Behind The Mask We Wear - Mental Health Awareness Month

I am super excited about this episode because this is a bonus episode. I might be doing this more often. I know I usually have a release every other Friday, but this is a special month. This month is Mental Health Awareness Month, and I really wanted to really feature a conversation about this because I think all of us have to deal with our mental health in some way, shape, or form. Some of us have more struggles with that and deal with that more. So in this episode, I get to do this conversation with Miss Kiara, a fellow podcaster. She is the podcast host of For Realness Sake. She shares her own personal journey dealing with COVID-19 right now and her own mental health journey and how she's been dealing with that during COVID-19. I know so many of us are going through different things, especially if you've been in quarantine for a while. So this is actually the first episode where I've recorded it in a couple of weeks and you guys are hearing it more real time in the sense like it's not months afterwards. Very present for what's happening right now. So I hope you enjoy it. Even though we're talking about mental health awareness, we are having a really good time talking about it. I'm being honest and sharing, so there's lots of laughter. So this isn't a downer episode. I just wanted to say that this is really an inspiring way just to think about what things are going on and things that we can do no matter what our circumstances are. So I hope you enjoy it. I hope you relate to to Kiara and to myself, and I can't wait to hear what you guys think. So be sure to leave a review on iTunes or shoot me an email. All right, stay tuned. Welcome to She's Crafted to Thrive. I'm your host, Nikita Williams, and this show is for all the ladies who are making and creating things that they love. You will hear conversations about the real everyday struggles of juggling life and business while trying to maintain passion and harmony. As women, we have the skill of getting things done, but We get in our own way. It's here where you'll see that you're not alone. You'll discover that success does not mean perfection. Fear and negative thoughts and challenges are all a part of the journey. And on this podcast, you'll find the inspiration and tools you need to have a life and business that thrives. I'm so excited to have Kierra on the show. She is a fellow podcaster, ladies, and I have to say, when I first listened to one of her first podcast episodes, I was like, who is this chick? She's amazing. Just so real and raw and just telling women's stories that are truly, I mean, amazing, amazing and inspiring in so many ways. And she herself is inspiring. So welcome. Welcome to the show.

Oh, wow. Thank you so much for having me on this quarantine.

Girl, yeah, this quarantine is hitting people in a lot of different ways, that is for sure.

Yes, definitely. I've been socially distancing myself for about 2 months now, and I'm just about sick of it. I'm definitely ready to get out and about and get some appetizers and some good food going. So I'm ready to be off of it, but I've learned a lot. So I'm also grateful for the time to just relax.

Yeah, you know, that is one thing that I feel like was— not that COVID-19 is a blessing, like nobody's saying, right? But the time that it's given us, for some of us, some of us given us more time. For some of us, they wish like, what, can I please go back to my regular schedule? Can I please go back? But for a lot of women that I've chatted with, they enjoyed the time to kind of reset, refresh, Yeah, re-anything, revamp, remake, restart, do something, right?

Yeah, in the beginning I felt like that, um, sort of like anxiousness to get back to doing whatever, um, but then towards the middle of it I was like, you know, this is actually pretty cool to be able to stay at home and just kind of clean up things, go through my closet, you know, do the things that I probably always set my mind to do but never did it because I had so many other things going on. So it's like, it's not a blessing because people are dying, but I, I guess I'm just grateful for the time. I hope that doesn't sound bad, you know.

I don't think it sounds bad. I think it's the reality of what it is. I mean, there's pros and cons to what's happening, um, in the sense of like our own personal circumstances, you know, it's like I was telling you before the show, you know, and I'm like, I said, I hadn't talked about this on, on the podcast, but my grandmother passed away and it's not from COVID-19, but it was from Alzheimer's. And so I knew she was going to pass because we had just seen her and I knew that that was probably the last time I was going to see her. And at that time I thought, of course I'm going to be there when, you know, we have the funeral, we're going to do all those things. And then COVID-19 happened, and then Florida said nobody be coming to Florida. Georgia was like, oh, I guess we should, you know, do social distancing. And then it was just like, you know, all the stores are closing. So it was just, we couldn't even go, go there. And so I know for a lot of people listening, they've had different, different like moments during this like COVID-19 world that we are in right now that they've been like really affected in some way, shape, or form beyond their normal routine. Um, and so obviously nobody wishes any of those horrible things or things that you have to go through. Um, but then there's also probably been good things where you've had time to spend with your family, you know, maybe call the people that you haven't been able to call in ages because they're at home, you know what I'm saying? Like stuff like that. So, um, But I want to talk to you a little bit about, like, first of all, what was your schedule? Like, what are you doing?

Tell us a little bit about who you are.

And because my listeners don't necessarily know that, you know, you're the bomb diggity and you have a show called For Realness Sake. Like, I love the name of your— her podcast, ladies. For Realness Sake. Check it out. It's amazing. It's so real. It is so raw. I mean, she is bringing positivity and light to different conversations that women should be having more and in a whole different— to me, in a whole differently fresh kind of perspective of things and just really raw. Like, so raw. I think I've cried on 3 or 4 of your episodes, just like, oh my God, the ugly cry. Like, ugly cry.

Listen, I've had ugly cries on the episodes too. I just have to turn away from the mic. Y'all hear me sniffling in the background. That's a part of it. That's a part of the whole process. You got it. If you're a guest, you got to cry or I didn't do my job.

Oh, wow.

But yeah, the podcast, thank you so much for that. It's called For Realness Sake, and it's my baby right now because I've really been trying to build it from the ground up, honestly. And the whole purpose of the podcast is to keep it real. Even though that phrase is so cliché, I— that's really what we do on these episodes. We're talking about those, those taboo conversations, or just everyday conversations that people don't feel the need to talk about. They maybe write it in their journal or pray about it, but no one's talking about it. And I like to have those uncomfortable conversations because It's how you grow. And so, like you mentioned, some of the guests that I've had, they've been tearjerkers as well. But I feel like I grow from, from those sorts of episodes because it makes me look at myself and see how can I change or be better based off the conversation that I had. So it's about sisterhood. It's about learning and growing together. So I really appreciate you saying that.

Yeah, I— yeah. I can't give it justice. You guys just have to listen to that. Just go listen. And I'm a big supporter of just people who are doing what they love and just trying to figure out how to support other women. And I think, again, women tend to hold a lot of the things that we feel like to ourselves and in our journals and things like that. And so for us to come out and speak about it and speak it out loud, gives the power to another woman who may not even have written it down or may not have even prayed about it, you know, so that she feels like, I can talk about this, I can do this. So yeah, tell us a little bit about your journey though. Like, where are you? Like, what are you doing?

Who—

where are you from? Like, tell us a little bit about you, girlfriend.

Okay, okay. Well, I'm from— my name is Kierra. I'm from Tampa, Tampa, Florida. Woo-hoo! And I was in the Navy for 8 years. So I traveled around the world on a little boat, you know, getting seasick and everything else. And then I decided to get out of the military and get my master's in social work. So right now I go to the University of South Florida. And I am in my— I'm going into my third semester. So I have one more after this, and then I'll finally be done. Um, but thank you, right? When I was in the military, I found myself being alone a lot of times and really trying to— it was like a growing process for me. I joined when I was 19, and I really didn't know who I was, so I tried on other people's, uh, personalities, or masks as I like to call them, until I found one that I felt I could wear for a while. And that got exhausting. And so I decided one day just to take it off and just be who I am. But that came with a lot of growing pains along the way. And that's why I think that it's important for me to be real so that other girls don't have to feel like they can't be themselves from jump. And yeah, we could get into some things talking about my stories, but it's really going through those things because it is Mental Health Awareness Month. I think it's really important to talk about that, especially with other women, on how we like to mask ourselves or dim our own lights, you know, to make other people look better because we don't feel confident in ourselves. And yeah, I really wanted to change that, but it had to start with me before I could go and and tell other women to not do that, I had to make sure I wasn't doing it first.

Yeah, you just said some real stuff right there, my friend. You just said some real stuff right there. And I can say this, and everybody is listening is going to be like, yeah, I can. When you start into a conversation like a podcast episode, you have in your mind where you want to go with somewhat where you want to go, right? And then the guests say something, you're like, say what now? Okay, we need to roll that back.

Just flip the script.

It's like, okay, let's do that for a minute. Yes, it is Mental Health Awareness Month, but you just said something that I think that is probably like the The crutch or the— I don't know if it's the crutch or maybe the kink in mental health is the feeling of— you said putting on— how you said it, you said you were putting on other people's—

mask.

Like mask, like other people's personality. And I don't think I've heard it that way. I don't think I've heard anyone say it like that. But whoa, that's like— That's like a real thing women do. Like, I think, I think a lot of people do it, not just women, but I do think women do it more so, um, to find— you said it so that you could find yourself, which I found—

whoa.

Like, how did you decide? Like, when you found— when you thought you felt like was good for you, when did you decide? How did you get exhausted? Like, what said, okay, This is too much. Like, I can't be wearing this. This is not me. Like, what was that point?

Oh, girl.

Hey, you brought it up and I was like, I can't let that one pass. I'm sorry.

No, it's good. Um, well, when I was in the Navy, I went through this special programs to become a substance abuse counselor, and they pretty much put us through like a parallel process to where we were in counseling But the tools that we were learning were going to help the future sailors that we were, you know, going to be working with. So they put us through like this 8-week mental health group where it was like 2.5 hours of hardcore group therapy. And we had to like, it was like on one day we would take turns being the counselor and then on another day we were group members. So the group of about 15, we were pretty much counseling ourselves, basically, with outside, like, licensed counselors sort of looking in on what we were doing. And in the beginning, I didn't say anything. I just sort of sat there and, you know, I was pretty good at learning my counseling skills, but I didn't really share any of my own feelings or thoughts or anything like that. And the counselors, we called them like Big Brother. They will pull me to the side and say, hey, if you don't start talking and being real, we're going to kick you out. Because if you can't help yourself, how can you help someone else? And I was like, what are you talking about? I'm saying stuff. But I was so surface. But I was so conditioned to be that way. I was comfortable in this mask where I'm okay, I'm fine. Y'all see me, I look good. You don't have to worry about me. Everything is cool. What about you? I was really good at deflecting my feelings. And so when they told me that, I was like, dang, maybe they can see me and I should probably, you know, try to do something else. And so that went on for about a week. And then, um, one of the counselors called me out, like, in a group, and they were like, hey, what are you thinking right now? I think we were talking about, um, like high school or something like that. And they noticed that like my knee was shaking, my hands were tapping, but I wasn't saying anything. They were like, "You, right here, what's going through your mind right now?" And I was like, "Oh, nothing, I'm just thinking about whatever." And they're like, "Yeah, you're saying that you're okay, but your knee is shaking, your eyes are watering, what's going on?" And in that moment, I was like, "Dang, y'all got me." And so they made me pretty much tell my whole story in that moment. They gave me like an hour just to speak to speak and say whatever. And that was the first time that I think I had ever said my true feelings about everything out loud. And then, um, the counselor, her name was Paula, she put her hand out and she said, "Now give me that mask and don't put it on again." And I was like, "Oh!" And that was it. That was the whole day. I was so exhausted after that because just imagine having like years and years of stuff.

Yeah.

You know, and then finally someone coming and popping my balloon and saying that this is the last day you're gonna, you're gonna be this person. And so it was awkward for me at first, but then I started to sort of embrace this new person. I started telling everybody how I felt, whether it was good or appropriate. I was like, no, you know what, you did this. And that wasn't always met with open arms. Some people were like, Girl, I'm not in that class with you, so don't start telling me. I'm not getting this healing you getting right now, so don't start calling me out. And so that was a little learning experience there too. But I felt free for the first time. I was like, I can say how I feel and that's okay. And it just went on from there. I was like, mask off, like Future said. I'm not putting it back on.

Wow, that is a really powerful story there. We do hold a lot. Our bodies are amazing. People listen to the show, my show, I talk about how amazing our bodies are. We can say a lot of things to ourselves and make ourselves think a lot of things, but at some point it comes out physically and it's either through health concerns, whether it's something's wrong physically with our health or like what people see on the outside, like shaking hands and teary eyes, all those types of things will show what is really in your head, like what is really in your head, what's really in your heart.

So during this COVID-19, have you found yourself going back into a shell or Um, yes and no, because I do have my own platform, so that sort of holds me accountable to stay open. But I did take a little bit of a break where I usually put out episodes every Tuesday. For a while, I was doing every other Tuesday, and I kind of felt myself going back into my shell a little bit because, well, one, I wasn't really inspired to do anything, and also Self-doubt comes in, you think, or I started thinking, well, maybe no one's really listening because we're all in quarantine. No one's commuting to work and no one's concerned about the podcast. And I started questioning how much I started questioning how effective my podcast was or how helpful it was or if it was even necessary. And so this is me talking to me, right? No one's telling me this. No one's saying, like, your podcast is trash. It was just me just like, well, maybe nobody's listening to the podcast. And so I kind of dialed back on myself. But that's something that I have to work on that, you know, and telling myself positive self-talk. So even if, you know, we're quarantined and we can't come outside, I still vow to do something. I'm still this person, you know, and all that awesomeness. And I should still be able to do what I set my mind to do. So I think a lot of times for me it is myself. No one's telling me anything crazy, um, it's just me and how I think about things. I think a lot of women have those sorts of moments of self-doubt where you're just like, what are you doing, girl? And it's— I, I don't— I haven't mastered that yet.

So I don't think anybody masters that. Like, like, I don't think any— I know, I mean, like, if we like look at even people that are like super early, like, you know, Oprah-fied, like, you know, I don't even think, I don't even think like those people have it mastered. Like, I think it's just, it's about like the practice of it and it's a practice, like a practice of positive thinking. It's not a practice that you just, like, you don't ever just become the best Michael Jordan. Like Michael Jordan is still not, you know, if he were still playing, like playing, playing, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, he would still be striving to be better. So it's never like something you're not going to produce. Like having better thoughts, positive thoughts, having good conversations with yourself, like positive conversation with yourself will never be mastered. It's something we're always going to have to work for because we live in a world where the opposite is true.

Yeah.

And since the opposite is negative, people telling you how they want you to think, telling you how you're supposed to look, telling you all these things. So it'd be different if the outside world were being as positive as we're trying to be with ourselves, and maybe we could say we've mastered positivity.

That's true. I appreciate you saying that. That's, that's really what it is. We're fighting against everybody else and what we see every day. So that stinking thinking, you know, we're gonna have to cut that out a bit, try to figure out a way to have some balance. I think that's something that I need more of.

That's true. You know, it's funny, um, I talk about this a lot too in the show. I talk about balance is— it's a hard thing. I, I, uh, a friend of mine mentioned it to me. She says, you know, I don't like the word balance. And I was like, oh, why? That's all we hear, work-life balance, work life, you know, just let's find a balance and everything. And she's like, I honestly believe that the best way to describe balance is not that balance is like the worst word, but she's like, I don't think it's really the, the word we should use when we're describing finding a happy medium or a happy place. She says, I think it should be the word harmony, because our life and our, you know, our life and our work and the people in it on both sides, if one is out of sync and out of harmony the other is going to be. So it's not like you can give equal things to your life. Like, you have to sleep 8 hours a day. I mean, for some of us are 4 or 6, but I mean, honestly, people, we should be sleeping. But anyway, that's a whole other thing. Um, like, we need to sleep so many hours, but can you give your work that same amount of, you know, like— so it's not really like balance makes it seem like it's equal, right? Right. But it really isn't necessarily equal. It's about whether or not they, like, live together well, like, there's not this friction. So she was like, harmony is what I try to strive for in my life, in my work.

And I was like, girl, that's deep, girl.

That's deep.

I like that. I might have to start using that. I'm not balancing, I'm harmonizing my life. Can I say harmonizing?

Is that Harmonizing, we don't— made up a word. Uh, if it is a word, look, this is why I podcast and don't write, because I don't like to write, right? Period. So what made you decide to go into social work?

Oh, um, honestly, I've always had a heart to help people. Um, I think that my— for the social work that I want to do, it's mainly for older adults, like in hospice and things like that. I would like to have eventually like an adult aging facility for like active older adults. But now since I've been in, in social work for a while, I'm sort of getting into the therapeutic stage of it where I might want to go more into like counseling and do things like that. But I originally got into social work just based off the things that I saw. I didn't know that it was like an actual— this sounds crazy. I didn't know that social work was more than taking people's kids, because that's what everybody thinks social workers do. Everybody's like, if you say you're a social worker, they're like, oh, you take kids? Like, we can't— why would you want to do that? That's a terrible job. And then that's so true, though.

That's so true. That's what a lot of people think.

Yes, but you could be a whole therapist as a social worker. And I didn't know that at first. So when I realized that social worker wasn't just about taking people's children, I learned that I could do like hospice, and I really enjoyed that. But now since being in the master's program, I know that I can be licensed to do counseling. So I'm sort of switching my, switching my roles up a little bit, or at least my career goals, which now I know I can do both, but I think it just came from a need to help other people. Um, when I, when I was young, I lost both of my grandparents, um, and I was very close to them. So I think that's what drew me to the older adults because I worked with them. I volunteered with the elderly for 8 years when I was in the military, or no, I'm sorry, 7 years when I was in the military. And then I did my first internship at a hospice facility where I was helping older adults grieve the loss of their spouse. And so I'm always— every time I see an older adult, no matter their race, I'm like, this, this is going to be my grandpa or my grandma. And we vibe in that way. So it kind of just brought me— it made me feel like I was doing my part. A lot of them are alone. You mentioned Alzheimer's with your grandma. I worked at a memory care facility, assisted living. So all of my residents had dementia or Alzheimer's. And so a lot of times I was their, their grandchild because they associated me with that person. And so it— older people pull at my heartstrings.

Yeah.

And so if I could help them, you know, sort of ease their way into the last years of their life and make it enjoyable for them, I feel like I've, I've done something great.

Wow. You know, that's— it's a— you just touched on my heart right there, girl. Oh, I'm going to tell you why. Because, you know, if anyone listens to my show, I talk about my grandparents a lot. Like, I always tell people, if you have amazing grandparents and then you were able to live with grandparents, like, that's one of the best privileges ever. And for me, that's what I grew up with. I was able to grow up with— like, this is why I never got away with much, because I lived with my grandparents and my parents. So I had like 4 adults 24/7, but then my grandparents were like the wise and also the spoilers and also the savers. So they were like all the things. So you had your parents who, if they beat your tail, you went upstairs. Well, I did. I went upstairs and cried to Grandma and she says, what did you do, baby? And I said, I did something. She's like, yes, but he's a cookie. You know what I'm saying? That kind of love is like a whole different type of feeling. And I feel you with that. Like, you know, I was really close with my, my mom's side parents because they lived with us ever since, like, we were born. And so when they both passed, you know, to this day my husband is always like— he never got to meet them, but he's always like, so many people knew them. He's like, I feel like I know them because just who you are and all the people that know them. And older people are so treated in this like they're treated horribly. Like, I, you know, the last couple months we've been dealing with my dad's mom who's was in different hospitals and just, you just, you just think these people like are the reason why any of us are here. So why are you treating them right with disrespect? Why are you treating them with, you know, no love? And, you know, they, they can't help where they are. But they should have all the respect that we have to give them because we're here because of them.

Exactly. Exactly. I feel the same. I feel the exact same way. I don't know why. Well, I know why. Because they're vulnerable. They're one of the older people and children are the two most vulnerable populations age-wise. And I think they get, you know, they have a lot of neglect and it's terrible when you're up close and personal and seeing it and knowing that there's laws to protect these people, but, you know, no one's protecting them.

Yeah.

So I think you're also blessed to be able to have, you know, a lot of time with your grandparents, because some people don't. And then people who do have their grandparents and, like, don't call them and stuff, I'm like, what is wrong with y'all?

Yeah. Well, I know for me that my grandparents are the reason why I have better mental health. Like, you know, I just think about things they used to say. My grandma used to— my grandfather used to say, keep living. And I, to this day, something happened, I'd be like, yeah, just keep living. And I say that to myself. I found myself saying that to other people. Like, you know, like, I'm 60 telling people, keep living, keep on living. And you're like, what does that even mean, girl? You in your 30s. I'm like, I'm just saying, keep living, okay? You gonna know what that means, right? You know, stuff like that, or things that my grandmother used to say to me about just people and where they are, like loving people where they at, like just, just them as people. Like they gave so much wisdom and mental fortitude because I deal with a chronic illness and I, you know, when they were older, I learned about like their fight, you know, because they both died of cancer, but their fight and their determination was like, like no other. Like, to this day, if I ever feel like I can't do anything, I can literally visually picture moments of, you know, things that they did despite being in pain, despite doing all those things. And so for me, that's been— I feel like people always ask me, well, how come you don't deal with depression so much with your chronic illness? And this is— I always say, it's like, I feel like I had really good examples of what how to deal with pain, how to deal with isolation, how to deal with disappointment, how to deal with grief. And because of that, I feel like I have a really good net of things to fall onto when I feel like some of those things come up, comes about. And so with this time of self-isolation for a lot of people, I think they're starting to realize that maybe they have to find better ways to cope with things that they haven't dealt with.

Yeah, it is. But being alone will definitely expose you and, uh, show your flaws. It's not just about not getting your nails done and your hair, but you start looking at yourself like, whoa, what is really going on? Yeah. And that, that can either help or hinder though, because some people quote, aren't ready for that conversation, quote. Yes.

When you going to be ready, baby? When you going to be ready?

Get ready. Okay. Because Rona ain't playing. That's one thing that Auntie Rona has done, and that's expose a lot of people for who they really are.

That's true. That's true. So you are not at home alone.

No, I am married and I have a cat, so I'm there with them, the boys.

That's so cute. Uh, I love that because I feel like, um, one of the things that I am very thankful and grateful for is that I have someone in my life that I don't necessarily hate having in my life 24/7. I mean, don't get me wrong, we have our moments and our times where it's like, you know what, you stay You stay on that side, I stay on this side. Okay, we just going to take a break. Right. I think everybody has that with most people, but some people are really probably thinking seriously about the people that they have in their inner circle right now.

Yeah, I've been seeing that. I'm one of those people like you that are just blessed to actually like my husband, you know what I'm saying? Enough to be around. Of course I love him, but actually like him as a person. 'Cause I've been seeing some crazy stuff on Instagram where they're saying, oh, the coronavirus will test your relationship. And I just feel like I don't agree with that because if you're in a relationship and it's been long-term, of course you have those moments where, you know, don't touch me, not even with your feet. I don't even want your sock to touch my sock, okay? But that shouldn't take away from the essence of your relationship and the love that you have. So some of these people, I'm like, I think Rona maybe exposed these, um, shaky relationships that you guys already had, but it shouldn't have made you question the entire relationship. You already knew what it was before you were quarantined.

Okay, exactly.

But we've been, we've been having a pretty good time. Uh, I made a couple videos. I started doing like TikToks and then I stopped because that's Listen, I'm a millennial, okay? I'm tired. I can't be doing TikToks every day.

But I keep watching them and I keep thinking that I just keep watching them. I don't, I don't need to be on it.

Listen, I gave it 2 weeks, a solid 2 weeks of me doing a little Out West and the, um, little stuff. And I'm like, you know, y'all kids can have that. My back hurt. You gonna get a quick little, you know, whoa out of me and I'm gonna go ahead and sit down. Y'all got it. But those have been, those have been things that we've sort of done together. Watching, catching up on TV, watching movies, and really working on our communication because that's something that Rona did expose for us is that we don't always say exactly what we need to say. Sometimes it's just, you know, you're maneuvering through because you got to go to school, you got to go to work. You don't really have time to sit there and have like those real deep, get to the root of what the problem is sort of conversations. And we have done that, and that's something that I'm also grateful for because I feel like I understand him better now as like a grown man because we've been together for 10 years, and so we were kids. Um, and so I think that's something that, that has been helpful for us to really sit down and, and get into the nitty-gritty of whatever the problem is, like how can we really truly solve this and move on.

Yeah, I think that's very true. I don't— I, I feel like, um, I don't know, I feel like it's probably gonna give a lot of people that opportunity as well. I, again, I, I find that for me and for us, my husband and I, we have had to do a lot of that because of having a chronic illness. So we've had to get past the like fluff, um, we've had to have those real Conversations and like, don't be telling me no lie. Like, don't be telling me something you think you want me to hear because that's not gonna work, you know. It doesn't last long. We've been married now 12 and— 12 years.

Yeah, girl, he's gonna beat you. You better get that year right.

You know what's so funny is I keep thinking it's longer. Like, I always think I'm like, it's 13 years. He's like, babe, we just We in— into the 12th year. It's not 13, but we've been together for like in each other's lives since we were teenagers. So that's part of the reason why I get confused. Like, I'm like, but we've been— yeah, but you know, but you know I love you, you know. Like, you know, he know I love him. He know that. Uh, I just can't keep dates together. I can't keep my birthday together.

So, you know, it's okay.

You know what, that, that's a problem.

You need to know your birthday. Me?

Let me tell you why. This could be partly because when I was a kid, my mom— and she don't hate that I even say this out loud on the podcast— for years she got my birthday wrong, like through my whole grade school years, like from K to 12th grade.

What?

She had my birthday wrong. And so for years I was always questioning, was it on the 27th or the 25th? The 27th or the 25th? And then We getting married and looking at my license and I'm like, yeah, it's the 25th. And my mom is fighting me. My mama is fighting me that it's not the 25th, it's the 27th. She know because she done birthed me and she done all that stuff. And I'm like, but Mama, the birth certificate, what it say? Oh, I don't know how I got it wrong. And I'm the first one.

Oh, Mama.

So I have a reason why I can't remember dates. There you go. Well, what's the date? This is May 25th.

Oh, oh, so your birthday's coming up.

Yeah, yeah, it's just so funny. It's just every time I think about it, I'm like, for years we was having a fight on what day my day was.

Anyway, goodness.

So me, plus I'm a little dyslexic, so that don't help the situation. So yeah, me and dates, numbers, we, we, we're not friends. But anyway, I'm so glad that you came on and just shared a little bit about your journey and a little bit about just how you're dealing with all this stuff that's going on right now with COVID-19. I feel like we need to laugh more. We need to be real more about things right now. And like, not everything's about business. Some things about life and just getting through it.

Right. 100%.

So tell us a little bit about what's happening with the podcast? Like, what's coming up? What are you excited about with your podcast?

Well, right now I've been doing Zoom conversations, which is new for me. I told you that before. I'm so used to face-to-face conversations, so I've been working it out on Zoom, and I've had the opportunity to talk with people that live, like, in Canada.. And so that's been pretty cool. I just started selling merchandise, like, for realness sake, shirts and hats, because people were unbelievably really asking me for, like, shirts. I was like, oh, because I have my own. But, you know, that's me. Like, so, right. But so I started doing that. So that's new. And I want to really get on YouTube. I've tried, like, you would think that I would be trying to do that more right now, but I'm just not into it. YouTube is like a whole different thing. It's so crazy. Like, oh my gosh. But that's something that's on the radar for For Realness Sake moving forward is an actual, like, YouTube where I can get my husband on and we can do like little vlogs, but not all the time because that's exhausting. And number two, he's not going to do it every time. So maybe like 4 videos for him for the whole year. And that's about all I'm gonna get out of that.

Wow. That's impressive. I've been doing this 2 years, what, 2 and a half years. And I just got my husband on one episode.

What?

One. Yes, girl. So, and he just this year, he just commented on our Instagram. He's not a social, like he's a tech guy, but he's not like tech. Like if anybody's listening, he's not like, he's not like the tech guy. Like like how to use Facebook. Like, I have to tell him certain things. Like, he's not that tech. He's like the things that nobody actually sees to make things work. He's that guy.

Oh, like IT guy.

Yeah. Yeah. So he just recently, like, commented on my Instagram and I almost had like a heart attack. I was like, oh my gosh. And it's not that he's not supportive and all that kind of stuff. It's just that he's just— he don't have time. He don't be on there. This is my world. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

First time.

And it's—

to Corona that we had a podcast together.

So go ahead, husbey.

Yeah, that's cool that you guys are doing stuff like that together. That's awesome.

Yeah, he doesn't mind it. He's been on a couple of my, um, podcast episodes, but it was loosely based around our relationship, so I guess he felt that he needed to speak his piece. Um, but yeah, I can't think of anything else that is new for Bruno's sake. I feel bad, but I I don't have anything, but it's coming. It's coming, girl.

It's doing great.

You have—

how long has the podcast been live?

8 months. Yeah.

So you are, first of all, like, clap that up because you have a great following. You have gear. You have gear people want. Like, you got gear people want. So that's amazing. And I think, I think the content, just the content of your show is just truly like amazing. And it's really positive and it's, you know, self-affirming, I think, for a lot of women who just are afraid to share their story and that they can share it too.

So thank you. And I feel like your platform is awesome as well. It's very positive. And I got a chance to listen to— it was one of your episodes, I think, where you talk more about your chronic illness. And I just, I was in awe of your transparency. And I think that that's, that has to be the foundation of any podcast that is amazing. You have to be honest. And I was like, this girl is really out here just like, you know, letting us have it right now, giving her, giving us all of her. And I really appreciated that. I'm a sucker for transparency. I'm like, yes, cry, tell it all, let me hear it. And you did that. And I really enjoyed that about your podcast as well.

Yeah, the podcast for me has been— I started it as a way to connect with women, and everybody knows that, but also for me to just share my story. And I didn't think that it would be so— I would feel so comfortable. And I think part of it's because it's like there's no cameras, like no official cameras, you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't have to wait to hear and see what you thinking when I said, you know, Yeah, I had to put such and such in a test tube. I ain't got to worry about what you thinking, what type of face look when I said that, you know what I'm saying? So it's just being real. And those actually are one of the top, like my most rated, the most emails that I get is because women are just like, thank you for being so real and open about that because nobody is talking about it like that. It's all yada, yada, yada. And I'm just like, look, this is real life. And like you said, I had masks. I had a mask on. I was trying to keep— oh yeah, I don't feel good, but I'm great, right?

You know, and you know, it's lies, sis.

Yes, girl.

Yes. So keep doing what you're doing. I know, I know we're coming to an end on this, but I just have to say that to encourage you and anyone else, keep going. What you have is amazing. The dreams that you have, the aspirations, the goals, okay? Keep going with that and keep working it because you're helping somebody. Even me, I don't have a chronic illness as severe as what you have, but I could still relate to that feeling of being inside of my own head and not really want to do the things that I know that I can do. So keep going with that. I think that's amazing. People need to hear it. You're amazing. No, thank you. And I just appreciate you having me on this, on this platform.

Well, thank you so much. And as everybody knows, you can tune in, um, and check out the show notes and all that jazz. But, um, just know that, as I love to end the show, every show, is that you are crafted to thrive. Just remember that because you have something special to share.

Amen.