someone beyond their worst. Right. It's whether that's sickness, sin, health, business, whatever. Like, you're willing to say that I know your worst and not put up with it. I'm willing to see you either restored in the gospel. I'm willing to see you restored in your body. And I'm willing to know that it's possible that that could happen, but we're gonna do it together to not get there. And I'm gonna love you in the midst of that truth.

Yeah.

So, like, you've Been with me in the hospital, in ER rooms.

Yeah.

You've been with me after I've attempted suicide. And, like, there's a quote in this book I read, like, how not to Kill Yourself. And the guy said this. He said, you be really good. He said, when I'm alone by myself, I realize I'm with the person who tried to kill me.

She is.

So when. Like, whenever I'm alone.

Yeah.

I'm with a. You know, I'm with a person who tried to kill me. And you're willing to still love me knowing that every time I'm alone, I'm with a person who tried to kill me. Right. And you're still willing to love that. I've been with you when you had a C section. Literally, like, your entire body's open, why it's his. And I'm willing to love the insides of you coming out. Right. And it's like, are you willing to look at. So really, love is not about, like, oh, my gosh, she's Simone Biles, and she won medals. We like that stuff.

Yeah.

He's a football player, and he played for the packers and the Bears and blah, blah, blah. He's making millions. We love that stuff.

Yeah.

But, like, you know, one of the best things ever. So I have to send you the video. It came up on my for you feed, and it was a divorce attorney talking about marriage.

Mmm.

It was the best 20 minutes of marriage advice I've ever heard in my life.

I follow some of those. They give the best.

The best. And he said. He said, marriage has nothing to do with money. He said, that's why prenups. We should get a divorce attorney. He said, marriage doesn't do about money. He said, if you don't marry someone because you actually love them, he said, you'll make some mistakes and do a couple things. One, you'll have children with the worst part of yourself. He said, you'll marry someone for attraction. And the moment you're no longer attracted to them, you'll be attracted to yourself. And being attracted to yourself means you'll find where. He said, that's where addiction is happened. He said, this is where. He said, because you're not gonna. And so he even. He thought it was a great little thing. He thought for, like, 20 minutes. I was like, what? This is the best. And he started giving advice about, like, marriages. He was talking about, like, you know, the import. He told this story. Well, it's our podcast, so he told this story. Right. I'm gonna talk just about exactly what he said. He said this couple was in his office getting divorced, and the husband was so frustrated because the thing, like. So she. The. He told the story that the. The wife would wake up and they would, like, do stuff in the morning, right? And he would always text her how much he loved it and all of that, right? And so he would always buy her granola bars, her favorite granola bars, whenever, like, she performed fellatio on him in the morning.

Oh, Lord.

This is what the divorce attorney said. So then eventually, he stopped buying her granola, so she stopped doing that, right?

It was a cycle.

Yeah, it's a cycle. So then it kept spiraling out of control. So then, like, whenever she did that, he bought her granola, and then whenever she didn't, he would. So he would buy. He had, like, went to Costco, the divorce said, and bought, like, a whole tenant granola. Well, she was like, I was set for granola, so I don't need granola. Like, the only reason she was there is because, like, granola, I want to be really quick. He said, in the divorce proceedings, they had all these fights. They were trying to say all this stuff, like, nobody cheated anyone. No one stole anything. They were just falling out of love with each other. And it came down to, I withheld sex because he didn't buy me more granola, right? And he's just like, I didn't buy granola because you withheld sex. It's. Now they're getting divorced over some stupid granola and withholding sex.

But that's the science teaching is that.

You got to communicate. If that's you and granola so bad, one, we could talk about, like, subscription packages. But two, then why are you with me? Like, you're only with me because, like, our first date, I brought you granola. And that's what she was saying. Well, you brought me granola and always reminds me of our first date. So our whole marriage is down to granola, right? And it sounds stupid for some people.

Crazy.

That's what it is. And so, like, getting to this Mom Biles thing and all these relationship stuff, like, love, man. Like, we don't know why they're in love. And so he's over here just, like, y' all are judging me. Like, I'm getting beat up for eight months a year playing football. I have played football my entire year. I've been a top player. I got nil deals. I'm a millionaire. I'm a freaking millionaire.

That's it.

I'm a millionaire. And right now, because I've been elite for six years. I'm guaranteed 800,000 every year for the rest of my life with the best health care in the country. I am set for my life. My children are set for their lives. Simone and I together are great. And I'm in love with her. Not because of her gold medals, because I didn't meet in gold medals. I'm in love with her not because of whatever she's done or I'm in love with her because the way that she. Who she is, what she looks like, what she does, how she talks in private that we never hear. I mean, I don't know what's they're in love for. And I think it's really sad that we think we have that much authority over somebody else's relationship that we can judge where they're not, like, they're loved or they're cared for. Like, that's just ridiculous to me. And so my opinion on that is like, I just. That's stupid.

Oh, my gosh, that is such a valuable opinion that, like, just perspective that I think a lot of people are overlooking when you understand that. And we put our own biases on people's, like, relationships, right? We look at all the time, it's like, how did you get her? Or she's more value because they're more valuable to us, or they're more known to us, or they're more that. And it's like so hard where it's like, we don't know the ins and out. We don't know how they met, but we're putting like. It's like how you put your budget on somebody else's. Like when you see someone buy something and you don't know how they did it because we put our finances on somebody else's life, right? Like, you wouldn't buy it with your finances, or you couldn't buy on your finances. So you're like, how. How could they do that? So they must be doing something. You would do something because you can't afford it. But that doesn't mean the reality for all of us. She was not on our basic black people, me or Christian girl or whatever they met on. I'm sure you're so right. And I'm sure he had limited details. They both probably did.

Absolutely.

Because it was probably a high profile because of who they are. So in the same way, he's like. Because, like, putting that in that perspective, it totally makes sense what he said. Like, oh, I didn't know who she was.

I knew that her Favorite color was X. I knew that she loved.

I saw a picture of her face.

I knew that she was interested in this type of stuff. I knew that she travels a lot for her job. And I can't wait to meet her, because that's probably the same stuff that he put on his. I'm interested in this. This is my favorite color. This is my favorite teams. This is what I like to do for fun. I like working out. They connected on whatever they connected on, and then they got to know each other.

Right.

It just so happened to be like. Because imagine if she's on black people meet. You know what I mean? Like, imagine if she's on. Yeah. Like, everybody's. It's just on Tinder. Everybody's swiping. I don't know, right or left. Whatever one you swipe like, you're swiping on her, you want. Because you want what you assume is great, she's a millionaire and all that. And then eventually, you know what happens? She goes to the hospital. Eventually what happens? She says something you don't like, and now you're asking yourself, I want to be here with this person. They've gone through that, and they've been like, cool. When that happens, I want to be with you. So that's all of that.

That's awesome. I think, too. And I think that's an encouragement to all the married couples. It's like assessing, like, the true value not based on what other people say and the value that they put on your relationship. But why do you love your spouse? Like, what is it? What is it about it? And how are you both valuable to the situation? But that's all I have every once in a while.

So one thing I've seen as I've been looking up things for this relationship conference is I meant to do this last week, and I didn't because I got distracted. But it's reminding your spouse of the reasons you love them occasionally. So I meant to put a note when you went to lunch with Cam of, like, you know, hope you have an amazing day. And Bo bringing light to the world. And I had a card, and then I got distracted and looked up and it was time to go. But it's reminding your spouse occasionally so they know that you're thinking about them in the places you know, they don't always want to be. Like, I think that's a challenge. And oftentimes, like, I remember this, and this is, like, all old trauma. My parents did that when they were on the verge of waking up. Right. So they're writing notes to each other, they're writing letters to each other. My dad's buying cookies, My mom's buying cookies. And it's just like, why haven't y' all done this for years? Right? Like, even for me, I was telling you over the weekend, like, I was trying to organize my. My next three months. I look at my years, certain chunks, and I'm like, when are we dating in the next three months? What are we doing when we go out of town together? When we do go out of town with Kim? What are we doing? Because it's like, I think even one of the things I want to talk about at rel con is how do you all stay married when the kids are gone? And it's like, so let's not wait until they're 18 to be like, oh, crap, we haven't known each other for 18 years. But let's make sure that we are consistently knowing and building something so that when they do turn 18 and they're gone and they're no longer on our books, well, it's hard, right, that we are not living vicariously through them and their successes because we don't know our own.

Right?

You know, And I think it's little things to think about, but that starts with the little things. And there's little things like cards or little things like constant reminders or randomly saying things or showing affection in front of your children. Reminding yourself and your spouse and even your children and those around you, why you love who you love, why you're engaging with who you love, and why you're staying with who you love and why you're making. Because love is a daily decision. Like love is. You don't. Like I've said this before, like, you don't fall in love because you get back up. You choose, and it's a daily decision. And the same way that Christ loves us forever, we don't have that love of Christ. We are trying to be like Christ. And every day is a daily decision to love, Love your love God, love your neighbor, and love yourself. And if you don't, I mean, you're gonna fall apart. So, I mean, I don't know a lot about relationships.

Clearly, he loves a lot. So we'll be looking for that relationship book coming out soon.

That's one thing I will never do. We will never.

We will never say never. Never say never.

I'll say never because I have to.

Write it now and all the rest of your books. But we'll be looking for that relationship, but won't we.

Whatever.

Anyway, so thank you guys for joining us. Do you have an unpaid advertisement?

Unpaid advertisement. You know what I haven't done in a while is smoke meat. Someone paid advertisement. Is a cut of cow. Just a cut of cow? You know, we saw Camden School has a new cow.

Oh, my God.

And the first thing I said it was, I can't wait for that to be good. Brisket.

They were. You guys, listen to this. They were looking for a name. So Camden School got a new cow. They have a farm on campus. So they have, like, sheep, goats, pigs, all types of animals. They just got a new cow, and they were looking for names for the new cow. Do you know what this man said to call this new cow? Brisket.

Brisket.

Brisket. How rude. Like, how rude to the cow.

I want them to feed him mash, and I want them to feed him some, like, fat.

He's like a pet dog. He's not. He's beyond that point of brisket.

I want him to feed him mash and feed him. Feed him. Not a lot of protein. Cause I want some fat.

They landed on the name Nickel because I had to be like, what'd you say? But you said Nickel. Nickel. Because the first cow they had was smaller, and her name was Penny, and so this cow is a bit bigger, and so his name is Nickel.

So maybe we'll smoke some meat this weekend.

So maybe when they get quarter, you could get him.

We'll buy some meat this weekend in honor of Nickel. Fallen soldiers. What's your unpaid advertisement?

I don't know. Talking about date night. Bungalow Kitchen. I keep having dreams about it, like, Bungalow Kitchen. Bungalow Kitchen.

Oh. Oh, my God. Yeah. We had to rush out of there. That was so good.

Out of there. If. You know, if the takeout is good.

Yeah.

An hour later, you know, the food is so good.

Restaurant in Marin, California, called the Bungalow Kitchen. Highly recommend. High Tiburon. Sorry. Highly recommend.

Highly. 10 out of 10. That was so good. We have to. We have to go back. So. Yeah.

Thank you guys for joining. Working from home. We'll see you guys next week. God bless you.