2/7/21 - Four Lessons Black Women Taught Me

Foreign. Welcome to Made for Mondays. I'm so glad you guys are tuned in with us. Today is Monday, February 1st, and we're live on your podcast dial, if you will, welcoming you into another wonderful week to be the best person you possibly can be here at Made for Mondays. Allow me, if you will, to take a moment, before we even get started to just shout out my wife. Today is my wife's birthday. It's her Jesus year, if you will. And so today I honor her and honor who she is to me and all that she is to the world. And so those of you who are friends of the podcast, those of you who are friends of the family, feel free to reach out to my wife today just to wish her a wonderful belated and happy birthday this month for February, I was contemplating about what to do, what to give emphasis to and how to proceed forward. And one of the things that I've noticed with the election of First Lady Kamala Harris is I don't believe enough time and emphasis is given to listening to Black women's stories. And so this entire month for me is dedicated to black women, but not just in a dedication way, but in a way that's really intentional, in a way that is practical. And so this entire month we are actually going to be graced with amazing Black women who are going to come on and I want us to learn from their leadership stories. The who are women, those of you who know it or not, I spent all of 2020 reading black women's stories from bell hooks and Carla Harris and Natalia Peart. I thought it was so important to sit back and engage holistically. Sorry, not sit back, to lean forward into and engage holistically. And actually reading on leadership, on life on purpose, on family, on children, on marriage, on everything in between, even stocks and bonds and strategy from black women. And it's amazing how much is out there that we just don't listen to or are unaware of. I dare you to actually to go Google, search the top leadership books and you'll see that a majority of them were written by white men. But if you go research some great books written by black women, you'll find some amazing strategic and leadership powerful books and principles that I've applied, principles you've heard on here that came from some power Black women. And so I want to give light and emphasis to that this month. And so I'm really excited that later this month we have three amazing women who we're actually going to do interviews with. One is Blessed Sharif. She is a student. She's a medical student at Brown University. We'll also have an interview with Lakendra Butler, who is the founder and the chair of a school down in Nashville, Tennessee. And then we'll also interview Ashley Choir, who's the co founder of Inquire Hire, an amazing, amazing program for high school students going into college to prepare for collegiate success. And I believe you're going to learn from some amazing leaders this month. So that being said, I want to start off and actually share three lessons that I've learned from black women, three lessons black women have taught me. And I'm not saying this in a way that's things that they've said to empower me, things that they've done to do something for me. No, literally three of the most powerful lessons in my life that I learned from black women. And I want us to take time to actually listen to and engage in and lean forward into the stories of our Nubian sisters this month. You guys have heard me say this before and I'll say it again. America was built on the backs of black women, raised the babies of the very children that they were enslaved by. And so the reason I believe that there are parts of America that are weak are because we've stopped listening to and stopped engaging in the stories of our black sisters. And and so I want you to take time this month to actually engage holistically, to lean into, not step back from, but to lean into the stories of our Nubian princesses and Nubian queens. And so there's three lessons that I've learned and these come from a plethora of people. One comes from a professor, another comes from a member of my church who's a former member. She's moved on to another state. And another one came from some lessons I learned just from sitting back and listening to a leader in our community and a powerful lesson that she taught me. And here's those lessons. Number one, be comfortable in the skin that you're in. Be comfortable in the skin that you're in. Contextually for this. This was a class I took when I was in College under Dr. Stacy Floyd Thomas, who has completely changed my life. And in the class I took with Dr. Floyd Thomas, it was a May mester course. It was a one month course. First time I was introduced to her. And I remember going into that class and I remember sitting in that class, the entire class period. I was wrestling with so many different things. It was the first time I had even heard of womanish thinking as I was sitting there listening at the feet of Dr. Floyd Thomas for those classes, she said something very powerful. Once I got up to do a presentation, I wasn't. I didn't think I'd done a very good job. I talked about so many different things. I'd done so much work and research on something because I wanted them to know that I wasn't just taking this class to fulfill a requirement. I wanted the women in the class to know. I was taking this class because I wanted to make a difference as a pastor when it came to the treatment and the engagement of our Nubian sisters. When I did become a pastor, I remember finishing the presentation and Dr. Floyd Thomas pulled me aside. And afterwards, after class, I asked her how I did if there's something I missed. And she said something to me. She said, justin, be comfortable in your skin. What you say matters. Be comfortable in the skin that you're in. And a lot of times I think that phrase is something that we use to people. We want to tell them to be authentic or when they didn't do something well. But she meant it in an empowering way. Be comfortable with your thinking process. Be comfortable with the ways you show up in a room. Be comfortable with who you are. Not because your comfortability makes other people uncomfortable, but your comfort, your level of comfort with yourself exudes onto other people. So my challenge to those of you today, as you go into your day, as you go into wherever you have to lead, be comfortable in the skin that you're in. Be comfortable in the decisions that you're making. Be comfortable with your gut reactions. Be comfortable with your instincts. They're your stinks. Be comfortable in your skin. It shouldn't take us to have a huge life change. It shouldn't take getting to a certain age for you to find that comfortability Every single day, Wake up pursuing that comfort every single day, Move into that comfort. Because it's a lot easier to speak from your deep wells than to speak from the wells, from somebody else's life. So I challenge you, number one. The number one lesson that I learned and what's changed me as a person, as a man, as a husband, as a pastor, as a leader, is first of all, comfort in my own skin. Be comfortable in the skin that you're in. Number two, listen to other stories and live your own story. Listen to others stories and live your own story. We learn more from stories than we do from principles. We learn more from stories than we do from principles. One of the reasons that TEDx talks are so powerful is because TEDx talks are simply people getting up and telling us their stories. We learn from stories. We learn from how people tell us their stories. We learn about their failures and their successes. Listen to others stories I want to challenge all of you, whether you're black or white or whatever, whoever and whomever you are across this podcast this month. Take time to listen to a black person's story. Take time, if you're a black male, to listen to a black woman's story, a black queer story. Listen to the story who are you? How did you get where you are? What did you learn on the journey? Who did you encounter on the journey? Where did you fail on the journey? Where did you find success on the journey? Listen to stories and it's amazing the principles you'll gain in the story. Take a moment and read historical stories. Listen to stories and then live your own story. Live your story so well that it's easy for you to tell it. I grew up, had a person around me who was just an habitual liar. And it was funny because you could always tell when they were lying and they were telling the truth, but they were lying so much that they thought that their lies were true. But they were such bad liars, they didn't even know that they were telling lies half the time. They were just such terrible liars. And it's terrible when life gets you to a place where you finally have to sit and own your own truth. I think so many of us are living so many lies and living and telling stories that aren't ours. Live your story so you can tell it to someone else, but take time to listen to someone else's story. Now, for those of you who are listening to this and you are leaders and you're going into a place and you're going to apply all of this. And here's my challenge to you. Listen to your coworkers stories. Listen to the stories of those individuals you lead. It's amazing to me how much I've learned about my co workers. Not just by asking them how are they doing? Not just by asking them what are they up to today? But man, how did they make you feel? What did you learn in that moment? Because then you're able to discern their patterns, be able to see how they engage in something. You're able to then understand why they respond to certain things. And then that then gives you entrance leader on how to lead them well, how to make sure that you're giving them the information they need, the tools they need, the places they need, the books they need, the opportunities they need. But you have to listen to stories. Stories tell you more than principles can. Stories give you inference and influence. And stories give you an opportunity to position yourself so you can know how to turn around and tell a story as well. The greatest and some of the richest people out there, ones that are just masterful storytellers. This month, I challenge you. Listen to stories and then live your own. Thirdly, and finally, don't live to tell others what you want them to hear. One of the most oppressive things I've heard in my life was receiving unsolicited advice. It's just rude, isn't it? Think about it. When you're not asking someone to give you advice and they show up and want to give you advice. I told this to my church a couple weeks ago. I said, maybe the reason some of us don't have peace is because we're going around giving people a piece of our minds. Don't live your life to tell others what you want them to hear. Constantly searching for ways to enter into a place and put yourself in a position of authority and power. One thing that I learned in 2020, to build upon this, and this was a lesson I learned in 2020 from a very powerful black female leader here in Rhode island, was one of the places of failure in my life. And I talked about this to you all earlier and late last year and earlier this year was I didn't really know how to handle a lot of 2020. And one of my failures was I was just telling folk what to do, giving suggestions. This is what your church ought to do. This is what your business ought to do. This is what your organization ought to do. Just unsolicited advice. And this woman pulled me aside and said, justin, don't live to tell others what you want them to hear. And it made me stop searching for ways to show what I know, and it made me live so that I could actually learn. That is what separates good and great people. Great people are the ones who are asked questions. Great people aren't the ones that go around telling other people exactly what to do when they don't even know you. Think about the greatest leaders. The greatest leaders you knew are the ones that listen to you. They hear you fail, they give you the space to talk about it, and then they give you the grace that you won't give yourself. What if this is a practice you employed this year? When someone came to you about something, you don't immediately give them a suggestion. You don't immediately give them something they need to change, and you don't Live to tell them what you want them to hear, but you live to listen. And when prompted and when guided, you have a response to give them. Those are three powerful lessons I received, and I'm better because of it. I'll give you one more. And I learned this from Lynn Legrant. She was on here last year. And I give this to every leader and manager. There are no bad employees, only disengaged employees. That in and of itself helped me in so many different ways. There are no bad employees, only disengaged employees and bored employees. If you're looking at one of your employees and you're wondering, why in the world does it seem like their work is suffering? Why in the world does it seem like what they're doing isn't getting greater? They're not bad employees. People don't wake up in the morning looking to be a bad employee. They're disengaged. So engage them. Engage them. So those are four lessons I wanted to give you guys today. Four things that black women have taught me that have made me a better human. I am better because of black women. And I am here to give light to, to give room to, and to lean more into beyond patriarchal systems and toxic masculinity, to engage holistically in our communities. We are because we are. And so let this month be a powerful month. I look forward to engaging holistically with the sisters who have with us this month and the sisters that will be on our podcast this month. I know you will be blessed by them and be blessed immensely by. Blessed by Lakendra and by Ashley. So if you would allow me to say our affirmation today. And let's go on about our days and go on about our weeks, and welcome into Black History Month. While it's the shortest month of the year, it's a powerful month. But it's just an opportunity. I think we get a chance to pause and reflect upon, engage holistically within, and then push forward to. To wherever we need to go to be the people that will be the change agents the world needs. So if you repeat after me, just say, I am me. I can be me, and no one will stop me from being me. You were made for this. You were made for Mondays. Now go and win your Mondays. There's no review this week. The reason being? Well, I had coronavirus the last two weeks. I actually had it last week when I was recording. So I haven't tasted anything new, haven't engaged with anything new. I have some old ones I could go back and reference, but week don't have any. We may have some later this month, but I honestly am just starting to get my taste back. And so I wouldn't be able to give you an honest review on anything this week. And so we'll get back to that. But I'm recovering well. It was a long journey. Last week I recorded the podcast actually with the coronavirus, and so I was a little down, a little out. I don't even know if I said was coherent. I preached last two weeks with coronavirus, and so that's been a really whirlwind of peace. But I'm grateful to be back in a living color, getting my taste buds back, getting my smell back, and starting to get my breathing back. And that's the part that's been the hardest, is getting my breathing back. So if you're a person of prayer, please keep us in prayer as we're trying to get our breathing, trying to get our feeling and trying to get our taste and our smell back. And hopefully next week we'll have another review for you as well. All right, you have a wonderful week. You were made for this. Mondays own you. Mondays don't own you. Oh, my gosh. See? Tells you not all the way there yet. Mondays don't own you. You own your Mondays. Now go make this the best one yet. Have a great week.