Differently-Abled: Politics and Ethics of Recognition with special guest Jabraya Tanksley

Good morning.

Welcome everybody to Made for Mondays this morning. I'm so glad you're here with us. Today we have an awesome conversation with a young lady named Jabra Tanksley. Now, before we jump into the conversation, can we pause for the cause? I want to shout out a book that I wrote this year called, well, Necessary Endings. Necessary Endings is a book I wrote this year that really details my personal journey through leadership, understanding life. It's a short one day read book and what the book really entails are some leadership principles and life principles that kind of hold on to things I've held onto, things I've learned from scripture, from life, from principles, from stories and funny stories that I know will assist you to be all that God's called you to be. You can buy it on Amazon or my website, www.jrlester.com. grab a copy, let me know what you think about it and I pray it will enrich your life. Today we have an amazing conversation with a young lady named Jabraa Tankley. Jabra Tankley is a member of the church I'm able and privileged to pastor. And Jabre is an amazing woman in who she is. One of the unique qualities about Jabrea is Jabrea will tell you her story about what it means to be differently abled. But in the midst of that differently abled posture that she has, Jabre is an amazing leader of people, an amazing person who's unearthing some gifts every single day. And I believe this conversation as we talk about awesome inclusive communities, I believe one of the communities we often forget are differently abled brothers and sisters. And Jarreah is going to assist us in grabbing a hold of how we can be present, what we can learn from, how we can be present with, how we can walk alongside and not put down or demean anybody who's different than us. The good news is that all of us are different in our own way. Some different differences are expressed differently, some differences are seen and some differences are hidden. Some individuals who are differently abled, those differences are seen, but they're individuals too. Jabre is going to assist us in that if we're going to be holistic leaders, to be the leaders to hold on to all of who we are and all of who somebody else is. Now, this conversation was recorded on Zoom, so the quality may not be perfect, but it's perfect for you. Let's jump into our conversation today. Take it away.

Well, hey everyone. Welcome to Made for Mondays. You're here with Justin Lester. I'm really happy about Today's session, don't forget, you guys like share and repost whenever you learn and grab a hold of this, especially our points of purpose that we have to make sure that you own your Mondays and Mondays don't own you. This whole point of this podcast is to make the decision to live. And so what I wanted to do as we've been doing this in the season of COVID with different speakers and different people and different leaders especially, is I wanted to make sure we navigate all the different areas of life. And one of the areas I think that gets overlooked that I was made sensitive to by the person on here who's one of my former employees. I was made sensitive to a lot more and my eyes open were disabled brothers and sisters. And I feel that we overlook those brothers and sisters. And Jabrea has a wonderful story, wonderful testimony, but also amazing insight and research she's even doing because she's in school. Hallelujah. This is Jabrea. And so I want to bring to our podcast, they help me welcome my former church administrator. I miss you, Jabrea. My former church administrator. But the reason that she's no longer in for a church administrator, she's doing amazing things here in the state of Rhode island in the city, I think, you know, you're in Providence. Yeah. No, you're in Central Falls. Right. So she's in my old hometown doing amazing things with some children in terms of leading them and leading rooms and leading others as well. And so Jabrea is an amazing testament to just being an amazing individual. And so would you guys help me welcome to our podcast today, Jabraya Tanksley.

Hi, thank you for having me.

Yes, totally. As we jump into this, can you just tell us a little bit about you? Like, who are you? Where are you from? What's the short, like, two minute version of your story as to just who is Jabrea Tanksley?

Okay. Like pastor said, I am Jabre Tanksley. I live currently in Central Falls, Rhode Island. I was born with spina bifida. It's a neurological birth defect that affects. It's basically when you have a hole in your spinal column and it affects your nerves and other parts of the body. I am originally from Albany, New York, moved here to Rhode island about 11 years ago and been here ever since. I also am a early head start teacher in Central Falls. I work at a learning early learning facility.

Awesome. Thank you, Jabreya. Jabrea is just an amazing. Like, there's few people you can say this about. Just amazing human beings. Jermaya is an amazing human being. And as you guys mentioned earlier, she mentioned she has spina bifida. And what I wanted to do in this particular podcast was speak to. So on the podcast, you know, the true dubrea. But on the podcast, we have a lot of leaders and we have a lot of people who are making decisions and people who are followers as well that are getting into positions of leadership. And I think it's wise of us, because my sensitivity really wasn't awakened until you began to explain some things or we began to work together. And I was. I'd never. It took a long time, took a year before I was able to even say, like, hey, like, what is going on? Right? And so I wanted to first start off with. For people that are like me or people who were sitting back like I was the first year and a half, not really knowing what to say, not really knowing how to navigate and knowing that you never just. You never want to feel sorry for someone, you want to talk to someone. What are some, I don't know, what are some terms? What is the correct terminology that's respectful that we can use to engage and hopefully start the conversation with the people we work with or the people where we're curious about or we see people. Like, even as I teach, I get emails about certain things to make for certain students, exams and things like that. How can we start the conversation with people that we work with? And what are the terms we need to use with others so they know we respect them? But we're also just trying to make sure we cultivate spaces where everyone feels welcome.

Okay, so it really depends on the person. So everybody is different. Some people don't mind the word disabled. Most of us, I say us because I'm in part of that community. We don't like the word handicapped. We cannot stand that word.

So why is that? Why is that?

For me, it's like a derogatory term. And I'm like, I'm not handicapped. Like, I remember my mom used to say, I have a handicapped daughter. I'm like, I'm not handicapped. But because you. Especially when you see the emblem, you see the person in the wheelchair. But being. I prefer to call it differently ape. So I don't. Sometimes I say disability. I say, I have a disability. But I'll say, sometimes I'll say differently abled. Because we as a community, we all are different. And so I feel like we all can do the same things, but we sometimes we have to see the world through a different lens than most People do. That's why I'm able to pick up on certain things that maybe some people may not be able to pick up on. I'm like, now, why don't we do it this way? Because I see the world. I process the world differently because I have to. But yeah, so I prefer the term either. Disabled is okay. Depends on how you word it. Like, wording is very different. Something you said, like, really struck me. I do and I haven't. I've gotten that a lot and especially a lot of jobs. Like that feeling sorry for and. Or that feeling of let me help you do this. You don't. Do you need help with anything? Just letting us be to a point and if like, I'm the type, if I need you, I will help, I will ask. You know, I can do like giving us that sense of independence. Like, we're not. I'm not handicapped, I'm not unable. I can do anything that the other person may take me longer or I may have to do it differently. But yeah, so definitely I would use the term differently abled or disabled, depending on. I would always ask the person first before you even like, try to label, because you don't. You never want to label anyone. I would ask, like, how do you prefer? Just like you would say anyone, like, what is your pronoun or whatever. I would definitely ask how do you want to be viewed? Do you rather say differently abled or disabled? And nine times out of 10, the person will tell you what they're comfortable with.

That's really good. Thank you. Thank you for that. What can we do as people who are in positions of authority, people who have influence, yourself included, what can we do? And even those listening to be better present with co workers, with people that we lead, people that even we're following. So I'm not even going to say that people who aren't differently abled aren't in leadership positions, people that we're following, to be present with them in the. In with that. So, like, let's say I have a conversation with you. I'm like, we did, right? Have a conversation. You're like, hey, Jabra, this is what I need.

Cool.

Like, there were many times where like I remember sitting on security cameras and I was like, oh, my God, like, I feel so bad because I felt bad. There's like 20 things I asked you to do. And I'm like, well, this is. Jabraa said that she's able to do, she's able to do. So I'm not going to worry about It. And so it was a learning curve for me, I will admit, for like, at least like two or three weeks. I was just like, oh, my gosh. Jabraya said yes. And we had the long conversation, and I'm happy. And what can we do to be better present? Because I know our church culture is different. Be better present with individuals that we have a conversation with who are differently abled to ensure that we're not handicapping them by our own assumptions, our own biases, but allowing them just to simply be people the same way we're people.

That's a great question. Just remembering that they're human, that they bleed just like you bleed, and they feel just like you feel. Also. Try putting yourself in their shoes. Try, you know, sometimes. It's very hard to say sometimes, but try being. Try being that person that may have, you know, a mobility issue that may have. Because differently able is more than just physical. It's physical, it's cognitive. It's a lot of different. Even mental illness is considered differently abled. I just wish that sometimes people would be a little more aware and just understanding that, yes, we look different, we may walk different, talk different, sound different, but we are humans at the same time, and we just want to be treated like everyone else and that, you know, we just want a chance in the world just like everyone else does. And just being able to open up that door and being able to have that opportunity without any type of constraints, just giving differently abled people a voice, really to be heard. Because a lot of times where, you know, don't do that. Oh, no, don't. Don't pick that up. That. That's a little heavy. But if the person went over there to help, clearly they know their body, you know, they know what they can handle. So letting them be, letting them engage and without any hold, like, if they need limitations, let them tell you the limitations. Don't put limits on us before we let you know what our limitations are. Does that make sense?

Yeah, it does. That does. That's really good. So that's really good. Thank you for that. So with that, too. So we Covid. Oh, my God.

Right.

And you've mentioned a lot of different ways people can be differently abled. Right. And so I can hear in that you mentioned mental, you mentioned physical, you mentioned cognitive, you mentioned neurological. You mentioned all of that. What is it? That not just what others can do, but how are you navigating this season of COVID And I think that's just the question. I don't need to go, how Are you navigating? And then we can get to suggestions after this, because I want you to. And then also I want to speak to people who are listening to this who are differently abled as well. But first of all, how were you navigating this season of COVID Doing the best I can.

Honestly. It was tough in the beginning because I have, you know, it's a lot of information thrown at you at a time. So it definitely is overwhelming. Also me being a person with auto. I have an auto compromised autoimmune system, everything else. So it was very scary. What happens if I get sick? I have other combined issues. So if I get sick, something else might come up and it really is very nervous. But that's when I had to really like, my faith stepped in. Okay. Like, I know God's in control and if he allowed me to be in this position, he'll kill and protect me. As long as I'm doing what I need to do. I'm washing my hands, I'm making sure that my areas are sanitized. But now it's a lot easier to navigate, definitely. And I'm able to show, you know, my kiddos in my classroom, you know, hey, you know, trying to make it fun now. Now it's like, okay, we can make this fun. How do you turn things into fun? And that's just as me as like a. As a toddler teacher, I have to make everything fun. So definitely that's one of the things. So navigation in the beginning was very, very. I was always. I was anxious a lot, very anxious at all times. But now I have more of a piece about it and I'm just going. And I just have to be me and do what I'm called to do.

To other differently abled individuals. Jabria, what suggestions would you give them as we. Mark, I hate saying we're transitioning back into normal because I don't think we'll ever get to normal again. But as we transition into wherever the world is as we know it, what are some suggestions or best practices that you're learning in terms of transitioning to the workplace that you would also suggest to others, other different abled brothers and sisters as they transition as well into their workplaces?

Big thing that I always was instilled in me and I tried instilling others. Advocacy is big. You have to be your best advocate. Nobody knows you like you. So if you need something, if you don't understand something, if there was something or some type of accommodation you need, you need to speak up. You need to say this is what I need, this is. And also even your limitations, I don't like that term. But for some of us we do have limitations. And you have to be very vocal about those things and boundaries and what you know you can handle. Don't try to overload yourself trying to prove a point. So definitely just advocate. You have to advocate for yourself and for your well being.

Well, Jabray has the person that you were before COVID how have you changed as a leader, as a worker, as a follower, as a person engaged in community. How has Covid changed you for the better as you transition into the world?

Now I'm more well aware of my community. Definitely living in Central Falls, very wide community of different cultures, beliefs, different types of people. And that's one of the things I love about Finch Falls. I definitely am more aware of how I can help, how I can give back to my community. Definitely opened my eyes to also see people, you know what I mean? Sometimes we get so as differently abled people. We get so caught up in this is who I am, this is who I want you to see me. But also I'm seeing other people, you know what I mean? Also seeing. Well, maybe he doesn't understand the way I think. So let me help him understand the way I think. So not just you need to understand me. And that's it. Now I'm starting to see the world and not so much accommodating me, but how can I help you understand my world? Let me welcome you into my world and see show you how I think and how I process.

So it's a very interesting critique and eye opening thinking process honestly because it's saying that this season of I've called it. You've heard me a lot of stuff. But Covid and Cops and it's just I'm tired. But in the midst of all of this, what I hear you saying is I'm. You're what? You're. You're really open in the season to welcome people into your space in a world where really we're pushing people away. You're saying I want you in and you're also. And it's interesting to say then it's like other people letting you in as well to then how we can navigate the world. And that's a very beautiful framework I never thought of. It's a powerful framework that we're working together to build the world. And not just me building my thing, you building your thing. And hopefully we collide and who's got more pride and who's not going to lose. It's literally we're going to build this thing and wield this in this crazy, this crazy season. A beautiful, beautiful framework. I guess my last question for you and speaking directly to that and how, what are the things that we as a community, that as you say, that navigating, you're opening your space up, you're opening your story up, right? What are the things then that you would expect from individuals who are not differently abled to do in light of now you're saying, listen, I'm welcoming you in independent. I'm able, right? I'm differently able, but I'm able. What would you expect from us? That. And I'm going off of this and you're catching me in the middle of my, like, I started writing my notes for Sunday's sermon about loving your neighbor as yourself and I wanted to find who is your neighbor. And so I'm curious to you, what are the things that you are expecting from people just in the world, not even leaders or followers in terms of politics of respect and recognition when it comes to our differently abled brothers and.

Sisters just getting out there, putting, being vulnerable for a lot of us, me included, that's very difficult. Just being vulnerable to be able to say, hey, I don't know, I don't understand. Help me understand because we're in a really weird space in our world right now where people are actually starting to see other people. We're actually understanding. Like, people look different, people talk different and it's okay. So what I would say is be vulnerable enough to say to go up to that person if you see someone who's differently abled and hey, like have a conversation, get to know them, sit inside their world and you would probably see like you would learn some things from them and vice versa. They can learn things from you that you probably never thought of. They can show you, we can show you things about our world that might help your world, you know, and it will show you just a different side of life. Just be able to experience life other than your own. And just like I said before, have that sense of empathy. What would it be like if I was on that other side?

My last question to you, Jabra, and then I want to make sure people have a way to connect with you is parents to children, right? So what would you say to parents where either they're made aware of something at birth, they learn something about their child as they grow, they have questions, they're worried about bringing their, I don't even know the steps for it. What would you say to those parents? They're noticing something about their children or the doctors told them something. How can you encourage them? As you look at your life and what you're doing in your life, like you're nothing to slouch at. You're doing great things in a community, great things, actively involved. It's like you said before, I'm abled, I'm just differently abled. And you're doing amazing things. What would you say to those parents who are worried 2, 3, 4, 5 years old about what their child's going to do over the course of their life? How can you encourage them or speak to them about parenting their children?

Basically, you are your child's biggest advocate. I can't stress enough advocacy. If you sense something, not that something is wrong, but something may be, you know, maybe going on with your child, definitely advocate. Don't just sit around and just wait for the teacher to say, this is what I see. Definitely talk with your child's doctor. Talk with your even, especially in the education world, because I'm an educator, talk to the teacher and say, how is, how is he or she doing? What are they learning? How are they coping with being in the classroom on a social, emotional level? Are they getting along with others? Because like I said, it's different pieces. And also doing your own research, don't just wait for somebody to tell you, give you a pamphlet, and this is what it is. Do your own research on whatever you may know. If you may notice some things in your child, look it up, research it, and you might be able to see, you know, how to help that child cope. But the best thing I can also say is do not, do not hinder the child. Do not hinder your child. If they will still, even if they are, they may be, they may be whatever they may be diagnosed with, they are going to be great regardless. Don't ever put a limit on them. Don't say, don't ever tell them what they can't do. Even if doctors say, don't let them do this, don't let them do that, let them live, let them live a life full of possibilities. Never, never tell them what their limitations are. Always tell them they can be whatever they want to be. Because once that's in their head, there's nothing that no one else can tell them or try to stop them from doing that. If they want to be a scientist, they will be able to be a scientist. It doesn't matter if they have, you know, multiple learning disabilities, they can still Become a scientist and also showing them there are very influential people in this world who have disabilities, who have made marvelous marks on this country, on this world and show them that even though they may be having they have a disability, they may be differently abled that just even like, just like those folks did it, they can too.

Well, thank you for this, Jabray. Thank you. Thank you so much. And so I want to give you a moment if you can let us know if somebody wanted to reach out to you, somebody had something curious and wanted to follow up even with something that you said. What is the best way that someone is your own space to reach our audience. How can someone find you or reach out to you if they want to be.

I'm on social media, I'm on Facebook and Instagram. You can look it up, look me up. Jabria Tanksley, you just put that in the search engine. I'm right there. Not too many people have my name so you'll find me. Also my email is my name, my first name. Jabrayatmail.com you can also email me and I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions if they need tips or anything. I'm always here.

Awesome. Debre is a wealth of resource and wealth of resources and honestly as we even think about as for my facility that we're in and childcare facilities and our daycare and even the future of our church about just where we're headed in the future. The person I've leaned on the most and has been Jabre. And I'm really excited about what God is doing, her life and where future is headed. And so I pray you guys are blessed by this. Please be sure to follow up and engage. If you have any questions with her, be sure to leave something in the comments as well to affirm even the work that she's doing and to engage with her as well if you have any questions. So once again, Dubrea, thank you so much for joining us today.

Thank you.

Hey everyone, listen, you were made for this today. This week can be your best week. Make the decision to live, choose to live and know that you were made for Mondays. Mondays don't own you, you own Mondays. Now run into this week. See the world differently. As Jabria said, see the world differently and allow like see the world through the eyes of somebody else and allow yourself to grow because you're seeing the world differently. And I guarantee, as Jabria said, you can see something. There's blind spots we don't see. And I pray this week is a week you can see those. Grab a hold of those and be a better human. Be a better human. Guys, you're made for this. Have a great week.

Well, thank you so much for joining us today for Made for Mondays. I pray today blessed you to be all that God has called you to be, all that you know you can be. I mentioned this a couple of weeks ago and I want to mention again, first of all, if you the month of November, I want to dedicate to you, the listener. If there are questions that you have about leadership, about life, about anything at all, do me a favor. Here's all you have to do. Go to www.jrlester.com and click on Made for Mondays. And on Made for Mondays is a contact form and simply submit your question for me. What you're able to do do is let me know. Hey, hey, Justin. This is what I'm curious about. This is what I want to know. This is what I want to learn. And my responsibility on Made for Mondays is to ensure that you are the best leader you possibly can be. So go ahead, go to jrlesser.com, click that link, let your boy know. I'll holler back at you. Now, let's say our affirmation and go on about our week. Repeat after me if you will say I am me. I can be me. No one will stop me from being me. You were made for this. Now go win your Mondays. Mondays won't beat you.

God bless you.